Loose in the fields of green…
Oh, my own lover!
He was such a bold flirt;
with his love unclaimed,
he could recite George Boole
he was one of the old Cool.
He never reached his goal.
so with my bling and some flair
I hoped he’d open the enchanted bud
To the music of his lyre.
I’ll pray this for him:
t hat he should find what he wreaks
and write it down with a stylus.
Really he is the allurement of angels
He was my epiphany
Make it up, as the clocks clang..
It’s not really you…it’s just an affliction.
I can do nothing for my calves
It’s because of all the punning I did once.
I can’t even lump a stone over a wall now.
My arms are as weak as Trojans.
I never suffer viruses to be declassified.
Like I said,just wink and say a prayer..
In God we dare.
If someone hurts you,retaliation
makes you feel better for a moment but in the long
run it perpetuates the
evil that men do lives
after them and endless
retaliation makes wars inevitably wrecks
the richness we leave for our children’s
What to do or
say,when is enough
Or is it just a decision we must take without fear?
Please do not overbake on narrow roads.Think of other losers.
You cannot seat your own food in this cafe.
Please thrash your hands before eating.
Coffee free with disorder.No panic.
Dot of tea,red and bitter,served with all orders.Milk avoidable by bequest.
Fish and whips while you mate.
Beefburgers,100% horsemeat, served here with microchips
Chips free with all sand witches.
Let them eat bait
Spare the cod and boil the child.
Battered cod on Fridays after Mass.No bullying free
Friday is no longer a day of absence for Catholics.
Got to Mass and prey om women.
Wear your best cat in the Synagogue this Sabbath.Make it special
Jewish Cookery books free to first comer.Owner divorced from loyalty to husband.
If bad tempered please play with yourselves instead of coming to the dance.
See here on Sunday… Jesus is the Word.
No sermons during Class by order
Do you eat hake?Come phising tomorrow Discover the toy of sex.Workshop on Mondays
Winter had come very early to Knittingham yet owing to the late summer and wet autumn,many trees still had their leaves,,,,,,,,,,,some were even green.Stan and Mary were sitting in their mock Tudor cottage style kitchen eating muffins and honey with Earl grey tea in mugs.
Wow,it’s so cold,Mary remarked.
Now,Mary I have told you before that Wow is not a word I expect to hear from such a highly educated person as yourself….why waste your learning?All those years climbing over walls in ~Oxford and dating clever doctors from Harvard…
Bollocks,Mary answered in a tone not unlike the late Rose Nordloch,philosopher extraordinaire who was famed for her obscene talk.I am thinking of buying some woollenvests,she continued loudly.Good grief!
What is it, my darling Stan said nosily.Mary was looking at a catalogue of ladies clothing. and lingerie which had come i nthe post
They are £39 each,she said wonderingly.If I get three it will be nearly £120 plus postage.Just imagine,I may be unable to afford wool vests
Can’t you just buy one and wear it all winter like the Tudors did?her loving yet irascible husband replied
I think it would get smelly,my dear,even if I wore my anti -perspirant,Mary answered benignly.We should get wool vests from the Government to save us from going to A and E with double pneumonia,she continued softly…Shall we mention it at the Labor Party meeting? I can get it on the agenda
No,no,Stan cried,I want your lingerie to be a secret…
A woollen vest is hardly lingerie,she retorted.. sounding like a character from Barbara Pym‘s novels
Everything a lady wears under her dress in lingerie he murmured gently….bras,knickers,pantaloons,petticoats,vests,corsets,suspender belts.stockings,tights,trouser liners,lace,fine silk,short underskirts,long underskirts……..n,ighties
But some lingerie is more sensual…Stan said wistfully,recalling the brown silk underwear Mary used to wear before feminism made most lingerie a No,No! Anyway,Mary said,we are too old for sex….we are too stiff and we are too shy now as well
But not too old to have a few fantasies,Stan thought… and woollen vests did not feature in his… he preferred lace and silk with a hint of perfume…. maybe a little embroidery….a dying art
Emile came in and asked for a vest too and some underpants… suppose I wet them? he miaowed in a panic
Well,you can’t have a nappy,Emile.Stan informed him.
I have no desire for such things,Emile mioawed angrily…where is my food?
Oh, yes… it’s in the fridge,said Stan.He took a large goldfish out of the fridge
Where did you get that from? Mary asked fearfully…
.Oh,that tom cat down the road knocked a fish tank over and he gave Emile one.
But they are pets!She shrieked…. ring 999 now and ask for an ambulance
Dave the bisexual paramedic strode in looking merry.
It’s Frank,the gold fish,said Mary fearfully……………Is he dead?
He is not quite dead,Dave answered….get a bowl of rain water.He put Frank into the bowl and Frank began to swim…
Well, that’s a bloody miracle,Mary screamed. almost frightening Stan to death!
Just call him Lazy Lazarus.Dave quipped…he was in suspended animation.. fish are very clever.Would you like me to clean out the kitchen or fetch in some coal for the scuttle? he asked the old dears.
Thanks but not today,Dave.We were just discussing vests.Do you wear one?
Oh,yes.he said, and I wear a short petticoat too….I’dd love a silk one as I am a transexual too,so I believe
Very wise,Mary informed him.Underwear keeps us warm.
And it makes me hot,thought Dave…. but he said nothing.He kept his sex life almost a secret even from himself
I am full of love,hateful but true.
But you don’t even email me.
You hold so negatively
To Hawking’s view
About quantum field theory.
You are up the South Pole,
You swallowed his theory whole.
I am lost in the Northern Lights.
I even miss those fights.
I hope a white polar bear
will drag me to it’s lair,
Then I shan’t have to think any more
About Paul Dirac and Tony Blair.
If I’m so caring towards you,
Can’t you love a little too?
I’ll accept String theory,
If it means so much to you.
I wish the square root of three
Less irrational could be,
Because you are irrational enough for me
Especially when you miss your tea
Your blood sugar is too low
you are diabetic you know!
Oh, don’t leave me again
Not now just when
I have at last understood,
I too am flesh and blood.
I’ll do anything to win
Your affection again.
I can learn any branch of topology
Or Aquinas‘ difficult theology.
I’ll even learn how to fly,
And take you up in the sky.
Why can’t we try?
Is my life a black lie?
I’ll do all that I can
If you’ll believe I’m a man.
This could be the Garden of Eden
But you are leaving me grieving.
We could start a family
If you were not so cynically,
Pressing all the wrong keys.
Oh,do love me please!
Hate me too if you like, Ambivalence is alright,
Especially at night
When the full moon is bright.
What a special sight,
When we switch off the lightI shall get permissionFor nuclear fusion
But if it’s fission you lack,
Who am I to hold you back?
We’ll go up with a scream,
That’s all my whole life has been.