Mary sat brooding in her armchair, while Emile slumbered by the redhot fire How can I be sure to waken up tomorrow in time for my Podiatry visit? she pondered I am used to waking early, but you never know,she told herself When she went to bed, carryin a flask of English Breakfast Tea she picked up her alarm clock but the battery was missing yet again Never mind, she thought.I shall use my phone instead as she put on her long nightdress and a wool jumper full of holes How fortunate that I can wear old clothes in bed rather than seductive satin lingerie, she thought They are usually polyester and that’s not warm.Though no doubt if it is very seductive you will soon get hot unless your mate works nights down a coal mine.Then, why would a woman wear it? Does it mean she has a lover living near by, perhaps next door? We can only wonderwhy women must suffer not only this but stiletto heels and blow dries She put the flask of tea down and got into her cosy bed. Alas, Mary was still anxious about the alarm I’ll go downstairs and get the kitchen clock, she decided.She struggled out of bed and fetched the blue clock upstairs where it was agreeable to being used I really do need Stan to come back so he could resume waking me when he brought me some tea at 8 am each morning Shall I put an advert online< Very thoughtful, anxious kind & gentle lady mathematician, good at cooking and boiling hankies needs a kind well read man as a partner.Must get up early to make tea and filter the News Preferably a man from Tyneside or similar area Please phone 0207 ccctheo or email iamme78@ymail,com She set her spare phone and the clock then fell asleep. She dreamed she was in a rowing boat on Lake Windermere with her first boyfriend who looked as attractive as ever Come and give me a kiss, he ordered her But surely it is dangerous to make love in a rowing boat, she remarked wonderingly Yes, we might fall out but I can swim But I can’t, she said.Are you hoping I will drown? Don’t be so anxious.The Mountain Rescue Team will come and help We’re not on a mountain, she retorded.Anyway I don’t love you anymore Why not, he asked angrily? I went off you because you never read a book and always chose the films we saw. Did that matter? There you are,you didn’t even ask me if I liked James Bond.You must be an egoist His eyes glared angrily.Why did you not tell me, he asked Should a man need to be told to please a potential girl friend? I suppose not, he answered,Please forgive me.He leaned over to kiss her but just then all the alarms went off,It was morning,, How nice to have a cup of tea while trying to remember one’s name and date of birth And to forget the worst boyfriend ever At least he never hit me, she exclaimed And so say all of us
Although Stan was 102, he still rode his bike locally in the summer time.He was out in the garden pumping up the tires before going off to the Library.Suddenly his neighbour Annie appeared at the gate, without him hearing her feet tapping on the path of red brick;she was bedecked in finest Scottish tweed with a long pendant on a solid 22 carat gold chain swinging nonchalantly from her neck, with a matching ring attached mysteriously to her upper lip.
“Who’re you, the Lady Mayoress” he joked. Where’s Mary?” she pointedly whispered. ”She’s with her widowed sister Joan up in Scotland ” Stan admitted nervously, unsure of her reactions. ”Joan, that’s not a very Scottish name!” Annie joked.” Anyway how about we sit down here on this bench for a moment”.She pulled him vigorously towards her.
Stan responded regretfully “I’m afraid I can’t stop.I have all these books overdue and the library shuts in 15 minutes .”Don’t worry, sweetheart”, she cried un-contemptuously.”I’ll pay all your fines.I’ve just come into loads and loads of money.” “Oh, how’s that.my angel” Stan murmured. “I shot Bert.If you help me to get rid of the evidence, I’ll share the loot with you.”
At the funeral, Annie was dressed in a beautiful dark brown suit with a black trim from Jaeger.She went around the room making sure everyone had enough food and drink.As she leaned over towards Stan her heavy gold locket, inside which was hidden the bullet that killed Bert, swung over and hit Stan a glancing blow on the temple. Stan fell to the ground .”Do you think we should ring 999?” someone asked sarcastically.Within minutes, paramedics arrived. “So, is it that chair again?” they clamoured. ”Yes, this foolish old man fell over and the leg came off my brand new antique chair.I’ve only had it a few days and it’s not insured.”
“Did anyone ever tell you, your eyes are like deep pools in the Saragossa Sea?” Dave, the paramedic whispered into her right ear. “Have you still not finished that Creative Writing Course?” Annie shouted.””I’m getting tired of you admiring my eyes.What about my nose?””
“Has anyone ever told you, your nose is the shortest they’ve ever seen?”
“That’s a bit boring” Annie retorted. ”Yeah, maybe I should change to Art,” he ruefully moaned.”I love the way your deep blue and turquoise eye shadow is melting around your eyes and running down the sides of your nose.” “Hurry up and fix my chair, and while you’re about it, you may as well take Stan down to A and E for a head X-ray.” Glancing furtively at Annie in her Jaeger suit with carefully contrasting deep coral blouse and opaque teal blue 80 denier tights with 6 inch stiletto heels to complete the outfit, not to mention her raspberry coloured bra which clashed violently with the coral blouse [which alas was more transparent than she realised], he picked up a hammer and began,excitedly,to mend the broken chair. ”This is what life is all about, my boy” he thought.One day I will be just where I should be.Right here.With her,alone!
Little did he know the true tale, that Annie had murdered her husband merely because she felt very bored. Boredom is dangerous.If you are affected why not go out and look at some hats? Why not take up drawing. is now online