Day: November 26, 2016
Evening bits
I had nothing to wear so I wore my self out.Inside out
Always be polite as rudeness often causes feudnesses.
Never allow anger to make your offensiveness obvious
We’re all OK and so aren’t they.
No black moods here.They will be persecuted
I can’t walk on water yet.
Cancer makes you patient.One second at a time.
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St Peter tried to hawk the water.
The virgin Mary assumed it was heaven.
Jesus had no socks.
St Paul had a fit on the road to Erasmus.
St Peter portrayed Christ thrice.
St Peter tried to hawk the water.
St John had a Word to offer.
The Jews are God’s people because they saw the Burning Bush before we did.I only felt it.
Prophets were turned into profits by Economists.
The Pope is advised by a neon Arc Angel.
Jesus had twelve friends on Facebook.The pages were called the Epistles.
St Paul was so prolific he sent letters whenever he fancied it.That was before privatisation of the Toil Mail,of course.
The Romans were good at conkers and watching lions eat people.
The Cirque du Trialle.
History is what we can find on old documents and barcodes.
God wanted his son to die.It was pre-Oedipus.They could not both louvre the same lady
And she said,may your thrill begin on earth as it does in heaven
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Must we voice our plight?
The past is present till we listen right
We did not wish to hear the words that grieve.
The past is present, must we voice our plight?
Some bear burdens, others wander light.
By strange anxieties, I have been besieged
The past is present till we listen right
Some are listeners,some have second sight.
Of my visions I have been bereaved
The past is present, we must voice our plight
My voice once silent, tension made to bite
By present pain, my grieving is obliged.
The past is present till we listen right
I suffer deeply; others think it slight
By images and words, this sense’s derived
The past is present, welcome it, invite
I pray my tear ducts opening ends the blight
Response to pain can never be contrived
The past is present till we listen right
In the depths ,the tears will be received
From this watering, new thoughts are conceived
The past is present in wild dreams at night
The past lives till we hear and see it right
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Discover David Grossman
https://www.ft.com/content/204efd0e-ace1-11e6-ba7d-76378e4fef24
Quote
The central question in David Grossman’s new novel could hardly be more topical: how much reality can we bear to face, and what do we do when facing it becomes unbearable? It is a question the award-winning Israeli novelist has been asking in diverse ways for more than 30 years in consistently fine, penetrating works. These include books for both children and adults and encompass an impressive range of forms, from non-fiction to short stories to full-length novels to, most recently, his 2011 genre-defying meditation on grief Falling Out of Time.
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Poems:Rabbi Ben Ezra by Robert Browning
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/43775
Rabbi Ben Ezra
Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith “A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!”
Not that, amassing flowers,
Youth sighed “Which rose make ours,
Which lily leave and then as best recall?”
Not that, admiring stars,
It yearned “Nor Jove, nor Mars;
Mine be some figured flame which blends, transcends them all!”
Not for such hopes and fears
Annulling youth’s brief years,
Do I remonstrate: folly wide the mark!
Rather I prize the doubt
Low kinds exist without,
Finished and finite clods, untroubled by a spark.
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They are only coppers
My friend told me if I wanted to get married again I should not tell the men I meet I was a mathematician.So I’ll have to stop saying :I am 5/8 Irish and 1/3 Anglo-Saxon and 1/48 Viking.
That doesn’t add up to one.
I never said I was an integer!
If you give too much detail it puts them off.
How about :I am 38-28-40?
Is that your Zip code?
No, it’s my vital statistics.
I should wait till you know them better.
When will that be?
After you get the diamond ring.And stop using numbers so much use words. Hang on:Hello, this is 07576339417.Hi.
That’s a funny phone number.
It was the police.
How come they have your number?
I think it’s because I told them you wanted to re-marry
Why tell the police, it’s not a crime.
I thought they might give you a job.
Why do I want a job?
To stop you getting married again.
But there are men in the police station.
You can’t marry them
Why not?
They are only coppers!
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Poets and Writers
https://www.pw.org/content/peter_orner_0
Posted 11.10.16
“I’ve always had a difficult time talking about writing. I’ve never really been able to say the phrase ‘my writing’ without feeling not only self-conscious but also a little bit ridiculous. A lot ridiculous. Even though I do, technically, teach creative writing (and I enjoy it because for me teaching creative writing is teaching literature, and I can never get enough literature) I’ve always had very little advice to give when it comes to how to actually sit down and do this. I mean if people truly want to sit and write something they will sit down and write something and nothing I say, or anyone else says, could ever make much of a difference. I have no tricks to trick anybody—including myself, God knows especially myself—into a chair and concentrate. And yet, and yet, don’t all roads lead to Chekhov? This morning I read a brief story called, ‘In Exile.’ It starts like this: ‘Old Semyon, nicknamed the Explainer, and a young Tartar whose name no one knew, sat on the bank near a bonfire…’ Goddamn, to start a story like this. One guy has two names, the other has none. And I didn’t feel inspired necessarily, but I did feel alive. Alive as if I was out there on the cold riverbank with those two. And I did get back to work, or at least tried to. Needless to say, the Explainer in the story isn’t the one who understands very much.”
—Peter Orner, author of Am I Alone Here? Notes on Living to Read and Reading to Live(Catapult, 2016)
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The jokes for today
1.A Christian,a Jew And a Muslim were walking through the Mall looking for a Coffee Shop.
They found a new one with lots of seats so they went inside and sat down.The Jew went over to the counter and asked,do you serve Cappuccinos?
The waitress answered,not usually, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
And my two friends?
Are they Cappuccinos as well?
Well, they are people of the Book like me.
I’m sorry .I meant to give it back.Are you going to fine me?
No, give us free coffee and we’ll say no more.
2.You know all those Coffee Shops staffed by foreigners?
Yeah.
The Government is going to build 7 meter high walls around them.
So America is going metric at last!
3.How can you tell I am a foreigner?
I’ll just shout.Wanna see a foreigner!
4.Why do we fear Arabs?
Because they invented al-gebra.
5.Why is the Pope a man?
We just have to take his word for it.
6.My husband asked me,what is post-modernism?
I replied,you didn’t need to marry me just to find that out
7.My wife asked,why do my rock buns fly away?
I said, because I am trying to kill that spider on the ceiling.
8.My son asked me to lend him my car for a week.
I said,it’s alright son, you can neck here at home.
What about my Oedipal conflicts?
Use PayPal instead.
9.My daughter has got big blue eyes.
Where did she get those from?
Her grandmother.
Is she dead?
Not yet but Jesus wants her whole heart.
Don’t tell me he does transplants now!
10.I want to go to the lavatory.
They have closed all the public ones.
I should think so.Who wants to be watched all the time?
You’ll have to go in the telephone box.
I only have a Nokia 105.
Didn’t I tell you to get a phablet?
I’m not smart enough to spell that!
.
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From a course in how to write jokes
If the events of September 11th have proven anything, it’s that the terrorists can attack us, but they can’t take away what makes us American – our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that. (Jon Stewart)
