Come here darling, come here quick,
‘Cos your Daddy’s very sick.
Run as fast as fast, you can,
Get the priest, get Father Dan.
Run,run went my eight year old feet,
Down the lane and up the street
I ran right up to Father’s door,
[Does God live there any more?]
“Come please, Mam said Daddy’s ill”
“Oh”,said Father,”that I will.”
Revving up his motor bike
With The Sacrament beside;
He lifted me up onto the back
And roared off up the church-side track.
It was the best thrill of my life;
If only Daddy had not died. S
I have lost my lap top Never mind, you can have a skin graft Can one type on a skin graft? Why are you alway arguing? Why are you alway exaggerating? I don’t know why we got married You were a good actress Thanks for the compliment You were so good I didn’t know how horrible you really were That’s not very kind Why should I be kind to such a nasty wife? Or alternatively, your nastiness has robbed my of my kindness Why do you always blame me? Name one example You blamed me for a poor Wedding Night because I was menstruating You could have gone on the pill to change the date But we married for life.Was it so awful to wait a couple of days? Well,I admit I was tired after the Reception No wonder, you danced with ten women and left me alone You are always counting.Nine women,eleven women, what’s the difference? Two women You aways were good at sums. You should not have shown off at our Wedding You should be grateful I picked you. What a nerve.You mean you didn’t love me the most? In the dark what does it matter Surely not all women make love the same way. So far I can’t tell you, but it seems similar Of course it’s similar.It’s the emotions, the feelings that count.We are not cats Why bring arithmetic in? “Count” means “matter” As in don’t ” matter” your chickens before they’re hatched As in, to lovers money does not matter Not till they get hungry It means money is necessary but not sufficient Gosh,I realise you passed the eleven plus No,I passed out in the exam room so I got an aegrotat based on my course work You don’t do course work for an IQ Test Well I did.I began as a moron and ended up as the most clever of all All what? Sheep? You are so cruel That’s only the beginning Did you pass the eleven plus? I never took it.I was privately educated Where? Holloway I’ve not heard of that You should.It’s a prison Why did they send you there? It was an experiment To find out what? They never said but I passed 9 A levels and got a place at Oxford to read maths. I didn’t know one could read maths Why would I have all these books? To impress visitors? Would you be impressed by ” Thoughts on 4th order differential equations” ? I have never heard of such things.Why 4th order? Three space plus time Can you add space and time? They are different things. They can interact. I suppose it’s like a railway timetable.A three dimensional train arrives at a certain time at the station Unless there are leaves on the line Did Dirac think of that? I doubt it.Maths is perfect ,elegant and bare Sounds like a new bride. Well, take me back and marry an infinite series of irrational numbers Can a phone have an irrational number? Ask BT! How rational!
The history teacher failed my essay on the French Revolutiom She said it was more boring than a railway timetable.
The head nun was angry when I was top of the class She said, you don’t look intelligent
When I was being interviewed for university I was asked what I wanted to do a degree in maths for.Research was my aim,I told them Both men burst out laughing and slapped their thighs I’d never seen men with manicured nails before I’d already done some original work by myself
I did more.
I lost a job offer as I was wearing an engagement ring
I amazed my students by never using lecture notes.I thought I’d be bored just reading it out.Boring one’s self is bad.
Why did I take a job lecturing when I was a silent person? I suppose it cured my muteness but I’d like to get it back before I say I hate the government **** **** ****
People do want to learn but many teachers have not got the ability to imagine what it is like encountering x,y,z instead of numbers and wisely believe quadratic are meaningless
Maths is like studying a skeleton But the flesh is what makes us alive.
A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, “Who wrote this?!!”