https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/12/smarter-living/covid-social-anxiety.html
Chuckinging under the chin
to touch especially a younger person in a friendly way under the chin: “Cheer up,” she said and chucked the little girl under the chin. Showing affection. affectionate. affectionately.5 days ago
Meaning of chuck someone under the chin in English – Cambridge Dictionary
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Emotions
My heart feels like a boiling sea confined.
Bring the teapot, I’ve grown tired of rhymes.
I went to the writing shop today
I bought ten pens my laptop has gone grey
My heart is not a warship on sick pay
Put me on some medicine I pray
Her eyes are like two pools of of water dull .
The words she utters are well-known in Hull
My heart is aching get the Algipan
Rub it on my boson if you canv
Can a spasm of rage kill an old man?
Her eyes closed and she seems to sleep again.
I’ve stilll not made my mind up it’s my brain
There’s nothing worse than a le creuset pan.
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99 Synonyms & Antonyms of PLACATE | Merriam-Webster Thesaurus
5 Satir Categories for Understanding Communication Styles
https://sourcesofinsight.com/satir-categories/
When things are steep, remember to stay level-headed.” – Horace
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Don’t retaliate
Dr. Tavris does not believe anger should never be expressed. Rather, she limits the circumstances to those that satisfy three conditions: when anger represents a legitimate plea for justice, when it is directed at someone who is the cause of the anger and when it would result in a correction of the offense or, at the very least, would not cause retaliation. Otherwise, she suggests counting to 10.
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Sardonic wit
VENTING ANGER MAY DO MORE HARM THAN GOOD – The New York Times
https://www.nytimes.com/1983/03/08/science/venting-anger-may-do-more-harm-than-good.html
Madow added: ”Freud was one of the first to recognize that catharsis doesn’t work. Anger is really a symptom. To deal with it, you have to get back into the unconscious and find out why anger is there.”
Dr. Willard Gaylin, a New York psychiatrist who is president of the Hastings Center in Hastings-on-Hudson, N.Y., calls the ventilation of anger ”a form of public littering.” He explained in an interview: ”Even if ventilation did relieve everything, which it does not, it would still not be justified.”
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Continue reading the main story
Dr. Gaylin said not enough attention had been paid to the societal aspects of anger. ”The real problem is not so much the articulation of anger but the generation of it,” he said. ”Many people are angry all the time, they have an inordinate capacity to generate anger.” The source of all this anger, he believes, is our technological society in which people are alienated from the rewards of their activities at the same time that happiness is held up as the main goal in life.
Anger is a normal emotional response that occurs in all people from birth to death, regardless of their culture. But what provokes anger and how it is expressed, Dr. Tavris says, varies widely throughout the world. Some people express anger through the use of ritual curses (as in the Yiddish, ”May all your teeth fall out but one, and that one have a cavity”); the Kapauku Papuans of West New Guinea hold a culturally circumscribed ”mad dance,” and the Mbuti huntergatherers of Zaire use humor and ridicule when reason fails to end an argument.
Physiologically, angry feelings are associated with the release of the same hormones, epinephrine and norepinephrine, that are produced under stress. These hormones stimulate the heart, raise the blood pressure, pour sugar into the blood, constrict the blood vessels to the digestive tract and generally create feelings of excitement and arousal. This has fed the theory that unexpressed anger can produce a host of psychosomatic reactions, ranging from hives and headaches to cancer and heart disease.
”Anger is a form of energy and you can’t destroy it,” Dr. Madow said. ”When it’s not dealt with it can lead to such problems as headaches and depression.” The analyst, who wrote a book called ”Anger: How to Recognize and Cope with It” (Scribners), said that while the relationship between anger and illness was difficult to demonstrate in a test-tube, ”the consequences of repressed anger are seen clinically every day.”
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Continue reading the main story
Dr. Madow distinguishes between ”suppressed” and ”repressed” anger. Suppressing anger, he said, is ”perfectly fine if you do it consciously and for good reason. But repression leads to trouble because the person has no awareness of the anger.” For example, he said, a man may knowingly suppress his anger at his boss for the sake of his job without untoward consequences, but repressed anger at being abandoned by parents early in life can lead to chronic depression.
According to Dr. Theodore I. Rubin, a New York psychoanalyst and author of ”The Angry Book” (Collier Books), repressed anger is the primary cause of anxiety. ”Ninety percent of anxiety attacks represent a surfacing of vehemently repressed anger,” he said in an interview. ”I’m not against suppression of anger; it’s repression – not knowing that a person is angry -when the damage is done.”
Dr. Harvey Rich, a psychoanalyst in Washington, said: ”A woman who’s been taught that she must bear the burdens of abuse may become a quiet alcoholic, or have an extramarital affair.” She’s always rationalizing that she is suffering. Her suffering stems from the lack of an avenue for expressing anger.”
Still, Dr. Rich agrees with Dr. Tavris that ”the gross ventilation of anger – mouthing off – is of no value. Anger is an inappropriate response in many cases.”
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Continue reading the main story
Dr. Tavris says studies have failed to show a direct link between suppressed anger and illness. ”The popular belief that suppressed anger can wreak havoc on the body and bloodstream has been inflated out of realistic proportions,” she wrote. ”It does not, in any predictable or consistent way, make us depressed, produce ulcers or hypertension, set us off on food binges, or give us heart attacks.”
In fact, the newest studies of the relationship between anger and heart disease indicate that an excessively hostile attitude, regardless of whether that anger is expressed, increases the risk of disease. Dr. Redford Williams, an internist and psychiatrist at the Duke University Medical Center, studied 255 physicians who had taken a standard personality test 25 years earlier. Those who had scored in the top half of the hostility scale had suffered five to six times more heart attacks and a death rate from heart attack five times as high as those in the lower half.
Dr. Williams said the next step will be to examine the consequences of expression and suppression of conscious angry feelings. There is the strong suspicion, he said, that those who let their anger out may be more prone to heart disease and those who keep anger in face an greater risk of high blood pressure and possibly cancer.
Dr. Williams believes excessive hostility is rooted in feelings of being unloved. ”These people grow up feeling that they can’t trust people to treat them right,” he said. ”People with this attitude are more likely to experience the emotion of anger more often and to experience it more intensely.”
ADVERTISEMENT
Continue reading the main story
Dr. Rich, the Washington psychoanalyst, believes that people who are quick to anger have a ”basic sense of badness that stems from the time they felt responsible for everything that happened. Whatever went wrong, it must be their fault. This defensive character organization creates an intense primitive anger just below the surface. When something goes wrong, like the car doesn’t start, they experience an infantile rage. It comes from the fantasy that you should be good, and if you were good, this wouldn’t have happened.”
Thus, she says, aggression, aggressive feelings and other heightened emotional states can inflame anger as well as the other way around. Encouraging youngsters to play aggressive games as a ”healthful” means of venting angry feelings is likely to backfire, she suggests.
Dr. Tavris does not believe anger should never be expressed. Rather, she limits the circumstances to those that satisfy three conditions: when anger represents a legitimate plea for justice, when it is directed at someone who is the cause of the anger and when it would result in a correction of the offense or, at the very least, would not cause retaliation. Otherwise, she suggests counting to 10.
Tomorrow, the Personal Health column in The Living Section will discuss how to deal with anger.
ADVERTISEMENT
Continue reading the main story
Subscribe to The Times to continue to receive the
On Tech newsletter.
Madow added: ”Freud was one of the first to recognize that catharsis doesn’t work. Anger is really a symptom. To deal with it, you have to get back into the unconscious and find out why anger is there.”
Dr. Willard Gaylin, a New York psychiatrist who is president of the Hastings Center in Hastings-on-Hudson, N.Y., calls the ventilation of anger ”a form of public littering.” He explained in an interview: ”Even if ventilation did relieve everything, which it does not, it would still not be justified.”
ADVERTISEMENT
Continue reading the main story
Dr. Gaylin said not enough attention had been paid to the societal aspects of anger. ”The real problem is not so much the articulation of anger but the generation of it,” he said. ”Many people are angry all the time, they have an inordinate capacity to generate anger.” The source of all this anger, he believes, is our technological society in which people are alienated from the rewards of their activities at the same time that happiness is held up as the main goal in life.
Anger is a normal emotional response that occurs in all people from birth to death, regardless of their culture. But what provokes anger and how it is expressed, Dr. Tavris says, varies widely throughout the world. Some people express anger through the use of ritual curses (as in the Yiddish, ”May all your teeth fall out but one, and that one have a cavity”); the Kapauku Papuans of West New Guinea hold a culturally circumscribed ”mad dance,” and the Mbuti huntergatherers of Zaire use humor and ridicule when reason fails to end an argument.
Physiologically, angry feelings are associated with the release of the same hormones, epinephrine and norepinephrine, that are produced under stress. These hormones stimulate the heart, raise the blood pressure, pour sugar into the blood, constrict the blood vessels to the digestive tract and generally create feelings of excitement and arousal. This has fed the theory that unexpressed anger can produce a host of psychosomatic reactions, ranging from hives and headaches to cancer and heart disease.
”Anger is a form of energy and you can’t destroy it,” Dr. Madow said. ”When it’s not dealt with it can lead to such problems as headaches and depression.” The analyst, who wrote a book called ”Anger: How to Recognize and Cope with It” (Scribners), said that while the relationship between anger and illness was difficult to demonstrate in a test-tube, ”the consequences of repressed anger are seen clinically every day.”
ADVERTISEMENT
Continue reading the main story
Dr. Madow distinguishes between ”suppressed” and ”repressed” anger. Suppressing anger, he said, is ”perfectly fine if you do it consciously and for good reason. But repression leads to trouble because the person has no awareness of the anger.” For example, he said, a man may knowingly suppress his anger at his boss for the sake of his job without untoward consequences, but repressed anger at being abandoned by parents early in life can lead to chronic depression.
According to Dr. Theodore I. Rubin, a New York psychoanalyst and author of ”The Angry Book” (Collier Books), repressed anger is the primary cause of anxiety. ”Ninety percent of anxiety attacks represent a surfacing of vehemently repressed anger,” he said in an interview. ”I’m not against suppression of anger; it’s repression – not knowing that a person is angry -when the damage is done.”
Dr. Harvey Rich, a psychoanalyst in Washington, said: ”A woman who’s been taught that she must bear the burdens of abuse may become a quiet alcoholic, or have an extramarital affair.” She’s always rationalizing that she is suffering. Her suffering stems from the lack of an avenue for expressing anger.”
Still, Dr. Rich agrees with Dr. Tavris that ”the gross ventilation of anger – mouthing off – is of no value. Anger is an inappropriate response in many cases.”
ADVERTISEMENT
Continue reading the main story
Dr. Tavris says studies have failed to show a direct link between suppressed anger and illness. ”The popular belief that suppressed anger can wreak havoc on the body and bloodstream has been inflated out of realistic proportions,” she wrote. ”It does not, in any predictable or consistent way, make us depressed, produce ulcers or hypertension, set us off on food binges, or give us heart attacks.”
In fact, the newest studies of the relationship between anger and heart disease indicate that an excessively hostile attitude, regardless of whether that anger is expressed, increases the risk of disease. Dr. Redford Williams, an internist and psychiatrist at the Duke University Medical Center, studied 255 physicians who had taken a standard personality test 25 years earlier. Those who had scored in the top half of the hostility scale had suffered five to six times more heart attacks and a death rate from heart attack five times as high as those in the lower half.
Dr. Williams said the next step will be to examine the consequences of expression and suppression of conscious angry feelings. There is the strong suspicion, he said, that those who let their anger out may be more prone to heart disease and those who keep anger in face an greater risk of high blood pressure and possibly cancer.
Dr. Williams believes excessive hostility is rooted in feelings of being unloved. ”These people grow up feeling that they can’t trust people to treat them right,” he said. ”People with this attitude are more likely to experience the emotion of anger more often and to experience it more intensely.”
ADVERTISEMENT
Continue reading the main story
Dr. Rich, the Washington psychoanalyst, believes that people who are quick to anger have a ”basic sense of badness that stems from the time they felt responsible for everything that happened. Whatever went wrong, it must be their fault. This defensive character organization creates an intense primitive anger just below the surface. When something goes wrong, like the car doesn’t start, they experience an infantile rage. It comes from the fantasy that you should be good, and if you were good, this wouldn’t have happened.”
Under normal circumstances, Dr. Tavris says, the likelihood of an angry response is often determined by the pre-existing level of physiological arousal. She notes, for example, that noise, crowds, frustration or aggressive sports events do not by themselves generate anger, but they increase the general level of arousal and make it more likely that a minor provocation will trigger an angry response.
Thus, she says, aggression, aggressive feelings and other heightened emotional states can inflame anger as well as the other way around. Encouraging youngsters to play aggressive games as a ”healthful” means of venting angry feelings is likely to backfire, she suggests.
Dr. Tavris does not believe anger should never be expressed. Rather, she limits the circumstances to those that satisfy three conditions: when anger represents a legitimate plea for justice, when it is directed at someone who is the cause of the anger and when it would result in a correction of the offense or, at the very least, would not cause retaliation. Otherwise, she suggests counting to 10.
Tomorrow, the Personal Health column in The Living Section will discuss how to deal with anger.
ADVERTISEMENT
Continue reading the main story
Subscribe to The Times to continue to receive the
On Tech newsletter.
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A fashion pilgrim
- She who would feminine be,
- when winds are blowing,
Must set her hair with glue,
Especially if it’s snowing,.
There’s no weather can beat
A bag of rollers with electric heat.
She will make good her style
At least for a little while,
She’ll look both jolly and neat,
Unlike a pilgrim. - She who would fashionable be, Nik and complete
- Quite unlike a pilgrim
She’ll do whatever she wants
Despite Satan’s taunting
She’ll make us all feel gay
Just like a fashion pilgrin
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Don’t die before you’re dead
5
If you have no interests except to lie in bed..
why not join an evening class?
Don’t die before you’re dead.
If you’re living all alone how desolate is that?
Go down to the pet shop and find a wicked cat.
If you wanted children but never found their dad.
Why not offer foster care
And love the lost instead?
Remember we have just one
life and quickly that goes by.
Don’t keep waiting for your fate.
We are all going to die.T
There’s no one love there’s no one job
‘Luck’s what the brave can find.
Don’t sit down and wait for luck
It’s such a waste of time
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In a random manner
Learn to be untidy when you’re middle-aged.
Ideas breed right on the page as they are engaged
Take the dog’s tail off the dog. Because you want to wag
Throw your clothes and hats and scarves into a Black bag
Change the sheets just once a year
because we have a drought.
You don’t need a tea pot
You only need a spout.
Take the Guardian everyday
I never read the rest
The Telegraph is too far right and we are going left
Mix the knifes and forks and spoons in a random manner
And toss in your paper knife and a rusty spanner
Can you spend the next 3 years sorting out the house?
We are made of rubber now
We’ll just have to bounce a@
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Muddle through the day
A muddled mind is one step on the way
Clarity takes time with thinking rare.
If we run from muddles we’re delayed.
Start with preparation not dismay.
Everybody clings to their own prayers
Before it’s done the laggards want their pay.
The means are like the end in many ways
To understand we must just persevere
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The Age of Distracti-pression – The New York Times
How Anxiety Can Benefit Us
Does a baby cry?
Sitting in an ambulance with your knees raised up too high.
Lurching through the traffic ofmade me want to cry
I asked him for some water all they had was red bull “beer”.
I was too dehydrated to produce a single tear,
We saw the Northern suburbs were we going to Golders Green?
I thought we might see Jesus looking rather mean.
In my bright red handbag my phone began to ring.
I was feeling nervous so I nearly bit my tongue.
Hello my dear a woman said
We can’t see you today.
My appointment had beenbeen cancelled
I didn’t know what to say.
NHS unfunded do they want the Old to die?
Am I feeling anxious? Does a baby cry?
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Bemused by love
How can love lead into lonely grief?
Why is human life intense but brief ?
Is grieving and the loss that brought it on
The way which human beings come undone ?
Will this teach us that we are of dust?
That we go down to earth as creatures must?
Icarus flew too high when filled with pride.
We must not take such images as slguides.
The worms that we encounter in the grave
Remind us all of Dover’s lonely waves
We are defined by dissolution death
We need no last reminders of our breath
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The rippling waves
You are smiling on the pier above the sands
The rippling waves stretch out like children’s hands
You look so strong I cannot comprehend
Your fatal illness and its grievous end
You were not a patient on dry land
You were living well and ” feeling grand”
We crossed the road ; I held your cold thin hand
I suffered so much torment,would I mend?
I saw a fluid shape as dark it pranced
Through the open door it swiftly danced
Slipped in with the wiles of Tudor kings
Hoping they can make it on the wing
I learned with grief , it came to take you back
Across the river wide ,my love, my lack
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Watch “Lowlands away (Sea Shanty with lyrics) | Assassin’s Creed 4: Black Flag (OST)” on YouTube
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Best Foods for Better Sleep – The New York Times
Believe me
A dead chicken lays no eggs
A bull will never produce milk
You can turn the clock back but you can’t stop time.
Your face will still have wrinkles even if you don’t look in the mirror.
Preistoric people didn’t have contraceptives.
A duck will never send you a bill.
A minnow can’t mate with a trout.
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How Inflation Is Altering People’s Behavior – The New York Times
Can a washing machine save you money or time?
With the current shortage of water try to use your washing machine only when it’s full unless you have a half load option. So for example if you live alone you will probably not need to wash your clothes every single day. Because of that you will need more than one set of clothing.
You may need more than one set of better than
Ast one time washing and drying clothes in the in the UK was quite a lengthy procedure. Even now tumble dryers are are expensive to run.
But if you think about it differently you could getaways owning fewer clothes..
A single father with two children who lived near us had almost empty wardrobes because he washed their clothes every night in the washing machine and must have dried them in the tumble dryer although I sometimes did see bed sheets hanging on the line in the garden
After the children went to bed he washed and dried their .clothes
I think many people must be as partly becausw theyvdon’t have enough money to buy a lot of clothes. And hus5.
You may think the clothes will wear out more quickly is there are being washed so much.
But for children it may be ok because they are growing so you don’t want to buy them too many clothes in one size because soon they will be by wearing the next size up.
The advantage of this method is that you don’t have to store many clothes. For adult women it might make life much easier.
Although nowvI have friends in different jobs and they say that the other women have a different outfit on every single day.
If that were me I would buy all my clothes in one colour like blue so they would not know where they were different from the day before l.
Washing machines can be expensive but relatively speaking they are cheaper than they were 10 years ago. And you don’t necessarily have to have the more expensive ones
If you have some spare time and you know the price of clothing and washing machines you could weigh up whether you would actually save any money.
The only very clear way of saving money on clothes it is not to wash them as much
I know if there’s a tiny mark on their clothes some people 0change into a new outfit.
In the past most people could not afford to buy many clothes so sometimes we wore out underwear for several girls because the big problem in Lancashire and Yorkshire is drying the washing. Lancashire is extremely wet and Yorkshire is generally very cold.
So so have a washing machine and a few clothes and the tumble dryer and you will manage ok
If you have a lot of clothes and a washing machine etc who you wouldn’t spend a long time dealing with them but you will spend more of your money and will need more cupboards in wardrobes to sort out your clothes.
If you can’t afford a washing machine then you must be very poor if you live in the United Kingdom
In that case you not own many clothes and you may feel I feel great disadvantage but it’s possible to learn to sew and to make yourself clothes or do many people do and a visit charity shops or second-handshops.
, Or buy and sell on eBay.
Let’s not spend too much time thinking about clothes because they are a means to an end. And that is life is for living and not for washing. You do not need a shower twice a day. And do not wash clothes if they are not dirty,
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Put the Bible on the table
Isaac Newton put the boot in.
Marie Curie we adore her to
Albert Einstein gambled wine stains.
Robert Hook always looked.
The Hebrew Bible has gone viral.
David wrote the Psalms of note
Noah made a great big boat.
Cain killed Abel, cancel table.
Harold Wilson give me pills mum.
Why does Plato have no surname?
Aristotle gie us a cuddle.
Margaret Thatcher concord Leicester.
Old John Major do us a favour
Tony Blair Arabs pray.
I have delusions I won’t lose them.
And make me gay oh Lord I pray.
I like sex I like fun can I pat you on the bum?
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Mary crosses the road,alas.
Mary had spotted her 98 year old frail yet virile husband Stan; he was across the main road talking to a young blonde and beauteous woman with a pink briefcase and a set square
Mary ran over the road in front of all the traffic as she was terrified of Stan getting another mistress on top of Annie
Hi,I am Mary, she said boldly yet a trifle nervously as well.
I am called Sabrina. I’m a mathematician too, like you, over for a year from Babylon and Babel University USA
Why,hello,Sabrina.Stan loves clever women and any other sort,artists,cooks,teachers,… and in your case,you also have great beauty,she said indiscreetly.
Hi Mary,Stan told me you were out buying some vaseline in the pharmacy down the other end of the town.He invited me to coffee.
Oh,damn,I must have had a senior moment.It was that Jazz Band that distracted me.I forgot about the Vaseline..
Come on,ladiesno arguing,said Stan as he led them into a brand new coffee shop staffed by delightful smiling Turkish people.He ordered three cappuccinos plus some milk for Emile who was in his backpack with his head sticking out snoozing and dreaming of seeing the Queen in her Palace.
They all sat down by the windows and gazed at the folk passing by in some rather unusual clothing.Emile was sad there were no other cats around but hippies there were a plenty.Has 70’s fashion come back?
Sabrina was wearing a short pink velvet dress on her curvaceous body and green high heeled shoes on her feet and nothing on her legs as it was summer.Even so she was a bit smarter than everyone else.
Don’t you find wearing velvet is to warm in the summer ?,asked Mary.She was wearing a long teal cotton dress and some open toed purple plastic sandals from Italy.
Well,it’s cotton velvet,Sabrina told her.Most in the shops is made from polyester now.I made this myself.I enjoy sewing my own clothes and darning moth holes.Viscose is good too.It drapes well.
I have never took to sewing,Mary told her nervously.I was afraid of the electric sewing machine at school and my mother was very impatient with me.She seemed to think sewing came naturally to females. Still,it’s probably cheaper nowadays to buy your clothes ready made.But choice is lacking for older stout women like me,she continued .I like wool coats as padded ones make me sweat especially in the shops.And,it’s my face which sweats.I can’t put antiperspirant there…
No,it is likely to give you a rash and anyway the body needs to sweat to get rid of toxins,Sabrina informed her scientifically as if Mary had no wits.
I don’t mind sweating lower down, like on my legs or feet,Mary said.
But it’s embarrassing giving a lecture on why e is an algebraic number with rivulets of water running down my face washing off my foundation cream and powder..though do the students notice? And anyway the students don’t seem to care really about these amazing numbers.
Yes,that is a real problem,Sabrina said wisely.I never knew anyone still wore powder.I like creme de mousse foundation myself.It seems to stick ok.As for the students,maybe they just don’t let on that they care.
Meanwhile Stan sat and gazed pensively at Emile……..he rolled his eyes and Emile smiled in his cat manner; that is,he grinned.
I came here to talk lovingly to sweet Sabrina,not to listen to both women discussing sweat and antiperspirants.,Stan continued to the listening cat…Why did Mary have to spot me? I only wanted a word from Sabrina,
Well,life is what happens when we are busy washing out our pans,Emile told him peevishly.
I don’t think that is quite right,said Stan.John Lennon had that song…Beautiful boy,I think..was that it?
And I have already washed all the pans and hoovered the ceilings…
Well,you see, much of life is out of our control.That’s why people like to take the Bible literally.They prefer to think End Times are here, than to realise life is always changeable and unpredictable.Anything seems better than uncertainty or doubt.Yet that is mostly what we are subject to and evolved in line with in a very real sense,putting it at its most basic.
How have you found teaching topology,Mary asked Sabrina.Is it going down like a hot jam doughnut would to a starving gorilla,as it were should they ever be offered one which seems unlikely except in a zoo.
I find it’s more fun than teaching logarithms,she continued,and exponentials some people find that a tough topic,
Yes,I love teaching topology and functional analysis.
Blimey, thought Stan, this is even worse than sweat and antiperspirants.I hate maths.Why I married Mary,GOK.I guess it was her eyes.And her hair… and look at it now,,, she’s going bald.Still,she’s been a good conpanion.
I use lily of the valley soap,he cried,interrupting the ladies.
Why, are you a swinger? asked Sabrina with interest.
No,I just use whatever Mary is using.I have no choice
Mary ran over the road in front of all the traffic as she was terrified of Stan getting another mistress on top of Annie
Hi,I am Mary, she said boldly yet a trifle nervously as well.
I am called Sabrina. I’m a mathematician too, like you, over for a year from Babylon and Babel University USA
Why,hello,Sabrina.Stan loves clever women and any other sort,artists,cooks,teachers,… and in your case,you also have great beauty,she said indiscreetly.
Hi Mary,Stan told me you were out buying some vaseline in the pharmacy down the other end of the town.He invited me to coffee.
Oh,damn,I must have had a senior moment.It was that Jazz Band that distracted me.I forgot about the Vaseline..
Come on,ladiesno arguing,said Stan as he led them into a brand new coffee shop staffed by delightful smiling Turkish people.He ordered three cappuccinos plus some milk for Emile who was in his backpack with his head sticking out snoozing and dreaming of seeing the Queen in her Palace.
They all sat down by the windows and gazed at the folk passing by in some rather unusual clothing.Emile was sad there were no other cats around but hippies there were a plenty.Has 70’s fashion come back?
Sabrina was wearing a short pink velvet dress on her curvaceous body and green high heeled shoes on her feet and nothing on her legs as it was summer.Even so she was a bit smarter than everyone else.
Don’t you find wearing velvet is to warm in the summer ?,asked Mary.She was wearing a long teal cotton dress and some open toed purple plastic sandals from Italy.
Well,it’s cotton velvet,Sabrina told her.Most in the shops is made from polyester now.I made this myself.I enjoy sewing my own clothes and darning moth holes.Viscose is good too.It drapes well.
I have never took to sewing,Mary told her nervously.I was afraid of the electric sewing machine at school and my mother was very impatient with me.She seemed to think sewing came naturally to females. Still,it’s probably cheaper nowadays to buy your clothes ready made.But choice is lacking for older stout women like me,she continued .I like wool coats as padded ones make me sweat especially in the shops.And,it’s my face which sweats.I can’t put antiperspirant there…
No,it is likely to give you a rash and anyway the body needs to sweat to get rid of toxins,Sabrina informed her scientifically as if Mary had no wits.
I don’t mind sweating lower down, like on my legs or feet,Mary said.
But it’s embarrassing giving a lecture on why e is an algebraic number with rivulets of water running down my face washing off my foundation cream and powder..though do the students notice? And anyway the students don’t seem to care really about these amazing numbers.
Yes,that is a real problem,Sabrina said wisely.I never knew anyone still wore powder.I like creme de mousse foundation myself.It seems to stick ok.As for the students,maybe they just don’t let on that they care.
Meanwhile Stan sat and gazed pensively at Emile……..he rolled his eyes and Emile smiled in his cat manner; that is,he grinned.
I came here to talk lovingly to sweet Sabrina,not to listen to both women discussing sweat and antiperspirants.,Stan continued to the listening cat…Why did Mary have to spot me? I only wanted a word from Sabrina,
Well,life is what happens when we are busy washing out our pans,Emile told him peevishly.
I don’t think that is quite right,said Stan.John Lennon had that song…Beautiful boy,I think..was that it?
And I have already washed all the pans and hoovered the ceilings…
Well,you see, much of life is out of our control.That’s why people like to take the Bible literally.They prefer to think End Times are here, than to realise life is always changeable and unpredictable.Anything seems better than uncertainty or doubt.Yet that is mostly what we are subject to and evolved in line with in a very real sense,putting it at its most basic.
How have you found teaching topology,Mary asked Sabrina.Is it going down like a hot jam doughnut would to a starving gorilla,as it were should they ever be offered one which seems unlikely except in a zoo.
I find it’s more fun than teaching logarithms,she continued,and exponentials some people find that a tough topic,
Yes,I love teaching topology and functional analysis.
Blimey, thought Stan, this is even worse than sweat and antiperspirants.I hate maths.Why I married Mary,GOK.I guess it was her eyes.And her hair… and look at it now,,, she’s going bald.Still,she’s been a good conpanion.
I use lily of the valley soap,he cried,interrupting the ladies.
Why, are you a swinger? asked Sabrina with interest.
No,I just use whatever Mary is using.I have no choice
Why don’t you buy him some soap smelling of parsley or potatoes,she asked Mary.Or can he not buy some himself?
Why, can you get that? Mary responded.Coal tar is one we tried but he hates it…I think for men there’s not a lot of choice…
But,Sabrina cried,A man smelling of lilies of the valley might cause a disturbance,even a riot, in a small town like this.
Why should women have all the lovely smells and men smell of coal tar and smoke? Stan asked.
Why, can you get that? Mary responded.Coal tar is one we tried but he hates it…I think for men there’s not a lot of choice…
But,Sabrina cried,A man smelling of lilies of the valley might cause a disturbance,even a riot, in a small town like this.
Why should women have all the lovely smells and men smell of coal tar and smoke? Stan asked.
Men like flowers too,you know.
The ladies looked at him with wonder as they sipped their lovely large cappuccinos and ate their hot cross iced buns.
I never thought of that before,Mary said.We shall have a talk about it later on.
Neither did I,Sabrina added.. this is not related to my own work but my fiance is a psychologist and he’d like to know about it.I think it’s a new field of study for which a large grant might be available from this idiot government,
Alright,ladies… time to go.Emile needs his dinner and I do too..So off they went all wrapped in their thoughts like feathers stuck inside a fluffy pillow on a big bed.As Rasputin might have put it on a good day,if you catch my drift or take the hint.If not,please try again later.
Not what anyone had expected…but change is good for us,surely? It staves off boredom
The ladies looked at him with wonder as they sipped their lovely large cappuccinos and ate their hot cross iced buns.
I never thought of that before,Mary said.We shall have a talk about it later on.
Neither did I,Sabrina added.. this is not related to my own work but my fiance is a psychologist and he’d like to know about it.I think it’s a new field of study for which a large grant might be available from this idiot government,
Alright,ladies… time to go.Emile needs his dinner and I do too..So off they went all wrapped in their thoughts like feathers stuck inside a fluffy pillow on a big bed.As Rasputin might have put it on a good day,if you catch my drift or take the hint.If not,please try again later.
Not what anyone had expected…but change is good for us,surely? It staves off boredom
Now we can wonder what sort of soap Dave,the delightful paramedic wears.. and does he use a 48 hour deodorant..?And if so,why?
Please wait calmly as excitement wears people out.I am not responsible if you fall over your own feet or get your head in a whirl nor if you go to bed with a milkman or woman.Good night.
Please wait calmly as excitement wears people out.I am not responsible if you fall over your own feet or get your head in a whirl nor if you go to bed with a milkman or woman.Good night.
G
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Meeting a person’s eyes
Corot
The face to face encounter and its ethical meaning/implications is at the heart of the philosopher Levinas‘ thought possibly based on his experience of the Holocaust.He had previously studied with Heidegger which is ironic as Heidegger joined the Nazi Party in 1933.This shows intelligence is not enough in making decisions especially in politics
One day I was thinking over some personal events relating to this.
Before my husband died,I went shopping and then went into a cafe and found myself just behind an ex-colleague whom I regard [note the word] as friend.I could see her husbandsitting at the back of the cafe.She did mutter,
Hello,but instead of meeting me eye to eye and saying
“My husband wants to be alone”,she went through an elaborate pantomime of mime indicating rejection or keep a distance…which was unpleasant.I would been much happier with a straightforward look and a few words.
Later I had a similar event.I met a woman who used to be my physiotherapist again in a queue.She looked at me full on and greeted me with pleasure.As she picked up her tray she asked me to join her and her husband plus a grandchild.We had a pleasant time.But if she had said,we are with our family and want to be alone,or whatever,that would have been fine too.because she looked at me
I am not saying the first woman ought to have done that.But what interests me is the lack of a willingness to “meet” me with her gaze.I am entirely happy if people wish to be alone whilst the have coffee but I prefer them to say so.I was always in a hurry then and finished before they did.But they didn’t know then about our problems.
Some individuals with autism are almost unable to make eye contact…. and this is because others are not real to them; they are afraid.
If we are near someone who will not meet our eyes,it can convey the same feeling.On the other hand,every one has off days and so I feel no anger,just a discomfort as this woman is very articulate and highly educated.I think her husband is a bit controlling.
So this made me think about Levinas and about Martin Buber‘s I and Thou
There is also an expression,”he looked right through me”which is also a negative way of facing someone.And also,Cutting someone dead.
Essentially not looking at someone is a form of killing them as you imply they are not part of society.Like not responding to someone verbally or in writing.You are saying,You do not exist.At one time in the distant past people did actually die when they were excluded from the community
So this made me think about Levinas and about Martin Buber‘s I and Thou
There is also an expression,”he looked right through me”which is also a negative way of facing someone.And also,Cutting someone dead.
Essentially not looking at someone is a form of killing them as you imply they are not part of society.Like not responding to someone verbally or in writing.You are saying,You do not exist.At one time in the distant past people did actually die when they were excluded from the community
Related articles
Eye Contact (hannahandharriet.wordpress.com)
You only have 7 Seconds to Make a First Impression!(top2toestyliestadotme.wordpress.com)
- The Art of Connecting to the Other (huffingtonpost.com)
- Eric Frydenlund: To know someone requires we meet them in the present(lacrossetribune.com)
- At Wit’s End: Delmore Schwartz’s Poetic Reflections on the Other(schlemielintheory.com)
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The structure of the cross
When you i died my world became unreal.
The torture in my heart invented fear.
I shall not now recover said my mind
Staggering, deaf and dumb and nearly blind.
The past and future split by an abyss
Was my former comfort mere hubris ?
Unable tto accept the help nearby
I feared that I myself would surely die..
The firmness of conviction disappeared
No metaphor no symbol no ideas.
Walking on the grey and desolate soil
Like a mother with a dying child
I could not stay there nailed to any tree.
I had to save the child and that was me
Through this anguish refugees still walk.
We’re live ike frightened children in the dark.
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Value you all your senses while you can
28 years ago I suffered a very serious eye problem
This led to me having a major surgery and managing ti8
keep some of my vision 3 months I could see where to walk about it although no I was seeing double quite a lot.
0 eventually when I saw the consultant again he asked me when I kept falling over. No I said.
That’s very strange the doctor proud very few people with this condition do not fall over all the time.
I wonder why they didn’t tell me that at the beginning unless you salt no one would have tried to walk if they knew they might fall over every time they did.
He was even more surprised when I began to ride my bicycle again. So was I
Treasure your eyes and all your senses because they are how they relate to the world how you see all the the people nature buildings architecture the sky not to mention the television. We don’t always realise how much we have got until we lose some of it and it has been really trying I’m still in but I can manage I’ve got used to it. Like seeing black lions floating up and down which interfere with my reading so I have to move my head to make the the jelly in my eye move about more so I could see between these lines
It’s not quite what we mean when we say to read between the lines.
I think you and beings are a lot more adaptable and creative than we realise and we should help each other. I notice all the blind people shopping in the town struggling to cross the road and so on and I never used to see them before or very rarely
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Save more money
If you don’t wear clothes you save the cost see if z
Stay in bed all day so you feel hot by moo
The central heating bust I have no fire
How can you prove that you are not a liar ?
To tell the truth I have got no idea.
Telling lies is hard does not inspire
I have no idea that is a fact
What use is belief unless you act ?
If we start from zero we go up.
I don’t much like your arguments please stop.
Are you a wimp ir are you quite insane?
I have no other mind let that be plain.
I wish that I could see inside your head.
Since I can’t why don’t we go to bed?
Alright we’ll go to bed I love you dear.
Once there was a different atmosphere
You madebyou wishes very very clear
Can it be love when you don’t like their smell?
I have never thought for long can’t tell
It’s not romantic what would Plato say ?
Do they sell his book free on eBay?
Nothing ever comes to us quite free
Be observant with alacrity
No I did not know he was a Jew
I almost married one or more that’s true
Was he happy was he kind please tell.
I feel so guilty take me to my cell
You have had no trial and no defence
The judge in honour showed me deference.
He only showed it did not tell the way.
If you want to know you have to pay.
We can go to classes in the night
Lack of sleep the bestows it’s own delights
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Do not try cocaine
My boss won’t believe I am in intensive care, what can I say?
If you were in intensive care you would not be able to write email
Let me tell you you my story
2 I told my boss I had a new heart condition.
Who who invented this one?He said
Prinzmetal I informed him
.What a funny name he responded.
Well it didn’t make me laugh when I looked it up.
Why not?
Because it’s usually caused by snorting cocaine I haven’t even tried it.
Well that’s lucky or you might be dead.
You’re so clever doctor. Thank you very much
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Eye teeth
F
Canines are sometimes referred to as eye teeth because of their alignment under the eyes. Incisors are the front teeth on both your upper and lower jaws. Because their primary purpose is to bite into food, their name came from the Latin word “incidere,” which means cutter.
I believe they are sometimes called fangs in tigers
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The unwashed blouse
In January 1963 I was called for an interview you to a Northern university.
It was a Tuesday when I was usually at school. I only had one blouse apart from my school one.Forbeconomic reasons it was sleeveless.
Moreover I had worn it on Sunday so there was no way that I could wash and dry it it by 7 on Tuesday morning. I got dressed in this dirty blouse
And the cardigan my mother had made from old green and black wool that wasn’t her choice it was simply reduced price pure new wool if you could afford not afford a nice colour
Although she was very good at knitting she had put the button band on wrongly perhaps it was a little bit too short so she had to pull it which distorted the garment especially on the front.
I must have worn a skirt but I just don’t remember.
It was up terrible winter not long before Sylvia Plath committed suicide.
When I went into the interview room there were two men who look really old like 50 wearing suits really expensive suits.
And their hands were soft and white
Their fingernails were manicured and very clean
0 grandfather was a coal miner so I never really seen them with white hands soft white hands. Even my mother didn’t have soft white hands
I can only remember them asking me how old was the cathedral.
I have never seej it before that and it was a very cold day .I had not a lingered to look at it.
Furthermore we had not got a car and we did not drive around th e north of England looking at the cathedral or the castles. The interviews proceeded and then ask me
Why did I want to do mathematics, what did I plan to do?
I replied that I would like to do research
They burst out laughing and slapped their thighs. I had read about that in novels but I never seen his happening
I had already done a piece of original research but I had not told anybody.
I didn’t speak but I thought it was very weird so I left the room and went back to the station.
It was even colder. The only good thing about these men was that they gave more than half of the places to young women who were very talented. Even nowadays not many young women were going to an interview you and so they wanted to research mathematics I think that what I meant was I wanted to study something so well that I will begin to ask questions it would not have to be mathematics necessarily it could have been philosophy.
It didn’t cross my mind to say I wanted to be a writer.
I suppose that most of us there were going into teaching and that was what they expecting me to say and I have spent my life cheating (that should be teaching) in various higher educational universities or collegesb and I thought a lot of students from overseas from Brunei to Guyana from Malaysia and Hong Kong and it was a great privilege to do that I just regret the people in touch with the students but I do have the complete set of Brunei coins in a red velvet box which a young woman gave to me after she got a first class degree in economics specialising in econometrics and mathematical economics
Once I taught someone who had been to Eton and I got a place at Oxford but despite his expensive schooling he only got a third class degree and he’s probably in some high level job in the civil service turning a lot more money then I got for teaching him. I didn’t enjoy that teaching because the students always looked very afraid and it was a very competitive atmosphere. I prefer the more relaxed atmosphere in which I thought all these foreign students and British students as well and these people were from the lower social classes yes even ib higher education there is a class system in Britain.
I remember a student who was Egyptian. His father was a diplomat and have been sent to England to go to the boiler school which is probably expensive and he said to me there is a lot of racism now so he told his father not to send his younger brother to England to go to school because he’s obviously been unhappy and I sometimes wonder what happened to him in the Arab.
Spring
He gave new s collection of books about Islam and he gave me a wooden briefcase which could open and you can put some books it and when you fasten that you can put it on your knee and it was it was like the top of a small desk so you can write on some paper that you put on it and he said that was what was used as a lot of the schools because they didn’t have any desks in the classroom.
I still have that and I have slept with this on my knee writing a poem on a piece of paper and wishing that I kept in touch with this young man who will now be much older and I hope that they Arab Spring and all the wars have not destroyed his family life
Ok s in a class of 25 students and I recommended to the students to read Alice in Wonderland so that they could read Alice through the looking glass and learnt quite a lot of interesting and mathematical ideas.
Who was the only person who who read the books?
He was. I think I was so busy teaching and and carrying out my personal responsibilities I didn’t have enough time just think about how I would like to have in touch with some of the people who passed through
At least I taught them very very well. And they did very well overall.
I did do some research but it was not easy for a woman to do that in those days
I think it’s very important to be creative and that was one reason why I didn’t do English 0 for my degreebecause I didn’t believe I should be criticising Shakespeare when I never written anything original myself and now that I have written things myself I realise all the more what a great writer Shakespeare was and especially that he was very great poet.
Where I got my university Grant I was able to buy tu blouses with sleeves and I never wore as a dirty one again
I didn’t look very clean. That might have been in my favour because they may have thought someone so poor deserved a chance.
because they were both socialists.
Perhaps it wasn’t so bad thatvI didn’t own more clothing
How my heart speaks 