Author: Katherine

Poetry writer and author

The Guardian

More than 30 children still trapped in Mariupol’s Azovstal steel plant, says mayor

The mayor of the besieged Ukrainian city of Mariupol said there was heavy fighting at the Azovstal steel works where the city’s last defenders and some civilians are holding out, Reuters reports.

Contact has been lost with the Ukrainian fighters still in the Azovstal steel plant, where more than 30 children are among those still awaiting evacuation, mayor says

Only when all good’s been taken

I wanted to flee to the mountains
My mind would not leave me alone
I hid in a cave as a tempest raved
The wind whistled into my bones

After the storm there was fire
The fire that burns deep in the soul
I stood as the flames flickered over
The Cave was fit only for ghouls

With my candle I looked at the shadows
I wandered about like a ghost
I abandoned my thoughts and my writing
He spoke to me in the deep dark

Only when all good’s been taken
When despair is too happy a word
The spirit flies over the water
On the wings of the tiniest bird

Where is Adultery?



Mary was sitting at her desk trying to decide whether to throw out a book called Schrodinger ‘s equation for idiots.The title had more than one meaning, she thought to herself.
I think that is for the recycling bin, she told her cat, Emile.What a pity you can’t read.You could have read it.
I don’t want to read stuff like that.I only like Dad’s cartoon books.
Where are they, Mary asked him, her eyes shining like melting Danish butter on a hot croissant?
They are in that plastic box in the kitchen, Emile told her.I read them at night.
How can you read if there is no light?Please don’t start sinning as I don’t want you to have to become a Catholic.
I can’t become a Catholic, said Emile.I am Jewish.
Well, St Paul was Jewish, Mary told him.Until he had an epileptic fit .
So having a fit can make you a Christian.That is very strange, the black cat told her with a twinkle in his eyes
Well, it’s not automatic, Mary replied.You have to pay
.What, pay to become a Christian, I don’t believe Jesus would like that.
Well , he may be quite indulgent, sometimes Mary giggled.However, the Vatican and its wealth might not be quite what he was thinking of when he gave the Sermon on the Mount.
What sort of mount was it , Emile enquired.Was it a horse?
No, it was more likely to have been a donkey as he was poor, you know
But he had things money can’t buy, the cat said philosophically.Like women who poured oil over his feet.What sort was it,?Was it like that stuff Stan put in the car engine sometimes?
Don’t be so ridiculous.It was olive oil, Mary told him
Can we prove that, Emile murmured? His feet were no salad
No, I am using inductive reasoningMary stated logically.Olive trees are grown in that part of the world even now.
What is inductive reasoning, Emile mewed
Why it’s the opposite of deductive reasoning, of course, Mary stated flatly
I am glad I can’t read, Emile said.
It’s bad for you to have to learn all of that.It was ok for the ancient Greeks.They had no televisions.I’d rather watch Andrea Bocelli and Hayley Westenra singing Vivo per lei.Whatever that means.She is from New Zealand by the way.
What difference does that make Mary teased him?
No need to be rude, Emile cried.I was only passing a remark
That was what Stan’s mother used to say when he told her off for saying my maple mousse was like something out of a tin.
Where was it from?The Joy of Cookery. a big American cook book or maybe Jewish Cookery by Florence Greenberg or Marks and Spencers
Did you get that book because I am Jewish, Emile purred?
No, I didn’t even know you were.How did it happen?
My mother was living with a Rabbi in Liverpool and he told her she could not miaow on the Sabbath so she kind of assumed she was Jewish.As for my father.. nobody knows.
Emile, don’t start saying you are the Messiah.I have enough trouble already.I don’t want you to be walking on water and helping women taken in adulteryI
was not me who took them, said Emile.I don’t even know where Adultery is.
I think I’ll ring 999.We need help before we go mad.
Sometimes going mad seems the better option, Mary said sadly.A few voices telling me what to do might be helpfulAs long as they are not Michael Grove and Horace Watson, Emile replied. And so say all of us

Mary had ordered all of her groceries but she forgot to put tea on the list So she sent Emile to the corner shop with a note tied to his collar
Please give the bearer your best tea.
Emile went off and managed to get into the shop after some children who were getting sweets with their pocket money or debit cards
He went up to the counter and mewed, Mother has sent you a note.
One of the children laughed
Is your mother a girlfriend of Mr. Kumar?
No, she is not, Emile growled with a loud throbbing voice
Mr. Kumar led Emile behind the counter into his living room and spoke to his wife
She asked Emile to sit down as she went into the kitchen and poured him some tea from her China teapot
.Do you want it on a saucer, she enquired thoughtfully?
Yes, please, said Emile. This is very kind.
He leaped onto the rug and began sipping the Ceylon tea. This makes a change, he murmured.
I didn’t know you could just walk in and get free tea!
After a few minutes, the shop door crashed open and he heard Mary’s voice
Oh, Mr. Kumar, I am so stupid. I sent Emile out to buy some Twinings tea and he has not come home! What shall we do? She started crying and dabbing her eyes with Stan’s hanky.
Come through, he whispered politely. Do not weep, dear. All is well
Mary came in and saw Emile drinking his tea and winking at Mrs. Kumar.
Emile, you stupid cat. I was going crazy worrying.I’ll strangle you!
Is it my fault, he replied. I only gave them that note you sent.
But is it not obvious what I intended? she said plaintively
These days you never know, the cat muttered. I try to be obedient as far as I can.
Mrs. Kumar came out and gave Mary a cup of tea.
Sit down, dear. Worry is so bad for you. Why did you not phone us?
Since it was just a packet of tea I thought Emile could carry it. He is very intelligent normally.
Yes, I am, thought Emile as he looked at Maisie, the Kumar’s lovely cat who was asleep on a chair.
I wonder if I can wake her up, he asked himself.
Does she drink tea?
Would she like to start a family? It’s not too late for me to become a parent.
Maisie opened her eyes
What’s that cat doing here?
I only came for the tea, Emile told her. But you look very beautiful. Shall we meet tonight
I’m washing my fur, she told him with a smile
How about tomorrow?
Have you got a phone?
No, he said, I’ll just caterwaul at dusk and if you are free I’ll be under the red maple tree waiting for you
Good grief thought Mary.
This cat is very cunning. Just one chance and he is making the most of it.
Mr. Kumar gave her some tea and she wandered home in a daze after asking them for a drink on Sunday.
My social life is looking up but there’s no-one who will hug me. If only Emile were bigger!
His legs are too short!I should get a donkey instead

Moaning with grief

Moaning and mourning by Ned Single

The noisy way to grieve.

Why should I have a stiff upper lip?

Or frozen eyes?

Let it flow like welcome rain

Until we gladly meet again

Remember crying produces a lot of tears.So buy some tissues.

The degree

They gave me the third degree today at work

What were the other two?

My first degree was in Biology and. Creative Love

I don’t believe you

I have never been good at telling lies

That’s not true.You need more practice that is all

I don’t want to do it

Alright.What is your second degree

It’s a diploma.

What for?

Piano playing

You don’t even have a piano.

It’s virtual.

So is the diploma.

In my dreams

Sewing my soul together

Imagepoem,image

 

I get out my sewing gear

In the quiet times of life,

When I need to mend the tears

Torn by stress and strife.

 

I hold my soul so carefully

And look at every part.

I hope that light will come to me.

As I wonder how to start.

 

I take my needle out

With love thread through its heart

I scrutinise each inch

And then I start to stitch

 

In the quietness of the night

You heal me all the time.

You talk to me in dreams

And I write them down in rhymes.

 

Keep the cocoon whole

Till the soul’s completely there,

Then through its love sewn cloth

A butterfly will flare.

 

What is the test?l

My cat

ADD ,….after dinner dances

All dates denued

All day doubt.

Acute denial demand.

Acute double dealing

Acute deafness defied.

Asperger’s Doubt defined.

All dead donkeys

Alter difficult day.

A death dash.

And don’t disturb

Aspirin dealt death

Health News

Copyright Mike Flemming

Everything has a silver lining.

I have lost that stone I carried sometimes it’s safer to be plump as you age.

Too much sugar can make you hyper activated or agitated.

So for job interviews take

Dr Collis compound.It has just a little opium and other wonderful goodies.

Oh dear.it’ s been banned

Look in your cupboard and see what you can spot.Opium was popular not so long ago.

Good for the sick

They are giving out packed lunches in the hospital so make sure your relative has some sharp scissors and Elastoplast plus a plate.

Soon they will get all their meals this way after Microwaves are installed

Alternatively you can bring them food from home. a quiche

will last for 3 days in winter .As will tomatoes.

Or send pizza to the Ward.

We can’t feed everyone.

We are not your Saviour.

If you feel àt death’s door stay at home

Why not shoot yourself and end the torment now?

Irony is good for you

Mental illness is a metaphor.. T.Szasz

Is Free Thinking A Mental Illness?

The DSM-IV is the manual used by psychiatrists to diagnose mental illnesses and, with each new edition, there are scores of new mental illnesses.  Are we becoming sicker?  Is it getting harder to be mentally healthy?  Authors of the DSM-IV say that it’s because they’re better able to identify these illnesses today.  Critics charge that it’s because they have too much time on their hands.

New mental illnesses identified by the DSM-IV include arrogance, narcissism, in above-average creativity, cynicism, and antisocial behavior.  In the past, these were called “personality traits,” but now they’re diseases.

It is not mental illness

Is it mental illness to feel down

When we see a hospital destroyed

Little children plunged into the void

Mr Putin smiles more than he frowns

God himself was cruel in the past

Destroyed Gomorrah full of wicked men

He used to be be more active way back then

Is it Satan gloating in the blast?

We can’t believe a war is close at hand

We don’t want to lose our own dear men

Babies with. no fathers cry 🥺 n vain

Ukraine’s agony spreads through the land

He suffers too

R

Beware the deliver pass,hard won
For I have foolishly got one
It says I can order every day
But guess what folks, they make me pay!
I tried to do one this weekend
But in 6 days I have sinned
I bought 2 loaves just for the ghosts
Foetuses, and heavenly hosts
Though my babies never grew
I still have all their gowns so new
O mother, mother, come you back
I need your arm ,I feel my lack
My linen closets full of clothes
I know the babies won’t want those
Now I’m old,I’d like to see
Their little eyes smile down on me
Tantrums, shrieks and other noise
I would welcome any voice
And one might look like my dear love
Why did God take them above?
Mysterious are his ends today
How can humans know his ways?
The Lord may give, the Lord may take
Blessed be his wounded Face
For God himself does suffer too
His eyes wet diamonds , polished dew

DIY

Make scones into a light meal

As we know here scones are usually sweet.But it you leave out the sugar and add small amounts of grated carrot and courgette they become a meal when served with a salad.[Otherwise use raisins or sultanas]
For older people don’t make very small scones as they may find them too crunchy to chew.You can bake the mixture in the shape of a large circle and cut into slices to serve.It will take longer to cook

Ingredients for 12 scones

375g self raising flour

80g butter [tasted better]

250ml milk

The rest is missing!

Sorry

Watching pornography in the House

For a Tory MP to watch pornography in the House of Commons shows a distinct lack of imagination

And he is being paid a salary for this.

What a nerve to draw attention to their conceits.

He should be paying us

Off with his,.

Oh,Stan is feeling happy.

Oh,Stan is feeling happy.
His wife has gone away.
She’s gone out to Australia
She won’t be home till May.

Oh,Stan has got a mistress,
She lives next door to him.
She is very curvy.
She won’t go to the gym!

Her first name it is  Annie
She loves Stan and his cat.
She wears far too much makeup.
Her cheeks are very fat.

She wears bright coloured stockings.
Her handbag’s apple green.
She wears a dark red jacket,
In case she meets the Queen.

Stan loves Annie dearly.
He loves his wife as well.
What will be the outcome?
I’m damned if I can tell.

They’ve been in this threesome
For twenty seven years;
Even though Stan’s mother
Said it would end in tears.

Mary is Stan’s wife
They only had one child.
Her name is little Lyra.
and she is very wild.

She looks quite like a tiger
Her eyes are very sharp.
But Lyra’s a musician.
She plays an Irish harp.

Stan wanted more children
But Mary went off sex.
She never let him love her
Except via a text.

She called him her sweet baby.
She called him “little lamb”.
Stan gets very angry.
For Stanley is a man.

He wants to join with Mary
Like couples usually do.
He wants to unite with her
But she always has the flu.

Now she’s giving lectures
In the southern hemisphere.
So Stan makes love to Annie
And swigs ten pints of beer.

The cat Emile is watching.
He keeps a daily log.
Stan has bedded Annie
Right there on the rug.

He’d vacuumed it that morning
To Emile’s great surprise.
The antics they performed on it
Have opened Emile’s eyes.

Now they’re in the kitchen
To microwave a meal.
Then Stan says to Annie
“I like the way you feel.

Men

G

Oh,woman it is not your long gold hair
That draws the man into your little lair
It is your independence and your mind
Your morals and your dignity so fine

Never worry if your looks are plain
Do not suffer anguish,mental pain
For if you know the ten commandments well
You know men cannot worship you and tell

If your hair is thin and full of grease
Men will come to you on bended knees
For they fear too much beauty will engross
Illusion binds the heart and mind once foes

Do not be so anxious to be fair
Men will love you more the less you wear