I loved you in the silence

I loved you much in silence with no fear.

A rare condition seldom found today

I gazed upon your face which was so dear.

My happiness began when you were near

Is this what mystics found in wordless prayer?

I loved you much in silence with no fear

When we row a boat we have also steer.

Mindful meditation gets nowhere.

I loved you then in silence with no fear

Who creates a space with atmosphere?

Who creates the love and then its care?

I long to see your face which was so dear

In the mornings I’d waken to you here

I felt the breath of God pass through the air

I loved you much in silence with no fear

In Blythburgh church stone angels seem to stare.

Magnificent and peaceful house of prayer

I loved you much in silence with no fear

I long to see your face still loved and dear


Deny and become: the radical ethos of negative capability | Aeon Essays


Among the traps of the mind, there is preoccupation with the past (including attachment to intrusive memories) and preoccupation with the future (including continual desire). By definition, these lures are incompatible with being in the moment. We must offload this excess baggage to glimpse what we are and what we might become.0

Wondering who or what Lord Jesus saves

I spent my grown up  life in  puzzles mazed
No more to play in parks  or climb green hills
Wondering was it true that Jesus saves.

On green hills,  the Herdwick sheep would graze
While in the town, the people swallowed pills
I spent my adult life in muddled maze.

On the sunny side,old people  prayed
For pensions were too small to pay the bills;
Some wondered in which Bank the Saviour saved

I  had been  obsessive in my ways
Keeping my accounts was not a thrill
I spent my entire life in puzzles mazed

How many  mortal sins,such thoughts would  prey
Of self torture,I have had my fill
Wondering is it true that Jesus saves

Jerusalem upon its rocky hill
Cannot show but maybe it can tell
I spent my adult life in puzzles mazed
Wondering  who and  what  Lord Jesus saves.

Those little thoughts

I wonder if I’ll need a new printer when I go home.

Do you really think that the middle of the night is a good time to think about printers or money?

Will my partner be prepared to read things on the screen rather than printed?

There is always question in your mind

What is the right question?

Ask someone else to read your writing

I don’t know what to do

Nothing is obviously the best.

Nothing how can I do nothing?

Well action can be dangerous if it’s taken without forethought

I think forethought is no longer practised in the Western mind.

Perhaps we are all using negative capability and we are living in uncertainty and doubt Because we have not yet been inspired or found our way to different kind of life

You can’t dwell in uncertainty for too long.

I know you’ll end up in the psychiatric unit.

Can we be trained to tolerate more uncertainty until we get a better answer?

I’ll have to think about that

Tolerating uncertainty

Bion ( Wilfred Bion,psychoanalyst) did not advocate patience for its own sake, however. For him, as for Keats, (John Keats the poet) the intended outcome of negative capability was ‘achievement’. Not knowing tends to stimulate high levels of uncertainty and anxiety and is a threat to fresh thinking, whether in the analytic pair or in an organizational context. As a result, there is often pressure to invoke prior knowledge – that may no longer apply – or to adopt a new certainty too quickly, before a new pattern has had the chance to evolve (Bion, 1970: 124). Hence Eisold’s definition of negative capability as ‘precisely the ;ability to tolerate anxiety and fear, to stay in the place of uncertainty in order to allow for the emergence of new thoughts or perceptions’ (Eisold, 2000: 65). “

Trying to write a bad poem

You were the centre of my universe
[What is a universe,by the way?]
You were the light in my life
[What about the sun?
You were perfect in every way
{ Name a few definite ones]
So why did you choose me?
[Why, what’s wrong with you?]
Now, you have thrown me away
Seems as  if I am trash
But some folk save the wrong things
Or put them in the wrong wash
[That might be a metaphor]
My washing machine  only works on the rapidest wash
[Good grief, that sounds positive]
Since it’s only 14 minutes,I do it twice
[Why would people want to know this?]
Sometimes I just do rinse and spin
‘But I didn’t realise that was an option at first
[Who cares?]
I am trying to save money so in future I shall just do one
{ why wash them at all, just steam them!]
I love elecricity
{ Is that a metaphor?]
I love gas
[Maybe it’s not]
I’ll cook my angel a roast
{ Do  angels eat?]
A roasted prayer of thanksgiving
{Sounds more  like a threat than a promise]
God will smell the odour
[Not if he doesn’t want to]
God will be happy
[Are you crackers?]
God is neither happy nor unhappy
[Make your mind up.This is  not logic class BTW}
God looks divine
[How can we compare the two?]
I have seen him
[Are you high?]
I don’t know what will happen next but I accept it all
[Very gracious!]
I wish Father Xmas would come tonight
{ Don’t we all?]
And to use a cliche,I love the entire universe.What ever that is!
Is that a bad poem?
Do cows eat grass
Do  sheep have woollen rugs  glued to their heads ?
I am finished
[At last!]

But it’s not bad enough


Happiness is compulsory at this time
Xmas parties,alcohol and drugs
Inebriated,I can never rhyme
I sit and watch the mating of the slugs

But surely nothing mates in winter cold
For slugs don’t have a coat like humans do
Perhaps ,despite appearance, they are bold
Need no injections to prevent the deadly flu.

On balance would you rather be a slug
That lives a life of freedom in the grass
Or do you live because you write and blog
And in the evening play a double bass.?

A slug can’t sing a song nor speak kind words
This idea is foolish and absurd