I thought I’d write another villanelle I like repeated lines as in a song The music seems to permeate my cells Inside my entire being music dwells Would I write another villanelle? A triolet is shorter, love is long Musing, I decided villanelle. I like repeated lines but am I wrong?
I have lost my lingerie,oh dear I dried it on a shrub, the sky was clear The sun was very hot, my washing dried I put in a bag which I can’t find
So now I wait for Amazon to bring A parcel of white cotton underthings I also have an ulcer on my toe I thought it only fair to let you know
Where are all the clothes that I have lost While in my poetry I am engrossed? Once my home had order and restraint If a man came near me, he would faint
Maybe all this loss is a defence Keeps my mind from wondering where he went
The tender glance, the heart, the love displayed Where will I find a home now you are gone Where in the abyss is such a place? Where the eyes which will contain my gaze? The voice that spoke to me can’t be replaced At this turning point , the change will come The tender glance, the heart, the love displayed Where will I find a home,my love is gone?
The heart that touched my heart I feel no more Alone in this great space. I feel afraid Like a conductor who has lost the Score The soul that touched my soul I feel no more As other orders that soul did obey The heart that touched my heart I feel no more Alone in the abyss. I feel afraid
The face that was familiar is no more Yet in my dreams ,he is alive again If ,by a fluke, his life could be restored
It would affect me like the hidden chord
If played, my own life force would go.
That one must live and one must die is plain
The face that was familiar is no more.
Yet in my dreams ,he is alive again
They tore the blanket in my pram in two I could not sit up but I could see Is this what older brothers often do?
I have no other memory nor a clue I could not speak nor could I even flee They tore the blanket in my pram in two
Ambivalent,dynamic,what’s this glue? They fought at every chance,ignoring me Is this what older brothers often do?
Parents were not there,that’s nothing new Where do the feelings of the mute dwell silently? They tore the blanket in my pram in two
Still these speech-wrecked moods descend on me How to transform fear, indentity? Is this what older brothers have to do?
Intense emotion feels too sharp. though true The feelings push and shove inside of me They tore my knitted blanket into two If I’d had no brothers,I’d be who?
How can it be he is no longer here?
How can it be I do not hear that voice
His presence haunts me from his battered chair
Though I have money and no needs to bare
I feel the grief, the affect of his choice.
How can it be that he has vanished here?
What is a world when loss turns to despair.
When every sheet by weeping is made moist?
His presence haunts from his beloved chair
Now we learn the symbol of the hare
Hunted, captured, killed,oh lachrymose
How can it be when love should counter fear?
Into the real, we stand and longtime stare
We’re begging, blaming, badgered, shamed and gassed
Some presence feints with ours in death’s own lairs
Now the world of man has long surpassed
The time we could blame God for what we ‘ve missed
How can it be that He is never here?
His absence haunts: symbolic, suffered, real.
I’m in deep now,never been this deep before
The world’s hollow like a shell and I’m out its door.~
In so deep, the ocean has its own startled floor.
I’m down,down.down.never been so dark , so more
I can’t rightly tell how I got where I am
I think I had an accident,fell over, then I swam.
Sometimes it’s a loss, be times it’s a man.
I guess I only do it ‘cos I know some folk can.
I don’t know if the joy is worth the pain
Would I choose to relive it if I was born again?
The deep joy is the amazing gain.
But the sorrow is damn sad, let’s admit it plain.
I’m in deep and it’s over my head
What was I thinking of,when I fell out of that bed?
I look up and the sea’s so turquoise like that mist is red
When we get good and mad and wish some loon was dead.
At first, it was all just black,black pain
But from the bottom of the well,
I looked up with awed love again.
That’s when I recalled,feelings are broad and sane
Joy is much greater when we’re in the deep,deep zone.
I dunno if I’m ever comin’ out.
We can’t control it,ain’t that what life’s all about?
I’ll never love with innocence again,nor not feel doubt.
But I’m no teapot and the devil ain’t got my spout.
I’m swimming and the ocean’s so mysteriously bright
Down here we don’t have no day nor no night
Fish nudge me with big grins and teeth white
Sea flowers fondle me and whisper,turn off that light
I believe in God.My own father was very similar Luckily I am a girl Wow,Art in heaven! Why must God’s will be done?Is the church a democracy? What is a dictatorship? When one person has all the power without any love for others Sounds like marriage Why do we only get bread from God? Can’t he even give us water? I’d be better off in prison Does everybody except me trespass and if so why? Can’t we get into temptation without being led? I don’t want to be delivered from, by, or to Evil Why was it ok for Joseph to adopt Jesus.Was it legal?
He wanted to give him a good start in life Why did God create Earth? He wanted to grow his own fruit and befriend a snake Why did God only want one child? He had insomnia Why is it wrong to lie? I can’t sit up all night Where is Adultery?
Is it free? Why do we not convert our neighbour’s wife? Why do we go to church? Because they burned down the Synagogue Did we convert? On the face of it
But we don’t eat pork
That’s just a coincidence
1.~Start early to prepare for Confession if you still go
Commit an interesting, but harmless to others, sin early in the week to avoid that dumb panic on Saturday at 5 pm
You may already have done this accidentally,
Do NOT kill anything nor tempt others to sin [my, I never knew I was so attractive]
What sin is interesting without being wicked?
Do let me know
“2
Never tell a sick friend that you can’t visit because you are going to Mass, Vespers ,lighting candles etc
3
Never talk about religion unless others do first.In any case, it’s probably better to avoid it
4
One of the main points of religion is to remind us we are not God and never will be.
Leave it all out if you like, but keep this.
You don’t have to go to church to listen to the Sermon on the Mount or to spend a short time alone with yourself and present to your self…. in that, we may find some connection we didn’t know of.Similarly you can sit with a friend having a hard time without lecturing them on how you would cope
5.Try to ignore that desire to correct others errors including do help them by mis-pronoincing a word they just mis-pronounced; unless you are a teacher in school
and especially theological errors
6.Listen for the still small voice rather than shouting a list of desires godwards.He/It/She is not Father Xmas
7 Go into a wood and forget everything including this.
Read theology by people who are NOT Catholics like Martin Luther King
So,how are you getting on with your SoulMates choices I’ve just met someone who disbelieves in the same God as I do What about his job? He’s been fired just like I was Well,this sounds promising.Does he have a sense of humour? Yes, he’s trying to live on Benefits Is he in good health? No, he’s in Godmanchester Is he well dressed? For an unemployed widower, yes! Where does he take you? To the public convenience Why? To save water. Where else? To the library Does he read? He read History at Nottingham And what does he think? He’s still in shock What about? Caligula Is he doing Ancient History? It’s all ancient or it’s not history Will you marry him or join a nunnery It’s not all black and white, you know We might live in sin I’ve never been,is the climate good? Hot as hell So it will raise your Vitamin D? To infinity You don’t say. can I come? Don’t ask me.I’m annoyed
Why? If Boris Johnson had gone to a Polytechniciv none of this mess would exist Just a different one Could it be worse? Oh, much worse. How? The hills would be mountains The sea an ocean
Do you write poetry?
No,I speak it
Is it a tongue?
Who decides?
Doctor I’ve got an ulcer on my bunion
Don’t keep showing off
Doctor, the cat bit me
That’s not a cat, it’s a tiger cub
Do I have to die while you carry on about names?
No,I’ll be silent
Doctor I was sick on the TV
Fame at last!
How can I get it clean?
We didn’t do that at Medical School.
Doctor, my wife is expecting a baby
Are Amazon sending it?
No,Hermes, they say between 6 and 9 pm
Well, make her something nice to eat
I’ll show her the recipe
And she will just show you the food.
Can’t I feed the baby?
Are you transgender?
Not yet but I live in Hope
Go back where you came from
That’s what they said to the Jews and look what happened!
Has God spoken to you?
Yes,but in Yiddish
You can’t expect him to learn English
But he expects us to learn it.
Oh, stop babeling on
The eye is not a camera taking shots
Our mind affects the aspect we perceive
And what it feels important it allots
Gives grace or hatred ,causes us to grieve.
When we are afraid ,we see the worst
We see disgrace or ruin as our fate
As if our self for horror has a thirst
So all the little details we collate
Yet when we love we see before us joy
The flowers each sing, the birds dance in the air
We see no evil nor with hatred toy
All aspects of our world appear more fair.
We see not what ‘s there,we see our self
To learn ,we must employ our own mind’s wealth
Will you kindly hear my Confession,Father?
Yes, I am here.
I have committed the wrong sins.
Any sin is wrong,dear
I mean,some people break into a bank and steal millions
Yes, but they usually end up in jail
Well, in jail I wouldn’t have to boil my husband’s hankies
But won’t you feel sorry for him with no drawer of neatly ironed hankies?
Maybe after a few years
Get back on track.What are these sins that you call wrong?
I am fuming with rage,madness and jealousy but I don’t let them show.I act pleasant
Well, that seems very kind to me.
Not to you.To my sister and my brother
But our minds are not our own.These feelings arise.It is not a sin unless you do something cruel because of them
I’m unsure if I believe that.Is there no way of living where we don’t have those feelings?
I suppose if you lived on top of a pillar in the desert but your mind might wander back
I think it would.Why do minds wander?
They get frustrated by boredom.So maybe you need something stimulating to do and then you need to be contented
I thought I was contented.But clearly I am not.There’s always somebody somewhere who has more then I do
You seem to have a brighter mind than many.
Yes,it wears me out.
You should just wear it lightly
How do you wear a mind?
In or out?
When in doubt,say nowt.
And do you repent?
I am trying
I so agree.You are but never mind.God has forgiven you now.
I’m not sure about these rites.Still,It lets us reflect which is good
For your penance look in a mirror and admire yourself three times a day
Well, that’s a very unusual penance.Can’t I whip myself and call myself a bleeding idiot?
Now, that really would be a sin.What are you ,a sado-masochist?
Oh,dear.I have fallen into evil ways.I hope God won’t turn me into a pillar of salt
As a child, I thought it was a pillow of salt
We all see and hear things in our own way.
May the Lord bless you and keep you
May he let his countenance shine upon you
Amen
Wasting life when we would like to dance Walk in ferny woods. exchange a glance Can we have a decent person at our head? Jesus Christ,no b*gger understood
Why be happy when you could feel mad? Glad that Donald Trump is not your dad Don’t let logic, reason or plain thought Sell you something Mother never bought
Why not let the police take all control? They know how to score a self made goal They can kill a man and wound a child Yet kneel down in Church along the aisle
Holding a black Bible in one hand Will not take you to the Promised Land
Cain and Abel,Jacob and Esau
Does he hopen to start another War?
As the old man fell towards his death They offered us a handrail for the bath I was so shattered by their wilful lies I could not speak, my saliva had all dried
He was walking albeit slowly when at home When they took him off I heard the groan Lost inside his head, no wife nearby Even Satan would have wept that night
Gabriel and Satan, hand- in -hand Neither one will ever understand We humans waste so much,we’re almost blind Full of envy,hate and so unkind
People killed by motorcars don’t count Three times fifty thousand just last year Covid’s killed 1/6 of that they hint Whose ghosts will gather round the kitchen fire
Here’s a man who drove when almost blind He crashed into the chidren leaving school Here’s a lawless lady who can’t find The brake, the map, the light, the book of rules
We can’t fly to to to Chile,Singapore We’ll have to drive to Devon in our cars We may have an accident at home Or get so drunk we fall and see the stars
It seems we have forgotten we’re like flowers A moment’s beauty , then the heavy showers
I nearly died of laughter when he went out for a drive Simply,purely, only to test his bleary eyes He put his toddler in the back, just to be quite sure He would not be orphaned if his father crashed the car
To make it even safer he took his good wife too Even though she felt quite weak after having flu They went to Barnard Castle, not just round the block The river Tees is very fine, the Castle on a rock
It was all or nothing;was it murder,suicide Taking all your loved ones on a really dodgey ride? The Unconscious has impulses of which we do not know Like sending cripples out to buy their own food in the snow
What can we deduce from this, is he Head of State Ascending up to heaven, does he want to emigrate?
Getting ready for the President to make a speech…. clergy and others were attacked by teargas to prepare for Satan’s arrival on the scene,
The land of the free?
I was born the day that we bombed Dresden Though my mother could not help to load the planes She was in the labour ward in lockdown When human sacrifice was born again
I would not suck her milk after Hiroshima Though the radiation never came near us It set a precedent and made me thinner Easier to carry on the bus.
Life and death eternal fought within me I survived in that I am still here Though is living really what it used to be? Death and evil almost won the War
Keeping thin is a well known procedure To get through slits and slots however small But are we each permitted to show grief here Or must it live behind a metal wall?
More than 1200 heavy bombers carried out attacks on Dresden.I was born a bit later but prematurely.
How softly sweetly,gently flowers pose
Carnation,orchid ,daffodil and rose.
Their complex petals form a living shield
Yet bees with much striped force shall make them yield
Appearances,both natural and contrived,
Mixed with the wiles of human nature thrive.
As, knowing not, we pluck the apple rare
And bite its flesh,with teeth we have to bare
.We too deceive the innocent who pass
Not seeing watchers hid behind the glass.
The windows break,the deep earth quakes;
Seized is the maiden , he her virtue takes.
Beneath the surface, force and fierceness thrive.
What fearsome, burning God enjoys our lives?
On this June day, he went away, That was some years ago Each dawn was like torture, The anguish. the slaughter No connection with anyone near He gave a last smile,I did not cry, My heart took the weight of the blow
The time goes so slowly, We can’t control it Stunned by the sorrow,the flow How will you manage, he whispered,
We’re married. Will you be able to steer? I could not think past it, His death would be drastic My aim was to help him let go
Yet time also races,
We must not waste it We’re here for a short time, who knows? One day runs to the next day My heart aches so violently I hold it here gently Why oh love why aren’t you here?
I called after three weeks I can’t go on like this Won’t you come back,why’d ye go? I had no answer, the demons entranced me They tightened me up with their gears Like the rack and the flaying Skin torn and bleeding Yet we’re not meant to let feeling show
Annie the nubile ex-mistress of Stan and colour fancying neighbour of Mary has persuaded Mary that as Stan has run away she should find someone else.Mary is doubtful
First of all,Annie cried,you need some brand new delicate shoes.No man will be charmed by those chunky ,comfy flatties.Nor do your socks show sophistication.
Though a farmer might be happy with them
She herself wore a pink tweed suit and some high heeled boots in purple patent leather over a blue silk pair of socks.
Well,Mary,answered,I thought I should be myself because they might be annoyed being tricked.I would be.
That’s their problem said Annie, somewhat rudely.
Well.where do I get the sort of socks a man would like,if indeed all men are the same in that way?
I’d stick with silky black ones,said Annie kindly.Then some smart black pumps.That simplifies life.
But if I look at Soul-mates online the men will not know what shoes I have got on nor socks
That’s true,said Annie.At least until you meet one if you ever do.
Anyway if it is called Soul-mates,why does my body matter?
Don’t be so literal,dear.You know it’s just a way of indicating they want a lover.
Well.in that case it’s my lingerie that matters more than my shoes.
See here,said Annie bossily.With those shoes and socks nobody will want to see your lingerie Just as well ,said Mary calmly.I don’t have any. Are you telling me you have no underwear on,Annie cried with shock in her tone.Your trousers will need washing more often!! I am wearing some woollen vests and underpants I got for Stan,Mary said shyly.I like wool. What do you think a man will assume if you wear that?
That I can’t afford to have the fire on,Mary queried timidly.
He might think you are transgender.
I have heard of transcendence but not transgender,Mary admitted ruefully.I did used to have a purple bra, she continued distractedly.
Anyway, what about my learning and job as a maths professor?
Don’t put anything about maths on the form.They hate clever women.
Surely they are not all the same,Mary answered.Mary Archer is very clever and she’s been married 50 years
You can’t generalise from one example ,Annie informed her statistically
How about my love of Wittgenstein?Shall I mention that?
If you wear men’s woollen underwear and love a dead, gay philosopher it will cut down the pool of men available.
I don’t think I’ll bother,Mary whispered.I don’t like fishing.I’d rather have a cup of tea.
Really.said Annie.I don’t know why you decided to try this.
I never did it was you.I am quite happy as I am given the dangers of this world.
And so say most of us.Amen.
Getting ready for the President to make a speech…. clergy and others were attacked by teargas to prepare for Satan’s arrival on the scene,
A
