Father, it is fifty years since my last Confession
I didn’t realise you were an old person
We;l I was only eight last time
You mean, you have only been once?
Yes, it was a terrifying experience
Surely an eight year old would not have committed a lot of sins?
It’s not the number, it’s the seriousness
Do remind me what you dId?
I made the cat have a bath
Is that immoral?
Well, the cat didn’t like it
Why did you do it?
I thought it would stop her needing to lick herself all over.
And did it?
She moved next door and lived there for 20 years
Well, that’s not too bad.What have you done now?
I keep dreaming about strangling Boris Johnson
That’s only a sin if you injure him
If only I could tell him how I feel
He can’t listen.He’s an egoist
Is that a religion
Yes, in a sense.They adore themselves.
How about prayer?
They have no other god they worship
How miserable.Can’t they worship flowers?
I wish I knew
What would Jesus say?
Look at the lilies in the field.
Well, we have none
It is a simile or metaphor.Look at the dandelions
I’ve always felt they were underrated
And so do all of us