Katherins  December 2, 2013 

• Bands of rhyme will be crossing the UK tomorrow.. streams of poetry will bring rain in the eyes.
  Season’s Tweetings to Sinners if all repent
  Shadow of silence are folding over like an envelope.
  The spice of wife..pepper.
  Hop around the roses
  It’s best to saunter nowadays.
  When inside out, a cat can still scratch.. with its reversible catclaws.Try one tonight.Just unzip the cat and it will spring into the heir…to the throne or is it the air all round
  Until the end of all rhymes I’ll be loving you
  Time feels all wounds…and fills holes
  Maps of the iceberg have melted..
  Two hearts that beat as none ever did.
  I wait for the lime to be ripe then it will be a lemon.
  If you have a man,wash him weekly in a tin bath…don’t blame me if you get drawn in…..mate in the bath … saves washing the sheets.

Image copyright Katherine Braithwaite

Copyright Katherine Braithwaite

Winter had come very early to Knittingham yet owing to the late summer and wet autumn,many trees still had their leaves,,,,,,,,,,,some were even green.Stan and Mary were sitting in their mock Tudor cottage style kitchen eating muffins and honey with Earl grey tea in mugs.
Wow,it’s so cold,Mary remarked.
Now,Mary I have told you before that Wow is not a word I expect to hear from such a highly educated person as yourself….why waste your learning?All those years climbing over wallsOxford and dating clever doctors from Harvard…

Bollocks,Mary answered in a tone not unlike the late Rose Nordloch,philosopher extraordinaire who was famed for her obscene talk.
I am thinking of buying some woollen vests,she continued loudly.
Good grief!
What is it, my darling Stan said nosily.
Mary was looking at a catalogue of ladies clothing. and lingerie which had come in the postThey are £39 each,she said wonderingly.If I get three it will be nearly £120 plus postage.Just imagine,I may be unable to afford wool vests

Can’t you just buy one and wear it all winter like the Tudors did?her loving yet irascible husband replied

I think it would get smelly,my dear,even if I wore my anti -perspirant,Mary answered benignly.We should get wool vests from the Government to save us from going to A and E with double pneumonia,she continued softly…Shall we mention it at the Labour Party meeting? I can get it on the agenda

No,no,Stan cried,I want your lingerie to be a secret…

A woollen vest is hardly lingerie,she retorted.. sounding like a character from Barbara Pym‘s novels

Everything a lady wears under her dress in lingerie he murmured gently….bras,knickers,pantaloons,petticoats,vests,corsets,suspender belts.stockings,tights,trouser liners,lace,fine silk,short underskirts,long underskirts……..nighties

But some lingerie is more sensual…Stan said wistfully,recalling the brown silk underwear Mary used to wear before feminism made most lingerie a No,No! Anyway,Mary said,we are too old for sex….we are too stiff and we are too shy now as well

But not too old to have a few fantasies,Stan thought… and woollen vests did not feature in his… he preferred lace and silk with a hint of perfume…. maybe a little embroidery….a dying art

Emile came in and asked for a vest too and some underpants… suppose I wet them? he miaowed in a panic

Well,you can’t have a nappy,Emile.Stan informed him.

I have no desire for such things,Emile mioawed angrily…where is my food?

Oh, yes… it’s in the fridge,said Stan.He took a large goldfish out of the fridge
Where did you get that from? Mary asked fearfully
Oh,that tom cat down the road knocked a fish tank over and he gave Emile one
.But they are pets!She shrieked…. ring 999 now and ask for an ambulance

Dave the bisexual paramedic strode in looking merry.

It’s Frank,the gold fish,said Mary fearfully……………i he dead
He is not quite dead,Dave answered….get a bowl of rain water.He put Frank into the bowl and Frank began to swim…

Well, that’s a bloody miracle,Mary screamed. almost frightening Stan to death!

Just call him Lazy Lazarus.Dave quipped…he was in suspended animation.. fish are very clever.Would you like me to clean out the kitchen or fetch in some coal for the scuttle? he asked the old dears,

Thanks but not today,Dave.We were just discussing vests.Do you wear one?

Oh,yes.he said, and I wear a short petticoat too….I’dd love a silk one as I am a transexual too,so I believe

Very wise,Mary informed him.Underwear keeps us warm.

And it makes me hot,thought Dave…. but he said nothing.He kept his sex life almost a secret even from himself

Vests,thought Mary.

To buy or not to buy

That is my question

• Mary was just running out of the front door when she realised she had not combed her hair.
  She looked around, and found a small wire brush labelled,”For nubuck and suede shoes”…..
  Peering into the old mirror she ran it though her gold and silver hair,powdered her nose with her Estee Lauder natural beige foundation in powder form and slapped some coral lipstick on with haste.. and accuracy.
  Right,that’s it,she thought.Enough to show willing.
  She met her old friend Maureen at the bus stop.
  Have you been seeing Joel again? Maureen asked naughtily.
  No,I’ll be damned if I see him again,Mary said shyly.He told me he was living alone in a large house up the hill, then I met him with his wife.Who was he trying to fool?
  Maybe he hoped you would not notice?
  Not notice what,her wedding ring?
  Luckily the bus came down the road and stopped beside them.They jumped on and ran to the back. for a gab.
  Are you going shopping? Maureen asked.
  No,I am going to take some photos of the jazz band playing on the pavement by the bank… but I told Stan I was going to the pharmacy to buy some Vaseline….
  Why,does he not like you taking photos?
  Not when an old boyfriend of mine is in the band.
  Exactly how old is the boyfriend?
  About 69 I guess.
  Well he’s not that old!
  He is an ex I should have said.I knew him in primary school and used to ride his tricycle.He was my first love.We were only 5 years old.I think it was his red curls and the tricycle that attracted me… but we split up when we were 6.
  Surely Stan would not be jealous;it is 63 years ago,
  And to me it was like last year!Well. you know time does not exist in the Unconscious.
  How wonderful.
  Yes and no.Good memories can be there but also pain can seem as if it just happened even when it is from 50 years ago.
  Have you had a lot of men admiring you,dear?
  How would I know?There could be thousands if they were too shy to speak.
  You know what I mean!
  Not so many.. I had my second when we were 10.He had golden hair and long eye lashes and lots of games in boxes.He was very sweet but we were to young to be engaged so I decided to give men up and study mathematics instead as that has its own icy beauty…
  Wel,,nice meeting you.Have you dyed your hair;it’s got brown streaks.
  Oh,dear,Mary thought.Is it shoe polish? But who polishes suede shoes nowadays?
  Stan was following Mary on his Face Bike.He was watching her from behind the bike racks in front of the HSBC Bank…
  Mary had had many bikes in her life.. what would a fortune teller make of that,he asked himself.
  Still,she had no idea Stan was nearby as she wandered nonchalantly along the grey pavement in her Rosella dress and Gabor suede Mary Janes..
  Now then, where shall I go to take the photos,she thought…maybe I’ll sit outside this Coffee Shop and pretend to feel faint if anyone asks me to buy coffee…
  she opened her bag and took out her Kindle Paperwhite… she was reading,
  Creative Imagery and Healing… and also Cars and Peace by Leo Wholeshaw.. a futuristic novel set in North London.In the first chapter a grandmother has been beheaded in North London.
  That’s a bit far fetched,Mary had thought when she read it but in fact Wholeshaw had been right on the ball when he wrote his e book and self published it on Cramuzon for £3.89…
  I wonder if I’d like to write a novel, Mary mused… just then she saw Stan on the other side of the road talking to a blonde bombshell dressed all in pink.
  I see,she thought.He didn’t know I’d be here as the pharmacy is half a mile away.
  Who is watching whom?Well.the morals be lacking but my grammar is incorrect, damn it!
  And  so swear of us

When the weather turns out wet
Emile has to wear a hat
Mary bought it in a Sale
Making sure it was for males.

Yellow with two cotton ties
It keeps the rain from Emile’s eyes
Mary has her own hat too
Bought in Orford, it is blue

Emile as he is a cat
Up a tree does love to sit
But when he’s leaping tree to tree
With his rain hat , he can’t see.

Mary said, “well stay indoors
You can help me with the chores
I’ll make a harness with a cart
You can carry soap.dear heart.”

“Otherwise go visit Anne
Eat the curry in her pan
Scratch her doormat,sniff for mice
Eat her cake and churn her rice”

I think I saw Stan on the stairs
It’s that velvet coat he wears
I may go and have a rest
I can lean upon his chest

Shall we visit him tonight?
Emile,dear, you must not bite
If he is a spirit now
You may only give a bow

Annie came in looking flushed
By the milkman she was kissed
One more man and she will die
Mary says she needs meat pie

Then the ladies make some tea
Gossip till their minds are free
Mary wants to write a book
If dear Anne will learn to cook

Stan is hiding in the coats
He is checking what they write
Then an angel flies to him
God wants enemies within

So practise love and hope and faith
Even though you have no grace
Say God is dead but do not taunt
Jesus preaching on the Mount

Be you friend or be you foe
Through a needle’s eye we go
See, you’re full of love and grace
Now go home and wash your face

Please stop dissecting my arguments on the phone I didn’t even know they were arguments I think they are like musings

I wonder if the terms sin still has a useful meaning so for example after you’ve committed adultery in your front room with one of the neighbours as they are leaving say

Go now and sin no more but that has one flaw  they might charge you the next time you take them on the sexual partner and who can afford to pay for it  these days?

Dr is it safe to eat a couch potato?

Have you got your degree yet? Well I’ve got a degree of it!

You barely passed at Oxford. Well I was embarrassed.

After 40 years of marriage my husband said he was very angry with me. So I said to him why did you wait till you were ill? We could have had a fight.

You have always got an answer.

But I’m still waiting for the questions.

Remember that not everything is a problem to be solved

I

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/f10ca0fc-7cbb-11e9-bed7-b51375720f1f?shareToken=79802d5edae0e9576a63e85a46c3159a

Love

When first I saw your soulful face,
Then wished I most to you embrace.
I wished as well to clothe you in
The sacred images within.

To find a home for love without;
To fold my dreams all round about
Your loving body and your face
Were covered in such joy and grace.

But now my dreams are cast aside
The world of meaning denied life.
What seemed most precious now is fled…
And I lie sleepless in my bed.

What is the world when unadorned
With all that in my heart I’ve formed?
There is no meaning I can trace.
As in a mother’s empty face.

On these grey rocks my path is hard.
From paradise, my self is barred.
To struggle or to grief succumb
When this dark day of mourning’s done?

Into His dazzling darkness dart
My dreams and love like dying sparks.
Into His Mystery now so fair
I’ll cast both hope and my despair.

Thus my dreams will be transformed
To show themselves in other forms.
What feels a loss may foretell growth.
On my hope,I’ll take an oath

That nothing in my life is waste,
That I have not for phantasms chased.
And you are human,as am I.
Let’s live again until we die

Mary decided to go to bed early..She sat down on the green velvet chair in the corner and took off her outer woollen woven clothes which were pale pink and ready for the wash.As it was so cold she decided to leave her red damart thermal underwear on over which she donned a purple fleece nightgown and a mauve woollen bed jacket.She put some long green woollen bed socks on too and a tan sheepskin hat from East Norfolk.
By her bed were some sheepskin slippers. from Drapers of Glastonbury.
After cleaning her teeth with her gas powered toothbrush she climbed into her bed and began reading Ted Hughes’ letters in a fat volume which she had had for a few years but never finished as she only read them in bed to save carrying the heavy book about.
He certainly knew how to write letters she murmured to herself.
Suddenly her door opened with a thud and a large ,handsome old man came into her bedroom looking puzzed and amazed.
Good evening,baby, he said.
Good evening,she replied slightly angrily as she was busy. reading.Why she’d had enough of all that with her husband and her ex lover Bill Clinton
Why are you wearing all that heavy clothing,?he asked nosily.
What’s it got to do with you? she demanded sarcastically

Well,it’s going to be hard to make love to you,he told her chastely with his loving eyes.
What on earth do you mean,Mary cried mysteriously.
He came a bit closer and looked down at her face.
I’m terribly sorry,he said.I must be sleepwalking,
What number are you?
78 ,she told him calmly.
Oh my, I am dyslexic.I should be at 87.
But how do you get in Mary asked him ,her face red with the warm clothes
I just open the lock with a credit card,he replied intellectually.
A policeman in Oxford showed me.It was the only useful thing I learned at the University

Well, you are here would you mind making me some fresh tea.I am sweating so much I am dehydrated.Julius went into the teal and cream colored kitchen where he found all he needed.
He got a tray and took the tea up to Mary just like her husband once did.
Here you are,dear.he said kindly.

OMG,you’re Stan, she shouted.
Sorry to disappoint you, dear but I am Julius Tweezer from round the corner.
I didn’t know there was a corner,she said curiously.
I like your kitchen,he told her.My wife liked red but it was too bright for me so I left her
I think that’s ridiculous,Mary cried.To get divorced over a red kitchen is really stupid.

Well,it’s less embarrassing in court than to say you are frigid,impotent a bully and mean as well,he said coyly.
Very cunning,Mary said,I didn’t know men were frigid and why were you so mean?

I am a hermaphrodite,actually ,he boasted.I don’t know why I am mean;it must be genetic like intelligence was once imagined to be.
Well drink your tea and don’t think of England,she whispered.
I am too old for all that,she lied gently

You look young to me,he faltered.It’s all in the mind.so they say.
Suddenly a policeman came in wearing a floral apron
Sorry,madam,he cried.This poor man has got lost and I have come to take him home
You can take me home,Mary said flirtatiously.I’m only 32 and full of beans
Madam ,control yourself.This is a Christian country. Which is odd as Jesus was not a Christian and never saw the Vatican and all that tat.
Well,Jesus would not mind,she bragged, because he understands women taken in adultery.
So you are married then,he asked sycofrantically

Well I have a wedding ring on but I’ve lost my husband,Mary yelped like a terrier at a foxhole.
They are a nuisance sometimes aren’t they , said the officer.
He’s probably hunting rabbits by the old greenwood with Ted Hughes.You go to sleep now.He began to sing,”Golden Wonders kiss your eyes” and Mary was lulled to sleep under her old duvet and a thick acrylic and mohair rug she had knitted herself.Let’s hope she doesn’t wet the bed because she’s just had cystitis and drunk 3 pints of water.

What a funny day, mewed Emile.But nobody heard him except the mice in the wainscotting.He put on his hat and went into his basket with a rosary to play with or is it pray with?

Good night

https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/ede1ff56-c282-11ed-89bb-9ee8b04f3f4c?shareToken=dfc464840bf625b39624343b215078c0

We enjoyed the elegiac monotony of the English weather.

Our house was called, Stunned Foaming.

When I became 5 years old the picture on the wall which used to be the three Bears changed into a river with a three arched bridge crossing it.

We were stunned by the snake like behaviour on the management. Let’s hope they shed their skin soon

My sister oh my sister do not die

I feel that I still need you in my world

And Rivington we saw the larks upfly

Anglezarke the reservoir still swirled

Fresh water for old Liverpool’s

supply

I cannot go to Rivington alone

Nor Scotchmans Stump to see birds little bones

Once we lit a fire by a stream.

I’d like to go there now my love my queen.

Sturdy and determined she would climb.

Take the bus to Horwich it’s nearby

We saw ripe elderberries full and fine

In the distance Winter Hill stood high

The highest hill about so high austere

I won’t take you there sweet Eileen dear

https://www.wired.com/story/how-to-use-android-recovery-mode/

Be my favourite face on my smartphone.

Let me see your face where ere I roam

Let us have a marriage of true minds

Love will romantic when you’re mine

The point now at infinity has style

Put it on your phone and see for miles

I have re-drawn my boundaries so we no longer intersect…Eve.
Thank you for the heathen, please send another, Josie.
I never want to flee from you again, I have pre-flown, Anne.
You promised me a rose pardon, not a humorous growth, Hubert.
I’ll never prey on women again in case I meet you or your doppelganger, Bill.
This week my prayers are sponsored by Hewlett-Packard as God likes HP sauce.
You cried out like a radioactive boar at first but then you went over the hedge and wanted love in the nettlebed.Too rash for me, Tom.
I only married you for lack of other duffers, Marie.
You are a very good actress or actor as we PC folk say now.I truly believed you liked me until you thought I was a tea bag and brewed me .What does it all seem? Jim
If and only if you die I shall grant you eternal rest.So wake up and play, Tim.
Life, what’s it all but a doubt? Joseph
I know God loves me from afar but I had hoped you would approach me bodily, Torah.
My husband liked his mother so much he practically married her.
Ariel gets the dirt out of your clothes and you will be amazed when you see them.They’ll look different but will feel you the same.
I never wish to be you again, Cleo.
I never wish to strangled with glue again, Antony.
Caesar was killed by a brute with a stagger and a hungry fiend
I’ve never trespassed on God but why does he keep watching us?
I need a new gas cooker.The oven is no G-d.No use worshipping this…Baal!

The still small voice is easy to ignore.

Why does love speak in this quiet voice

Underneath the bustle and the noise

Coming from it’s habitation poor

On the peak the frightened prophet heard

Hiding in a cave, while tempests shreiked

He heard god’s whispers, in this place so bleak

Absent was all life bar little little birds

Now we are cocooned with food and heat

The BBC controls the voices heard.

Jezebel is coming we must act

Lineker the prophet sends out Tweets.

Wisdom is a sparrow on the wind.

Listen to its song for we have sinned

https://theconversation.com/the-power-of-swearing-how-obscene-words-influence-your-mind-body-and-relationships-192104

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2023/mar/13/the-big-idea-in-a-disaster-bad-help-can-be-worse-than-no-help-at-all?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

I had an interesting conversation a woman who said to me that she was never aggressive that she was assertive.

But can you judge your own behaviour or should you take into account how people experience you?

I asked her that question and she knocked me out with a single claw.

I bed your jargon.

What rhyme is it?

What play is it today ?

I’m afraid. I have to go home somehow

Won’t you pay for wee?

Please raise the dead before I come

It’s a good thing we had sex before marriage because we have had none since

What about your 15 children?

They have not had it either

9

I had a cat which never scratched or bit
Her manners were perfection , I can say
But on the stairs she lay and fell asleep
So tripped me up when I had got a tray

She always knew when I had a new dress
For she would leap down from the window sill
And she would try to milk the fabric pure
Till I had threads and holes where she had pulled.

She used her scratching post when we were home
Yet when we went away, she disobeyed
For we found scratches on the sofa arms
Where she had exercised the right to play

Yet when she died we missed her very much
So now she’s sitting on the sofa, stuffed