• Mary was just running out of the front door when she realised she had not combed her hair.
  She looked around, and found a small wire brush labelled,”For nubuck and suede shoes”…..
  Peering into the old mirror she ran it though her gold and silver hair,powdered her nose with her Estee Lauder natural beige foundation in powder form and slapped some coral lipstick on with haste.. and accuracy.
  Right,that’s it,she thought.Enough to show willing.
  She met her old friend Maureen at the bus stop.
  Have you been seeing Joel again? Maureen asked naughtily.
  No,I’ll be damned if I see him again,Mary said shyly.He told me he was living alone in a large house up the hill, then I met him with his wife.Who was he trying to fool?
  Maybe he hoped you would not notice?
  Not notice what,her wedding ring?
  Luckily the bus came down the road and stopped beside them.They jumped on and ran to the back. for a gab.
  Are you going shopping? Maureen asked.
  No,I am going to take some photos of the jazz band playing on the pavement by the bank… but I told Stan I was going to the pharmacy to buy some Vaseline….
  Why,does he not like you taking photos?
  Not when an old boyfriend of mine is in the band.
  Exactly how old is the boyfriend?
  About 69 I guess.
  Well he’s not that old!
  He is an ex I should have said.I knew him in primary school and used to ride his tricycle.He was my first love.We were only 5 years old.I think it was his red curls and the tricycle that attracted me… but we split up when we were 6.
  Surely Stan would not be jealous;it is 63 years ago,
  And to me it was like last year!Well. you know time does not exist in the Unconscious.
  How wonderful.
  Yes and no.Good memories can be there but also pain can seem as if it just happened even when it is from 50 years ago.
  Have you had a lot of men admiring you,dear?
  How would I know?There could be thousands if they were too shy to speak.
  You know what I mean!
  Not so many.. I had my second when we were 10.He had golden hair and long eye lashes and lots of games in boxes.He was very sweet but we were to young to be engaged so I decided to give men up and study mathematics instead as that has its own icy beauty…
  Wel,,nice meeting you.Have you dyed your hair;it’s got brown streaks.
  Oh,dear,Mary thought.Is it shoe polish? But who polishes suede shoes nowadays?
  Stan was following Mary on his Face Bike.He was watching her from behind the bike racks in front of the HSBC Bank…
  Mary had had many bikes in her life.. what would a fortune teller make of that,he asked himself.
  Still,she had no idea Stan was nearby as she wandered nonchalantly along the grey pavement in her Rosella dress and Gabor suede Mary Janes..
  Now then, where shall I go to take the photos,she thought…maybe I’ll sit outside this Coffee Shop and pretend to feel faint if anyone asks me to buy coffee…
  she opened her bag and took out her Kindle Paperwhite… she was reading,
  Creative Imagery and Healing… and also Cars and Peace by Leo Wholeshaw.. a futuristic novel set in North London.In the first chapter a grandmother has been beheaded in North London.
  That’s a bit far fetched,Mary had thought when she read it but in fact Wholeshaw had been right on the ball when he wrote his e book and self published it on Cramuzon for £3.89…
  I wonder if I’d like to write a novel, Mary mused… just then she saw Stan on the other side of the road talking to a blonde bombshell dressed all in pink.
  I see,she thought.He didn’t know I’d be here as the pharmacy is half a mile away.
  Who is watching whom?Well.the morals be lacking but my grammar is incorrect, damn it!
  And  so swear of us

I was sitting in the window of a coffee shop called Joe’s

I was sitting in the window when the rain turned into snow

I saw my own reflection in the glassy window panes

When my reflection smiled at me, I thought I was insane

When I looked again there was nobody out there

Then I saw my sister she was looking very fair.

She gave me lots, of money, it was silver it was gold

She sat down here beside me, she grabbed my hand to hold.

You’ll be alright now baby because I am here with you

I was fragmented and flying, then she brought me back to earth.

Everybody’s fragile but we know what we are worth

She put me in a basket, holy Moses, where’s the Nile?

She said she got my number and she’s put it in my file.

I am happy I am sad cancer drove me mad

I felt fifty shades of grey but it’s not entirely bad.

I’m still alive I’m still alive and I will sing my songs.

So she went into the kitchen anti soaked up something wrong.

Good is bad and loss is gain. Whatever shall we do

We’re coming back with Cohen, he can sing the blues

I had to go to the hospital for a Custord Capote.A A cursed analogy in other words.

If that’s artificial intelligence then give me  real intelligence any day.

The doctor said,

I want to put a camera into your bladder.

So I said to her Doctor, you must be deluded; how can you expect me to believe that you can put a camera like the one I’ve got here in my pocket into my bladder when the only way in is a very very tiny hole about 5 millimeters in diameter.

And anyway what were her motives?

She smiled belligerently. It’s a very small camera.

But it is still bigger than a molecule, I said superstitiously.

Well I don’t know she said wisely  because I’ve never seen a molecule.

Anyway, if you put this camera into my bladder, how on earth will you get it out again? Or is it going to be a permanent fixture so that you can see into my bladder any time of the night or day? I’ve never heard of this before but spies are everywhere now

Don’t worry it’s in a little plastic tube and at the end there’s a little pointed knife so I can cut a bit of your skin off. I may not have to do that but we can if it’s necessary.

Well doctor I know that men are afraid of having their penis cut off and now I feel a little bit like that although I know the bladder is not a sexual organ.

Do stop overthinking she told me courageously. Just shut up and keep quiet like all the other patients do.

Then  lie down on this bed and pull your trousers down. I’ve never had such a nuanced conversation. The British are famous for being tactful and also for being ironical; can you guess which I am being now?

As soon as I did what she wanted she’s stuck her great big needle into my bum claiming it was an antibiotic.

Well I know that was a lie because antibiotics come in little bottles from the pharmacy. Antibiotics don’t come in the shape of needles although I am not very knowledgeable about biochemistry or any kind of chemistry except the chemistry of love.

Well after that it’s all a blur .The nurse gave me a piece of kitchen paper.

That’s to wipe yourself  she said.

What’s the point when your bladder is always leaking unless you’re on penicillin or ciprofloxacin or another very dangerous drug which can affect your mental state profoundly.

So I’d rather leak than go mad. People seem to think that if you go mad you don’t know what is happening you don’t know what you’re doing and so you’re happy but it’s not true.If you go mad it’s terrifying. And the mental health services in Britain are not very good so you might be discharged after two days treatment a and hang yourself. Yes, it’s that bad for some people. On a lighter note sometimes the madness only lasts for a few hours like when you’re on steroids

I might be more likely to believe in god if there were some medication for rheumatoid arthritis   or  drug resistant infections that did not cause such side effects.

Anyway they gave me a cup of tea and then I went to the Loo.

Then I came back and I thought to myself 

They never showed me the pictures from the camera

I could have put them in the computer and changed the colours and used them to illustrate my blog

It’s like going through the labours of Hercules or some other initiation process. And what happens when you get to the end of the seven horrible events or trials? That is something that I have yet to find out but when I do you’ll be the first to learn about it

And if they give me the photographs I’ll publish them here as I know you can’t wait to see them.