The sun is bright and golden though it’s low
To the dead it cannot life bestow
But seeds are resting in the fertile earth
Waiting for the moment of new
birth
In the near dead time of winter chill
Have faith and hope but also we need will
The water ripples in the early sun
The full dark river hurries to the sea
As secretive as an en-cloistered nun
As powerful as s tiger on the run
As poisonous as a snake out having fun
As other as a stranger is to me
As heavy as a heart when love won’t come
Cold from storming rain and full of mud
The river Lea in winter turns to flood
Across the Abbey Meadows rings the bell
Brings back the ghosts, bring back the holy spell
King Harald lost his crown and all his land
The Norman Vikings, men with bloody hands
When my love lies and break my woman’s heart
. When life seems grey and rocks bestrew my path
. Then, shall I my life of evil start
And on the world shall I bestow my wrath?
For I have love’s own child inside my soul
And I shall tend her till at last she’s whole
Many lonely people
living in one street
Can they get together nie
why don’t they all meet
Noone likes to bare their soul
Others may attack
But if you need more people
You must show us lack.
You are feeling empty
Hollow in your heart
Nobody may notice
You must make a start
Grab your courage strongly
Love is on your chart
Do not wander wildly
Still your gentle heart
Do not read my novels I demand .
I’d like to write my own on Southport Sands.
I have a plot that came in a bad dream
So I have got some good from all my screams.
Heavy rain has made the river full
It overflows its banks, goes where be it will
From higher Epping rivulets descend
The great trees shed loose leaves as down trunks bend
The birds are silent,hoping for some sun
The people wander weeping like old men
Tears like melting hailstones wet my face
Round the ancient bridges children race.
The parsnip soup was delicate yet strong..
Here the flavour lingers on my tongue
We had chopped fruit and ice cream in a tub
All I need is he whom I still love.
I need to be caressed but not too much
I shall beat off strangers with a crutch
For women are no longer victims of strong men
Hear my words and write them with a pen
King Harold lies outside the Abbey Walls
A simple grave at Waltham in green lawns
Yet Waltham Cross is ugly and appals
Ah,brother I don’t want you to lie still
No blood to circulate,no thoughts,no will
No help,no humour.jokes no
sharp true eye
From our old shared pram,to live, to die.
I used to do your homework
late at night
Abstract thought to you was no delight.
You wondered over X and y and z
Preferred the shapes of Nature in your. head.
I shall retain the memories of the good
You who taught me speech and hate and love
Do not wear a bin bag in the snow
You need sheepskin boots on an ice flow
Better think of summer and bright lights
The sun will rise and set but not at night
Blakeny is in Norfolk which we love
Air,sky sea will mingle for our good
I didn’t like to go there without you
I didn’t like to be there without you
I didn’t like to come back without you
I don’t like to be here without you
No,not without you
While the gossips chat
And I see that caf
I don’t want to live without you
And they say I’m strong
They can’t understand
I don’t want all this without you
They put me in
A metal van
It hurt my back
It’s you I lack
Tell them you’re near
And you can hear
What they don’t say
What they don’t pray
I miss you.I miss you
Come with me.
Be with me
Forgive me
Must I suffer for ever
Don’t leave me
I can’t go on with the pain
But that’s what remains
Without you
The fatal equilibrium of death
The lonely people pondering on their wrath
The dancers on the ice maintain their flow
Discipline and time love to bestow
When we speak but do not look upon
The person we address, we are undone
We miss the tiny signs, the looks, the lines
We treat them as mere object we define
We treat them like a post of wood or stone
As if we cannot hurt nor cause them shame
We hit them with sharp words or thoughtless rot
And on and on until hate is begot
All want to be acknowleged,seen and heard
But must approach each other with great care
For most of us are thin skinned, nervous beasts
Who fear they are not asked to the great Feast
And in a thousand gestures we declare
We are not speaking merely to thin air
There are trends in society to encourage us to build our self esteem and to value ourselves… to develop and achieve a place suited to our talents.. but what is best for me is when I lose myself in something.I was reading an old blog of a friend and was quite absorbed and went into a different state of mind..then I regretted I don’t manage to lose myself enough being a housewife and having much on my mind and being busy.
Sometimes it can happen when we love a person.Sometimes a wonderful landscape feels like home.. other times a sunset across the Irish sea from the cliffs of the Isle of Man where myriad butterflies swirl and float over flowers and rocks.
Modern life, the News,talk,excitement of the wrong sort seem to lock us into our self and frighten us so we forget the value of fining something in which to lose ourselves and grow as a result. Sitting by a river fishing,knitting,sewing,a book, many things can elicit this response And remember how horror filled was the self consciousness of adolescence and how good to forget one’s self being more comfortable and accepting of appearance and image..How to live like a wild flower for a time… and be happy not to be a rose but just a tiny wild geranium or a moderate sized gentle pink flower in a arden
.
Have you ever felt you were behind a pane of glass? I did once many years ago after a friend committed suicide.It must be a protective condition but it is painful and odd.Everyone else seems ok ,you imagine,but you are not a part..In reality many people may be feeling like you do and putting on a performance while out at work or socialising.We are probably wiser as we grow older as we know more people better and see we are not unique in our suffering and pain; we know that feelings pass,even the worst ones and we may have become better at judging others and knowing if friends die by suicide it’s probably not our fault
When one feels that way it has to be accepted for the time being, like all feelings,I found reading poetry helped me and also being with others in a group where I could sit and listen without pressure to speak.I like this poem from then.It was a favorite of Simone Weil,the mystic.
LOVE BADE ME WELCOME by George Herbert
Love Bade Me Welcome – from Love (III)
Love bade me welcome: yet my soul drew back.
Guiltie of dust and sinne.
But quick-ey’d Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning
If I lack’d anything.
A guest, I answer’d, worthy to be here:
Love said, You shall be he.
I the unkinde, ungrateful? Ah, my deare,
I cannot look on thee.
Love took my hand, and smiling did reply,
Who made the eyes but I?
Truth Lord, but I have marr’d them: let my shame
Go where it doth deserve.
And know you not, sayes Love, who bore the blame?
My deare, then I will serve.
You must sit down, sayes Love, and taste my meat:
So I did sit and eat.
You know this experience, sometimes when you are browsing in a bookshop you come across a book with a wonderful title. This happened to me as student when I saw a book with this title:
“The courage to be ”
by Paul Tillich
I was going through a hard time and just the title alone helped me as no one I knew had ever said it takes courage to live well.So I bought this book and dipped in. I found it interesting and thoughtful.Sometimes I would just look at the front cover and repeat the title.I had discovered mantra meditation.in a sense.
This morning I was listening to a radio programme about poetry in England and tidying up. Suddenly my old battered copy fell out of a shelf and into my hand.And I said, thank you. Because I had lost this companion and now it’s restored to me when I need again to say the words to help me in a personal crisis.
The Courage to Be
And to recognise the power of words on the human mind and thus to take care of self and others and what we say to them for they too are struggling humans as we ourselves are.
And to discover virtue is not faux piety which suddenly reminded me that Tillich had a weakness for women. He was no plaster saint. I am not saying. I approve.
Had he stayed in Germany he would no doubt have been imprisoned even killed like Dietrich Bonhoeffer.He would not have been silent
Books… they save lives. I was so grateful and still am for education, books, people who talk to me .Had I lived a few years earlier it would have been different.
http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/595850/Paul-Tillich/7266/Development-of-his-philosophy
Tillich was expelled from Germany in 1933,the first non-Jewish theologian to have this honor bestowed on him.I never saw him but I love him for his writing.
Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.
Paul Tillich
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/p/paul_tillich.html#y15kkZigwdviBd76.99
th 
One side of us is good and the other is bad
We are like old gramophone records
Sometimes we are playing the good side
Then late we play the reverse.
The brighter the appearance
The darker the shadow
so Jung decided
Which may explain
why he and Heidegger
did not see the truth about the Nazis.
Jung got a top job
because all the Jewish psychoanalysts had to flee Austria and Germany
And later France
Jung was unable
to use his own insights
I guess we are all a bit like that.
But we must keep trying…..
We need to accept the pain
Of knowing we have a shadow.
If not,we will do harm
for if we don’t know it
we cannot control it
How my heart sings 