Mary decided to go to bed early..She sat down on the green velvet chair in the corner and took off her outer woollen woven clothes which were pale pink and ready for the wash.As it was so cold she decided to leave her red damart thermal underwear on over which she donned a purple fleece nightgown and a mauve woollen bed jacket.She put some long green woollen bed socks on too and a tan sheepskin hat from East Norfolk. By her bed were some sheepskin slippers. from Drapers of Glastonbury. After cleaning her teeth with her gas powered toothbrush she climbed into her bed and began reading Ted Hughes’ letters in a fat volume which she had had for a few years but never finished as she only read them in bed to save carrying the heavy book about. He certainly knew how to write letters she murmured to herself. Suddenly her door opened with a thud and a large ,handsome old man came into her bedroom looking puzzed and amazed. Good evening,baby, he said. Good evening,she replied slightly angrily as she was busy. reading.Why she’d had enough of all that with her husband and her ex lover Bill Clinton Why are you wearing all that heavy clothing,?he asked nosily. What’s it got to do with you? she demanded sarcastically
Well,it’s going to be hard to make love to you,he told her chastely with his loving eyes. What on earth do you mean,Mary cried mysteriously. He came a bit closer and looked down at her face. I’m terribly sorry,he said.I must be sleepwalking, What number are you? 78 ,she told him calmly. Oh my, I am dyslexic.I should be at 87. But how do you get in Mary asked him ,her face red with the warm clothes I just open the lock with a credit card,he replied intellectually. A policeman in Oxford showed me.It was the only useful thing I learned at the University
Well, you are here would you mind making me some fresh tea.I am sweating so much I am dehydrated.Julius went into the teal and cream colored kitchen where he found all he needed. He got a tray and took the tea up to Mary just like her husband once did. Here you are,dear.he said kindly.
OMG,you’re Stan, she shouted. Sorry to disappoint you, dear but I am Julius Tweezer from round the corner. I didn’t know there was a corner,she said curiously. I like your kitchen,he told her.My wife liked red but it was too bright for me so I left her I think that’s ridiculous,Mary cried.To get divorced over a red kitchen is really stupid.
Well,it’s less embarrassing in court than to say you are frigid,impotent a bully and mean as well,he said coyly. Very cunning,Mary said,I didn’t know men were frigid and why were you so mean?
I am a hermaphrodite,actually ,he boasted.I don’t know why I am mean;it must be genetic like intelligence was once imagined to be. Well drink your tea and don’t think of England,she whispered. I am too old for all that,she lied gently
You look young to me,he faltered.It’s all in the mind.so they say. Suddenly a policeman came in wearing a floral apron Sorry,madam,he cried.This poor man has got lost and I have come to take him home You can take me home,Mary said flirtatiously.I’m only 32 and full of beans Madam ,control yourself.This is a Christian country. Which is odd as Jesus was not a Christian and never saw the Vatican and all that tat. Well,Jesus would not mind,she bragged, because he understands women taken in adultery. So you are married then,he asked sycofrantically
Well I have a wedding ring on but I’ve lost my husband,Mary yelped like a terrier at a foxhole. They are a nuisance sometimes aren’t they , said the officer. He’s probably hunting rabbits by the old greenwood with Ted Hughes.You go to sleep now.He began to sing,”Golden Wonders kiss your eyes” and Mary was lulled to sleep under her old duvet and a thick acrylic and mohair rug she had knitted herself.Let’s hope she doesn’t wet the bed because she’s just had cystitis and drunk 3 pints of water.
What a funny day, mewed Emile.But nobody heard him except the mice in the wainscotting.He put on his hat and went into his basket with a rosary to play with or is it pray with?