via — Traces of the Soul

 

Alfred wished his wife would make a cake.
He himself could never boil or bake.
Yet  when Marie bought cakes in Marks
His eyes gave out fierce orange sparks.
I thought their marriage was at risk
And so I undertook my task.
I bought a needle circular
And now I knit round cakes for her

 

Wilfred wanted clean sheets every night
The laundry basket was  a wearing sight
Yet when Annette rang the launderette
He swore right through the alphabet.
I thought that they might well split up
Then dear Annette would lose her grip.
I bought some lovely plastic sheets
And on his bed they look quite neat.

Herbert like to use real handkerchiefs
And also he wore heavy cotton briefs.
When Mary Jane  boiled all his stuff
He said  his  pants weren’t clean enough.
I thought their union’d perish soon
And she’d not find another groom.
I  bought ten  gross of  paper pants
And now he feels quite exultant.

Gilbert  liked his  tea  to be  real hot
But one Sunday his troubled wife forgot
He screamed and yelled  like  an infant
His  face was  red and petulant
I thought Diane would  strike him dead
And have nobody in her bed.
I bought ten insulated mugs,
A teapot, and by Jove they’re snug

These little tales are meant to make you laugh
For I would rather read or draw a graph.
But if we do not help our friends
We’d go much further round the bend.
I don’t want you to suffer long
So I’ll come round and sing my songs.
I’ve got my handbag and my case
And now I’m coming ,full of grace.