Although Stan was 102, he still rode his bike locally in the summer time.He was out in the garden pumping up the tires before going off to the Library.Suddenly his neighbour Annie appeared at the gate, without him hearing her feet tapping on the path of red brick;she was bedecked in finest Scottish tweed with a long pendant on a solid 22 carat gold chain swinging nonchalantly from her neck, with a matching ring attached mysteriously to her upper lip.
“Who’re you, the Lady Mayoress” he joked. Where’s Mary?” she pointedly whispered. ”She’s with her widowed sister Joan up in Scotland ” Stan admitted nervously, unsure of her reactions. ”Joan, that’s not a very Scottish name!” Annie joked.” Anyway how about we sit down here on this bench for a moment”.She pulled him vigorously towards her.
Stan responded regretfully “I’m afraid I can’t stop.I have all these books overdue and the library shuts in 15 minutes .”Don’t worry, sweetheart”, she cried un-contemptuously.”I’ll pay all your fines.I’ve just come into loads and loads of money.” “Oh, how’s that.my angel” Stan murmured. “I shot Bert.If you help me to get rid of the evidence, I’ll share the loot with you.”
At the funeral, Annie was dressed in a beautiful dark brown suit with a black trim from Jaeger.She went around the room making sure everyone had enough food and drink.As she leaned over towards Stan her heavy gold locket, inside which was hidden the bullet that killed Bert, swung over and hit Stan a glancing blow on the temple. Stan fell to the ground .”Do you think we should ring 999?” someone asked sarcastically.Within minutes, paramedics arrived. “So, is it that chair again?” they clamoured. ”Yes, this foolish old man fell over and the leg came off my brand new antique chair.I’ve only had it a few days and it’s not insured.”
“Did anyone ever tell you, your eyes are like deep pools in the Saragossa Sea?” Dave, the paramedic whispered into her right ear. “Have you still not finished that Creative Writing Course?” Annie shouted.””I’m getting tired of you admiring my eyes.What about my nose?””
“Has anyone ever told you, your nose is the shortest they’ve ever seen?”
“That’s a bit boring” Annie retorted. ”Yeah, maybe I should change to Art,” he ruefully moaned.”I love the way your deep blue and turquoise eye shadow is melting around your eyes and running down the sides of your nose.” “Hurry up and fix my chair, and while you’re about it, you may as well take Stan down to A and E for a head X-ray.” Glancing furtively at Annie in her Jaeger suit with carefully contrasting deep coral blouse and opaque teal blue 80 denier tights with 6 inch stiletto heels to complete the outfit, not to mention her raspberry coloured bra which clashed violently with the coral blouse [which alas was more transparent than she realised], he picked up a hammer and began,excitedly,to mend the broken chair. ”This is what life is all about, my boy” he thought.One day I will be just where I should be.Right here.With her,alone!
Little did he know the true tale, that Annie had murdered her husband merely because she felt very bored. Boredom is dangerous.If you are affected why not go out and look at some hats? Why not take up drawing. is now online
It Jesus Christ and his mother Mary and father Joseph had arrived in a dinghy on the south coast the Home secretary would have sent them to Uganda. And if God were there
Would they have sent God to Uganda?
Well since God is everywhere he’s already in Uganda.
But 2000 years ago aeroplanes did not exist
Why,is it a long way to Uganda?
Where do you think it is is?
I thought it was one of the Shetland Islands.
In that case why are people from Uganda black?
Well it can get very hot in Scotland.
Is it doesn’t make sense because we are further South than Scotland and we are not all black
And Africa is further South than England and most of them are black.
This form of argument is clearly not very satisfactory. A lot of people in Britain believe that Uganda is an island off Scotland that might be why Suella Braverman gets away with her proposals. But I don’t think she really thinks Uganda is in Scotland.
I didn’t know she went around making proposals. I thought she was already married. Does she come from Uganda do you thinj?
What a racist remark. My newsagent came from Uganda because they were afraid of idi Amin
I’m sorry but I didn’t realise it was racist to mention Uganda
What about Uganda?
Strangely before the Germans killed the Jews they had wondered about sending them to Uganda. It’s understandable but Jews are not black. And Uganda was and probably still is very dangerous place to live for anybody.
Some Jews are yellows and they live in China.
What a remarkable coincidence. Can they speak Chinese
Yea they realised that’s Hebrew is not spoken by many Chinese people.Nor are Jews born speaking Chinese even when they’re living in China yet Chinese babies speak in Chinese. It’s all very puzzling
Well the Hebrew alphabet is easier to learn than the Chinese alphabet.
It’s one thing learning the alphabet but it is another to speak the language.
Just think most people in Britain didn’t know the alphabets until the last 200 years. They could communicate with each other really well. They could speak English perfectly
And when they learnt the alphabet they could read the Sun and the Mail.
What a great step forward for humankind. They couldn’t read the Moon though.
Don’t start talking about horoscopes.
Surely it’s the planets that count.
Very intelligent people can’t always count
Perhaps they were born before numbers were invented
I never knew numbers were invented
Well have you ever seen a number when you been out walking or when you been at home with your beloved.
Are you telling me that numbers are not real?
They are a product of our imagination starting off from the need to count your goat so sheep when the human race we came agrarian rather than Hunters gatherers.
But even Hunters would need to count the number of animals that they had caught unless it was only one or two
So the development of a number system which took hundreds of years then became something that anybody could use The symbol 0 zero is believed to have been invented by Indian mathematicians and I believe that when they traded it wasn’t only spices and silks and all sorts of goods but also ideas will travel. Maybe that’s why Marx believe that everything was economics.