In the bed

I slept right in the centre of our bed
Instead of in that mouldy sleeping bag
I slept so near the edge it wore away
And I slid to the floor one night last May

In the middle all the space seemed large
No-one there to hold me in their arms
I did not read a book,I was worn out
Pondering on the means and on the doubts

I’ve been lonely like a little child
That mother sent to Office in a file
Waiting for the “open now” command
Will I get to heaven or be condemned?

The file is cold,the Word has little shame
Not guilty of my lack of love and name
I got Office 35678
I can ‘t make attachments , it’s too late

The world collapsed upon me like a cliff
I fell down this dirty yellow rift
Nobody could hear my screams and yells
Perhaps being truly dead may be less hell.

I crawled into my bed as into arms
Solid reassuring, warm and calm
I lay there in the middle , tried to pray
I can’t believe you’ve really gone away

I pray for all my family by name
My sister, brothers,cousins and the lame
I pray for readers who send notes to me
And for that random apple on the tree

I pray for friends who don’t believe in God
I pray for others ,mentally down-trod
Then I feel at loss and dream of you
Polishing my old black boots anew

Still I feel the emptiness inside
When I wake I know I feel your smile
Yet it’s not the same as being enrobed
In the arms of one who has great love

I guess we change but slowly and with pain
Like the folk who marched, their hope Remains

I welcome comments and criticism

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