Alfred wished his wife would make a cake.
He himself could never boil or bake.
Yet when Marie bought cakes in Marks
His eyes gave out fierce orange sparks.
I thought their marriage was at risk
And so I undertook my task.
I bought a needle circular
And now I knit round cakes for her
Wilfred wanted clean sheets every night
The laundry basket was a wearing sight
Yet when Annette rang the launderette
He swore right through the alphabet.
I thought that they might well split up
Then dear Annette would lose her grip.
I bought some lovely plastic sheets
And on his bed they look quite neat.
Herbert like to use real handkerchiefs
And also he wore heavy cotton briefs.
When Mary Jane boiled all his stuff
He said his pants weren’t clean enough.
I thought their union’d perish soon
And she’d not find another groom.
I bought ten gross of paper pants
And now he feels quite exultant.
Gilbert liked his tea to be real hot
But one Sunday his troubled wife forgot
He screamed and yelled like an infant
His face was red and petulant
I thought Diane would strike him dead
And have nobody in her bed.
I bought ten insulated mugs,
A teapot, and by Jove they’re snug
These little tales are meant to make you laugh
For I would rather read or draw a graph.
But if we do not help our friends
We’d go much further round the bend.
I don’t want you to suffer long
So I’ll come round and sing my songs.
I’ve got my handbag and my case
And now I’m coming ,full of grace.