While my husband kissed me in our bed Our cat would lounge on top and lick his head No matter what gyrations that cat saw All he did was pat us with his paws The happy days of learning how to feel How to entertain with spicy meals Of walking by warm rivers hand in hand Watching coots and moorhens ,washing pans Buying an old kettle, then a house Driving out to Ongar ,stubble fires Smokey Essex cornfields, insects’ pyres Driving down the Saxon Cliffs at Hythe Soft teal Sea,Capel le Ferne, men’s eyes Happy in a cottage in the wilds I sang like some small bird, we walked for miles Kersey where the ducks bathe in the street Kissing in the hedges was so sweet Getting our own garden, growing beans Growing spinach, lettuce and snap peas Picking our blackcurrants, making tea Making jam from raspberries. yes please This proves that when you marry you need pans Cooking dinners talking with our friends Wearing jeans and hair so long it flowed My husband liked to brush it till it glowed I dream some nights my hair is still like that And how the cat slept with his paws in it How his father died and mother grieved Life is not all positive, we see. On we went and love was what we grew Though anger did rise up and strain the glue First the cat died, then my man went too Can’t I adopt a beast from Whipsnade Zoo?
Mary was sitting in her coral and teal kitchen wondering if she needed some new clothes.The weather had been unusually warm and she had forgotten where she had put her summer dresses.A “special place” is easily forgotten A crash in the hall meant the post had come.Here was Lands End sale catalogue Mary began to look through it though there not many summer clothes and shorts did not suit her Then she found a lovely blue dress with a draped front Annie, her neighbour, tapped on the door and came in, a very lovely sight in her orange striped shift dress with matching lipstick and shoes Hey, Annie, what do you think of this blue dress? Annie had lost her contact lenses so she peered at the description
Elegant 3/4 sleeve dress with Exposed statement back zip
The zip sounds weird,hard for a woman to so up,Annie said Is it to attract men, she coninued? Well, if a man undid it while I was at a dinner party I would be embarrassed,Mary cried So would the man,said Annie, when he saw you were not wearing a camisole nor a bra I suppose it’s a kind of flirting or teasing. Mary murmured softly.
She was ignorant of such things since studying Schrodinger’s equation and his dog. But it’s not an invitation to bare me to the four winds Well, this is the problem,Annie enthused.To some men it would be preciely that.Not to mention gay women The most odd thing is that Lands End sell more sporty casual clothes If it were made of towelling you could swim in the river and then put it on, Annie rambled like an old lady who drank too much brandy I could put it on anyway but would you like a zip on your naked flesh, asked Mary in her jocose yet feminine way? No,I like soft fluffy things on my naked flesh Well, please don’t mate with a rabbit,Mary ordered I only want a merino wool or cashmere cardigan and I can’t mate with that. Don’t you know I am 103? No, you are 73, Mary said correctly.I think we should call 999 and see what Dave the skilfull paramedic thinks about the dress What a waste,mewed Emile who was hiding inside a large copper pan.With so many people ill it would be wrong. Since when have you studied Ethics,Annie asked him You don’t need to go to Magdalen College to know wasting NHS money is wrong Well, he keeps us sane and that saves money, she retorted. You can’t grumble, the vet is expensive and he doesn’t call to make us tea, Nor does he drive to Barnard Castle to test his hearing aids. So true Soon Dave ran in wearing a new sundress made of gingham That looks stunning,Annie told him I made it myself, he said, smiling Well,we would like some.Mary haa mislaid all her dresses. I’ll bring some patterns round.Dave answered shyly Maybe when Boris Johnson resigns We can’t wait.Look at this dress Lands End are selling It looks uncomfortable Dave repied.Why not wear a sheet with a leather belt to keep it secure? Why not indeed? You may get complaints from the neighbours And so say all of us
Mary stood in the kitchen wondering why the floor was so dirty.It looked as of a plant pot had fallen over and flung its compost wildly outwards.Emile was standing on his
hind legs pretending he could dance.
Emile, did you knock over a pot,Mary cried?
I’ve never seen a plant pot here, he replied honestly with a hint of dramatic rony
Oh,well.I’ll make some tea,Mary murmured loudly as of dropping a hint to her late husband,Stan.
She was wearing a red fleece dressing gown and slippers as she ran upstairs
to read,The Sun.
Suddenly, before she got to the top, her doorbell rang
In ran Dave, the bisexual paramedic, wearing his new dress
What’s wrong,Mary asked petulantly?
I was just passing and thought I heard a strange noise.His nose dripped like a tap with no washer
Have you got a cold,Emile asked?
Yes, but I am not selling it
Do people sell illnesses?
Yes, some buy polio germs and send tbem with Xmas Cards
To whom, asked Annie, who was in the porch.
Their enemies., of course
Well, after Brexit we might all be paralysed as half wanted to leave anmd half didn’t
Since the average reading age in Britain is 9 years most of us could not understand the information we were given.To read The Guardian you need a reading of 14.
That explains a lot,said Mary morosely.How can I teach non linear algebra to people who can’t even read the Wailing Nail?
It sounds like the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem
A nail is not a wall, said Emile furtively.
Annie was wearing some shortie pajamas with cats printed all over
which went well with her amber eyes and long nails,Can I borrow some Weetabix, she asked Mary? I’ll return it
Please don’t, Mary cried in horror.I have 3 packs of Weetabix Protein here
Do you eat them often,Annie teased her?
As often as possible!
Dave was washing Emile’s feet to practise for Maundy Thursday.
Are you Jesus, he asked Dave?
How can I be Jesus and Dave the paramedic at the same time?
Well, if you believe in the Trinity I see no problem
Emile, you are so clever.Noone would believe a cat was so brilliant
Well,said Emile, maybe I am not just a cat,; his amber eyes turned cerulean blue with joy
How my heart sings 