We think times are hard now and even contemplate the cat food

If we don’t get essential government we might end up eating the cat.

We used to think that sausages were a cheap food. Soon the priest will be using them when he celebrates the Mass.

A full English breakfast will be 2 tablespoons full of corn flakes and 3 tbsp of milk with 4 oz of sugar

The toast. we didn’t have breakfast will comprise our lunch with the addition of 12 baked beans from Tesco’s own brand.

If you’re worried about the cat take it take him into the living room

When you have divided the baked beans between all the plates is there any left you could let the cat liquid tomato sauce off then wash them and put them back into the fridge to add to your egg and bacon on Sunday or if you have no eggs fried bread with half a bacon rasher and three or four beans will give you the illusion of a real breakfast.

You may have to talk to your cat seriously. This is a joke.

I’m sorry Tabby. You’ll have to know hunting tonight and if you catch chickens please share them with us.

I wonder will people take up shooting wood pigeons.

I’m sure some of the people you’ve come here from Eastern Europe will advise us. check the law before you become a hunter

Loneliness

Loneliness, the word’s not strong enough

For widows and their masculine counterparts.

Ripped in half, that’s more the phrase; like, tough.

No arms left now, that never will rebuff.

No eager lips which whispering love impart

Loneliness, the word’s not strong enough

People say, of course, the going’s rough

The coming’s gone and nothing shall gestate

Ripped in half, that’s more the phrase; like, tough.

Never more to share cartoons and laughs.

Never more to be a chosen mate

Loneliness, the word’s not wrong enough.

Did we know the heart of what we had?

Did we learn the art of love. of fate?

Ripped in half, that’s more the phrase; like, tough.

You have gone and closed now is the gate

In a Ball I dance with love and hate

Loneliness, the word’s not strong enough!

Ripped in half, that’s more the phrase; like, tough.

Do not leave us for your lonely grave

Do not leave us here when you are gone

Do not leave my heart in blood to bathe

We need your kindness your work is not done

Do not leave a sister all alone

Do not leave a brother empty sad.

You who share my skin and share my bones

Come back come back live not with the Dead

Here’s your daughter with her newborn babe

Here’s your eldest son oh mother mine

Live again live again oh stay

Do not leave us yet without a sign

The tears run down our faces but too late.

The human world’s not ours to navigate

My own heart is sad when I perceive

The pallor of your face the dead brown leaves

Ive already walked the paths of loss

Jesus Christ we have been double crossed

I’ll look after you when you need touch.

Not of money, but in kindness rich

I will help you through that open door

I’ll hold your hand as I have done before.

I used to take you out when you were small.

I pushed your pram to

grandad’s up the hill

Going home in darkness I felt fear.

Where has Daddy gone,my mother dear?

I hate that you have got the same disease.

I hated God whom I had like to please

Sadness grips my empty heart

Today.

Kneeling on the floor what can I say?

E

You are a weird person, the doctor said politely

First posted on July 29, 2019

Mary went to the hospital to see the rheumatologist.The entire hospital had been re-built and half the site wasnow full of so called “Executive Homes”
She and Annie took a cab as it was raining hard.Although Mary was wearing her new green raincoat, she did not like to get it wet.
Where did you buy your mac,Annie enquired jauntily?
Cotton Traders,Mary admitted nervously.It looked lighter than it is and Stan liked me in green
You already have two trenchoats and a nylon mac,Annie told her.
And Stan is no longer here
What’s it to you? you want me to give all my money to the poor?
Well, some of it,Annie responded anxiously.You need to pay your utilities.

My utilities!That sounds like something sexual that cannot be openly named,Mary cried
You are confusing it with urethra, Annie laughed
What is my ethra? whispered Mary
No, the urethra is a little tube for the bladder to empty itself through
Isn’t the human body amazing? Mary acknowledged using a cliche for better effect
Definitely, said Annie and I love wearing beautiful clothes like velvet
Where do we draw the line though, between looking good and giving money to the poor, tortured or victimised,Mary pondered

It is hard now because we can see what the rich have and we want it.Annie shouted calmly
Or in your case you can see all those philosophy books on Amazon and buy them with one click she continued.
Mary could see in her mind’s eye her living room piled high with books but if she were rich like Michael Frayn she could have a huge house full of shelves and desks.
Adam Phillips,’ room looked more full than Mary’s and he must want it like that as he is well off.

In the waiting room Mary looked at Wittgenstein’s biography by Ray Monk on her kindle while Annie read The Sun.
Soon Mary was called in
Hello, said Doctor Morse.How are you?
In the pink , she cried shyly.
I don’t understand that, he said in his kindly way
It’s an old English saying.It means I feel fine, but I don’t really that’s why I am here
He looked at her left hand. and said there was no cartilege between the the thumb and wrist.
Where has it gone,Mary asked but he remained silent
Then he said,I think steroid injections will help.Would you turn your chair round by 180 degrees so you can put your arm on my desk?
Mary turned round and felt a bit dizzy
It’s hard getting older isn’t it, the doctor said in a tone rather artificially kind like a bad actor on stage and afraid of forgetting his lines or whether he was in King Lear or a Comedy
Mary burst out laughing, to her surprise.
You are a weird person, the told her thoughtfully with his green eyes shining like the sun over Lake Windermere in October.
Well, we can’t all be exactly the same ,she told him logically
Then she had to turn her chair round again. despite her poor hands
Why don’t you have swivelling chairs ,she asked pointedly
They won’t give me enough money, they doctor said, even though I a Consultant and I have published lots of papers
Can’t you buy a second hand chair? Mary wondered
No, it has to pass Health and Safety,Dr Morse whispered cautiously
I see.Well don’t blame it all on the EU.
I love the EU, he told her.I hope Brexit evaporates
Me too she croaked sweetly
They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes until his next patient arrived
I will see you in September, he told her optimistically his smile making her giggle inside so her body shivered with suppressed laughter or terror.

Miaow, cried Emile from Mary’s designer handbag
What in Gd’s name is that, the doctor asked nervously

Don’t worry doctor.I forgot to leave Emile in the Waiting Room
Emile stuck out his head and smiled at Dr Morse
Good morning, he said graciously.Is Dave the paramedic here?
No, they are not here they have their own Ambulance Station down the road
Emile began to sob as he liked to get his own way by any means he could
Mary apologised as she shook hands with the doctor.
Thank you for helping me, she murmured.I feel better already
And so say all of

You are a weird person, the doctor said politely

First posted on July 29, 2019

Mary went to the hospital to see the rheumatologist.The entire hospital had been re-built and half the site wasnow full of so called “Executive Homes”
She and Annie took a cab as it was raining hard.Although Mary was wearing her new green raincoat, she did not like to get it wet.
Where did you buy your mac,Annie enquired jauntily?
Cotton Traders,Mary admitted nervously.It looked lighter than it is and Stan liked me in green
You already have two trenchoats and a nylon mac,Annie told her.
And Stan is no longer here
What’s it to you? you want me to give all my money to the poor?
Well, some of it,Annie responded anxiously.You need to pay your utilities.

My utilities!That sounds like something sexual that cannot be openly named,Mary cried
You are confusing it with urethra, Annie laughed
What is my ethra? whispered Mary
No, the urethra is a little tube for the bladder to empty itself through
Isn’t the human body amazing? Mary acknowledged using a cliche for better effect
Definitely, said Annie and I love wearing beautiful clothes like velvet
Where do we draw the line though, between looking good and giving money to the poor, tortured or victimised,Mary pondered

It is hard now because we can see what the rich have and we want it.Annie shouted calmly
Or in your case you can see all those philosophy books on Amazon and buy them with one click she continued.
Mary could see in her mind’s eye her living room piled high with books but if she were rich like Michael Frayn she could have a huge house full of shelves and desks.
Adam Phillips,’ room looked more full than Mary’s and he must want it like that as he is well off.

In the waiting room Mary looked at Wittgenstein’s biography by Ray Monk on her kindle while Annie read The Sun.
Soon Mary was called in
Hello, said Doctor Morse.How are you?
In the pink , she cried shyly.
I don’t understand that, he said in his kindly way
It’s an old English saying.It means I feel fine, but I don’t really that’s why I am here
He looked at her left hand. and said there was no cartilege between the the thumb and wrist.
Where has it gone,Mary asked but he remained silent
Then he said,I think steroid injections will help.Would you turn your chair round by 180 degrees so you can put your arm on my desk?
Mary turned round and felt a bit dizzy
It’s hard getting older isn’t it, the doctor said in a tone rather artificially kind like a bad actor on stage and afraid of forgetting his lines or whether he was in King Lear or a Comedy
Mary burst out laughing, to her surprise.
You are a weird person, the told her thoughtfully with his green eyes shining like the sun over Lake Windermere in October.
Well, we can’t all be exactly the same ,she told him logically
Then she had to turn her chair round again. despite her poor hands
Why don’t you have swivelling chairs ,she asked pointedly
They won’t give me enough money, they doctor said, even though I a Consultant and I have published lots of papers
Can’t you buy a second hand chair? Mary wondered
No, it has to pass Health and Safety,Dr Morse whispered cautiously
I see.Well don’t blame it all on the EU.
I love the EU, he told her.I hope Brexit evaporates
Me too she croaked sweetly
They sat in companionable silence for a few minutes until his next patient arrived
I will see you in September, he told her optimistically his smile making her giggle inside so her body shivered with suppressed laughter or terror.

Miaow, cried Emile from Mary’s designer handbag
What in Gd’s name is that, the doctor asked nervously

Don’t worry doctor.I forgot to leave Emile in the Waiting Room
Emile stuck out his head and smiled at Dr Morse
Good morning, he said graciously.Is Dave the paramedic here?
No, they are not here they have their own Ambulance Station down the road
Emile began to sob as he liked to get his own way by any means he could
Mary apologised as she shook hands with the doctor.
Thank you for helping me, she murmured.I feel better already
And so say all of

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/apr/01/uk-hours-sleep-night-report-average-royal-society-for-public-health

Stan was leaning over, cleaning the new bath.When the doorbell rang,he rushed downstairs and opened the double front door.
“Will you take this parcel in for the lady next door?” The postman asked wearily.
“Oh,fine Stan stuttered.He was trying to avoid Annie but here she was,coming down the road of superior semi detached houses suitable for ex-headmasters ,small businessmen,econometricians,surgeons,pie salesmen and theologians.
She was wearing perfume, and green sandals from TK Maxx,light khaki tencel cropped combat trousers with a purple silky over-blouse, not to mention her matching raspberry and cream underwear .Round her neck hung a miniature grandfather clock on a solid gold chain,and she had three imitation gold and silver watches on each of her three wrists making a total of 333 watches according to Carnap’s theory of logic and Russell’s terrible handwriting. Stanley didn’t know that she had a mobile phone stuffed into her bra—one advantage for the larger sized woman.In fact she had 4 down there in her raspberry coloured glamour bra,as she had a phobia about their batteries running down all at once
The more she had the lower the probability of her being without a phone whilst out and about the town and countryside.So she reasoned in her womanly way. Just then one phone rang.She rummaged around to the consternation and turmoil-uation of Stanley and the postman.She plucked out a pale blue phone.
“Hi,it’s Annie” she murmured.
“Hi Annie it’s Dave the paramedic with carpentry skills. You’ve not rung 999 lately so we were wondering if all was well!”
“Oh,I’m terribly sorry.I’ll try to phone later on.Thanks,Petal.That was Dave,our ex-transvestite converted paramedic”,she informed the men.The postman galloped off on his donkey, his bags full of undelivered males.It’s a tough but interesting life in Knittingham. Would you like a male delivery?Contact Parcel Force without delay.
Annie went into Stan’s house and demanded a cup of coffee.
“Won’t it make you put weight on” Stan quipped ironically.
“Do you think I’m too plump?” she responded anxiously..
“Too plump for what?” he quipped amiably.
“To attract men,of course!”
“No,my angel,you are just perfect”he quacked definitively.”Nor are you an angel,strictly speaking,as I have good reason to know.Thank you,my beloved for services rendered so generously and freely.”
“Oh,my goodness I must get home to render the fat from the beef and to make some gooseberry jam.” Stanley looked uneasy.
“I wonder why babies are left under gooseberry bushes?
The thorns are so big it’s quite dangerous getting them out,or so Mary told me when Lyra was born. She was covered in scratches and wouldn’t come near me for months.”
“Why don’t you come upstairs to look at our new purple bathroom suite.Since the Royal Wedding it’s the in colour.The gold taps were expensive but they do go well.”
“My God,let me out.” she bawled,”It reminds me of the Vatican and that’s no place for a lady”,
“Not even a gay lady?” Stan muttered parsimoniously, as he licked her eyelashes gently.
“Stop that.I’ve got my Yves St Laurent mascara on.”
“I prefer the taste of the Chanel,”he disclosed privately in an internal secret memo.[available on 50 years]
“Why not lick my neck instead?” she enquired curiously as she tripped over Emile the cat, who had slipped into the bathroom as usual to see what they were up to,you know what I mean, you catch my drift?
She fell floppily into the bath and banged her head on the taps.
“Oh,gosh,better ring 999” Stan said to Emile.
“Have you got your catphone warehouse mobile on you?”
“Yes ,it’s in my y-fronts”, the cat amiably miaowed.
“Hi Dave,this is Emile.Can you come quick.Annie is unconscious and what is worse,she has scratched the new bath.”
In fact it was Emile who had scratched the bath that morning but since Stan had not noticed he hoped to, callously, pass the blame onto poor Annie.How cruel can a cat be? Ask any mouse! Still in the end God made all of us and what a terrifying and beautiful world it i

Jellied cat food is still priced quite reasonable.

Instead of making pate when you’re entertaining your friends try this

One small tin of jellied cat food will be enough for 4 people when served on hot buttered toast.

Is it safe if? Well have you ever read any articles in the news forever saying that piece of died after eating cat food?

But to be safe don’t give it to anyone over 90 unless they’ve got a very aggressive personality and do not listen to what you say ever.

For the main course use sausages try to get some decent ones put some sliced potatoes and onions into an oven dish and poor in some milk that just reaches the top layer put some salt and pepper on a little love of butter in and put it into the oven well you brown the sausages in your frying pan

Take the potatoes out of the oven on your work surface will you arrange the sausages on the top

Put it into the oven for about 45 minutes on a medium heat

If you can’t afford to buy any salad you need to grow some nasturtiums 0 because you can eat the leaves as a salad.

Do you want a pudding?

Buy a sponge cake and and put it in the oven for 5-minutes on the high heat.

Meanwhile squeeze two or three lemons and mix it with some sugar in a small pan and then heat it gently until the sugar melts.

Make some holes in the bottom of the cake with a square and then pour the hot mixture in and leave the cake upside down the liquid will stay within the cake

D

• 
• On Monday morning Stan had to go to the shops in the centre of town to buy some special easy threading needles for his visually-other wife Mary.Somehow,most puzzlingly,she had lost all of the eight packs hhad bought for her in the last year.He had suggested letting his mistress next door do the hemming and stitching.But Mary was determined even though sometimes she took 14 minutes just to thread a needle.But she was very patient.One might almost say she was saintly but he did not want her to get conceited so he kept his thoughts to himself.Now what will I wear.Stan thought over-anxiously..He had OCD now and then.
• People no longer dress up to go down town instead they dress down to go up to the town,in a very real sense.
• The art of living is to choose the most simple solution to any problem and Stan recalled he only had some navy trousers,some white and a few colored shirts and one light teal colored jacket.
• He chose a coral colored shirt and looked in the mirror..
• I look wonderful, he thought very humbly.
• Why has God kept me so youthful?
• Surely not so I can seduce more women?
• We know God may be merciful to scissors,or is it sinners?Well,let’s just say God can be merciful but for some reason,we never know till it’s too late whether it’s to us.
• More haste,less speed,he conjectured.
• Or is it, More paste,guests feed?
• He stood in the hall combing his hair with a tortoiseshell comb and brushing it with a large nail brush
• He looked again at his image.
• His amber eyes glowed like neon lights on the main road to Knittingham in winter.
• His dark hair looked very full for his age.
• His teal jacket had been well pressed by the dry cleaner, Weissmann#s.
• And his coral shirt was new as Mary had been out buying him more clothes lately.She had grown tired of seeing him in one solid color,especially grey or brown.
• His navy trousers were a bit old but quite alright for Knittingham.
• As he gazed into the mirror he began to feel odd.Then he saw Emile
• who was standing on the chest of drawers behind him performing a dance.. solo!
• 
• Why are you dancing,Emile? Stan asked politely.
• I am amused by seeing you gazing into the mirror for so long,
• If you don’t hurry it will be lunchtime before you get to the Needle Shop.
• Alright,growled Stan hoarsely.At least I don’t wear make up! Now there’s a thought…maybe I’d look better…what shade of foundation would suit me?Would I need lip balm and perfume?
• Hurry up,said Emile unkindly.More taste less greed.
• What does that mean?asked Stan.
• If you taste the food and eat slowly you will enjoy it more and thus need less.
• Very clever,Emile.Shall I buy you some cough sweets in the pet shop.
• No,I want some codeine linctus,Emile answered.
• I want to go high,high.
• I want to reach the sky.
• what will I do when my love is away
• Will I be happy on my own?
• Lend me your ear and I’ll sing you a song
• I’ll try not to sing out of tune!
• My God,Emile.Whatever has happened to you?
• I blame the old chalk and opium medicine someone spilled on my breakfast.
• Well,go and lie down but drink some milk first.At last Stan got out…it had taken him two hours to get ready
• At the bus stop there stood Anne their neighbour.
• Hi,Stan,where are you going.
• I’m buying sewing needles for Mary.
• I can lend her some,she shrieked.
• Well,she has to use special ones nowadays.
• Oh,so she does.I forget as she looks normal but is in fact suffering constant trouble since her Vitreous-vasectomy.. or was it hysterectomy or vivacity?.
• Well,never mind.You know she’s not normal.
• Who is normal?
• Let’s just assume we will recognize it when we see it,he whispered warningly.
• This bus is very late.I wish there was a proper seat here..my knees hurt.
• I hate this plastic seat.Why has the wooden one gone?
• Apparently the council are afraid of homeless people sleeping on them.
• Well,everybody is at risk of homelessness with this economic crisis,
• Anne shouted in a fury.
• No,beggars can’t be losers,he responded.
• Very true,she replied, As they have nothing so they can’t lose it.The more you have,the more you fear losing it.
• This bus is very,very late,I wish I had a horse or is it an horse?
• A goat would be o.k.Speed bonny goat like a word someone flung..
• Over the page to Fly.Anne burst out laughing so her face was as red as her coat from Artigiano.Her blue tights were a perfect contrast and also matched her lipstick uncannily.Where she bought it was a mystery.
• At last the bus came.They got on board and the driver called out,
• You both look very merry!
• Too many looks create more wrath,Stan replied warningly.
• Well, why dress up if you want no attention.the driver gloated.
• Hello,darling, he said to Anne,Are you free tonight,babe?
• Why? she murmured.
• I have two tickets for the Rolling Stones and no woman to take! he replied boastfully.
• Now,if it were the Rolling Bones,I might be interested.
• Your wish is my command he muttered,
• I have my smart phone here,I’ll see what’s one elsewhere.
• He kept trying but the virtual keyboard was playing up again.
• Eventually the passengers got annoyed and asked him to start the bus.
• As I’m half an hour late,I should be coming back now so I’ll do a U turn and go back
• But we want to go into town,every one howled.
• There’s many a blue word spoken as a jest,sang the driver.
• Stan said,Please open the door,we shall dismount here.
• Crikey,you don’t half talk posh,said the ,driver.
• He leaned over and gave Anne a French kiss.
• Now look here,Stan said,leave her alone.She’s my mistress.
• Cor blimey said the driver,who are you,King Henry the Eighth?
• I say,Stan,I can see Mary.It must be tea time.
• Stan ran into the house and put the kettle on..then he made a pot of tea.
• Hello! said Mary. Did you get my needles,Stan?
• I’m so sorry,Mary.I ‘ve had such a busy day,I never got into the town.
• And where is my supper.
• In the womb of time
• I see,it’s chick pea dahl and brown rice again or egg on toast. But I’m not complaining.Keeping house is a big job.I know it only to well.
• So they sat with Anne and Emile,who even had his own cup and saucer now.They were weary and soon ,despite the tea, they were all fast asleep.
• Like  you.
•  

Buying Mary’s needles

• 
• On Monday morning Stan had to go to the shops in the centre of town to buy some special easy threading needles for his visually-other wife Mary.Somehow,most puzzlingly,she had lost all of the eight packs hhad bought for her in the last year.He had suggested letting his mistress next door do the hemming and stitching.But Mary was determined even though sometimes she took 14 minutes just to thread a needle.But she was very patient.One might almost say she was saintly but he did not want her to get conceited so he kept his thoughts to himself.Now what will I wear.Stan thought over-anxiously..He had OCD now and then.
• People no longer dress up to go down town instead they dress down to go up to the town,in a very real sense.
• The art of living is to choose the most simple solution to any problem and Stan recalled he only had some navy trousers,some white and a few colored shirts and one light teal colored jacket.
• He chose a coral colored shirt and looked in the mirror..
• I look wonderful, he thought very humbly.
• Why has God kept me so youthful?
• Surely not so I can seduce more women?
• We know God may be merciful to scissors,or is it sinners?Well,let’s just say God can be merciful but for some reason,we never know till it’s too late whether it’s to us.
• More haste,less speed,he conjectured.
• Or is it, More paste,guests feed?
• He stood in the hall combing his hair with a tortoiseshell comb and brushing it with a large nail brush
• He looked again at his image.
• His amber eyes glowed like neon lights on the main road to Knittingham in winter.
• His dark hair looked very full for his age.
• His teal jacket had been well pressed by the dry cleaner, Weissmann#s.
• And his coral shirt was new as Mary had been out buying him more clothes lately.She had grown tired of seeing him in one solid color,especially grey or brown.
• His navy trousers were a bit old but quite alright for Knittingham.
• As he gazed into the mirror he began to feel odd.Then he saw Emile
• who was standing on the chest of drawers behind him performing a dance.. solo!
• 
• Why are you dancing,Emile? Stan asked politely.
• I am amused by seeing you gazing into the mirror for so long,
• If you don’t hurry it will be lunchtime before you get to the Needle Shop.
• Alright,growled Stan hoarsely.At least I don’t wear make up! Now there’s a thought…maybe I’d look better…what shade of foundation would suit me?Would I need lip balm and perfume?
• Hurry up,said Emile unkindly.More taste less greed.
• What does that mean?asked Stan.
• If you taste the food and eat slowly you will enjoy it more and thus need less.
• Very clever,Emile.Shall I buy you some cough sweets in the pet shop.
• No,I want some codeine linctus,Emile answered.
• I want to go high,high.
• I want to reach the sky.
• what will I do when my love is away
• Will I be happy on my own?
• Lend me your ear and I’ll sing you a song
• I’ll try not to sing out of tune!
• My God,Emile.Whatever has happened to you?
• I blame the old chalk and opium medicine someone spilled on my breakfast.
• Well,go and lie down but drink some milk first.At last Stan got out…it had taken him two hours to get ready
• At the bus stop there stood Anne their neighbour.
• Hi,Stan,where are you going.
• I’m buying sewing needles for Mary.
• I can lend her some,she shrieked.
• Well,she has to use special ones nowadays.
• Oh,so she does.I forget as she looks normal but is in fact suffering constant trouble since her Vitreous-vasectomy.. or was it hysterectomy or vivacity?.
• Well,never mind.You know she’s not normal.
• Who is normal?
• Let’s just assume we will recognize it when we see it,he whispered warningly.
• This bus is very late.I wish there was a proper seat here..my knees hurt.
• I hate this plastic seat.Why has the wooden one gone?
• Apparently the council are afraid of homeless people sleeping on them.
• Well,everybody is at risk of homelessness with this economic crisis,
• Anne shouted in a fury.
• No,beggars can’t be losers,he responded.
• Very true,she replied, As they have nothing so they can’t lose it.The more you have,the more you fear losing it.
• This bus is very,very late,I wish I had a horse or is it an horse?
• A goat would be o.k.Speed bonny goat like a word someone flung..
• Over the page to Fly.Anne burst out laughing so her face was as red as her coat from Artigiano.Her blue tights were a perfect contrast and also matched her lipstick uncannily.Where she bought it was a mystery.
• At last the bus came.They got on board and the driver called out,
• You both look very merry!
• Too many looks create more wrath,Stan replied warningly.
• Well, why dress up if you want no attention.the driver gloated.
• Hello,darling, he said to Anne,Are you free tonight,babe?
• Why? she murmured.
• I have two tickets for the Rolling Stones and no woman to take! he replied boastfully.
• Now,if it were the Rolling Bones,I might be interested.
• Your wish is my command he muttered,
• I have my smart phone here,I’ll see what’s one elsewhere.
• He kept trying but the virtual keyboard was playing up again.
• Eventually the passengers got annoyed and asked him to start the bus.
• As I’m half an hour late,I should be coming back now so I’ll do a U turn and go back
• But we want to go into town,every one howled.
• There’s many a blue word spoken as a jest,sang the driver.
• Stan said,Please open the door,we shall dismount here.
• Crikey,you don’t half talk posh,said the ,driver.
• He leaned over and gave Anne a French kiss.
• Now look here,Stan said,leave her alone.She’s my mistress.
• Cor blimey said the driver,who are you,King Henry the Eighth?
• I say,Stan,I can see Mary.It must be tea time.
• Stan ran into the house and put the kettle on..then he made a pot of tea.
• Hello! said Mary. Did you get my needles,Stan?
• I’m so sorry,Mary.I ‘ve had such a busy day,I never got into the town.
• And where is my supper.
• In the womb of time
• I see,it’s chick pea dahl and brown rice again or egg on toast. But I’m not complaining.Keeping house is a big job.I know it only to well.
• So they sat with Anne and Emile,who even had his own cup and saucer now.They were weary and soon ,despite the tea, they were all fast asleep.
• Like  you.
•  

Buying Mary’s needles

• 
• On Monday morning Stan had to go to the shops in the centre of town to buy some special easy threading needles for his visually-other wife Mary.Somehow,most puzzlingly,she had lost all of the eight packs hhad bought for her in the last year.He had suggested letting his mistress next door do the hemming and stitching.But Mary was determined even though sometimes she took 14 minutes just to thread a needle.But she was very patient.One might almost say she was saintly but he did not want her to get conceited so he kept his thoughts to himself.Now what will I wear.Stan thought over-anxiously..He had OCD now and then.
• People no longer dress up to go down town instead they dress down to go up to the town,in a very real sense.
• The art of living is to choose the most simple solution to any problem and Stan recalled he only had some navy trousers,some white and a few colored shirts and one light teal colored jacket.
• He chose a coral colored shirt and looked in the mirror..
• I look wonderful, he thought very humbly.
• Why has God kept me so youthful?
• Surely not so I can seduce more women?
• We know God may be merciful to scissors,or is it sinners?Well,let’s just say God can be merciful but for some reason,we never know till it’s too late whether it’s to us.
• More haste,less speed,he conjectured.
• Or is it, More paste,guests feed?
• He stood in the hall combing his hair with a tortoiseshell comb and brushing it with a large nail brush
• He looked again at his image.
• His amber eyes glowed like neon lights on the main road to Knittingham in winter.
• His dark hair looked very full for his age.
• His teal jacket had been well pressed by the dry cleaner, Weissmann#s.
• And his coral shirt was new as Mary had been out buying him more clothes lately.She had grown tired of seeing him in one solid color,especially grey or brown.
• His navy trousers were a bit old but quite alright for Knittingham.
• As he gazed into the mirror he began to feel odd.Then he saw Emile
• who was standing on the chest of drawers behind him performing a dance.. solo!
• 
• Why are you dancing,Emile? Stan asked politely.
• I am amused by seeing you gazing into the mirror for so long,
• If you don’t hurry it will be lunchtime before you get to the Needle Shop.
• Alright,growled Stan hoarsely.At least I don’t wear make up! Now there’s a thought…maybe I’d look better…what shade of foundation would suit me?Would I need lip balm and perfume?
• Hurry up,said Emile unkindly.More taste less greed.
• What does that mean?asked Stan.
• If you taste the food and eat slowly you will enjoy it more and thus need less.
• Very clever,Emile.Shall I buy you some cough sweets in the pet shop.
• No,I want some codeine linctus,Emile answered.
• I want to go high,high.
• I want to reach the sky.
• what will I do when my love is away
• Will I be happy on my own?
• Lend me your ear and I’ll sing you a song
• I’ll try not to sing out of tune!
• My God,Emile.Whatever has happened to you?
• I blame the old chalk and opium medicine someone spilled on my breakfast.
• Well,go and lie down but drink some milk first.At last Stan got out…it had taken him two hours to get ready
• At the bus stop there stood Anne their neighbour.
• Hi,Stan,where are you going.
• I’m buying sewing needles for Mary.
• I can lend her some,she shrieked.
• Well,she has to use special ones nowadays.
• Oh,so she does.I forget as she looks normal but is in fact suffering constant trouble since her Vitreous-vasectomy.. or was it hysterectomy or vivacity?.
• Well,never mind.You know she’s not normal.
• Who is normal?
• Let’s just assume we will recognize it when we see it,he whispered warningly.
• This bus is very late.I wish there was a proper seat here..my knees hurt.
• I hate this plastic seat.Why has the wooden one gone?
• Apparently the council are afraid of homeless people sleeping on them.
• Well,everybody is at risk of homelessness with this economic crisis,
• Anne shouted in a fury.
• No,beggars can’t be losers,he responded.
• Very true,she replied, As they have nothing so they can’t lose it.The more you have,the more you fear losing it.
• This bus is very,very late,I wish I had a horse or is it an horse?
• A goat would be o.k.Speed bonny goat like a word someone flung..
• Over the page to Fly.Anne burst out laughing so her face was as red as her coat from Artigiano.Her blue tights were a perfect contrast and also matched her lipstick uncannily.Where she bought it was a mystery.
• At last the bus came.They got on board and the driver called out,
• You both look very merry!
• Too many looks create more wrath,Stan replied warningly.
• Well, why dress up if you want no attention.the driver gloated.
• Hello,darling, he said to Anne,Are you free tonight,babe?
• Why? she murmured.
• I have two tickets for the Rolling Stones and no woman to take! he replied boastfully.
• Now,if it were the Rolling Bones,I might be interested.
• Your wish is my command he muttered,
• I have my smart phone here,I’ll see what’s one elsewhere.
• He kept trying but the virtual keyboard was playing up again.
• Eventually the passengers got annoyed and asked him to start the bus.
• As I’m half an hour late,I should be coming back now so I’ll do a U turn and go back
• But we want to go into town,every one howled.
• There’s many a blue word spoken as a jest,sang the driver.
• Stan said,Please open the door,we shall dismount here.
• Crikey,you don’t half talk posh,said the ,driver.
• He leaned over and gave Anne a French kiss.
• Now look here,Stan said,leave her alone.She’s my mistress.
• Cor blimey said the driver,who are you,King Henry the Eighth?
• I say,Stan,I can see Mary.It must be tea time.
• Stan ran into the house and put the kettle on..then he made a pot of tea.
• Hello! said Mary. Did you get my needles,Stan?
• I’m so sorry,Mary.I ‘ve had such a busy day,I never got into the town.
• And where is my supper.
• In the womb of time
• I see,it’s chick pea dahl and brown rice again or egg on toast. But I’m not complaining.Keeping house is a big job.I know it only to well.
• So they sat with Anne and Emile,who even had his own cup and saucer now.They were weary and soon ,despite the tea, they were all fast asleep.
• Like  you.
•  

Buying Mary’s needles

• 
• On Monday morning Stan had to go to the shops in the centre of town to buy some special easy threading needles for his visually-other wife Mary.Somehow,most puzzlingly,she had lost all of the eight packs hhad bought for her in the last year.He had suggested letting his mistress next door do the hemming and stitching.But Mary was determined even though sometimes she took 14 minutes just to thread a needle.But she was very patient.One might almost say she was saintly but he did not want her to get conceited so he kept his thoughts to himself.Now what will I wear.Stan thought over-anxiously..He had OCD now and then.
• People no longer dress up to go down town instead they dress down to go up to the town,in a very real sense.
• The art of living is to choose the most simple solution to any problem and Stan recalled he only had some navy trousers,some white and a few colored shirts and one light teal colored jacket.
• He chose a coral colored shirt and looked in the mirror..
• I look wonderful, he thought very humbly.
• Why has God kept me so youthful?
• Surely not so I can seduce more women?
• We know God may be merciful to scissors,or is it sinners?Well,let’s just say God can be merciful but for some reason,we never know till it’s too late whether it’s to us.
• More haste,less speed,he conjectured.
• Or is it, More paste,guests feed?
• He stood in the hall combing his hair with a tortoiseshell comb and brushing it with a large nail brush
• He looked again at his image.
• His amber eyes glowed like neon lights on the main road to Knittingham in winter.
• His dark hair looked very full for his age.
• His teal jacket had been well pressed by the dry cleaner, Weissmann#s.
• And his coral shirt was new as Mary had been out buying him more clothes lately.She had grown tired of seeing him in one solid color,especially grey or brown.
• His navy trousers were a bit old but quite alright for Knittingham.
• As he gazed into the mirror he began to feel odd.Then he saw Emile
• who was standing on the chest of drawers behind him performing a dance.. solo!
• 
• Why are you dancing,Emile? Stan asked politely.
• I am amused by seeing you gazing into the mirror for so long,
• If you don’t hurry it will be lunchtime before you get to the Needle Shop.
• Alright,growled Stan hoarsely.At least I don’t wear make up! Now there’s a thought…maybe I’d look better…what shade of foundation would suit me?Would I need lip balm and perfume?
• Hurry up,said Emile unkindly.More taste less greed.
• What does that mean?asked Stan.
• If you taste the food and eat slowly you will enjoy it more and thus need less.
• Very clever,Emile.Shall I buy you some cough sweets in the pet shop.
• No,I want some codeine linctus,Emile answered.
• I want to go high,high.
• I want to reach the sky.
• what will I do when my love is away
• Will I be happy on my own?
• Lend me your ear and I’ll sing you a song
• I’ll try not to sing out of tune!
• My God,Emile.Whatever has happened to you?
• I blame the old chalk and opium medicine someone spilled on my breakfast.
• Well,go and lie down but drink some milk first.At last Stan got out…it had taken him two hours to get ready
• At the bus stop there stood Anne their neighbour.
• Hi,Stan,where are you going.
• I’m buying sewing needles for Mary.
• I can lend her some,she shrieked.
• Well,she has to use special ones nowadays.
• Oh,so she does.I forget as she looks normal but is in fact suffering constant trouble since her Vitreous-vasectomy.. or was it hysterectomy or vivacity?.
• Well,never mind.You know she’s not normal.
• Who is normal?
• Let’s just assume we will recognize it when we see it,he whispered warningly.
• This bus is very late.I wish there was a proper seat here..my knees hurt.
• I hate this plastic seat.Why has the wooden one gone?
• Apparently the council are afraid of homeless people sleeping on them.
• Well,everybody is at risk of homelessness with this economic crisis,
• Anne shouted in a fury.
• No,beggars can’t be losers,he responded.
• Very true,she replied, As they have nothing so they can’t lose it.The more you have,the more you fear losing it.
• This bus is very,very late,I wish I had a horse or is it an horse?
• A goat would be o.k.Speed bonny goat like a word someone flung..
• Over the page to Fly.Anne burst out laughing so her face was as red as her coat from Artigiano.Her blue tights were a perfect contrast and also matched her lipstick uncannily.Where she bought it was a mystery.
• At last the bus came.They got on board and the driver called out,
• You both look very merry!
• Too many looks create more wrath,Stan replied warningly.
• Well, why dress up if you want no attention.the driver gloated.
• Hello,darling, he said to Anne,Are you free tonight,babe?
• Why? she murmured.
• I have two tickets for the Rolling Stones and no woman to take! he replied boastfully.
• Now,if it were the Rolling Bones,I might be interested.
• Your wish is my command he muttered,
• I have my smart phone here,I’ll see what’s one elsewhere.
• He kept trying but the virtual keyboard was playing up again.
• Eventually the passengers got annoyed and asked him to start the bus.
• As I’m half an hour late,I should be coming back now so I’ll do a U turn and go back
• But we want to go into town,every one howled.
• There’s many a blue word spoken as a jest,sang the driver.
• Stan said,Please open the door,we shall dismount here.
• Crikey,you don’t half talk posh,said the ,driver.
• He leaned over and gave Anne a French kiss.
• Now look here,Stan said,leave her alone.She’s my mistress.
• Cor blimey said the driver,who are you,King Henry the Eighth?
• I say,Stan,I can see Mary.It must be tea time.
• Stan ran into the house and put the kettle on..then he made a pot of tea.
• Hello! said Mary. Did you get my needles,Stan?
• I’m so sorry,Mary.I ‘ve had such a busy day,I never got into the town.
• And where is my supper.
• In the womb of time
• I see,it’s chick pea dahl and brown rice again or egg on toast. But I’m not complaining.Keeping house is a big job.I know it only to well.
• So they sat with Anne and Emile,who even had his own cup and saucer now.They were weary and soon ,despite the tea, they were all fast asleep.
• Like  you.
•  

Yo delete the character after the cursor on a Chromebook,

press ALT + BACKSPACE.

That’s the entire tip! Hey, Chromebook fans, I’ve got a real quick one for you: the keyboard shortcut for the equivalent of the Delete key on a