Mary eats out


Mary was going out for a meal with some former colleagues who had taught under functioning analysis and triquacking theory.She stood in her bedroom, surrounded by piles of clothes, wondering how hot the restaurant might be and how cold and frosty the air in the road by the bus stop.
I think I’ll phone Pete she told herself.
Pete answered on the first ring.After so many years, she still recognised his semi- South African accent and pleasing voice
Hello,it’s Mary Dirac-Brown hers, she said shyly.
Hello Mary Dirac-Brown, he responded instantly
Why, he sounds like the Amazon website, she thought to herself.That figures!
Hello Pete, I was wondering if you could give me a lift to the restaurant tonight
You don’t need a lift, it’s on the ground floor, he informed her quietly and sensitively
I mean in your car.I can’t drive now.
Why not?
Actually, I never took the Test because I always drove very fast
Why didn’t you use the brakes? he teased her.I reckon you might have passed.
I stopped the car and vowed never to drive again but now it is a problem with Stan  dead etc
Well, what time do you suggest? Shall I come earlier?
Why does he say that ,she pondered
No, it will take ages to put  all my clothes away.I can’t make up my mind what to wear.
Why not just copy Hilary Clinton?
I must not buy any more clothes.Shall I dress smartly? Or smart casual or unsmart?
I know, said Pete.Shut your eyes and pick up 3 things off the bed and then wear those.
Mary closed her eyes.When she opened them she had a pair of Arran legwarmers, a green silk shirt and a black pleated silk skirt.
I suppose if I wear my new long camel coat, the leg warmers will be hidden, she whispered.She took a bottle of dandruff shampoo and washed her light gold locks and then waxed her bikini line by mistake.
My goodness,  why and how did I ever think of doing that, she pondered ruefully?And in the winter who wears a bikini?
Dressed in her pure silk outfit, the legwarmers hidden under thigh high red leather boots, she created a buzz in the restaurant as she climbed in through the window followed by Pete in his yellow wool suit and green tie.
Why did you come in via the window, asked Tom McDonne, the former head of  her maths department.
We didn’t see any doors, she cried gaily.And Mossad wants more women agents so I thought MI5 might like to see me.
Who is this Mossad, Tom asked?
It’s the Israeli intelligence service.You must have heard of them.
But they don’t want old people! Tom told her ignorantly
That’s why we came through the window, so if any spies are here they will see how agile I am still.And I still know what uncountable infinity is.Aleph, aleph.
Tom led them to a  long table.
Wow, it’s a log table Mary screamed.I’ve not seen one for years.
Well, with computers and such like we don’t really need them anymore, Tom revealed.
Are they real logs, she queried.
No, they are vinyl, the waiter admitted furtively.Easier to wash
Mother never washed my log tables, Mary told the men impudently.
Let’s order some food, Tom said, as they all sat down
I fancy the Polish Hussar Roast,  he admitted.
What has a Polish Hussar ever done to you, Mary asked?
Nothing yet but I live in hope
And so do all of u

Mary tries to tell a lie

  •  qq.jpgMary was just running out of the front door when she realised she had not combed her hair.
    She looked around, and found a small brush labelled,”For nubuck and suede shoes”…..
    Peering into the old mirror she ran it though her gold and silver hair,powdered her nose with her Estee Lauder natural beige foundation in powder form and slapped some coral lipstick on with haste.. and accuracy.
    Right,that’s it,she thought.Enough to show willing.
    She met her old friend Maureen at the bus stop.
    Have you been seeing Joel again? Maureen asked naughtily.
    No,I’ll be damned if I see him again,Mary said shyly.He told me he was living alone in a large house up the hill, then I met him wi
    th his wife.Who was he trying to fool?
    Maybe he hoped you would not notice?
    Not notice what,her wedding ring?
    Luckily the bus came down the road and stopped beside them.They jumped on and ran to the back. for a gab.
    Are you going shopping? Maureen asked.
    No,I am going to take some photos of the jazz band playing on the pavement by the bank… but I told Stan I was going to the pharmacy to buy some Vaseline….
    Why,does he not like you taking photos?
    Not when an old boyfriend of mine is in the band.
    Exactly how old is the boyfriend?
    About 69 I guess.

    Well he’s not that old!
    He is an ex I should have said.I knew him in primary school and used to ride his tricycle.He was my first love.We were only 5 years old.I think it was his red curls and the tricycle that attracted me… but we split up when we were 6.
    Surely Stan would not be jealous;it is 63 years ago,
    And to me it was like last year!Well. you know time does not exist in the Unconscious.
    How wonderful.
    Yes and no.Good memories can be there but also pain can seem as if it just happened even when it is from 50 years ago.
    Have you had a lot of men admiring you,dear?
    How would I know?There could be thousands if they were too shy to speak.
    You know what I mean!
    Not so many.. I had my second when we were 10.He had golden hair and long eye lashes and lots of games in boxes.He was very sweet but we were to young to be engaged so I decided to give men up and study mathematics instead as that has its own icy beauty…

    Wel,,nice meeting you.Have you dyed your hair;it’s got brown streaks.
    Oh,dear,Mary thought.Is it shoe polish? But who polishes suede shoes nowadays?
    Stan was following Mary on his Face Bike.He was watching her from behind the bike racks in front of the HSBC Bank…
    Mary had had many bikes in her life.. what would a fortune teller make of that,he asked himself.
    Still,she had no idea Stan was nearby as she wandered nonchalantly along the grey pavement in her Rosella dress and Gabor suede Mary Janes..
    Now then, where shall I go to take the photos,she thought…maybe I’ll sit outside this Coffee Shop and pretend to feel faint if anyone asks me to buy coffee…
    she opened her bag and took out her Kindle Paperwhite… she was reading,
    Creative Imagery and Healing… and also Cars and Peace by Leo Wholeshaw.. a futuristic novel set in North London.In the first chapter a grandmother has been
    beheaded in North London.
    That’s a bit far fetched,Mary had thought when she read it but in fact Wholeshaw had been right on the ball when he wrote his e book and self published it on Cramuzon for £3.89…
    I wonder if I’d like to write a novel, Mary mused… just then she saw Stan on the other side of the road talking to a blonde bombshell dressed all in pink.
    I see,she thought.He didn’t know I’d be here as the pharmacy is half a mile away.
    Who is watching whom?Well.the morals be lacking but my grammar is incorrect, damn it!
    And  so swear of us

I need your words

Why did you not speak before you died?
I need words,I can’t interpret smiles
When you said you loved me, did you lie?
When you could have heard me, you would sigh
Why did you not speak before you died?
Where is Reason when it’s not applied
Why do lovers not respond to cries?
Why do we beget yet not beguile?
Why did you not speak before you died?
I need your words,I can’t interpret smiles