How are you feeling,the doctor asked plaintively With my senses,I replied jocosely
No,I mean how is your body? he extrapolated.
You can see it better than me,I informed him
as I got on to the couch.
But I can't feel it,he said languidly.
I shall permit you to feel it
I said in a kindly ruin of my voice
He pressed my abdomen,but not with a hot iron luckily
Owzat,I shouted politely.Not out yet
He said ,I think your organ is inflamed.
That is very rude,I told him with a garbled smile
I mean your bladder, he riposted fluently
Has it ever crossed your mind that we only know we have bladders
because we read that in a book. I said in a puzzled tone.
Unless you are a surgeon,I continued courteously
We can see it on a scan, he said charmingly.
Well ,we only have the word of a technician,I said logically
. So are you telling me you don't believe you have a bladder
he said with a Freudian dignity
only matched by that of a million psychoanalysts across the world.
I'll accept it as a hypothesis I said.
All that water must be stored somewhere though
in many older folk it is in their ankles,I resumed. And now and then people get water on the brain.
How does that get out? I enquired in my intriguingly female tones.
I think we'll leave it there,he said.
That's no good.How about sticking a canula into my brain
to drain it,I suggested cleverly
Not on the NHS,he called from behind his screen
So you want me to pay. I think I'll go home and do it myself,
I said rudely
Thank God, he screamed.
No,you thank him I said.I am phoning for a cab.
Can you give me a canula or two
If you don't leave I'll give you
more than a canula he said vivaciously
What else is on offer, I demanded.
He left the room and I never saw him again.
Just as we were getting on so well.
If it had been Leap Year
I might even have proposed though what I have no idea.
Still I had no need for antibiotics which was a blessing.
I called for a cab.got out opposite my house,slipped into gutter.
It gives one a new perspective although
it was a mite unfortunate that a car was coming round the bend quite rapidly.
So It's goodbye from me.
You can pray to me unless you are a Protestant or are Jewish.
Tough luck.Just call me Saint from now on. And so bray all of us