We do not allow men and women to share beds in the Cardiac Unit
[That’s good.I am homosexual. or neuter]
{ Now, you might think it would save money if we all chose a partner on the ward]
We do not allow patients to open the windows
[Are you afraid the people in another ward might want to climb in?}
You must not complain about the food
{Where is it?}
We keep you here until WE decide.[Not the Royal Sea Hospital where we had your angiograms]
We change the sheets every day.
{That’s the only benefit of being in hospital]
The nurses are all overworked
{So is everyone, including the patient]
Do not get washed in front of the Consultant
[We wait till he turns round then ?]
That bowl of water is not a cup of tea
[Wittgenstein, thou should be living at this hour]
Please do not watch porn on your iphone as it may be stolen.Buy a cheap one before you come in here.Be prepared and always keep it to hand
Remember actual sex is forbidden except in the bathroom.And it is unwise there.
{ What’s this, a convent?}
No,matron I was just feeling itchy.
[They believe anything]
If you can do that, you can go home.
[But I won’t have an audience at home.]
Would you believe some people have heart attacks just to get into a Cardiac Unit?
{Me neither. unless I was an asylum seeker]
We are always able to make you a cup of tea.
{But are you willing?}
The last rule is pray hard and keep smiling
Oh, to be beguiling
How my heart sings 