The rusty old dog

In our yard, we had a dog on wheels.

Its fur was almost gone,it was so worn

I sat upon its musty back,my steed.

I thought that he looked sad, he looked forlorn

In that house my grandma lived and died

My father was a child it was his dog

Rich as grass in meadows was its fur.

The rusty wheels were bright and pierced the fog

I see the yard the coal shed and the lav.

The green back gate my grandad coming in

The shed where bikes were piled up in a rush.

The cat jumped  up so fast on the ash bin

Dad went off then grandad went off too.

I see them coming home in polished shoes

You might be poor but still you could look neat

A Sunday coat,best shoes on polished feet

God has been replaced by our machines

God has been replaced by our machines

We worship them all week, no Sabbath day

No need for leisure nor  the fallow field

No unconscious mind, no grace, no play.

No wonder little children want their phones.

They need to worship like their parents do.

Unlike God, machines can be controlled

Everything is fine, till dogs miaow.

Before the metal and the wire bow down.

Clean your Lord with disinfectant blue.

Keep all his brethren clean no need to pray

Meditations just another clue

Give your washing one more spin tonight

Eventually you’ll see that glowing light

The cobbles in the road

My bonsai beech has blended with  the yew
And in it   little wrens have made a nest
A robin, so much  bolder,passed by too
In late spring the birds make us feel blessed

As a child I had no garden home
The  girls and boys  with balls and ropes make play
I laugh to think we went out with no phones
The cobbles in the  road held marbles stray

We had no trees,we had coal mines and mills
My aunties’ faces lined and worn  still smiled
With their sugared tea were bitter pills
Each a  single tear shed  by   the  Christ

Arsenic and opium combined
Which will win the contest for our minds?

 

Twinkle now oh little car

Hello Katherine are you going to Mars on Sunday?

I was wondering about an evening bath.

Are you going listen to Beethoven’s trial in sombrero?

What about Mozart’s clarinet twin set?

I want to get a new sinful coat in the gales

Where is your mouse truncated?

He says who wants to paint your balls?

I hope he will change the sea lion.

What about the Hunt bore,

It’s illegal to count boxers.

Is your dog a large warrior?

Have you possibly exams on your whores?

I guess I was tight 

What sort of fear do you like?

Who wrote about the finality of evil,?

Can I have my own Korea?

What do you think of speech to vexed in 5 words?

What do you think of a bird being banned?

Could the Red Sea divide again?

What about Solomon’s twinkle?

Through the fields

More complex than our mind is nature green

The River Lea still murmurs as it flows

Waltham abbey, Eleanor her cross

In the sun, the kingfisher still glows.

Through the fields the river sings her song.

There are grassy banks where we once rolled.

Where is now our innocence of heart?

The shepherd guides the flock into the fold.

In the abbey crypt the sacred dwells

Near the yew trees and King Harold’s grave.

Once there would have been the sound of bells

And in-our hearts we felt that Jesus saved

Let the world receive the humble child.

Who can see the gods in,this world wild?

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

A triolet?

The pure in heart shall see their God one day.

With  love’s intention clear they offer prayer

Yet God will not talk big like Donald Trump

God will whisper what he has to say

Is no one listening for that voice today?

God is tramped on as the high priests pray.

The bombs to stop all future bombs are stumped

There is no future where no children play

In the land that dreams dwell in

In the land that dreams dwell in

where love and hate and life begin;

where swiftly the deep rivers flow

from those lost lands of long ago.

I wander through wild poppy fields

Underfoot the dark earth yields….

I see the flowering fruit trees start

Their blossoms gather round my heart…

I hear the sparrows sing with joy

And bees their busy wings employ.

In those lost lands I saw your face

And now I long for your embrace.

Are you real,am I deceived?

From this earth  we  all must leave.

Earth to earth and ash to ash

Glory,pride and boasting pass.

You have left me, dearest one

Soon I too will be called on.

Nothing lasts but truth is real

Keep your heart and your ideals..

Earth to earth, we rest in clay

We must give all self away

Yet softly on this earth I roam

Seeking still new love and home,

for until the very end

Love and kindnss may descend.

Soft as wings of butterflies

Tears well up and wet my eyes.

My heart has melted into yours

Thus we grow and die like flowers

Guilt in Eden

Digital art by Katherine
By Katherine

For three weeks I had a virus so could not exercise.I was concerned because my muscles are not in the ideal condition

I mentioned it to someone who said

But it’s not your fault

That is true but our muscles will get weaker if we don’t use them for ANY reason.Whether it is our fault or not

The body does not know why we don’t move It just reacts to how we use it

Oh for the happy days when we could fall over and get up again

With no injuries

Xmas 1946

I remember Xmas ’46.

the glowing coal,the sugar bag,the sticks

The boys had fairisle jumpers in pure wool

The golden cup of happiness was full

In the flames I saw bright dancing shapes

oh happy infant ,love, oh happy state.

on a Xmas tree were hung the chocolate coins

in the crib I saw Lord Jesus born

My sister too was soon to leave the Womb

Next time she would be there in the room

Her Celtic face was round her eyes were green

Rarely did she cry,Allanah, Queen

This was Eden,this was all our joy

Come back Love,do not our lives destroy.

Ice on the pavement

I could have spent much time in studying ice

The thin pools  on the pavement froze like stars

Reflecting light from street lamps would suffice

I  was late for school, it wasn’t far.

I  knew each crack, the depth of pools, the shape

Like the mother’s body, studied, loved.

When the water froze my eyes would gape

Along would come my brothers with a shove.

I knew each brick each stone, each clean doorstep.

There was no time for me to stop and stare

I feared the rage of teachers and the priest

I neglected life, took no time to rest

Adults seemed much worse than ravenous beasts.

The little world is spoiled when they “know best’

Potential pleasure and the painter’s joy

Sacrificed to “learning”, love destroyed

What I thought they were saying in church when I was little

Ray Queer’s cat’s in parquet

Request cats get parts t’.

I forgive you your twins. But you must be a virgin when you can.

All unmarried versions please report to the press bitterly

Guardian angels leave heaven on sight.

Cheerio, Elaine’s son

Hail glorious St Hat Trick.
Lord, it’s hearsay.
Lord, I’m worser
Forgive all dear trespassers.
Blessed is the foot of thy broom.
Pay for us now and the whore at our death.
I believe in none,God.
The communion of tyrants

Criminals will be persecuted in rhyme
.
Jesus wants me for his angels.
The Ten Demanding Torments are here.
Have you paid for your wrecks yet?
For all the saints who laboured at their tests
For all the painted ghosts
Remember man my heart tart is frost
Ash to ash,dust if you must
Forgive us an hour’s trespassing and we shall be in heaven
Please do as you would have fun by.

Do you resent both your sins ?

You are not allowed any descent from the church.

Why do we have to start by saying 

prey Father?

I have committed five mortal sinners  to the asylum. They will be put on rhythm if they are bipolar magnets.

What does it mean?

Why can’t we use table salt instead of lithium?

Alternatively we could put lithium on the table instead of sea salt.

I say, I think that’s really disgusting.

I said you’ve got the wrong adjective.

How do you know when you’ve got the right one?

One by one they fall

The Northern Pennines taken by my brother-in-law

Like skittles struck by well aimed iron balls

One by one, my friends, my siblings fall

Who will be the last to meet their death?

The great wheels of the engine grind the path.

The young will not desire to meet the old

And so we lie down sick and grow more cold

Everything is taken every cell

I hope with gratitude I shall die well

Expand with happiness

Remember how our breathing slows right down

When we see a small bird close at hand

We want the happy moment to expand

To feel the greenness, and in that greeness drown

Our breathing is much faster in the town

Our hearts will beat as fast as Previn’s hands.

We lose our mind and body, their demands.

  We walk through traffic like damned clowns

See the human faces as they frown

They each update their phone,a thousand pounds!

They will park and ride the underground.

To Mayfair with a credit card and crown.

We need to create new memories that last.

In Dedham Vale the wild geese still fly past

Lost

I saw my house uprooted like a tree

Great roots were severed, how I ached to see

And all was tossed without my love and care

Bits of earth fell from the roots. now bare.

Barbaric in its mad intensity

I wept the tears of grief for you, for me.

Our home attacked,destroyed and I lie here.

Putting out the flames with profuse tears

Lamenting for my love who died within

The collapsing of my world now with no sun

The house a symbol of our marriage true

Cannot stand without a me and you

So my vision passed and I am here

My memories are my only souvenir

Marbles

Rolling marbles made of coloured glass  
Skipping rope and learning ancient rhymes
Filling inkwells , polishing the brass
With dip-in pens we  wrote  upon the lines

Licking out the bowl where cakes were mixed
Running wild with brothers  and their  friends
Wonder at those fireworks Daddy fixed
Catherine wheels  rotating, transcendent

Mother  smiling in her   flowery dress
Little rocking chairs  where we placed dolls
Daddy saying,Good night and God Bless
Teddies with no fur left, ask our Paul

Little sisters, brothers’ cricket balls
Hot coal fires where kettles used to boil
Old gas cookers, scabbed knees from our falls
Fuses blowing, making light bulbs   fail

In our bed , we whispered little tales
In the morning  feeling warm and dazed 
Love was  in the air, the baby wailed
Dad  so pleased with Mother’s  happy face

I see the cobblestones  all hot with sun
The Street Party , the Coronation

The magic of words

There may be other meanings to your words

The words you keep the words that you discard

The one you meant to write, the one I heard

The way you punctuate, the way sound blurs.

The ones that might be soft, the ones so hard.

There may be other meanings to your words

Some pierce like swords, some are   diamond hard

The words you meant to write, the ones I heard

The way the kettles sang, the way cats purred.

The words that open doors, the ones that bar.

There may be other meanings to your words

The way the cookie crumbles, paper chars

The ones you meant to write the ones I heard

We don’t know what we say,l when life’s absurd

My recipes from books, how mother stirred

There may be other meanings to your words

Why write poetry when your phone’s not charged?

Can patience be alluring in our age?

There may be other meanings to your words

The ones you meant to write the ones I heard

To lose yourself

I lost myself in books and in wild flowers

I lost myself in you,oh joyous hours.

But now I cannot lose myself, I fight

My presence to myself,  a heavy weight.

My skin became like armour, my defence

No flowing into others as was once.

The joy of losing  all my sense of self

Now I see this as a source of wealth.

I became all others yet still me

I felt the human kinship I could see

To feel yourself and not an alien thing.

How is life renewed how shall we sing?

How long the day seems

How long the day seems now you are not here

Without your company how shall I steer?

I feel your absence like a pain, like grief.

When death has stung, it then becomes a thief

How long each day seems when I am alone.

I understand the beetles under stones

Your presence was a blessing, was delight

Whether in the day or in the night.

Now I mend the cupboards and the doors

Nothing seems quite like it was before.

I miss your presence and your company

Since you died I feel feel that I’m not me.

I do not feel myself, I feel estranged.

Ranging through these rooms I miss your gaze.

Freud was ‘misunderstood’ and wasn’t so obsessed with sex, new analysis of work suggests

https://www.theguardian.com/science/article/2024/jul/27/freud-was-misunderstood-and-wasnt-so-obsessed-with-sex-new-analysis-of-work-suggests?CMP=Share_AndroidApp_Other

The value of drawing

https://www.thetimes.com/article/0248b92b-9184-4656-be66-bb47123bc344?shareToken=221eb830cba240e9e77288ba498348cb

‘To be able to draw from observation, he believed, was “the foundation for fine art, for applied art, for architecture, for thinking, for coming up with ideas, for opening our minds through an intense process of really looking at the world around us”.

God tries therapy

I think this artwork was done by me on my computer

what brings you here
Not literally?            [ could be autistic]
No, you are always here in a sense.
Well, you know English is not my first language [ excuses]
No,  you were here before language.How hard to imagine.
I have come here because of my guilt   [ trying to be human ]
I’ll be judge, I’ll be  jury, said cunning old fury

Very adroit [Shows off his skills]
What’s  that?
The opposite of maladroit
Why did you send the Flood over the earth\~
I pressed the wrong button.                [Teases me]
That is absurd. There were no buttons then
Not even on coats?                    [Pretends to be ignorant]
Well you should know
I don’t like little  details in my creatiity           [ Thinks he is superior]
Come on, tell me whatever comes to mind
I like playing with water and fire as well          [ Melanie Klein  come here]
You tell me
It’s such fun                         [ emotionally stunted]
Like War?
It was not so bad to start with { always an excuse…. lacking in adult responsibility]
What, even Cain and Abel?
Very sad but it’s just a story      [ Derrida,Levinas, Enid Blyton]
Don’t tell me you are a post modernist
I can be what I want , for  fun you know    [ repeats himself]
I didn’t know God has fun
Well you do now           [ Humour]

Right that is £120

What, you think I should pay?           [ feels superior]
I have to live,Lord.I have a family [     childish plea]
So  did I once             [Sarcasm and grief]
Well,  any alternative?
I’ll  give you  an indulgence/
How about Martin Luther?
Should he have one?
Why not, he’s just human like you.
But Hitler?
I retain the right to silence        [ knows the law]

Well when you stop sulking make another appointment
Can no-one help me?
Don’t give up hope.
Goodbye for now.

Psychological pain and problems with CBT

https://wp.me/p324Wa-sNS

CBT embodies a specific view of painful emotions: that they’re primarily something to be eliminated, or made tolerable

Psychoanalysts contend that things are much more complicated. For one thing, psychological pain needs first not to be eliminated but understood. From this perspective, depression is less like a tumour and more like a stabbing pain in your abdomen: it’s telling you something, and you need to find out what. (No responsible GP would just pump you with painkillers and send you home.) And happiness – if such a thing is even achievable – is a much murkier matter. We don’t really know our own minds, and we often have powerful motives for keeping things that way. We see life through the lens of our earliest relationships, though we usually don’t realise it; we want contradictory things; and change is slow and hard. Our conscious minds are tiny iceberg-tips on the dark ocean of the unconscious – and you can’t truly explore that ocean by means of CBT’s simple, standardised, science-tested steps.

Where the power lies in the therapist-client relationship

Letters: Feelings of powerlessness as a constant – as is often the case in one-to-one relationships – are the root of much mental distress

Read more

This viewpoint has much romantic appeal. But the analysts’ arguments fell on deaf ears so long as experiment after experiment seemed to confirm the superiority of CBT – which helps explain the shocked response to a study, published last May, that seemed to show CBT getting less and less effective, as a treatment for depression, over time.

Examining scores of earlier experimental trials, two researchers from Norway concluded that its effect size – a technical measure of its usefulness – had fallen by half since 1977. (In the unlikely event that this trend were to persist, it could be entirely useless in a few decades.) Had CBT somehow benefited from a kind of placebo effect all along, effective only so long as people believed it was a miracle cure?

Psychoanalysts contend that for one thing, psychological pain needs first not to be eliminated, but understood

December 30, 2023

April 1, 2020

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Emile falls off the roof

Mary was on a step ladder in the bathroom spying on her husband Stan,through a hole in the wall…which he had drilled for spying on women sunbathing nude in their back gardens. Although I would have been there for 30 years he had not yet seen a nude woman.
To her surprise she saw husband was climbing over the fence with Emile, their cat  on his shoulder.

I think it’s ridiculous, she muttered .
Surely Emile, a cat, can jump over the fence by himself.

But Emile was very limp,she saw with horror
He can’t be dead, she whispered to herself fearfully.She jumped down off the and hit her head on a tap… a dangerous event for a human with weak retinae or retinas
Oh,my! That hurt…I’d better be careful.She flew down stairs and met Stan in to the kitchen
Emile has got concussion, Stan said unhappily
Is he not dead,she wondered anxiously.
No, he only fell off Annie’s roof.I am sure he’ll come to.
Good Lord.What made him go up there and more important,how did he manage it manage to climb up?
You’d better ring 999,he informed her graciously yet boldly

If you say so ,my dear.I’d do anything you ask..
Don’t put on that act! he said wantonly
I mean it.
A bit too late now.
What do you mean?
After 40 years with your mind on Wittgenstein,Dirac,Pascal and Kierkegaard,do you think I don’t know you made a mistake marrying me
But whoever I married,I’d have read those same writers…
Umphh,said Stan dolefully.
Just then Dave,the bisexual transvestite paramedic ran in.
Poor Emile,what have you done?
He fell off Annie’s roof, but we have no theory as to how he got there,said Stan.
Well, there’s no need to think of that… deal with reality.That’s my modus operandi!
He gave Emile the kiss of life.

Emile came to…but was not pleased
Why did you waken me up?I was having a lovely dream of walking down a silver path where I saw a big cat with shining fur and tender eyes looking at me.He just began to miaow when some fecking idiot woke me up… was he God?
I can’t say,Emile,dear.But please do not swear.
I’ll do whatever I fecking well feel like,he said.
Good heavens, what has happened.Has he been reading dirty books?
No, he was watching East Enders on TV… they all use the f word constantly.
Well,Emile.God will have to wait… he’ll be glad if you do some kind work here on earth.
Up yours,said Emile.I am sick of living here.I’ve been hoping for years Stan would mate with Annie but he has only managed a kiss.
Perhaps it was the kiss of life,said Mary hopefully as it pained her to think Stan no longer desired her.
Well, in a sense,you might have hit the snail on the bed said Stan thoughtfully.I know any further mention of philosophy will drive me mad!
Now,Dave said,shall I make you some tea?
Thank you Stan responded.I am half crazed already.Tea may save my sanity.But for what?
Annie came in
Did you know Emile was in a hot air balloon,she said in tones of wonder.How has he got down so fast?
I fecking well fell out,the cat yawned proudly.Then I had a near death experience until this loon here brought me round.
Emile,I’ve never heard you swear before! she whispered in a strange manner reminiscent of almost silent films starring unnames and forgotten beauties of long ago.
Do you like it,baby? Emile asked.
No I don’t. I’ve never said Feck in all my life.
Well you have now,the cat informed her with a naughty smile.
I think he’s possessed by demons.We’ll have to have him exorcised.
But I like demons,Emile bawled .I’ve been good all my life and I am bored and depressed.
So you believe swearing will help more than therapy?
Emile got up and lit a cigarette nonchalantly with a certain ,je ne sais pas.
Good grief,he’ll be having sex on the sofa next said Stan.
What a good idea,said Emile, but I want my own room and an en suite..I mean to impress the next girl friend I have.
Dave drank some tea and watched these old folk ponder.
I am wondering where we went wrong,said Mary.All these years we’ve educate you privately and even had you baptised.
Well.I am going to be a Jew,said Emile.
I don’t think a cat can be a Jew… and you never ever had any interest in the spiritual before,why this?
Well,when I was unconscious I realised that God exists….
But why a Jew?
Well,they were the first to see God in a Burning Bush..
And the last too, thought Annie nervously.
Well,said Stan.You want to smoke,swear ,make love and possibly enjoy wine and song.Is that not enough?
Does God smoke and swear?
There was a long silence and Emile answered
Well,you see,Yes he does.
I’m off said Dave.I have to ring the Pope.
Why? asked Emile.I’m not going be a Catholic….
Well,said Dave,he ought to know that God is a cat.