I gave up history for cretins

I wanted mustard not custard on the pork
I said  please write to Fred,not  he is dead
I said double cream,not devils scream
I said he wants butter not he’s a nutter
I said IOU, not loving is taboo
Her new dress is pure milk
Her collages are a fright to withold
Can I handwash my brows?
A new tooth brush is a goodbye
What’s the latest on Horace?
We studied Freaks and Nomads at school
I gave up history  for cretins
He missed out on statins
Transmigration is  hard to get  the rites for
Five million  contortions a year
He  died in the  glue athletics
It’s all academic
I failed Geography  for Dummies
All my food was poached on her
Am I a spy? Don’t tell a lie!