On forgetting we are using metaphors

Katherinereflections, Thinkings and poems  March 24, 2016 4 Minutes

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The most obvious confusion between metaphor and reality is when society labels emotional/interpersonal problems/divergence from norms of society as mental illnesses.I
n the USA childdhood disobedience is now a mental illness and there are many similar crazy notions.Homosexuality was labelled as a mental illness for years but no longer.
Now if you are suffering terrible anguish in various forms it may help to be told it is an illness… or it may make you worse.I am sure that often excess fatigue,personal characteristics like overworking constantly,not eating well,being distressed by the state of the world are very common but there are no blood tests nor any other tests to identify such as being illnesses.Though often physical illnesses casuse mental distress and depression either directly or because of shame and anxiety and other reactions to being ill for a long time.
The writer Thomas Szasz identified this confusion many years ago.If you disagree and say how can medication help unless a person is ill then I’d say that the placebo effect is one reason and another is that if someone is exhausted and needs to rest then medication maybe helpful to give them a little peace.
Gerard Manley Hopkins,A Jesuit priest and a poet seemed to be given a job in an Irish University which was exhausting and debilitating but owing to his vow of obedience to his superiors in the Jesuit Order he could not change his life except by dying… so he thought.
The poet Gwyneth Lewis who has been the National Poet for wales wrote a book[Sunbathing in the rain] about her severe bout of depression.In the book she seems to be claiming that there were personal mistakes and decisions in her lifestyle and job which led her into depression.She saw it as necessary for change.However she did use medication in spite of feeling it was a spiritual turning poimt which she needed to get back onto her true path or vocation in life.
Her mother had been depressed frequently when she was a child and so she would have learned this as a way of problem solving.
Also despite her immense intelligence she had failed to realise that abandoning her strong hopes to have a child [given the age of her husband and the need to earn a living] was going to cause her huge distress.In fact marrying someone who has been sterilised seems unusual for a young woman who wants children.But it is sometimes reversible and maybe she didn’t think so far ahead.
This blindness to our own feelings seems to lead many of us astray.
We sometimes get clues to our hidden feelings in dreams or we could find someone to talk to when going through a major life decision.
Some people don’t know that grief and mourning exist and are stunned when they feel sad and often their families criticise them for “not coping well” Coping here seems to mean remaining happy and calm all the time;this is a selfish demand on a bereaved person or anyone really.
I also noticed over the years that many famous people suffered from depression but when you examine their lives they seem to demand too much from themselves and be afraid to ask for help
.Poor Sylvia Plath wanted to be famous which she is now but alas she is dead. It’s hard to know why she felt the need to work so hard except her upbringing was one where acadenic excellence was valued and why she married someone with no obvious way of providing support either financial or emotional… when it got tough he ran off… but who knows why? The point that interests me is that she was compulsively driven to achieve… and she did so much in her short life… but was it worth it?
We all need to examine our life to see if we are acting stupidly.
But when worn out mentally it seems thinking is a mistake whereas simple manual work is beneficial as is being outdoors or being with kind undemanding friends…. and if a person has few friends coping with emotional trauma is much harder.This affects people who move to another state or country.And older people moving house even can bring on mental confusion.
And if we are people who find friendship and intimacy hard then it’s likely that we will suffer more from any problem we run into.
Finally,is the idea of a vocation for each of us of value?We each have unique gifts plus a need to earn a living.It depends on many factors outside our control whether we can find a job that combines these.Many poets and writers work in menial jobs to earn a living and then they write at night.[Teaching seems to sap creative energy.]
Other people don’t feel they have a calling but train for something they feel will earn a living in a way that suits them.Electricians and plumbers are in great demand…
And apart from finding our own true needs we need to contribute to society in some way.And to have a feeling of enjoying being alive which is perhaps denied those millions in Asia who make our clothes,i phones and other goods.

7 Mindfulness-Based Strategies to Stop Spiraling into Despair

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/07/well/mind/mindfulness-practice-doomscrolling.html

Following nonstop news in an era of gun violence, war and political divide can become overwhelming. And amid our many ongoing challenges — the pandemic, climate change, economic uncertainty — it’s understandable to feel sad, angry and anxious.

As a clinical psychologist who specializes in giving people the tools to cope with intense emotions, I know how difficult it can be to remain positive — or simply balanced — while caring deeply about our world. Some of my clients say they can’t stop doomscrolling, others engage in unhealthy behaviors to tune it out and many bounce between the two extremes.

But it is possible to anchor yourself if it feels as though you’re slipping into despair about the state of the world. I rely on these seven mindfulness-based strategies for myself and my clients to stay grounded.

If you can precisely label the emotion you’re experiencing in the moment, you can reduce its power in your body and brain. Name whatever emotion you are feeling, whether it is sadness, fear, anger, disgust

And looking at the world with gratefulness

The dead flowers in the vase have their own charm
They have their form, their shape, their wistfulness
What is dead no longer does us harm

Thus being dead is no cause for alarm
There is no need to suffer loneliness
The dead flowers in the vase have their own charm

As they age, they look like a dead palm
The sort we got in church had comeliness
What is dead no longer does us harm

The secret of good lives is keeping calm
And looking at the world with gratefulness
The dead flowers in the vase have their own charm

Meditation on dead flowers is balm
We fear no longer our own death’s fullness
What is dead no longer does us harm

Waste not time in hateful wilfulness
We sing with love our own dawn choruses
The dead flowers in the vase have certain charms
What is dead no longer may alarm

Memories of hills and small wild flowers 

Strange that sunshine glowing on the snow
Made me feel like summer was just here
And meadows of wild flowers would appear~
If only I knew which way I should go.
Happy with  increasing daylight hours,
Memories of hills and small wild flowers

Energy  sends loneliness away
As birds take shelter in the holly tree
The snow is falling with a touch of glee
Teasing  all the forecasters with play
Brighter in my heart and in my mind
The inner and the outer unconfined.

With our vision we create  our myth
Must we live in torment or in  bliss?

Love is waiting in the dark

Shall we no longer sing

No longest smile

Because one day we’ll die

For we’re fragile?

Shall we no longer run

Beside the sea?

Shall we no longer kiss

Beneath the trees?

While still we live

Let’s loving be

Let’s not protect a heart

With metal walls

For we must feel

And learn it all

The wedding feast is here

Oh look and see

The Union of allies

Come let’s agree

The pain is always there

But there is more

Children playing out

on the sea shore

Little faces

Little Hands

Little waves

Joyous sounds

The sun will rise again

The day will flee

Joy and woe are

Always free

A cup of roses

Cup of grace

Wait in the void

For love to tasre

Am I defensive?

https://www.google.com/search?q=is+defensiveness+a+sign+of+mental+illness&client=ms-android-motorola-rvo3&ei=vb0ZY8DFN92J9u8P6vqWoAQ&oq=defensiveness+and+paranoia&gs_lcp=ChNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwEBJKBAhBGABQAFgAYABoAHABeACAAQCIAQCSAQCYAQCgAQY&gs_ivs=1&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp#tts=0

Here are several steps that can help you become more emotionally intelligent when dealing with defensive people:

  1. Refrain from reacting defensively. …
  2. Shift your focus to the other person. …
  3. Ask questions until you understand them. …
  4. Move toward a resolution.

2 Nov 2018https://www.bizjournals.com › how-to

4 ways to communicate better with defensive people

More

Why Some People Can Get So Defensive | Psychology Today United Kingdom

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/insight-is-2020/202109/why-some-people-can-get-so-defensive

Getting defensive can take many different forms, including verbal attacks, denial (denying what has been said), fabrication (outright lying), avoidance (not allowing any discussion on the matter), gaslighting (e.g., calling the other person “crazy” or suggesting something is wrong with the other person) and others.

At their root, all defensive behaviors have this in common: sending a message to the other person that what the person is saying is wrong or a problem. What’s more, the message is that the person is “out of line” (authoritarian punishment language) for addressing them or attempting to hold them accountable for something in the first place. The takeaway message is that such confrontation — as fair or appropriate as it may be — is unacceptable and will not be allowed.

A brief personality profile of the individual who gets easily defensive

Defensive individuals often have control and power issues, and perceive anyone confronting them or holding them accountable

12 Ways To Support A Friend Going Through A Difficult Time

https://www.bustle.com/wellness/how-to-support-friend-going-through-difficult-time

If you’re trying to give advice and coming up empty, that’s actually OK. “When someone we love is going through pain and sorrow, we feel pressure to have to say something, to come up with a way to make them feel better,” Habash says. But often it’s best to just listen and let them express themselves.

“They need to know that you can tolerate being with them in their pain, and that someone understands what they’re going through,” Habash says.

Sea Green

My sister’s eyes are sea green and deep
Like pools in the Irish sea off the coast off Anglesey.
Moelfre where she swam ,despite the cold,
Like a small seal.
Night times I told her stories,
She lay and dreamed them till schooltime
But we grew beyond my storytelling
When adolescence broke us apart.
Years later
As I sat with her child
At my knee,
Weaving stories for her
Around the Russian horse
From the antique shop in Aldeburgh,
I saw my sister leaning towards us,
Her green eyes full of long-lost yearning.
I realised she was still my loving little sister,
From long, so long ago, her green eyes,
In the deep caves of her inner sea ,filled with longing.
I felt she wanted to get backInto the magic circleO
f the arms of the mother we
No longer had to hold us.
So, I took her inside my open heart instead

I’m a psychologist – and I believe we’ve been told devastating lies about mental health

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/sep/06/psychologist-devastating-lies-mental-health-problems-politics?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

Ulf a plant were wilting we will not drive nurse it worse “wilting-plant-syndrome” – we would change its conditions. Yet when humans are suffering under unliveable conditions, we’re told something is wrong with us, and expected to keep pushing through. To keep working and producing, without acknowledging our hurt.

In efforts to destigmatise mental distress, “mental illness” is framed as an “illness like any other” – rooted in supposedly flawed brain chemistry. In reality, recent research concluded that depression is not caused by a chemical imbalance of the brain. Ironically, suggesting we have a broken brain for life increases stigma and disempowerment

It is here that we fail marginalised people the most: Black people’s understandable expressions of hurt at living in a structurally racist society are too often medicalised, labelled dangerous and met with violence under the guise of “care”. Black people are more likely to be Tasered, sectioned, restrained and over-medicated than anyone else in our mental health services today.

InThe UK could learn a lot from liberation psychology. Founded in the 1980s by the Salvadorian activist and psychologist Ignacio Martín Baró, it argues that we cannot isolate “mental health problems” from our broader societal structures. Suffering

Keep the baby

I haven’t got the energy for grief.

The bag of tears cracked, now it’s overdry

Is a conversation a relief?

Or is it better just to sit as a sigh?

If only all my bones would turn to dust

And I could join the compost on the heap.

Or would the cruel jackals feel disgust?

I might as well expect the slow worm leap.

Take away my heart for it is pained

I can live without it if I choose

But do not live on me with your disdain

One day you might walk in these my shoes

For what is self reflects the other’s soul.

Grief and sadness, love, may make us whole

The pathway to love

Trees by Katherine

https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/09/style/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

How to reduce words gracefully

Ostracise me this Day Oh Lord

And mesmerize my enemies I beg of you.

For my top of the market devices I thank you very much.

I have always believed in folding tablets for ease of taking up the mountain if you have any new comments to give to me.on my blog.

And Microsoft latest laptop come drawing tablet will help me to outdo my enemies and send them all to Coventry.

Touch me touch me with your hands oh lord because all this modern technology is turning me into a robot. I need some skin to skin contact all the more so since I’ve been off the sized I most of my friends. Am I missing something is there a message I’m not there?

Dear Lord it’s time for me to drink my tea and finish my expressions of gratitude. And please tell the Pope not to excommunicate me yet because I am Jewish and I go to the local synagogue just like Jesus so I don’t think that the Pope can touch me though I would like some human search preferably women or men with great feelings and generosity anybody at all understand perspective and different points of view lead to different views of the place in front of you. Give me the grace to follow now my own advice 4 otherwise it may be totally wasted which will be very sad in my room anyway and I think I’m right today but I will check up in the morning he

1aq1a

Uneducated and unedited

We once had a Dr Hull Proctor

His wife lookedq quite ripe so he plucked her

Her cheeks were well read

Sailing under my bed

Agogz mm,she’s well used in the scriptures

Is it a video home with the Oxford dictionary?

Have you been on the new British library!

I can no longer be rude

Has the book lost its glue?

I lived in Islington and then wed in Highbury

Theological ministeps

I can’t deny that God resists

Why would God care if I worshipped the moon?

Why did God stop feeding the 5000?

Who was Galilee?

Was Galilee a friend of Jesus?

And who gave her the sea?

If God gave exactly ten commandments was it because He knew that we will want to go decimal eventually?

If not do the Israelites have a fondness for the number 10 Inot why not? Answer in short paragraph please

If I break a commandment can it be mended?

If I break them all do I get a prize?

Is it adultery if I have an affair with someone who is civilly united with their partner

If not, is that unfair? If adultery is a sin should itch not be open to everybody?

Where in Israel was the valley of the dolls?

Is choosing wallpaper on the syllabus at Oxford? If not should Boris Johnson be given a fellowship or the professorship of poetry?

Why does Oxford have two rivers when Cambridge ¹ only has one?

What kind of feelings are im bedded in mathematics?

Is poetry logical?

How do you keep the shoe polish?

Sanah Ahsan’s Journey Through Therapy and Spoken Word

https://toggl.com/timesheets-magazine-london/sanah-ahsan/

Timesheets Magazine: London Edition

t:m:london

Sanah Ahsan’s Journey of Self-love Through Therapy and Spoken Word

Sanah Ahsan

“There’s lots of stuff I’m doing actually. I’m trying to think about things that might be more interesting,” says Sanah Ahsan in a coffee shop in London’s Edgware district. She’s talking about using poetry and therapy to help develop a community space for queer women of color and the work is already interesting. In a conversation that acts as a process for untangling the intertwined threads of Ahsan’s life and career, the psychologist, spoken word poet and activist examines the path that led her to become the inspiration she is today.Sanah Ahsan
Spoken word poet and psychologistSocial Media:
instagram

Ahsan’s personal experiences with the UK mental health system made her realize at a young age that she wanted to be a psychologist. As she was going through therapy in her teenage years, she found it hard to communicate the complexities of her culture to the predominantly white, middle class therapists assigned to help her.

“

To me three angels did appear

  • A pain awoke me from my sleep,
    Inside my soul there was a gap.
    I tried to make it disappear;
    To write it off my map.

  • But still the ache persisted,
    I tried hard to forget.
    Then I sat down in my garden chair,
    And stayed with my upset
  • .The sun may shine,
    the birds may sing
    But that to me
    no pleasure brings
    Because of my regret..
  • As I sat still upon my chair
    To me three Angels did appear,
    And they are with me yet,
    They took my heart into their care,
    With golden threads they are sewing there,
    Until the work’s complete.My task is, here, to sit quite still,
    And let God’s angels do His Will,
    As I sit at His Feet.aaThe first personaa
  • A

Coping with Grief Anxiety – Simple Relaxation Tips

https://www.griefandsympathy.com/coping-grief-anxiety.html

Think of some activities which make YOU feel relaxed. Not everyone will find the same things relaxing. Then try and make sure you do one or two of them at least a few times a week. Here are 10 ideas for things which we have found are relaxing and which might help. And there are 10 more below too!

Paint something to honour your loved one.
Sing
Laugh
Love your pet
Phone a friend
Dance
Listen to the birds
Look at the stars
Watch the sunrise
Just breathe


In the book ‘Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway’, Susan Jeffers describes how, if we really face our fears and feel them they become less frightening and much easier to…….

Polishing Tools for Your Fuse Box of Emotions – The New York Times

https://www.nytimes.com/2010/07/06/health/06mind.html

Photo by Katherine copyright

Sang-froid has its place, especially during a crisis; but so does Sigmund Freud, who described the potential downside of suppressed passions. Those exhortations being directed at the president could be just as easily be turned on countless co-workers, spouses, friends (or oneself):

Lose it. Just once. See what happens.

“One reason we’re so attuned to others’ emotions is that, when it’s a real emotion, it tells us something important about what matters to that person,” said James J. Gross, a psychologist at Stanford University. When it’s suppressed or toned down, he added, “people think, damn it, you’re not like us, you don’t care about the same things we do.”

Rigorous study of what psychologists call emotion regulation is fairly new, and for obvious reasons has focused far more on untamed passions than on the domesticated variety. Runaway emotion defines many mental disorders, after all; restraint is typically associated with good mental health, from childhood through later life.

Yet social functioning is a different matter. Research in the past few years has found that people develop a variety of psychological tools to manage what they express in social situations, and those techniques often become subconscious, affecting interactions in unintended ways. The better that people understand their own patterns, the more likely they are to see why some emotionally charged interactions go awry — whether from too little control or, in the president’s case, perhaps too much.

Continue reading the main story

Are we all free from sin?

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/what-happened-to-sin_b_5815160

Gradually, mainline Protestantism has concentrated on the positive aspects of the Christian Faith. It has been the evangelical churches that have continued to stress the sinfulness of the human race and the need for repentance.

He kissed my hand

Posted on July 16, 2019 <<<

An old man kissed my hand outside a shop
My hair was gleaming in the yellow sun
Surprising action but a pleasant shock

What grace there was in customs , mainly stopped
My face was bright, my stockings had no runs
A man just kissed my hand outside a shop

I should have done a selfie, what a cop!
I bet he fell in love ,ah Beatrice won
His surprising action gave me quite a shock

He was not drunk, his hands had just been mopped
I have not been so touched by anyone
Till this man kissed my hand outside a shop

In a silent morning, love erupts
We know what’s passed but not what is to come
A man just kissed my hand outside a shop 1

Give us our applause, oh come on,clap!
I think we’ve fallen off the usual map
An old man kissed my hand outside a shop
A pleasant greeting but it was a shock