Stan’s new adventure

How my heart sings

Poetry and lovely images

Katherine Fiction,humor


The wheelie bins and Stan’s adventures therein

Stan was in his front garden polishing the wheelie bins with lavender wax polish.
He was not very happy as the garden was only 10 feet by 12. so the huge wheelie bins ruined it.When he got to the third one the lid popped open and out jumped his next door neighbour “Adulterous Annie”.

Hello,Stan” she whispered.”Where’s Mary now ?”
“Why?”Stan muttered into the back of her neck which he licked as he like her salty taste.
“I was thinking,these bins are so big,we could both get inside one.It would make a change!”.
“What a strange idea” he replied philosophically.however age was no bstacle where love was involved, if you catch my drifting between the lines.
Soon Stan and Anne were in the big green recycling bin.Stan being 81 had shrunk somewhat so he took up less space than Annie did.He allowed her to kiss his left eyelid.What a lovely feeling.

Alas, all too soon,as they say, they heard Mary’s bicycle bell.She was getting faster amd faster.As she wheeled her bike up the 30 yard long front path to the porch she heard murmurings and mutters,

She lifted up the green plastic lid and saw the two lovers covered in cuttings from the privet hedge.
“What the bleedin’hell are you doing in there?”she shouted mellifluously.
Well,it’s hard to explain,……………but Stan was wondering about a green funeral” Anne said mischievously.

“Funeral ,my hat!” Mary said coldly.”Get out at once”
“Don’t speak to me like that” Stan beseeched her brazenly.
“Well,it’s a shock to find your husband in the bin with another woman!”
“Wouldn’t it be more of a shock if he was in the bin with a man,or even a sheep?”
“Schmann or Schwommann,sheep,,it’s immaterial.
“Hurry,get out,quickly before the school exit time.what will all the mums think as they go by?”
But poor Stan could not get out,He was stuck.Oh,my,what an odd phrase.
“Have you got your mobile on you?”
“Yes,it’s here in my bag.
“You’d better call 999”
“What a brilliant idea!”
Soon Dave the paramedic arrived and ran into the garden
Mary showed him Stan’s situation.

Ever resourceful ,Dave was not bothered though the NHS budget might be getting cut.
He tied some rope round Stan’s waist and between the three of them and Emile the cat and his friend Elizabeth, they managed to haul Stan out.

Annie stood weeping with shame.Her silvery blue eyeshadow was beginning to run mixed with tears and black water soluble mascara from Chanel of Paris and London. Her new coral lipstick from Clinique was not as non-allergenic as she hope.
Never mind,it gave her lips that bee stung look that many men admire.It reminded Stan of his boyhood days playing near High Force Waterfalls in upper Teesdale….Teesdale ,still an undiscovered and undervalued part of England
,Contact the English Touring Board for more information. Holiday Loans available from Thwaites of Stockton and Darlington at only 1% interest.

Mary gave Annie a large Kleenex tissue,
“Come indoors,honey, and I’ll make you some Ceylon tea.It’s been the most thrilling event of my entire life and I’ve photographed you with my new Nokia camera phone
[Prices available on request from The Catphone Warehouse,Teesside,Northern England,comes in pink and pink and…pink?How I love pink!]
I’m going to send some to the local paper.

Stan staggered upstairs covered in bits of privet ,lettuce and cabbage hearts, and carrot tops,not to mention a few dozen banana skins and a few potato peelings.
What an afternoon.
Please contact the society for the care and protection of vegetables if you wish to make a complaint about this story.}
“That’s the last time I climb into a  green wheelie bin”,he thought.
“Next time we’ll use the cardboard and newspaper wheelie bin” he proclaimed to the mouse in the bathroom
And we’re all envious!

All photos by Katherine

The place we loved

Oh, strong the paintings etched on my stone heart
By your warm hands that held me in the night
There is no virtue for the merely smart
Oh,joyous memories melt my stoney heart
Nothing but our love will more love start
Love is measured but not on a chart
Pray for grace and ask for gifts of light
Oh,rich the shapes embroidered on my heart
By your warm hands that held me in the night

Words absurd

May be an image of map and text

by katherine

I scratched my thigh mosquitos lately stang
My blood ran down like streams by aspirin thinned
I suffer scruples if I think I’ve sinned
In this case I have done nothing right or wrong

Except that scratching makes the wound look worse
I should wash it, let it heal allby itself
My hand goes down and scratches it in stealth
We think we’re in control, so then we curse

I took a photo while the red blood flowed
It got onto my sheet, I’ll leave it there
As if to say I’m bleeding so still here
I miss the love I had,I know you know

What is life when we do not share words?
The single suffer loneliness absurd