Day: March 19, 2023
Walking along the seashore with a pork pie
I drink my coffee from a mug my brother sent to me
I like to keep two separate ones for coffee and for tea
This one was expensive and it looks just like the sea
I think of Saltburn and the shore while I drink coffee.
From Teesmouth and Redcar we walked in loving times
The long beach was quite empty, Saltburn pier’s divine.
I kept a little journal where I spelt it out in rhyme
I may come from Manchester but these sands are very fine.
We went to Whitby and Sandsend and loved it all the more
My husband liked the pork pie shop and he ate 24.
He didn’t eat them all at once, a fact I do deplore.
For pork pies are sustaining when you walk miles on the shore.
His daddy liked the heather best, his mammy liked the sea.
And she was much the stronger one, it was evident to me.
So if you go to Roseberry and that Topping great
Remember his old daddy and all his working mates
They spent their lives in ICI breathing in foul air
But they earned a living and so they all stayed there.
My husband was asthmatic and they took him out of town
He spent 3 months up in the Moors, his mammy turned dark brown.
She must have been of mixed up race, an ethnic half-caste pearl
She was always called as white when she was just a girl.
But when she spent 12 weeks outdoors then the people saw
Black and white are not quite right to describe our skins-in-law.
How Daniel met the lion
Daniel Spinnett was a newly homeless man in a horrible wealthy but cruel country called the Reblighted Kingdom.He had been married once but his wife often used to hurl his hot dinner at him if he was a bit late home and she also had four lovers into the bargain.When she was made Head of Uncivil Service UK he decided he was leaving her and hoped for a second chance and maybe a child as well with a gentler woman
At first he was truly happy in his new commodious flat and also with meeting women on the Guardian Solemates website; all too soon his firm was affected by the recession and he ended up with no money to pay his rent ; his ex-wife was completely unsympathetic. though she was absolutely rolling in money and men or both !
He went to the Council to seek for cheap accommodation
I have nowhere to live.The rents in Lone-don are so high.. can I get a council flat?I am on job seekers allowance of £70 per week…
A council flat?The man behind the desk laughed sarcastically like a dying flea.
There ain’t no such anymore,mi duck…didn’t you know the Trying Lady sold them off.
Did you not build more using that money,he enquired courteously and logically. as was his wont
Sorry,chum, we spent it on wine, women and bling… gold watches, golf clubs, moats, you know
Daniel felt very upset so he set out to walk to Lightwebbs Forest a couple of miles away for a time of green beauty and quietness…He fell asleep under an old oak ; he was nervously exhausted ,no doubt
When he woke up a huge cat was standing near him staring curiously
Hello, the cat said in a kindly but loud voice
Hello,I am Daniel from down the road
Well, the cat said,I’m a lion from the circus.We have escaped and we are living here in the woods.
But what do you eat? asked Dan.
Well,we forage around and we find food left out for house cats.;we also have learned to cook leaves and grass over a fire in a double boiler.
The lion smiled down at Daniel showing a light in his amber eyes
You look very thin.Why don’t you come with me to have dinner?
Daniel was afraid of the lion but he had no alternative in mind.
After a circuitous walk they reached the deepest,densest most magical part of the wood.There were four lions,two tigers and four leopards all looking happy
Is this our dinner,they cried excitedly as they gazed at Daniel.
No,this is a poor starving man with no home.
Well.lie down Dan and eat this leafy risotto..
Absolutely delicious,awesome, he cried greedily as he used his hands like a child with no table manners
Then the first lion asked Dan to come with him to his own den.
When they got there he said piteously
I have got a problem and none of the animals here can help.I have got a piece of barbed wire stuck in my tail and I need a human with fingers to untangle it..
Daniel looked and there was about 12 inches of barbed wire which hit and beat the old lion as he walked or ran.Dan managed to untwist it and uuntangle it.He got some water from the stream and washed the lion’s backside where the barbs had cut into him..I have no Elastoplast, he muttered anxiously.The fresh air will heal it, said the lion gently….
And that was how Daniel came to be living in the lion’s den.
He says he prefers it to living with his dominating wife.
He certainly looks fitter than before and is considering asking for surgery to change into a lion on the NHS as there is a lady lion whom he has fallen in love with.No doubt lions don’t get married in church but they do love each other very deeply.
Just go to the forest and take a look next time you fall asleep.
Now the lions enjoy even better food because Daniel has recipe books and unlike the lions,he can read.They found some old sauce pans at the recycling centre so he can do cheese sauce using milk from the sheep on the edge of the wood,
If you knew what went on in our many woods,you’d definitely get a big surprise..I can tell you
Eeh, it were right crackin’ at school t’day
Wot wur they sayin’ this time?
Thi said wi can do Greek next year
You’re not doin’ Greek
Why not, Mam
Ye can’t even spek English
Why, am I not canny enough?
No, we don’t spek English eether
Well, ye shud a thought eh that before y’ad me.De ye mean only people with BBC eksents c.n have childern?
Well, we reckoned if we learnt English we’d lose our desire
F’ that! Ye know… It, ye get what ah mean
No,Mam.Can you not spell it our a bit more?
Spell it out, te dad would tan me hide!
Still he must a dunnit,Mam
I dunno, it wer dark.Mebbe it wer the cat, ah thought
Surely the cat’s not mi dad, is he?
It weren’t this cat, it wer another called Billy.
Well, how come I’m human?
You think ye are human, but am telling ye,ye got t’cat’s eyes
Just his eyes? How abaht his whiskers
Don’t be so daft, our Kath,Ye’ve got his hair
But only on my head so far.Willa bi changin’ into a cat as ah mature?
Wi’ll have te wait and see.Put ‘t kettle on.We need some tea.
Why, what difference will that make now.I’m a cat,I’m a cat…. oh, what’ll ‘et nuns say ‘et Convent when ah tellum?
You keep away from ‘et Convent~
Why, our Mam?
Do as I tell you.Never confide in a nun
Well,Ah shan’t let ‘et cat fettle me.Ah’m not that daft
Well, yi can’t do Greek and that’s final
Kyrie Eleison,Kyrie Eleison
Oh, nothin’ at all
For God’s sake speak English, Kath
One of Britain’s more unusual families
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Life is what we know
When soft winds blow and air strokes our bare skin.
When days are long like melodies of youth,
when light wakes up the soul from out her sin
Then shall we know when this sweet life is truth?
When flowers droop and leaves are dried and brown;
When water’s short and all plants are forlorn’
Then do not meet disaster with a frown,
For out of heartfelt sorrow new life’s born.
When winter’s here and all is quiet and still
And nothing seems to move or grow or speak
Then we shall learn the limits of our will
for through the soil the first green shoots will break.
For seasons change and actors come and go.
Yet through such changes, life is what we know