I believe many of us agree that when we have friends who live some distance away email is a very good way of keeping in touch.Of course we had the phone for that purpose but the advantage of email is that it can be read when most convenient to the recipient.And we can send photos or other attachments.Texting is similar.Next time you meet your friend you will feel closer because they are up to date with your life.
A different problem occurs with friends made online whom you have never met.The same feelings can develop here as in real life.Valuable friendships can be developed with people in any part of the world.
A big problem can come when one party decides without discussion to end the friendship after what seemed a mutual dependency and caring
So it makes sense to see if your friend is willing to give you their phone number and address.If not then I would be wary of getting any deeper in the relationship.Remember you don’t really know who that person is.And there are many people out there seeking for vulnerable people to fulfill their needs.People who cannot make friends in the flesh
Do they seem to want you more as a listener to their woes and not be willing to hear yours?Whether in real life or online, narcissism is a big problem.And such people may have great charisma.Beware!Charisma is a tool for manipulation.
I do know of successful friendship .even marriage, between people who met online.On the other hand I know some people devastated by cruel pretend friendships.Men who move from woman to woman on a whim.
Different cultures too may have different rules.In some places a woman who just talks to a man online is thought of as a whore.Not to mention the problems of language and translation.I know one woman who is not recovered after two years after being thrown off like an old glove!I know it happens in real life too but there you can generally discuss problems
Obviously it’s always going to be chancy and though I am usually quite brave,I would be wary of a man or woman seeking closer friendship online who is unwilling to give me his/her phone number.An email address is not the same
The problem with modern communication is that it’s like the nuclear bomb….. we want to try it out even if we have nothing much to say.Better to make more real life friends or join a forum with shared interests or even shared health problems.You can help or be helped there.Just having a tablet or i phone tempts us to use them.
I was talking to a friend last week who was full of worries
I can’t say I am blameless myself.I suppose it’s natural but can become excessive.On reflection I think it’s linked to either feeling inadequate to cope with life or feeling unable to ask for help..The latter one is true for me,I feel I am imposing on people if I ask for help.and am I inadequate or is it a leftover from childhood when I was given hard tasks to do too early?If people are more confident they worry less.We have survived this far so we should get more confident
And some of the worries I or my friends have are about health or sleep.The thing is we cannot sleep by willing it..we seem to be in a state where we are always thinking about what we need for health which I think makes us suspicious of our bodies… we don’t trust them..Nor do we trust God like people used to do… as for the Government…
Insecurity,lack of trust,fear of asking for help.
No wonder we worry
Frozen behind protective glass we are no more than specimen in a museum.
Call this art? Would look o.k on a lady’s headscarf… to think it’s come to this when I imagined myself the new Picasso in female form
Getting to know someone,I find it is good to first know what is very important to ourselves.. which sometimes we do not know consciously.Second to discover what is most important to the other.I think that may be very hard if we come from different cultures.We may never have come across some of the things most important to the other.We.even in the same culture,live i n self created worlds of meaning.
What matters to me is possibly not all conscious. but it matters that I can say what pleases me or what hurts me without attack.If this is not possible then that is the end of the friendship.
Similarly I should be able to listen to the other
Sometimes we may believe we are having a relationship with someone,maybe a friendship or love affair.As time passes one or other party may become more and more critical of the other.This may possibly be for good reason.Or what at first one person saw as ideal.wonderful,perfection in the other is revealed [or not] to have been a fantasy.On the gap between the real and the ideal being noticed complaints are made and anger or rage is felt.
If people can tolerate the painful gap between the real and the ideal then a true relationship may develop.More likely the idealizing partner will break off and seek perfection elsewhere in a new person. In truth there never was a real relationship.One person was simply caught up in the other’s fantasy life.In the real world no-one is entirely good,perfect or our dream lover.This illusion is very painful to give up.
.Easier to believe that one day we will meet Prince or Princes Charming.. our other half We are like almost blind people wandering around just seeing bits of the other.We have our own world but is it a shared one?After all we are all human beings and we do share existential loneliness and even dread.Hunting for someone to fit a pattern in our mind means we are not living in shared reality…it’s too painful.
Frozen behind glass we are a merely a specimen in a museum.
Too many defenses make life a living death
How tempting to build a wall of glass around oneself for safety
but how to breathe?
Dry cleaning your knickers is stranger than hoovering your hair
If you never wash your trousers you will never have to iron them
The talk of me staring into windows may have given a bad impression.I only stare into a window if the light is on and the curtains are open… and my main interest is the decor.If a person was there I wouldn’t stare.I’d just give a quick glance to see if they were ironing their trousers without taking them off .. it happens…so I have heard but not seen it yet.
Which leads me to tonight’s aphorism:
If you never wash your trousers you will never have to iron them
Which brings to my mind an interview with a well know star who was discussing her life with a journalist.She said she never washes her knickers because she throws them out every night and wears a brand new pair in the morning… what a waste.Has she never hears of the laundrette or even a washing machine?I wonder of she only wears a dress once?No doubt they can be dry cleaned …unlike underwear.
Still it shows you what the wealthy spend their money on!No wonder bankers want ten grand a month in bonuses… it’s KNICKERS!