
http://reginaldshepherd.blogspot.com/2007/02/why-i-write.html?m=1
O
Day, and therefore briefly allocating
Killin' that's what we're saying now
Ah, ah, they did not propose shud and chodchod; but oh
Work, whose unbridled passions will find you burning
s ill i mammy you soon and die
For a reason it will break: and you will bind
Allocking makes me feel ill
Does the mother have the right to make a will?
But I am all yours allooan Pyk
It is a burden for the common people to walk
I'm sorry, my wife humiliated me
Allocking it's a crime ah knowingly intelligent
Where is my daddy that's the pipe
Where do you think Father's jacket is full of smoke?
I want them, my mom s alloooan
You, ed by the horrible answers, er groaned
Where is my cat, and where is my dog?
Where does it come from, if it's cold?
The fact that you think of old clothes and an old hook through a T-shirt
Eeh, God can not be filled with anger?
For God will not allooan all
Never allocs, that is a stone
That's why all of us humans are so angry
lottery for today But it seems ah've been hell and I'm sure
No, the yooman will stay.
Published by Katherine
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From Lancashire dialect to Latin
Die, et ideo breviter allocking
Killin quod suus ‘vicis ut nunc dicimus
Ah, ah non shud et chodchod proposuerunt; sed oh
Opus, quod cuius effrenae libidini, invenient te ard
s ill i mammy tibi cito et moriar
A causa enim conteret: et ligabis
Allocking me sentire ill meks
Nonne mater iure testamentum facere?
Ego autem totum tuom est allooan Pyk
Impensis est weear vulgares AMBULO
Allooan sum, mi humiliavit uxorem
Allocking suus scelus ah scitote intelligentes
Ubi mi daddy quod suus ” ‘sit pipe
Ubi est Pater iaccam plena fumigant putas?
Illi volo, mi mam s alloooan
Vos, ed responsis horrent divum er gemitus
Ubi mi cat, et ubi canis mi
Ubi iscatur, rhoncus ea pallio, si frigus?
Factum ‘putas veteres pannos et antiqua aduncum per’ T vestimento
Eeh, Deus non potest repleti sunt ira?
Deus enim non omnes allooan
Numquam allocks, qui est lapis
Ut ‘quare omnes nos homines ut irata
lottery for todaySed videtur ah’ve inferos et certus sum
Nil, yooman manebunt.
The points of holly flashed as bright as stars
The sharpness of the 1leaves, oh human eyes.
Yet on the motorway the lights are cars.
And when they crash we know that someone dies.
Undeterred the birds move swiftly by
Concentrating on the nest to get it right
The holly berries call with little cries
What do they tell us about human sight?
There are no hedges on a motorway
There are no flowers since Princess Di passed by.
Yet people grumble when they have to pay.
And every day the the papers advertise
The leaves of Holly and the the berries bright
Remind me that there is a different light
F
Hello Mary what are you doing today?
I’m going to see the Pope in Rome Mary cried out
Are you being sarcastic, ironic, or have you gone mad? Annie replied
Well I was trying to be sarcastic but I am not very good at it yet but I hope to improve as time goes by because research shows being sarcastic improveyour creativity
But can you be sure which part of your life will become more creative Annie ask her thoughtfully
For example you might become more creative in the way you trying to attract men
Well that would not be difficult said Mary as I do nothing to try to attract them at the moment and on the other hand it could be rather time-consuming
Would it improve my ability to write in a creative manner or to be more creative in what I cook
I have no idea Annie told her. the only problem is is that if you practice on me it might affect our friendship
You are far too childish Mary told her. Is that sarcastic?
Tell me, the ex mistress of your ancient husband
What do you mean ancient he was only 23”
23 what? said Annie?
Are we being sarcastic?
Well if we can’t know the answer then we are not being sarcastic because I am sure we would realise if we were
I am glad you can express yourself in such a brief manner
What have briefs got to do with it?
I just found a bag full of dry ones and I have been Folding them and putting them into the draw.er
Do you mean knickers?
Yes I do but I couldn’t remember the name
You’re pulling my leg
No I’m not I’m nowhere near your leg
Don’t tell me that you are not familiar with the expression meaning that you are joking
Why do you assume I am not familiar with anything?
I am giving you the benefit of the doubt
Doubt is a very dangerous State of Mind
Shall I wear the pink knickers or the blue ones I spend all morning trying to decide so it is best not to doubt anything but to believe that what you do must be correct and everybody else is wrong
That’s alright as long as you’re not stealing people’s husbands
If they can be stolen so easily what does that tell us about the state of the marriage?
nothing nothing at all, men are so easily beguiled that is in the best of marriages they’re not be enough to keep them faithful for ever
Don’t be so horrible
I was trying to be sarcastic
Should it not come naturally like loving
What kind of loving do you mean?If you mean physical loving it doesn’t always come naturally to human beings’many couples go for help in having a baby and the doctor discovers but they didn’t realise what sex was
They thought by sleeping in the same bed the wife will get pregnant
It seems very hard to believe but compared to thinking about Donald Trump
and his lies it is nothing
Shall I put the kettle on said Mary
That is sarcastic Annie said because you know that I always put it on when I am here
it is more like dropping hints Mary cried
All these things are very hard for scientists. you don’t solve mathematical problems by dropping a hint nor does anyone drop hints to you whereas in interpersonal relationships it is very important to be able to drop hintd and to be able to take hints when they’re dropped in front of you
Mathematics and physics much easier than everyday life because they contain no sarcasm no irony and no hints whatsoever
I wonder if Wittgenstein would agree with you>
as he is dead we cannot know
I was just being sarcastic that’s all!
It seems like that Mary and Annie are going to have to spend much longer practicing sarcasm before they were able to go outside and be sarcastic to neighbours or Friends
well Emile’s view is that he will not accept sarcasm from anybody
he will bite the hand that feeds and in necessary
because he knows that Mary will forgive him when he apologizes
On the other hand it will be easier if he didn’t bite anyone As God might be angry with Emile for being trying animal to live with
Hello Mary what are you doing today?
I’m going to see the Pope in Rome Mary cried out
Are you being sarcastic, ironic, or have you gone ma? Annie replied
Well I was trying to be sarcastic but I am not very good at it yet but I hope to improve as time goes by because research shows being sarcastic improveyour creativity
But can you be sure which part of your live will become more creative Annie ask her thoughtfully
For example you might become more creative in the way you trying to sttact
Well that would not be difficult said Mary as I do nothing to try to attract them at the moment and on the other hand it could be rather time-consuming
Would it improve my ability to write in a creative manner or to be more creative in what I cook
I have no idea Annie told her. the only problem is is that if you practice on me it might affect our friendship
You are far too childish Mary told her. Is that sarcastic?
Tell me, the ex mistress of your ancient husband
What do you mean ancient he was only 23”
23 what? said Annie?
Are we being sarcastic?
Well if we can’t know the answer then we are not being sarcastic because I am sure we would realise if we were
I am glad you can express yourself in such a brief manner
What are briefs got to do with it?
I just found a bag full of dry ones and I have been Folding them and putting them into the draw.er
Do you mean knickers?
Yes I do but I couldn’t remember the name
You’re pulling my leg
No I’m not I’m nowhere near your leg
Don’t tell me that you are not familiar with the expression meaning that you are joking
Why do you assume I am not familiar with anything?
I am giving you the benefit of the doubt
Doubt is a very dangerous State of Mind
Shall I wear the pink knickers or the blue ones I spend all morning trying to decide so it is best not to doubt anything but to believe that what you do must be correct and everybody else is wrong
That’s alright as long as you’re not stealing people’s husbands
If they can be stolen so easily what does that tell us about the size of the marriage?
nothing nothing at all, men are so easily beguiled that is in the best of marriages they’re not be enough to keep them faithful for ever
Don’t be so horrible
I was trying to be sarcastic
Should it not come naturally like loving
What kind of loving do you mean?If you mean physical loving it doesn’t always come naturally to human beings’many couples go for help in having a baby and the doctor discovers but they didn’t realise what sex was
They thought by sleeping in the same bed the wife will get pregnant
It seems very hard to believe but compared to thinking about Donald Trump
and his lies it is nothing
Shall I put the kettle on said Mary
That is sarcastic Annie said because you know that I always put it on when I am here
it is more like dropping hints Mary cried
All these things are very hard for scientists. you don’t solve mathematical problems by dropping a hint nor does anyone drop hints to you whereas in interpersonal relationships it is very important to be able to drop hintd and to be able to take hints when they’re dropped in front of you
Mathematics and physics much easier than everyday life because they contain no sarcasm no irony and no hints whatsoever
I wonder if Wittgenstein would agree with you>
as he is dead we cannot know
I was just being sarcastic that’s all!
It seems like that Mary and Annie are going to have to spend much longer practicing sarcasm before they were able to go outside and be sarcastic to neighbours or Friends
well Emile’s view is that he will not accept sarcasm from anybody
he will bite the hand that feeds and in necessary
because he knows that Mary will forgive him when he apologizes
O
On the other hand it will be easier if he didn’t bite anyone As God might be angry with Emile for being trying animal to live with
If I’ve got a new infection
Can’t you give me more protection?
My immune system’s gone on away
And I have to write a Play
No Shakespeare am I as yet
No bookmaker’s taking bets
But if I write a sonnet new
What will all the critics do?
Meantime I get up at night
Stumble to the bathroom bright
I don’t know why my pee’s so green
Now it is aquamarine
Green the sea at Hythe in Kent
Down the Saxon cliffs we went
The burning stubble , earth’s deep fires
The inner work that purifies
Steep,steep road in our old car
Smoke around us where we were
From the depths my soul cries out
The cry is answered , do we doubt?
As we reach the lowness deep
In our conscious mind we weep
When we touch the lowest place
We will feel, angelic grace
So the symbol of deep fires
Filled my mind as we drove by
Glory , for the Burning Bush
Burned again as stubble’s crushed
Destruction of all our intent
Is itself a sacrament
For it makes an empty space
Where new creation can take place
Mary and her much loved next door neighbour Annie were discussing what to do for Christmas .They had both lost their husbands on their journey through life. I have to inform you here ear Annie who was the mistress of Mary’s husband Stanley for the years at the end of his life and ironically it made her closer to Mary
In fact Mary believed that Annie had killed her own husband because she needed the insurance money. Mary had not said anything because it would never happen. Furthermore she did not have any proof inl but it was a gut reaction as the husband disappeared very suddenly. But she had been a big help to Mary when Stan was ill. She even took 0 their cat Emile out t in her shopping trolley so he could enjoy local scene without danger of getting lost or attacked on route.
And the doctor had never been called.
She will believe what she says because she is so polite
Even if you call the doctor now they don’t come but a few years ago they did especially to old people.
But why had Annie not called 999 and left Dave to have a look at her husband it she was worried about him? That is very suspicious. perhaps her husband never felt ill until she hit him on the head with a cast iron saucepan.
Annie had told her that her husband ran away with his sister-in-law and they had gone to New Zealand but Mary knows she has a lot more money now than she did before. And she did not have a job Perhaps an unknown relative left her some money in their will.
Could Annie have murdered one of her relatives without Mary getting a hint of this crime?
Is your daughter Lyra coming home for Christmas Annie said to Mary. We have not seen her for a very long time. What pity she never had any children. Are you sorry about it? Oh I’m so sorry I should not have said that because it’s not my right to pry into your affairs.
it’s odd that you say that because I got a letter from her this morning or should I say an email from her, she said she’s going to go to Morocco because she doesn’t like the weather in England in December and January and she’s got a cheap holiday for 4 weeks in Morocco for only £69.69.
That’s very cheap replied Annie Do you think we should go to Morocco? Somewhere similar?
No said Mary I don’t like being in a hotel at Christmas.and do they have Turkeys in Morocco?
No they probably have Turkish people but not turkeys
Well we can’t have a roasted Turkish person for Christmas dinner because we are no longer man eating people Annie joked. Well we might have been eating Boris Johnson. Descended from a Turk so I read in the New York Times
They wouldn’t know how to cook Turkeys properly over there.Mary told her .
What I’m proposing is that we will stay here in your house Mary for Christmas morning so I can help too with the cooking and since you have got a big dining room we can invite a couple of local people who have nowhere to go to come and eat a Christmas dinner with us
But what about Dave our favourite paramedic? Shall we invite him to have Christmas dinner with us?
No we won’t invite him. But we can ring 999 and get him to come round if the leg falls off the table. I hope the leg doesn’t fall off while we are eating the dinner though
Well for goodness sake get a man to look at the table before Christmas.
Alright I will get someone to come and look at my leg as well. I can get that nice man Tom who came last year.
You are a total nutcase. He’s a carpenter your leg is not made of wood
I see I made the wrong kind of logical conclusions
A carpenter can mend the table leg or the chair leg. But we need a doctor for our painful human legs
We could listen to the King making his speech at 3pm on ChristmS Day and we must watch because it will be a historic occasion it will be his first time as the King at Christmas. He must have spent a long time preparing for this moment and deciding what to put into a speech but he’s got to be careful with the present government
Yes that’s alright by me, if I make the Christmas pudding will you make the mince pies?
Oh yes I will said Annie I quite like making pastry., I might put some brandy in
Then at 4 pm we’ll have a cup of our favourite Earl Grey tea and we can send the visitors back to their own home or whatever else they want to go go and then we will go to your house or should we do the washing up first?
We can gossip about the neighbours moan about the government and wonder how we will keep warm in the very cold weather We will find out what’s on the television or we could even get a DVD of something like Ben-Hur. You see it’s a very long film and the leading actor Charlton Heston is extremely handsome so it will give us someone to fantasise about. And the chariot ride is very exciting even if you’ve seen it before
But you won’t relax when you see the main character’s mother and his sister being sent to prison then a leper colony.
Well you know what I mean. It’s very well made unlike the more recent ones and you know that good will prevail in the end athough later Jerusalem was destroyed by the Romans. They killed almost everyone in Jerusalem and set the temple on fire.
It’s only a provisional arrangement because who knows you might meet some charming man between now and Christmas but let’s promise each other that we won’t let each other down by going off with a stranger for the Christmas weekend. Even if he looks like Charlton Heston. You should know by now appearances can be very deceptive.
I don’t really mind said Mary. I could even rewrite my thesis as they want me to make it 50% shorter.
Well that’s not difficult said her friend.
You could just cut it in half with a pair of kitchen scissors.
I don’t think statisticians would like that, Mary informed her.
Well in that case you could apply to become a student at the school of art and you can present that as 2 halves of a thesis glued to a breadboard with a pair of kitchen scissors glued in the middle and some red paint splashed on the things. Or even some tar
Alternatively you could simply have your dissertation retyped and leave out the last two chapters then you would have to write a new conclusion of course but that wouldn’t be tremendous lot of effort effort
But the last option will give me more to think about,Mary cried.Who wants to think about numbers on Christmas Day.
Sometimes we need to think about numbers like the number of guests who are coming for Christmas dinner. Few people want to calculate the standard deviation from the average wage and it’s a median average you can’t calculate the standard deviation. No it’s not a ratio scale.
You’ve lost me cried Annie. What on earth is a ratio? You could start giving tutorials on statistics to the retired population of Knittingham.
So say all of us
In Wells North Norfolk looking to the east
I saw the sun rise like a ball of fire
I loved its glory on this holy day
Yet we’re endangered it may be our pyre
In the evening looking to the west
The sun was falling to its bed,the sea.
From Dawn to Twilight, we could see its path.
And to all the world its vision’s free.
We were in the attic looking out
The sea was hot,love is a noun
The unplanned lanes, the hollyhocks, The birds
Seeking new perspectives of this town.
We saw the sun roll east to west that day.
I would like to kneel, what do I say?