I’ve gone out for a stake.

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Sorry I can’t answer the phone.I’ve gone out for a stake.
Sorry I am not here.They gave me too many injections and I’m not back yet
Sorry I can’t take your call.I am planning to shoot myself tonight but if I don’t I’ll write you an email tomorrow.I have no gun anyway
Sorry I am not in.I’ve been arrested for writing draughty verses.Is it a crime now?
Sorry we are off to the pub to get arrested for drunk driving so we can spend the New Year in jail…. it saves money for us but not the taxpayer
Please stop phoning,,my head is ringing…… how do I take the call?
Sorry ,I am out right now as I’d love to fear your voice again.Please growl back later.
Fancy you ringing,I love your rude message and return it redoubled in strength.
Yes,you did love her but it was a wrong time ago and besides she is a dead wretch.
This is a telephone answering service.If you are human try meeting face to face.
Honesty can get very wounding so please take care about leaving messages after the tone beeps.
Silence and telephones are incompatible.So take your wick and wonk off.
Why are you phoning?I saw you today.Please do not leave a message as I am feeling moody and mean like a film star
He said he was going out for a bark.Can I fake a message?
He said he was ill but not that he was dead.Men!
He said he’s had enough but not of what. if you get the gist of it

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