I’d love to gamble with the  lambs if only they had arthritis
He rambled on for so long  he got to Carlisle  before he noticed we were on a railway line.Dent  and Dent again
Dry your tears faster with  the new tumble-in dryer.
Save your tears to water the lawn.
Stumbling home took rages to achieve.
I did let my seat melt on once.
My car goes too fast for Lent
Ash Wednesday… we had ash every day in the fireplace!
I saw faces in the flames ………He burned all my selfies.Expensive to get a new laptop but he is my husband after them all.
We saw faces in the wallpaper.My father leaned on it often after being down the pit all day.He made a big impression on me.
I think confessing sins is a good idea, starting at the top with Mrs T May and Boris….don’t forgive them,Oh Lord am I evil?
Not really.
The cows don’t want us sucking their bladders all day. What did I say?
I’d like a  lion, say Judah?

How to sort your life out in three  moves
Begin by  writing  wisely of  your aims
Life  can be  much neater  in a groove

Don’t keep wondering if  your   friends approve
Do not  give your life  up to get fame
How to sort your life out in three  moves

String quintets on records will disprove
Old collections are just for the  lame
Life  can be  much  gentler  in a groove

Should we give up fantasy too lewd?
Is it better to admit what is not tame?
How to sort this life out  while it  moves

Sadness  may be joy, oh blues imbued
Do not let depression steal  its name
Life  can be mute misery in a groove

Look into the mirror, be amazed
See the lines where  laughter  has long grazed
How to  turn  life over  with  a heave
Life  can  turn too black stuck  in  that groove

 

When you wrote your book
The cat  lay across your shoulders like a prayer shawl
Through your window, you saw the trees
The Blackbird sang.
Now the chair is empty and   our cat has died
How could you leave me?
I’m lonesome  in that room
The birds are nesting again
The sun is hot
I’ve not opened the desk drawers
But I found your tie on my bed
Where can you be?

Mary was making a beef and beer casserole.But her casserole dish lid was too high for the small oven on her gas stove
What shall I do, she asked Emile.her cat?
I don’t know, mother, he told her.I never cook
I’ve told you before,I am not your mother.
Well, you feed me and wash me and keep my bed clean
I did that for Stan.I hope he didn’t think I was his mother
He was older than you, the cat informed her boldly
Yes.indeed he was 50 years older than me!
I know what to do, Emile mewed.He  stood by the phone and pressed 999
Soon the bell rang. In ran Dave, the transexual  transvestite paramedic dressed all in white as if for tennis
What’s wrong now, he enquired?
I can’t get this casserole dish into the oven, said Mary
I know what to do. Have you got either a pyrex plate or a cake tin with a loose bottom?
Mary looked into her cupboard and found a 6  ” plate
Dave put it on top of the dish having removed the high domed lid.
There we are, he cried. What number shall I put the oven on?
3 please, said Mary. You are so creative, Dave. Brilliant
Would you like to come back in 3 hours for a meal?
I’d love to, Dave cried. Unless I get called out by someone who needs me to find a knife and fork so they can eat their dinner
Would people really do that,Emile whispered?
You would not believe what people do

And so say all of us