Mary had soon spotted her 98 year old frail yet virile husband Stan; he was across the road talking to a young ,blonde and buxom woman
Mary ran over the road in front of all the traffic as she was terrified of Stan getting another mistress.
Hi,I am Mary, she said proudly
I am called Sabrina.I’m a mathematician too, over for a year from Babylon University the USA
Why,hello,Sabrina.Stan loves clever women… and in your case,you also have great beauty,she said honestly but enviously
Hi Mary,Stan told me you were out buying some vaseline in the pharmacy down the other end of the town.He invited me to coffee.
Oh,damn,I must have had a senior moment.It was that Jazz Band that distracted me.I forgot about that Vaseline.
Come on,ladies,said Stan as he led them into a brand new coffee shop staffed by delightful smiling Turkish people.He ordered three cappuccinos plus some milk for Emile who was in his backpack.
They sat down by the windows and gazed at the folk passing by in some rather unusual clothing.Emile was sad there were no other cats around
Sabrina was wearing a short pink velvet dress on her curvaceous body and green high heeled shoes on her dainty feet.
Do you find wearing velvet is very warm in the summer?,asked Mary.She was wearing a long cotton dress and some flat open toed pink sandals from Hotters.
Well,it’s cotton velvet,Sabrina told her.Most is polyester now.I made this myself.I enjoy sewing.
I have never learned to sew,Mary told her nervously.I was afraid of the electric sewing machine at school and my mum was very impatient. Still,it’s probably cheaper nowadays to buy your clothes ready made.
Soon the women were engrossed in a discussion of their favourite fashion shops and styles; colours and shapes.occasions and casual clothing
I like a pure new wool coat in winter,said Mary.I find down filled coats seem to make me perspire too much or even feel faint if I am in a Department Store.
Anyway,it’s my face which sweats.I can’t put antiperspirant there…
No,it is likely to give you a rash and anyway the body needs to sweat to get rid of toxins,Sabrina informed her scientifically yet charmingly.
I don’t mind sweating lower down, like on my legs,Mary said.
But it’s embarrassing giving a lecture on why “e” is not an algebraic number with rivulets of water running down my face washing off my foundation cream and powder..though do the students notice?
Yes,that is a real problem,Sabrina said wisely.I never knew anyone still wore powder.I like creme de mousse foundation myself.Natural beige suits most women of our colouring though rose beige is good too.Do you wear lipstick at work?
Meanwhile ,Stan sat and gazed pensively at Emile……..he rolled his eyes and Emile smiled in his cat manner; that is,he grinned.
I came here to talk naughtily and sexily to sweet Sabrina,not to listen to both women discussing sweat and antiperspirants.,Stan continued.
Well,life is what happens when we are busy washing out our pans,Emile told him pointedly
I don’t think that is quite right,said Stan. And I have already washed all the pans and hoovered the ceilings…
Well,you see, much of life is out of our control.That’s why people like to take the Bible literally.They prefer to think End Times are here than to realise life is always changeable and unpredictable.Anything seems better than uncertainty or doubt.Yet see how it creeps back even in physics!
How have you found teaching topology,Mary asked Sabrina.Do you like drawing diagrams of doughnuts?
I find it’s more fun than teaching logarithms,she continued,and exponentials… some people find that a tough topic,
Yes,I love teaching topology… and functional analysis.Even quantum theory can be fun
Blimey, thought Stan, this is even worse than sweat and antiperspirants.I hate maths.Why did I ever marry Mary?She seemed so beautiful and deferentially shy then.
I use lily of the valley soap,he cried,interrupting the ladies.
Why,are you going gay? asked Sabrina with great and unusual interest.
No,I just use whatever Mary is using.I have no choice.She liked it
Why don’t you buy him some soap smelling of parsley,she asked Mary.Or can he not buy some himself?
Why, can you get that? Mary responded.Coal tar is one we tried but he hates it…I think for men there’s not a lot of choice.
But,Sabrina cried,A man smelling of lilies of the valley might cause a disturbance,even a riot in a small town like this.And would he like that?
Why should women have all the lovely smells and men smell of coal tar and smoke?Stan asked.Men like flowers too,you know.
The ladies looked at him with wonder as they sipped their lovely large cappuccinos.
I never thought of that before,Mary said dreamily
Neither did I,Sabrina added.. this is not related to my work but my fiance is a psychologist and he’d like to know about it.
Alright,ladies… time to go.Emile needs his dinner.So off they went all wrapped in their thoughts like feathers stuck inside a fluffy pillow on a big bed.
Not what anyone had expected…but change is good for us,surely? Now we can wonder what sort of soap Dave,the delightful paramedic wears.. and does he use a 48 hour deodorant..?
Please wait calmly as excitement wears people out.I am not responsible if you fall over your own feet after reading this; do not break your crown for any reason.
St Sprawls e-whistles
Bitter to the Fallopians
St Quark’s Nostril
St Hath You ‘s Hostel
St Look in Borstal
St Ron’s curds.
St Belle Rang
The End of the Curled is next week
Farmer Weddin’ tomorrow
Rodham and Gomorrha.
The Whore to rend all oars
The Lard is high.
They are waiting for e-partitions
Pardon the angels from leaving so white.
Full in the haunting parts of Home
Little Yeahs , who tweaked the files? This journey may attract beguile
St Hairy Jaguar Len
St Brawl the Narcoleptic
St Bleater of Roam
St Ron the divided
St Winces and the words
St Ratherwin of Vienna
St Disgusting the Hippo
St Please Her of Vanilla
St One of the Cross
Little Saint please her.
St Mark off the wall
St One All the drawer
1 : resembling, consisting of, or producing the humor phlegm
2 : having or showing a slow and stolid temperament
“She said ‘Good morning, Miss,’ in her usual phlegmatic and brief manner; and taking up another ring and more tape, went on with her sewing.” — Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre, 1847
“You are aware of the finality of fate, and tend to have a phlegmatic and sometimes unhappy compromise with your life, even when you long for a definitive resolution.” — Molly Shea, The New York Post, 31 Aug. 2016
Did You Know?
According to the ancient Greeks, human personalities were controlled by four bodily fluids or semifluids called humors: blood, black bile, yellow bile, and phlegm. Each humor was associated with one of the four basic elements: air, earth, fire, and water. Phlegm was paired with water—the cold, moist element—and it was believed to impart the cool, calm, unemotional personality we now call the “phlegmatic type.” That’s a bit odd, given that the term derives from the Greek phlegma, which literally means “flame,” perhaps a reflection of the inflammation that colds and flus often bring.
On England’s hills and dales ,we roamed Up tall mountains we did climb. Now the Lord has taken you home. I wish it were my time
Will I never see your smile On pale and sandy shores.? How you loved and for a while You unlocked my door.
Then your heart was worn away When you saw my scars. But they say one coming day There’ll be no more wars.
Even in our human form Alien life can grow. Of two lovers,one’s forlorn, And it shall be so.
I would not wish to go the first, Leave you pale and thin. Of two choices one is worse. The Lord wants you within.
So sail away ,my lover dear Sail into the deep I took you to the river near. So, alone I weep.
I send you all my memories I send you all my thoughts And I know, whatever is, You were whom I sought.
You caught me up,you put me down I don’t know where I be. But I will smile and I will frown I don’t know if I’m me. Losing,losing,losing you, Losing our dear life. Losing,losing,losing you Am I still your wife?
I’m not me as you’re not here Who have I become? But I’ll live, despite my fears. My life is not yet done.
I lost a leg,I lost a hand I lost my heart and soul. Pray for me my lover and I may then be made whole.
Look at me,from where you be. Look at me again. When you look,whom do you see? I still have my pen
I was drawn into reading some articles about living in small homes.Now ,to my mind, it’s like solving a mathematical problem.What do you know that is relevant, if anything? Does it remind you of another problem you dealt with?
So before reading anything I decided to see what ways I can think of.
I am not going to spend a fortune on having a bed that folds into the wall nor on buying specially designed kitchen units.What a daft name.What was wrong with the old kitchen table where I used to bake cakes from The Penguin Jewish Cookbook which advises one to cover the entire table in newspaper before cooking it.
Elizabeth David says to take off all your rings before mixing cakes as otherwise one guest may find a diamond ring in the sponge cake and that would be hard to reclaim..If you want to, put a 20 pence coin in should you wish a cracked tooth on an enemy.
Personally ,I keep my watch in the fridge and a ring in my nose.That seems okWhat is the easiest way to live well in a small place?
One would not think Jesus was a role model for domestic queries; however giving away all your possessions is a great start.Maybe not ALLbut discard any surplus clothes, utensils, and books.And only have one lover at a time as they may fight and they take up space as well.And Elastoplast is not cheap and A and E has been knocked down
Maybe your flat/tent.carvan will look much bigger already.
The obvious things are getting utensils which are multifunctional.Washing up a lot rather than buying more cutlery.Avoid shopping as a hobby.Put things away.
If only it were this simple…… so what purpose do these possessions serve? Perhaps owning a cat would be more pleasant.And in my case ,I can’t put things away, as there is nowhere to put them.So I am giving them away.Starting with this laptop and this horrible brown chair.
We do not see new people as they are
We clothe them in the dress of people past
Freud gave names to this and more bizarre
We still do not see people as they are
But “recognise” in them who we look for
Reality will have them soon declassed
We do not see new people as they are
We embed in them the love of people past.
This love unreal will soon give way to hate
They ought to be whom we wish them to be.
Then down on them, we bring the hand of fate
This love unreal will soon give way to hate
We do not even think it’s our mistake
Nor that from our desires they should be free
All love unreal will then become our fate
They ought to be our longed for fantasy.
I love him but he does not love me
Although he did seduce me with his art
His complex face I still may wish to see
I love him so but he does not love me.
I puzzle over this anomaly
And wish the grief of lies to leave my heart
I love him but he does not love me
Although he did seduce me ,broke my heart
I detest him yet for I was then unknown
He hung on me the clothes of his desire
And when I called him once on his i phone
He labelled me a whore and quite unknown
His fantasy was not one I could own
Tried,judged ,condemned to perish in his fire
I detest him hate him for I was then known
And knowing me, he sent me to my pyre