Stan’s baby


Stan and Annie have been having such a lovely time since Mary went off ona 6 month lecture tour in Australia.
Stan has quite given up his addiction to microfiber cloths and polishing the windows.He and Annie can now make love at night and go out for trips in the day time.
Emile’s diary is getting quite full although he is worried he may be banned from sleeping on the foot of the bed soon as


he may be in their way.How will he know what they get up to?
Luckily there is a gap at the bottom of the door so he should be able to see them in the mirror opposite the bed.They usually light the bedside lamp so as to see into each other’s eyes.
Annie is a very bold,confident woman.Despite being rather plumper than is medically advised she loves her body and lives happily in it now she has true love.
One morning Stan goes down to make some tea whilst
Annie comes to.

“Stan,come here quickly!”
“What’s wrong,my little lamb chop?”
“I feel sick!”
“Was it those old sausages we ate up last night?”
“No,it’s a different sort of sick!”
“You don’t mean………..?”
“Yes,Stan,I’m afraid a miracle has happened!”
“But you are 55 and I’m 90.Surely we can’t have a baby!”
“Well,the ways of God are strange.” she murmured.
“I don’t want to bring God into it.” he riposted.
“Are you not pleased we are still fertile?” she asked him humorously.
“Well,in the abstract I might be but in the concrete it ould be Awkward.” he said furtively
“What do you mean?”
“Well,Mary will be coming back in a couple of months,you know”
“We don’t have to tell her you are the father.I could pretend it was the new Vicar at St Andrew’s”
“But he’s gay!”
“Not many men are able to resist my charms and skills.”
“I can believe that,”Stan answered lubriciously.
“But will you have to seduce him soon before he notices you are pregnant>”
“I wasn’t thinking of actually going to bed with him,”said Annie with a smile.
“Oh,dear.I was looking forward to that,”Emile murmured under his breath.”That would have made my diary into a best seller.Gay vicar seduces middle aged harlot who is now expecting.”
It sounds a bit like the old Bible stories except they had no vicars in those days.But miracles like older women bearing children did happen so…who knows?
Stan and Annie got dressed and went into the kitchen.
They were both looking confused.
“You don’t want an abortion do you?” he enquired tenderly.
“No way.” she replied softly. “I love you so much,I could not wish for more than to bear your child.~”
“In that case,I’ll tell Mary.She is a very wise woman in many ways,though a bit lacking in the earthier side life.She has not slept with me for thirty years or “Perhaps she thought you were too old?” said Annie.
“No,she never enjoyed it.She just put up with it as she wanted a baby.”
“Maybe you did not turn her on!”
“I did my best,but she preferred reading Proust and Wittgenstein.”
“I wonder of she has Asperger’s syndrome?”
“Well,they do find social life trying but I suppose she can’t blame you for loving another?”
“No,she’s very broadminded.I’ll suggest we all move in together.I’ll divorce her but she can have the big bedroom and we’ll have the guest room with the en suite.”
“I think this will be fun.”
“Well,not all of it but it will be intriguing,”
“So no need to seduce the Vicar,then?”
“We’ll leave him out of it.He might fall in love with you and then what would happen?”
“God only knows,”She answered humorously as she went into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee.
fish 2

Stan’s last full day on earth


Art by Katherine      

After church on Sunday Mary wanted to visit Stan , her dyint  husband in the Rehabilitation Unit where he had been sent recently by a strange physiotherapist [instead of to a hospice?)
He was unhappy as the diuretics made him pee even more often than he used to do and  he got very worried about it because his bad heart made it extremely hard for him to walk.
When she went into the 4 bed ward she saw Stan sitting on his chair without any pyjama trousers on even though it was visiting time from 3 to 8 pm.
Why has he no trousers on?
Mary asked a nurse angrily, her blue eyes full of  glistening tears which almost washed off her turquoise mascara and made runnels in her honey beige foundation by Rommel of London ,Paris and Auschwitz
He keeps wanting  to  go to the toilet so it’s easier for us   all  if he has no pants on,the nurse told her haughtily.He’s on diuretics,you see as he has water in his lungs and other inner organs and the water has to be removed from his body
I know that

What about the lack of dignity in baring him to the world,Mary enquired softly yet piercingly her eyes dripping tears again.
Dignity,what’s that? the nurse said insolently.It’s out of date like suits for men
He is just a pest. And old men don’t deserve any attention.We are tired of them.They should all die now.That’s government policy too.
Emile who had hidden in Mary’s old,but good olive green Radley leather handbag let out a sound like a banshee in Cork or a demon in a nightmare.
The nurse looked as frightened as a gypsy in a train to Poland in 1941
What’s tha noiset? she whispered to Mary behind her hand.
It’s probably Satan coming to say ” hello” to you as you seem very wicked to me.
Mary informed her politely yet honestly in her Northern way.
Oh my,what shall I do? the nurse asked in a trembling voice.I am so upset now.
You could try reading the Ten Commandments,Mary riposted jocosely… if it’s not too late.
Or recalling the Golden Rule………
I’ve never heard of the golden rule,said the nurse.Is it a measuring instrument of some unusual type?
Yes,in a sense it is,Mary said.It measures us by our compassion towards others.And you seem to have none for Stan.Can you not imagine what it’s like being a man sitting half naked in a public room with no recourse?
What’s a recourse,Sheila, the nurse, asked her thoughtfully,Is it a garment like a dressing gown?
No,it’s a a source of help in a difficult situation.It’s a remedy or an  option
I have a higher degree in nursing,Sheila boasted stupidly.
I don’t care if you have ten doctorates in nursing and philosophy,Mary cried.It’s what you do and say to the patients that counts.And going to an evening class in English would do you no harm.Your vocabulary is limited,to say the least.Words are useful  whatever job you do.Or even if you are unemployed it helps you deal with bureaucrats
Oh,dear,said the nurse,I am sorry for being so thoughtless.I am always thinking about sex,love,Putin,my boyfriend and my clothes instead of the patients.I see now I have fallen into evil ways and hope I can improve my behaviour and speech
You have been cruel, said Mary.And seeing my aged husband like this is breaking my heart.Although it was cracked already
She went over to Stan whose face was almost black, [when he was normally beige] and sat by him.He fell against her bosom hungrily.

Alas it was not for erotic reasons.His blood sugar was only 2 and his BP was 60/40.He was dying there with no trousers on and with no-one but Mary to help him… and Emile, their small  intelligent black cat ,of course.Unfortunately Emile’s trousers were too small for Stan

.Mary wrapped a bath towel around Stan and held him in her arms.
Stan tried to speak but Mary could not make out what he was saying.
Tears ran down her  beautiful oval face and dripped onto Stan’s head.
I suppose one might say it was a kind of baptism by love.
Now Stan will be entering a new dimension and will be given a new and better name by One who cannot be named here.But you catch my drift?

Soon Stan collapsed, his face went even blacker.Only then was he sent to a real hospital with full equipment.He died, looking happy, the next day.His last words
“So many lovely friends”
Emile was crying on Mary’s lap.
Don’t worry Emile.He was very unhappy.
So am I, Emile wept
Then Mary wept herself.
What a pity Emile is a cat and so cannot embrace the person he calls “Mother”

Judgement is mine says the Lord
Though He is a total Mystery to Humankind

Research into loneliness

While the public, private and volunteer sectors in Britain are mobilizing to address loneliness, researchers are deepening their understanding of its biological underpinnings. In a paper published earlier this year in the journal Cell, neuroscientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology identified a region of the brain they believe generates feelings of loneliness. The region, known as the dorsal raphe nucleus, or D.R.N., is best known for its link to depression.

Kay M. Tye and her colleagues found that when mice were housed together, dopamine neurons in the D.R.N. were relatively inactive. But after the mice were isolated for a short period, the activity in those neurons surged when those mice were reunited with other mice.


Suella Braverman proved it again: racism is a fire the Tories love to play with



Yet there was no Ukip when Benjamin Disraeli declared that the Irish “hate our order, our civilisation, our enterprising industry, our pure religion. This wild, reckless, indolent, uncertain and superstitious race have no sympathy with the English character.” It was no rotten apple but Winston Churchill, the Tory idol, who as prime minister pronounced: “I hate Indians. They are a beastly people with a beastly religion. The famine was their own fault for breeding like rabbits.” The Bengal famine of 1943 is widely estimated to have killed about 2 million people.

I draw these quotes from a new book, Racism and the Tory Party, by the sociologist Mike Cole. Far from being a mere slip of the tongue, racism, he argues, “has saturated the party from the beginning of the 19th century to the second decade of the 21st”. From Enoch Powell’s “rivers of blood” to Theresa May’s hostile environment, it courses through Tory history. And it is not just words. In its online safety bill, the government wants this week to make illegal any online video of people in small boats that shows such Channel crossing in a “positive light”.

Why we Envy

I envy shy black people because they can blush secretly

And I envy Chinese people because they don’t go yellow when they feel sick

I envy Jewish people because they enjoy arguments.Yes that is too general a statement but don’t let’s argue about it. Unless you are Jesus Christ. Did Jesus

argue? Get the Bibles out.

I envy philosophers because they know what distinguishes an argument from a quarrel

I don’t want to be a Catholic because they believe in hell. Can you still go to hell even if you don’t believe in it

Why does nobody mention limbo anymore?

Why do I have to ask questions when other people know by intuition?

Why were red Indians called red Indians?

Why do they keep avoiding me?

I didn’t answer your email because I was feeling sick.

I didn’t reply because however badly I behave you always forgive me

I didn’t answer your email because I have avoidant attachment.

I didn’t answer because I was feeling depressed and now I feel even more depressed

I didn’t arrange to meet you you because I didn’t feel like having a shower

I didn’t meet you because I have run out of deodorant. For myself not for you.

I didn’t give you any support because you are a very tough person sovyou can manage without it.

I didn’t meet you because my hair needs washing and I couldn’t be bothered to do it.

I didn’t meet you because I am very shy and I blush