The last days

Come here darling, come here quick,
‘Cos your Daddy’s very sick.
Run as fast as fast, you can,
Get the priest, get Father Dan.
Run,run went my eight year old feet,
Down the lane and up the street
I ran right up to Father’s door,
[Does God live there any more?]
“Come please, Mam said Daddy’s ill”
“Oh”,said Father,”that I will.”
Revving up his motor bike
With The Sacrament beside;
He lifted me up onto the back
And roared off up the church-side track.
It was the best thrill of my life;
If only Daddy had not died. S

Face coverings 1

IMG_20200701_170908I have lost my lap top
Never mind, you can have a skin graft
Can one type on a skin graft?
Why are you alway arguing?
Why are you alway exaggerating?
I don’t know why we got married
You were a good actress
Thanks for the compliment
You were so good I didn’t know how horrible you really were
That’s not very kind
Why should I be kind  to such a nasty wife?
Or  alternatively,  your nastiness has robbed my of my kindness
Why do you always blame me?
Name one example
You blamed me for  a poor Wedding Night because I was menstruating
You could have gone on the pill  to change the date
But we  married for life.Was it so awful to wait a couple of days?
Well,I admit I was tired after the Reception
No wonder, you danced with ten women and left me alone
You are always counting.Nine women,eleven women, what’s the difference?
Two women
You aways were good at sums.
You should not  have shown off at our Wedding
You should be grateful I picked you.
What a nerve.You mean you didn’t love me  the most?
In the dark  what does it matter
Surely  not all women  make love the same way.
So far I can’t tell you, but it seems similar
Of course it’s similar.It’s the emotions, the feelings that count.We are not cats
Why bring arithmetic in?
“Count” means “matter”
As in don’t ” matter”  your chickens before they’re hatched
As in,  to lovers money does not matter
Not till they get hungry
It means money is necessary but not sufficient
Gosh,I  realise you passed the eleven plus
No,I passed out in the exam room so I got an aegrotat based on my course work
You don’t do course work for an IQ Test
Well I did.I began as a moron and ended up as  the most clever of all
All what? Sheep?
You are so cruel
That’s only  the beginning
Did you pass the eleven plus?
I never took it.I was privately educated
Where?
Holloway
I’ve not heard of that
You should.It’s a prison
Why did they send you there?
It was an experiment
To find out what?
They never said but I passed 9 A levels and got a place at Oxford to read maths.
I didn’t know one could read maths
Why would I have all these books?
To impress visitors?
Would you be impressed by ” Thoughts on 4th order differential equations” ?
I    have never heard of such things.Why 4th order?
Three space plus time
Can you add space and time? They are different things.
They can interact.
I suppose it’s like a railway timetable.A three dimensional train arrives at a certain time  at the station
Unless there are leaves on the line
Did Dirac think of that?
I doubt it.Maths is perfect ,elegant and bare
Sounds like a new bride.
Well, take me back and marry an infinite series of irrational numbers
Can a phone have an  irrational number?
Ask BT!
How rational!

Shielded

The clouds hang out together like bored girls
Until they form a shield with  greasy curls
The radio mumbles on about  the old
As if we are  unable to be bold

Do we not have courage as we age
When we have laid our dear ones in their grave?
We edge our way downstairs to make the tea
Sit in bed,imagine we’re at sea

Children play their games and so may we
The bed a boat,the sky as wide as eyes
Where is the navigator, do we drift?
Eclipsed our passage  through  the soft  soft mist

If life’s a Play then we may take our part
To hypnotise  the audience and their hearts

Me,boring!

T

 

 

low angle photography of red metal tower
Photo by Anni Roenkae on Pexels.com

The history teacher failed my essay on the French Revolutiom
She said it was more boring than a railway timetable.
I l

The head nun was angry when I was top of the class
She said, you don’t look intelligent

When I was being interviewed for university I was asked what I wanted to do a degree in maths for.Research  was my aim,I told them
Both men burst out laughing and slapped their thighs
I’d never seen men with manicured nails before
I’d already done some original work by myself
I did more.

I lost a job offer as I was wearing an engagement ring

I amazed my students by never using lecture notes.I thought I’d be bored just reading it out.Boring one’s self is bad.

Why did I  take a job lecturing when I was a silent person?
I suppose it cured my muteness but I’d  like to get it back  before
I say I hate the government **** **** ****

People do want to learn but many teachers have not got the ability
to imagine what it is like encountering x,y,z   instead of numbers and wisely believe quadratic are meaningless

Maths is like studying a skeleton
But the flesh is what  makes us alive.

 

 

 

Reading the bread

 

 

architecture black and white brighton building
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

A blind man is sitting on a park bench. A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, “Who wrote this?!!”

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/ethnicjokes/jewishjokes/blindmanjoke.html