23 Pilchard’s Avenue Knittingham KM2 0DEAR, Europe.



Dear Anne,Please forgive me for not writing  especially  after I got such an intriguing missive from you.Emile had eaten all my stamps and Stan used to post things for me.I am afraid I have got very lazy
To save money in the long run, I have bought some nail clippers as I don’t really need the chiropodist,She came  to see Stan’s feet owing  to his diabetes.
I got a shock when I found my toe nails have gone very tough.It is quite difficult to get one foot on my knee with out dislocating my knee joints.I did it so now I am wondering if I can cut my own hair.Have you ever tried that? The choice seems to be to cut it all to  about 1/2 inch and let it grow how it will
Or just cut the sides as they seem longer than the back.
How can one get both sides to the same length? I thought of cellotaping my hair to my cheek and then measuring  say 1 inch  with more  tape and cutting off what lis below.As you know I like experimenting but  in this case it  might be trial and horror as an old physicist once said to me.
I get these weird ideas and can’t get them out of my head.
Emile’s coat does not grow ,which is extremely fortunate.imagine the expense of cuts and blow dries! He seems well and claims he talks to Stan in the night. He eats  robustly and sometimes I am tempted to  share his meal because it looks like the potted meat we used to have when I was a child.Not to mention I often forget to cook myself a meal and end up with a bowl of porridge.
I am planning to write a book for Kindle but so far all I have done is get Word 2016 as I was blackmailed  into getting more storage on One Drive and that came with Office 2016.
I also had to find my NI number in case  my book sells  because I will have to pay tax.Having done that I   have been too lazy to learn how to use it.
Now the hot spell has ended it feels really cold so I must find some socks.I bought some trousers in the Sales for £12 and they are fully lined.I  have been planning how to keep warm in winter and I had a brilliant idea.Wear two pairs of pants.  2 vests and some wool socks underneath 2  long sleeved tops and some trousers/long skirt.Then if it gets icy add a cardigan.Or two cardigans… 2  light coats and two wool hats. Then if one is too hot one can remove the layers gradually .
Which might mean being at a dinner party in  just two vests and two paits of knickers.So they will have to be in bright colours.
So far only  two men have befriended me.If  one  develops int a full relationship  imagine the thrill of  him undressing me layer by layer.He will probably die before getting  them all off.Is that what we call a  “defense machanism”?
It would be easier to ask him what he thought of Ray Monk’s book,The Duty of Genius…  a life of Wittgenstein.How many men will have read that and still the   energy to chase  women?.I suppose I’d better read the Daily Mail so I know what are the hot topics and TV  programmes like that Bakery Programme…. then they blame us for getting fat.
I am afraid I’ll have to stop here but will write again when I have bought some more Quink.
I do  hope Cambridge was not flooded last week and you are ready for the new term or is it a semester now? And  let me know about your book “Absence and the Love of God” I am desperate to read it.

Sending my  love

Mary xxx

and Emile xxxx


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