Children learn to walk, they fall and scream
Their little bones are soft and rarely break
Now I am afraid I’ll come to grief
And end my life by making a mistake.
To die by choice is sad for those your friends
To die in error sadder for that end
Unconscious of the motives for your fall
Such anguish for no reason will appal
King Harold lies outside the Abbey Walls
A simple grave at Waltham in green lawns
Yet Waltham Cross is ugly and appals
Ah,brother I don’t want you to lie still
No blood to circulate,no thoughts,no will
No help,no humour.jokes no
sharp true eye
From our old shared pram,to live, to die.
I used to do your homework
late at night
Abstract thought to you was no delight.
You wondered over X and y and z
Preferred the shapes of Nature in your. head.
I shall retain the memories of the good
You who taught me speech and hate and love
On Sunday we would stroll to old Deane Road
My brother used to speak in. Code
My baby sister in her pram so bold
Now both have died and passed away
I can’t forget the golden rods and Mum’s coat frayed
The cemetery where we used to pray
Now Mum is dead will there be room for me
I prefer to lie beneath my tree
I hope I shall be eaten like the Host
Though I am no Saviour I have done my best
And crave the peace of nature and her rest.
The church bells ring again in harmony
Asking for some peace and charity
I rode on Daddy s shoulders held his ears
He sang and whistled I wished he was still here
On Sunday we would stroll to old Deane Road
My brother used to speak in.his own code
My baby sister in her pram so bold
Now both have died and passed away
I can’t forget the golden rods and Mum’s coat frayed
The cemetery where we used to pray
Now Mum is dead will there be room for me
I prefer to lie beneath my own
I hope I shall be eaten like the Host
Though I am no Saviour I have done my best
And crave the peace of nature and her rest.
The church bells ring again in harmony
Asking for some peace and charity
I rode on Daddy s shoulders held his ears
He sang and whistled I wished he was still here
The fatal equilibrium of death
The lonely people pondering on their wrath
The dancers on the ice maintain their flow
Discipline and time love to bestow
Denial worked for you for many years
When you nearly crashed when turning right
You give no hint that you had any fear
Denial worked for you for many years
Real though is the body,real the tears
As I sat beside you,well prepared
Your smile was not imagined,nor the light
Denial worked for you for many years
Once you nearly crashed, that was not right
When we turn our face the other way
The roving car will hit us with its force
No time for any thought,much less a prayer
When we turn our face the other way
We will feel the impact or we die
No new day will dawn for those who care
When their eyes are red, their voices hoarse
When we turn our face the other way
The speeding car will hit us with its force
My presence gave him space to be alone
He concentrated on the world I could not see
Dying is an art if we’re not stones
We may marry but we do not own
Every spirit must feel it is free
My presence gave him space to be alone
At the end God makes his own Self known
His Word hangs like a Light upon a tree
Dying is an art if we’re not stones
I sat there in silence,overthrown
There is no need for money nor a fee
My presence gave him space to be alone
And as for the hereafter, that’s unknown
As is the port when ships cross a new sea
Dying is an art if we’re not stones
No need to pray or make a heartfelt plea
Sitting by his side,I let him be
My presence gave him space to be alone
Dying is for humans, not for stones
Another branch has fallen from the tree
For nine short months, it weakened and grew dry.
It fell to earth with utter gravity
Is comparing us to trees good simile?
I’d find a better if I’d wits to try
Another branch has fallen from the tree
The tree grieves not, for trees like to be free
Their main desire is stature, to be high.
Dead branches fall to earth by gravity
Some compare life to a drunken sea;
Or to the sky where dance wild nuclei
Yet our most holy symbol is the tree
The strong hang on in their tenacity
Even as their leaves and berries fly
Weaker branches fall with gravity
Death comes so much harder to the high
This is no truth but neither do I lie
Another branch has broken from the tree
Thus disconnected , it is down and free
Since you died I learned to use a crutch
I have noone to lean on, none to touch
I wanted you to die with kindly ease
Now I miss another I could tease
Noone knows what was our special tree
Nor why the pain of loss dwells in my knee
As if I cannot stand or wait alone
Dark earth is softer than these paving stones
The trees you loved my neighbours see as weeds
I shan’t recite a list of their misdeeds
Others gossip of my coloured coats
A widow’s weeds aren’t teal, they grin, they gloat
Before you went I saw the cloth of gold
Coming down from heaven to enfold
Then it rose, its satin thick and pure
Taking you away, yet life endures
The emptiness, the void, the loss, the pain
The crash severe we know is foreordained
As music went and silence overwhelmed
As in deep despair, I thought to end
When nothing seemed to help me on on my way
Perhaps I’d lost the track and so must pay
Empty now of thought and of desire
The vision of the darkness without fire
The utter loss of any help at all
From the depths, my heart cried out appalled
Expecting nothing, hoping even less
A fire of gold appeared to hold,caress
And tears rained down my face from eyes amazed
While in my flesh I felt caressed and saved
I bowed my head in assent to this good
The crucified, the lost, have understood
I remember you so well for those eight years
The nights you sang love’s lullabies to me
I was fearful of the footstep on the stairs
You held me as we paddled in the sea
Maybe Blackpool,maybe Morecambe too
You told me stories as I sat upon your knee
I have some good memories, too few
Where are all those days we played outdoors?
Who knows if these memories are true?
In East Lancs and in West Lancs rain will pour
Once you wrapped me in your coat, but then
Mam was angry when we reached the door
She told you, you were foolish for a man
Why should men be wise, should anyone?
That was when your illnesses began
You let me lie beside you in your bed
I’d had my tonsils out and felt unwell
I talked but don’t remember what you said
I didn’t know the meaning of pure hell
I guess I learned that when death you befell
Come back,Daddy,missing you too well
I’m still your little girl, your smiling belle
Now I’m feeling kind of numb on this January day
The darkness came down sudden and I feel it’s here to stay
Shall I make some tea and pretend that you are here
I’m naked like the wood underneath that swish veneer.
I’m feeling kinda nothin’ now the melancholy’s gone
Should I be doing something that will give me, like, some fun?
The silence is not threatening, but neither is it good
Did you ever wish that you weren’t made of flesh and blood?
I’m feeling so damned stupid for falling on my back
My shoulder was in agony and there’s whiplash in my neck
The doctor, he injected me, but he said it’s down to luck
He may have missed the mark, he says,I wish I’d said,oh feck
Apparently the elderly are not in much demand
I heard a sorta whisper as my head went in the sand
We must keep the silence or we’ll frighten off the young
They don’t seem to notice but the cat will lick my hand
I didn’t know how old I was till the clock flew off the wall
Isn’t it uncanny what you see before the Fall?
The ice in the eye
Invisible glass
Splinters the vision
Light can harass.
Panic makes feints
Like dancing with skates
She passed out in angst
Traumatic the date
The clutch at the heart
Oxygen, gas
Loosen your grip
The glory, the waste
Ariel,Israel,
Where is the horse?
Where are the olives?
Where is her voice?
Cold dull winters bring us close to death
The blood grows thick and scarcely does it move
The worms may shudder deep down in the earth
This damp coldness presses out our breath
The frost and ice, the memory delude
Cold dull winters bring us close to death
Do we need the sun to give us worth?
Low in oxygen, the mind’s confused
The worms have nightmares deep down in the earth
Should we pause, these issues to address?
In this Lockdown, where should we confess?
Cold dull winters bring us close to death
Wonder now what makes our voices terse
With no priests, who shall this poor world bless?
The worms may sleep deep down inside the earth
On each other,let us not intrude
Let all loving kindness be our food
Cold dull winters bring us close to death
Like worms that slumber deep down in the earth
To get you fit for death they took you in
The Rehabilitation of the dead ?
They got you up and sent you to a gym
You had a bed, the light was very dim
So those new books I brought were never read
To get you fit for death they forced you in
You fell onto my lap, it was no sin
Your face as black as Satan’s in his bed
They pulled you up for torture in a gym
They taunted you like Nazi’s, what’s to win?
Tell me what the liars wrote down or said
To get you fit for death they forced you in
When Christ was killed, they hung him on a hill
If God is tortured, where should man be led?
Who imagined dead men in a gym?
When the trouble came the nurses fled
You died in A and E , there was no bed
To prepare you for you death they asked me in
You cried,I want to die, but they just grinned
Please choose a gentle piece of music for your ringtone
[But nothing from Wagner any way]
We all have insomnia.Just work through it
We regret live sex is not allowed but you can dream
Mobile groans will be ignored
Please do not shock us by rising from the bed
Please sit down on your chair and not the consultant’s knee.
Kindly do not tell the doctor he is stupid.He knows already.
The doctor is only a pest when exhausted
Kindly pretend to listen to the Consultant on his round
Kindly do not eat cream buns or meringues in front of the Consultant.He is on a diet.
Kindly avoid catching any bugs belonging to or emanating from this hospital and vice versa
Please do not swallow your Kindle Fire before lights out.Buy a bigger one next time
Keep yourself clean.Take a bed by the open window during a storm.
Kindly avoid dying when we are busy.You can if you think you can
Kindly do not write verse on your sheets unless in water soluble ink
Kindly recover before Friday as we are shutting for the weekend
Kindly write poetry on paper and not on your arms and legs.
Kindly do not copy these rules down.They are our secret.
Kindly keep all you hear secret especially from visitors
Please do not breathe out bad breath
We will take you for a scan in Rymans if you pay.
Bribes are forbidden, but we take them anyway
We love all religions,but don’t argue in here.Go outside and fight if you must.
Don’t convert us while ill
Be holier than thou
Confession is available of Saturdays 5-8 pm if you can walk and talk
Where is God?
The music is the waves as they run high
Across the pebbly sands onto the road
Then groaning of the shingle as waves die
The fish that dwell deep in the dark, dark brine
The flow within as outer waters flow
The music of the waves as they run high
The moon reflects sun’s light to other eyes
Above the seas which rise up to its goad.
Then groans the shingle as the steep waves die
The sea holds hidden goods where we can’t pry
In the deep the heavy water moulds
The music of the waves as they run high
All the day and all of the black night
The seas and oceans change from high to low
Ah, groans the earth as each wave has to die
Re-hear these sounds, are they a sacred code?
As angels wrestled, Jacob feared the Lord
His music is the waves as they run high
His groaning is the shingle as waves die
I was walking in a desert grey and bleak
All alone, with none to speak or eat
I shuddered when I realised the truth
I was unmarried, pregnant, mere refuse.
Cast out for other failings all unknown
My baby came too soon and I alone
A doctor with no face appeared and said
Your baby died ,I see he’s never fed
He flung my baby on his heap of dead
I lay there in the dirt, red with my blood
I had to leave or I would die of grief
The will to live just stronger than a leaf
I went to see my baby, and he smiled
He was still alive, my love,my child
I took him in my arms, where should we go?
I walked into that darkness full and slow
He kept his tongue in his cheek too long so he couldn’t eat
Starved to death
She had her head screwed on the wrong way
Lack of light
He wouldn’t wear his glasses so fell down a well
Unconscious suicidal wish or vanity led to error
She wore shoes that were too small and developed 100 untreated corns
Died of stupidity or poverty
His brain got stuck on the underground as his head fell off his body.
The glueless disease
She wore a yellow bikini on the beach which attracted a lot of wasps
Need I say more?
Died fighting as men wept
She was baking bread but got into the oven and was roasted with a potato
Bad luck.Only do one thing at a time
Died of hyperactivity and lack of concentration
He was writing a blog post and got sad as it seemed too poor
Then he drowned his sorrows [ and himself
He got chilblains which stopped him from walking so his blood froze
Verdict: Bad weather and lack of housing
Arthritis made her so stiff we put her into a coffin and accidentally buried her
Verdict-Misadventure and human error
She fell over the cat and hit her head on the fridge
Verdict? Misfortune as skull too thin
She got off a moving bus as the doors opened
Verdict: Died of conceit
We feel the bitter winter of the heart
The icy hand ,the cruel teeth’s sharp bite
When close friends die, when lovers break apart
Terse,cruel words can make our deep self smart
The weak have little power to make things right
So feel the bitterest winter of their hearts
Humans may like fruit be much too tart
Thus fantasied revenge can blind with light
As close friends die or false lovers depart
While we suffer, we seek maps and charts
Which path to follow,which leads us aright
From the bitter winter of the heart?
The muscles clench, the ligaments are taut
Faces frown, in mirrors demons shriek
If close friends die or lovers haste to part
The pain of loss, the tears that agitate
The mental functions,all have gone on strike
Stricken in the winter of the heart
Retaliation , bitter, wants to fight.
Yet we have little time to see the Light
We curse the bitter winter of the heart
Instinct, humbler. finds for us new charts
If you came back you would not understand
The death of virtue ,truth and beauty too
And to advertise it,tell lies on demand
In my childhood, that bewitching land
Respect brought out good character to view
If you came you could not understand
Writing with a stick upon the sands
Up the tide will rush and wash out truth
So ,to advertise it,tell lies on demand
Evil,slick , obedient Eichmann stands
No human is as mighty as the noose
Coming back you would not understand
We can split an atom, yet be bland
Drop another bomb on human youth
To hide our sin we tell lies on demand
Once we worshipped Pan with horns and hoof
Now we worship Satan,God’s own proof
f you came back you would not understand
Media will tell lies and make demands
I
I dreamed of you last night, you wore a smile
Fifty years ago you took your life
And left me for the agony, the trial
Since then I’ve had no vision but denial
Your face was absent,cut out by a knife
I dreamed of you last night, your little smile
There was no motive, we had never quarreled
I was blinded, nervous and too shy
You left to me the agony, the trial
Who consoles the woman left in horror?
Sickly on my lonely bed I lay
I dreamed of you last night, you wore a smile
In my view, I could not see tomorrow
Through my suffering I did try to pay
You left to me the agony, the trial
The grief of fifty years came out today
Oh, lay down, baby, lay down, baby, lay
I dreamed that you were here, your face. your smile
You console me now poor lovers reconciled
They tell me I’ve got three years
What did you do?
Stopped chemotherapy, got all my money together and sailed round the world
Sounds good
But I have no money left.They said I’d die in one year
I am so sorry you are still alive.Those doctors are idiots
I’ll have to go on benefits
Just applying might kill you
Well. God knows I want somewhere to live
Try a Stable!
I can’t afford to be ill.What’s the cheapest way to die?
Either starvation or Beachy Head
I long to visit Gaza first
Why?
I’ve never seen a person strip
And if you go near the Border….. it could be the answer to your prayers.
I’ve not prayed for years
Just a metaphor.You could go to the USA and as you are black the police may kill you free if you can’t pay for your cigarettes.Just get a fake 20 dollar bill before shopping
Where from?
I can make one here
You mean you are a crook?
Not yet, but I am hoping
Why?
I’ve got schizophrenia and I need money for therapy
You mean they charge the sick?
They are just being politically correct
It reminds me of the Light Brigade
They say a foetus is sacred
Yes, until birth!
Well,I’ll have to think about this
I prefer never to think
How thoughtless!
Everyone is bleeding but we won’t stop fighting wars
We even sell our weapons and the torture tools make gold
Europe a disaster for more than several hundred years
We will not watch the News as this sort of stuff’s a bore
My heart is beating faster and I’m feeling freezing cold
Everyone is bleeding but we won’t stop fighting wars
We’re defenceless little creatures with wicked central core
With our many nuclear weapons, maybe we are over-bold
Europe courts disaster for more than several hundred years
Jesus hangs defenceless outside the liquor store
I wonder how much longer those Roman nails will hold
Everyone is bleeding but we won’t stop fighting wars
The pain of living here is that our swollen hearts will tear
God picks up a paperclip, his lips are cold and closed
Europe a disaster for more than several hundred years
Now the Day of Judgement comes, we stand arrayed in rows
The Jews are singing Kaddish while the tortured children freeze
Everyone is bleeding but we won’t stop fighting wars
Civilised disaster for the last two thousand years
Before the referendum
Before I rang 999
When I didn’t know how near the end you were
Before Nigel Farage
Jo Cox
The lies of Michael Gove
Before Boris Johnson’s genes left Turkey
Before Leonard Cohen sang,save the last waltz for me
Before I heard Suzanne
Before you haemmoraged the bathroom into wine
Before you consecrated the bread
Before you were dead
Before by a journalist we were led
Before children said,fuck everything
Before Cohen died
Dylan got the Nobel Prize
Before aspirations were merely for another shag and a new denim hat
Before marriage was for licking each others’ groins
What poems fell dead
And the snow fled
Before the hatred of slow reading came and glued itself to our minds
Then we had the hottest September
In December
And the ice cap floated down the globe
Observed by toads
When you were still alive
And the lawn was unmowed
The buttercups are burning in the fields
The sun is hanging low as if to see
The Ash fall to the earth, the level sealed
The grass turns brown ,the barley ripe will kneel.
The hares are leaping,wait, I watch them flee.
The buttercups are burning in the fields
The Honeysuckle curves like a red wheel
Hanging flowers still humming with brown bees
The ashes to the earth dark riches yield
This fiery land will flaunt its bright appeal
As from the trees hang ghosts of still born leaves
The buttercups are burning in the fields
The spiders wait, the rabbits ,raunchy, reel.
What is this Earth our eyes, all new, perceive
Where ashes to the earth dark riches yield?
Who are we such dark gold to receive
When humans trick each other and deceive?
The buttercups are burning in the fields
Their ashes shall redeem as richness yields
When I am happier than I am today
I seem to feel your presence and your gaze
But now I turn to where you sat and read
To find a hole, an absence and a dread
A lack of energy, a grey fatigue
A feeling that my heart unholy bleeds
Gives me no new vibrance nor new look
I feel as dead as an old library book
Alas I woke one happy day to joy
Then off it rode like an unstable boy
And when the doom descended then I cursed
For that brief joy made my dumb dark heart feel worse
If I could live like butterflies all bright
I should have my days of sun and light
How my heart sings 