Do try to be more boring

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1.Wear a dull beige or grey knitted hat and shapeless beige padded jacket
2 Carry a plastic handbag or briefcase.
3 Knit your eyebrows
4.Mutter inaudibly as you walk
5 Sing Joan of Arc and wave your arms like Jennifer Warnes when queuing in Tesco’s.Maybe that’s more insane than boring
6 Ask people at the bus stop if they like Pritti Patel.
7.Keep mentioning Boris Johnson in a puzzled manner as id
8.Tell everyone how ill you feel and ask them what they think of bunion operations.
9.Ask them if someone moves their gadgets round at night while they are asleep
10.If asked to meet for coffee,say you don’t drink if wondering who he is
11 Tell your lover all about Wittgenstein while he is caressing your supine body.
12.Ask your lover to define postmodernism after they kiss you
13.Use cliches like , at this moment in time, getting down to the nitty gritty, whenever possible
14.Don’t keep up to date in which spectacles are in fashion.Say, what ‘s wrong with these.especially if they resemble Dame Edna Everage’s. Or  if you have mended them with Elastoplast or elephant tape
15 Always talk more than anyone you are with or
16  Never talk
17.Ask women why they wear trousers.
18 Ask people how often they wash their jeans
19 Try to convert people to your religion as often as you can
20.Say  you never eat foreign  food while you eat a Chinese take away
21  Cry  when someone else eats the last cream puff
22 Say you never watch sport as you believe wearing shorts is a mortal sin.
23 Ask people if you can borrow  their vibrator as your  hand held blender is broken and you want to make sponge cake
24 Never read a paper or hear the News
25 Ask someone why Moses has descendants while Plato has none.
26 Ask an orthodox Jew why God hates pork.
27,Ask a Catholic if  they are on the pill.
28 Never flirt or even look at people
29 Never  make jokes
30 Never read lists nor funny books

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