Safer than thou

Her hems looked as if she had studied all of non-Euclidean geometry and wanted us to know it
Her  orange pleated culottes  were unpleated after an hour on the bus
Her velvet trenchcoat would ensure she would lose,  single handed, WW3 before it  even began
Her knicker length denim shorts  and shrunken T shirt made groping  a dreadfully un-PC temptation to the men selling ripe mangoes and pears.And the women too.
Her head was extraordinarily big so  she was  fortunate in having  two large feet and a a yard [with a brick lavatory, once the last word in elegance]
He said her thesis was on Quantum Dramatics and Lunar Division.I don’t believe a word of it
He said , in  general it’s a real nativity.
Her trench-coat had holes  all over for drainage.Suitable for ladies with hot gushes
In bed she wore a velvet sheath and long  loves
If you have cramp. wear a loose  light dress and kippers
She had a T shirt with her IQ printed on the front.In Chinese.Was it wise?Was it fair?
I had one made saying,Je suis le moron de Tel Aviv. I don’t  know any Hebrew.And they don’t know me neither.
Her underwear was absolutely pure silk unfortunately as she suffered from  cystitis and often could not wait.Wear towelling knickers and a big skirt and you will be completely safe from men,bugs and fashionable desires