“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
― Maya Angelou

Why did Jesus cross the road?

To look back with anger.

For what did Jesus  save us?

Because his  64 GB SD card was empty.

Why did Jesus curse that fig tree?

It stopped him seeing across the road.

Why did Jesus not  use a bus?

He said it was unfair to asses and donkeys.

Why did Noah leave the Ark?

Because the two animals had become twenty  two.

Did Noah read books?

No he just scrolled.

Why do roads have two sides?

Because they are flat.

What is an enigma?

Ah,if only I could explain it!

Why did ancient people believe in salvation?

Because they couldn’t cross  a palm.

Why did the Pope sell indulgencies?

Because there was a market.

When we say we repent,how do we know we mean it?

I’m stumped.

If I go to Confession,will it be private?

As long as you don’t tweet it later.

May I receive Communion?

Don’t ask me.

Why did Jesus have no shoes?
He had sent his soles to be heeled.

Why did Jesus not wear trousers?
Jewish tailoring had not got that far 2,000 years ag

Did Jesus go to church on Sundays?
No ,he was not a Christian



.Did Jesus drive a car?
Drive a car what?

Did Jesus write letters?
They had no Royal Mail then and soon we shan’t either.

Why did Jesus go to a comprehensive school?
He wanted to widen his appeal.

Did Jesus iron his clothes?
It was before the Iron Age when he lived

Am I sure I’ll go to heaven?
Stop going to sex shops and wearing red bras and you should be ok

How about this atom bomb here in my pocket?
Please, let it drop,I beg you

The blind man was no Oedipus,no king
Around his form, peace hung,a lovely shawl
On his hand a golden wedding ring
The blind man was no Oedipus,no king
His wife had gone,his daughter comfort brings
She named the colours of the flowers like songs
So silence fell as if the sacred called
The blindman was no Oedipus,no king
Around his form peace hung like a kind shawl

I once found a blind man huddled in a shop doorway.He said the road drillimg was so loud he had lost his ability to know where he was.He held my hand and I turned back then all the men drilling stopped and silence fell.It is hard to describle how wonderful it felt.I took him over a dangerous road crossing then he said he knew where he was

If I didn’t have eye trouble I’d not have seen him

I heard your voice outside the glass front door
I  felt no shock nor worry  nor surprise.
But there a man, whose image is a blur,
Handed me a box with friendly cry.

What part of me still waits for your return?
Why don’t I know you’re gone and shan’t come home?
What  knowledge must my  puzzled heart still learn?
Why do I get an urge to search and roam?

If we are conversations ,as I read,
Then our  exchange has ended with your death;
And so I  am not she with whom you laid.
Nor she with whom you shared a common breath.

When deprived of  hearing your response.
I   am no longer she who I was once

In October it will be 20 years since Bush ordered the invasion.Just weeks after 9/11
What good has that War done?
The Middle East is worse than ever and it began in 1918 with france and England dividing up the Ottoman Empire.Those countres like Syria,Palestine,Lebanon etc did not exist but now they do and they keep haing serious problems
And all because of a shooting in Serbia

I know we can’t let people walk all over us but retalation can bring down more evil.

Especially if we attack the wrong people

Oh,where have you been ,my strangest old one
Oh, where have you been with your dim eyes so stunned?
I’ve been to the hospital, to Urgent Care
I’ve been to the dentist,I cut my own hair
Now the hard rain’s gonna fall
With thunder and lightening, torment us all
My left foot is swollen and looks rather pink
My toes are a bleeding,I need blood as ink
They only can look at one issue per visit
Because I am crying they assume I’m hysteric
It’s a hard rain and no ball
The foot ballers tremble,the nation is awed
My bladder’s inflamed and my flanks seem to ache
I can’t tell the doctor, my life is at stake
I’ll have to back with each symptom I have
I might have pneumonia, but my foot’s in their gaze
I might have two heads, they’ll ignore my strange ways
A delta infection is going to spread
Emotional language will kill us with dread
They will only use reason when their children are dead
The babe in her cot, our hearts feel like lead
The world was not made to fulfill our desires
Those who say otherwise are affluent liars
The Cabinet shuffles, the Ministers shove
We know in our hearts they are not there for love
Send Johnson to Turkey, Gove”s gone to Rome
He wants a conversion, but not of his home
Confession seems tempting to those full of guilt
How can they amend the cruel country they’ve built
Sewing us together, the needles aren’t built

A firm purpose of amendment is neccessary for Catholics to be absolved
from their sins.I should not judge others yet I wonder if Johnson hsd it when he rejoined the Church
I also wonder if we can change by will power alone.I doubt it but the first step
is knowing you have sinned..We don’t even use that terminology anymore
but in my experience we do sometimes do wrong.
But look at Germany after WW2.Most people denied they had knowledge of what
Hitler was doing to gay men,Jews,Gypsies.
We have defences which make us use denial to stop us suffering
Yet we do need to know.If you have severe chest pain and merely take pain killers
you might die.
I don’t know how I would have behaved were I there.

The fallen sun makes black the trees that lean
Its liquid centre thrown up wild and bright
Enigmatic  like a midday dream

The  pinky edges shift in  sun’s bent beams
Do they convey the aura of the light?
The fallen sun makes black the trees that lean

I wonder where my haunted eyes have been
In the forests deeper than the night
Enigmatic  like a midday dream

Schizoid, lacking affect,  a  slit scream
Destroying what is left of love and sight
The fallen sun makes black the trees that lean

Here we saw wild primrose by the stream
The castle of the Tudors soft in  blight
Enigmatic  like a midday dream

Bewildered people  kill their own insight
Toss their fears , into the weak to bite
The failing sun as pure as  boiling screams
Enigmatic  are our midnight dreams

Some people get creative with this signature.
A few fun (if not necessarily business appropriate) examples found round the Internet include:
My parents wouldn’t buy me an iPhone so I have to manually type “Sent from my iPhone” to look cool
Sent telepathically
Sent from my laptop, so I have a good excuse for typos
Sent from my smartphone so please forgive any dumb mistakes
I am responsible for the concept of this message. Unfortunately, autocorrect is responsible for the content
Sent from a mobile. Fingers big. Keyboard small.
iPhone.
iTypos.
iApologize.
IType therefore iAm
iLoveudarlingx

I told the doctor I’d only had sex with one man
She said, why ,you are practically a virgin
Well, it’s like my thesis.I practically got a degree
And I practically had 5 children
I practically got a job at a top University
Until they saw my engagement ring
Well it was a moonstone which is practically a diamond to the shortsighted
So when I practically died my husband pulled me back
I slipped and practically fell off the Cliffs at Dover
I think I am old,practically, and too worn out for another man
Or anyone who is practically a man.
Gosh, I am practically politically incorrect
What am I practicing for,practically speaking
At least I am not perfect, no……not again

Bring your own God with you, you can’t help it anyway
I have heard you singing, don’t tell me you can’t pray
We’re strung like beads along a chain, we’re linked with none left out
Every time that someone dies, there opens a new mouth
Mouth brings voice, the people’s choice, there is no faking Truth
Eat and live, speak and grieve, give and so receive
Eyes to see and ears to hear,grace may be about
Still the Sirens wail and moan, leave them, they can’t count

Be wary of emotive language

https://theconversation.com/five-lessons-on-bringing-truth-back-to-politics-from-britains-first-female-philosophy-professor-164191

Stebbing distinguishes between two types of language: “scientific” and “emotive”. Scie]ntific language is used to make objective claims. Emotive language is intended to evoke strong feelings. Often, in politics (and journalism), emotive language is disguised as scientific language –- giving words “a significance in addition to their objective meaning”. Think of the way “woke” is used by right-wing commentators. It isn’t so much describing someone, as getting you to feel a certain way about them.

Paying attention to whether politicians are trying to appeal to our emotions can help us tell a convincing argument from a cheap, emotional dog whistle. We can then decide whether to allow ourselves to be persuaded by our feelings or to turn to more objective forms of evidence.

As Mary went intoAlice’s living room,she saw her five children playing cards with a cat
Hello, Mary, let me introduce my children
Tangent is 13, Radius is 11, Euclid and Leibnitz are twins aged 8
and Cyclic is 4
So what is your surname?
Blunder
Thanks.Shall I sit down?
Tangent Blunder,Mary thought, puzzled by such choices
Sit down! I thought you were my new cleaning lady
What is she called?
I never asked her
Well, you certainly need a cleaning person
Suppose they are binary?
Are you a maths teacher?
No,I hated quadratic equations
Thanks be you didn’t call a child Quadratic
That’s the dog’s name
And the cat?
Imaginary
Well, you seem a very clever family
What do you mean?
You can’t live here, you will have to emigrate to the USA
Why?
They also use unusual,chaotic names.Odd as they are so religious
Jesus Christ !
Not yet but Trump may make a second coming
Well.f*ck me
Not in front of the children, thanks
I only charge £27.
I am a woman too
I don’t mind.I am binary
Binary Blunder, you are giving me headache
Well, you know where the door is
Where?
Where you came in
I am supposed to assess you for autism
Ooh, that’s nice name.What does she want?
It’s a differently wired brain.Einstein was famed
Did he have to charge it?
No, he was born with it but noone knew
I prefer Angst.Can you test me for that?
What a blunder
Mary ran out of the door.Everything looked blurred
and too shiny
Don’t tell me this is the end,she whispered

The energy once used to see with eyes
Moved into both my hands with stuff to find
I feel for batteriies lurking is the drawer
My eyes look up to heaven as in a prayer
I thought my will would be in charge of change
While I am still not perfectly deranged
I am evolving without thought or choice
Shall I expect a louder, stronger voice
To swear at cyclists who have me annoyed
Or men in scooters going much too fast
Knocking down the fragile with their blast
No place is safe when dogs burst through my fence
While I find my purse and count the pence
Will those who see me notice this small change?
I’ll hit them with my metal stick ,outraged
I did not know I might lose all my sense
Now Satan’s living here I feel less tense

Autumn time in Essex  where we drove
When farmers burned the stubble of the corn
The earth itself was  fiery  like young love
The smokey air rose like a  cloud  new born

The Kentish  landlocked   cliffs  are  wide and steep
The farmers grow  their grain on land beneath
And there too we  have seen the holy fire
The flames  and smoke arrest me with desire

The earth and soil, the  harvest  we find there
Give me joy  both full of wheat or bare
Why did burning stubble   make me glow?
These images affect the heart’s deep core

Now  fires are banned., they damage our pure air
And I   did not like the murder of the hare

I know Hayley is not able to put the emotion into her voice that highly trained sigers do
but I like her

When there is already a high level of moisture in the air, it is difficult for the air to absorb the moisture from our skin. This can eventually lead to a loss of body fluid and dehydration. Joint cartilage and the discs in our spine have high water content, and dehydration can decrease the concentration of fluid, agitating any arthritis that may be present. Dehydration in the heat can also cause more serious conditions like heat exhaustion and heatstroke.”

Leaving Elham driving South to Hythe
Driving by the stubble through the smoke
As if the very earth was all aflame
The Saxon cliffs provide a steep old road

By the shore the sea was teal and glowed
The hinterland was barley, sun and light
The crops up in the North were never rich
For us Northern people , such a sight

Now the Channel Tunnel is nearby
Motorways with lorries either way
Yet I remember Dover,Deal, and Hythe
The little woods were children used to play

The Saxon cliffs are wayback from the sea
The Saxons would be startled, could they see

Stockton hospital welcomes pregnant nude statue’s return

Published2 hours ago

It sounds as if the statue has moved by itself!
To think it’s not been allowed to give birth yet

50 years ago it was deemed inappropriate

So you are gone  who once declared your love
For that phantasm conjured in your mind
For onto me you brought down from above
A torment bitter and  strabgn words unkind.

Used to  friendship from within your books
You did not understand that I was real
Irritation grew as you did look;
You threw your poisoned  arrows  at my heel.

What once you loved then you began to hate
If not perfect intolerable I must be
And then you cursed me with this  sorry fate
Our child was born and him you’ll never see.

Illegitimate and born in desert grey.
I carried him alone from death’s dark way

Katherinepoetry, reflections, sonnet June 27, 2017 

My polyester trench coat  looks real swell
But inside it, I feel as hot as hell.
And when the storm hit, I found out
It is no raincoat, I have no more doubts.

Which of us desires to dress for war
This is what the trench coat was made for.
British soldiers  on the battlefields
Died in mud locked trenches for what yield?

Do we want to know the Middle East
Was divided by the conquerors at their feast
France and Britain split the old Empire
We see from that the rise of Herr Hitler.

The war to end all wars is on stage yet.
Go hang these trench coats  round the scapegoat’s neck

I don’t want your polyester dress
I don’t want your high rise skinny jeans
I don’t want to sweat and turn to mud

Fleas would love to live upon my chest
Polyester, nylon, nightmare scenes
I don’t want your polyester dress

I don’t want the corset, you suggest
Viscose,pleated, monsterous Red Queen
I don’t want to sweat and feel like mud

I like cotton jersey, cotton’s best
Wool is cosy, I can wash ir clean
I don’t want your polyester dress

Whatever next, I wonder what it means
Paying hundreds for a dress that screams
I don’t want your polyester dress
I don’t want to sweat, it might be blood

I have walked the silent paths of grief
Despite it was my choice to care for him
I have slept on beds of cold dead leaves.

I do not want claim that death’s thief
Although my heart’s dear light and joy have gone
.I have never felt I was deceived.

I have learned that human life’s too brief.
I have learned by sorrow we’re undone.
I have sifted earth and what’s beneath

.I too felt my dark emotions seethe
While I have been mocked by brilliant sun.
I have learned the geography of grief.

I wait on earth for senseless life to cease
Or will a fluttering wing make chaos come,
Change my heart and give me a fresh lease?

Catastrophic grief will make us dumb
Into our hearts we drag the ice that numbs
I have walked the silent paths of grief
I have lain on beds of cold dark leaves

I cannot read Greek,Russian,Aramaic or Hebrew
Nor can most of my followers

I do not need to buy antibiotics online.I get them free from the NHS
I need no stimulants either

So don’t waste your time here

Thank you