Mary was looking at the carpet in the hall.
Look at this carpet,she said to Emile
I can see your paw
marks all over it
Yes I trod in some red paint that someone has spilled on the pavement.
I think I will have to get you some shoes said Mary but you can take them off when you go in the back garden.
Do you mean we’ll have to go to the shops to buy me some shoes said Emile hopefully
I don’t know. If I went to a toy shop they might have some dolls wearing plastic shoes.
I don’t want plastic shoes the cat responded angrily.
My feet need to be able to breathe
So you would like leather shoes will you Emile?
The only alternative seem to be Wellington boots.
But do they make Wellington boots small enough for cats?
I don’t know the cat said wisely
Well if you would only learn to read you could look on the computer yourself.
It goes against my wilder nature to learn to read.
Well Mary said do you believe that I have no wilder nature ?
I believe you did at one time but I haven’t seen much evidence of it recently
That’s because Stan is dead, she shouted.
That would not bother a cat,
Well you may not have noticed but I am not a cat. And if you’re so pretty and wild, love me love me do
Don’t be so ridiculous. I am too small to make love to you.
You could run up and down my spine with Algipan on your feet
I’d rather wear perfume on my feet and run up your bosom.
Naughty cat, bestiality is not allowed in Britain.
Well don’t tell anybody about it. It’s not real bestiality just running up your body with perfume on my feet.
Well it’s something that no human being could do without seriously injuring me.
So you see there could be an advantage to marrying the cat
Yes my love I do love you very much Emile but I would really like a man as well as you and maybe you could find a lady cat that you could marry then we can all live in this house together then you and your wife could have some kittens
I’ll have to see who the man is before I agree to that. He might not like cats.
Is that case I should tell him you are a dog.
And so say all of us.