Month: March 2013

How modern technology may affect friendship

I believe many of us agree that when we have friends whoBlue flower in a dream 2 live some distance away email is a very good way of keeping in touch.Of course we had the phone for that purpose but the advantage of email is that it can be read when most convenient to the recipient.And we can send photos or other attachments.Texting is similar.Next time you meet your friend you will feel closer because they are up to date with your life.

A different problem occurs with friends made online whom you have never met.The same feelings can develop here as in real life.Valuable friendships can be developed with people  in any part of  the world.

A big problem can come when one party decides without discussion to end the friendship  after what seemed a mutual dependency and caring

So it makes sense to see if your friend is willing to give you their phone number and address.If not then I would be wary of getting any deeper in the relationship.Remember you don’t really know who that person is.And there are many people out there seeking for vulnerable people to fulfill their needs.People who cannot make friends in the flesh

Do they seem to want you more as a listener to their woes and not be willing to hear yours?Whether in real life or online, narcissism is  a big problem.And such people may have great charisma.Beware!Charisma is a tool for manipulation.

I do know of successful friendship .even marriage, between people who met online.On the other hand I know some people devastated by cruel pretend friendships.Men who move from woman to woman on a whim.

Different cultures too may have different rules.In some places a woman who  just talks to a man online is thought of as a whore.Not to mention the problems of language and translation.I know one woman who is not recovered after two years after being thrown off like an old glove!I know it happens in real life too but there you can generally discuss problems

Obviously it’s always going to be chancy and though I am usually quite brave,I would be wary of a man or woman seeking closer friendship online  who is unwilling to give me his/her phone number.An email address is not the same

The problem  with modern communication is that it’s like the nuclear bomb….. we want to try  it  out even if we have nothing much to say.Better to make more real life friends or join a forum with shared interests or even shared health problems.You can help or be helped there.Just having a tablet or i phone tempts us to use them.

Romantic love – overrated and hyped-up by the media since 1200AD – Telegraph Blogs

Romantic love – overrated and hyped-up by the media since 1200AD – Telegraph Blogs.

 

Romantic love is often selfish and damaging

Worry

I was talking to a friend last week who was full of worries

.trees swirl

I can’t say I am blameless myself.I suppose it’s natural but can become excessive.On reflection I think it’s linked to either feeling inadequate to cope with life or feeling unable to ask for help..The latter one is true for me,I feel I am imposing on people if I ask for help.and am I inadequate or is it a leftover from  childhood when I was given hard tasks to do too early?If people are more confident they worry less.We have survived this far so we should get more confident

And some of the worries I or my friends have are about health or sleep.The thing is we cannot sleep by willing it..we seem to be in a state where we are always thinking about what we need for health which I think makes us suspicious of our bodies… we don’t trust them..Nor do we trust God like people used to do… as for the Government…

Insecurity,lack of trust,fear of asking for help.

No wonder we worry

What matters

Getting to know someone,I find it is good to first know what is very important to ourselves.. which sometimes we do not know consciously.Second to discover  what is most important to the other.I think that may be very hard if we come from different cultures.We may never have come across some of the things most important to the other.We.even in the same culture,live i n self created worlds of meaning.

  What matters to me is possibly not all conscious. but it matters that I can say what pleases me  or what hurts me without attack.If this is not possible then that is the end of the friendship.

Similarly I should be able to listen to the other

A relationship

Sometimes  we may believe we are having a relationship with someone,maybe a friendship or love  affair.As time passes one or other party may become more and more critical of the other.This may possibly  be for good reason.Or what at first one person saw as ideal.wonderful,perfection in the other is revealed [or not] to have been a fantasy.On the gap between the real and the ideal being noticed complaints are made  and  anger or rage  is felt.

If people can tolerate the painful gap between the real and the ideal then a true relationship may develop.More likely the idealizing partner will break off and seek perfection elsewhere in a new person. In truth there never was a real relationship.One person was simply caught up in the other’s fantasy life.In the real world no-one is entirely good,perfect or our dream lover.This illusion is very painful to give up.

.Easier to believe that one day we will meet Prince  or Princes Charming.. our other half  We are like almost blind people wandering around just seeing bits of the other.We have our own world but is it a shared one?After all we are all human beings and we do share existential loneliness and even dread.Hunting for someone to fit a pattern in our mind means we are not living in shared reality…it’s too painful.

I was joking about staring into windows

The talk  of me staring into windows may have given a bad impression.I only stare into a window if the light is on and the curtains are open… and my main interest is the decor.If a person was there I wouldn’t stare.I’d just give a quick glance to see if they were ironing their trousers without taking them off .. it happens…so I have heard but not seen it yet.

Which leads me to tonight’s aphorism:

If you never wash your trousers you will never have to iron them

Which brings to my mind an interview with a well know star who was discussing her life with a journalist.She said she never washes her knickers because she throws them out every night and wears a brand new pair in the morning… what a waste.Has she never hears of the laundrette or even a washing machine?I wonder of she only wears a dress once?No doubt they can be dry cleaned …unlike underwear.

Still it shows you what the wealthy spend their money on!No wonder bankers want ten grand a month in bonuses… it’s KNICKERS!

 

 

 

Light matters

A man woke up and lay thinking about nothing

Dark matter.

What is the human equivalent?That most of us are invisible

So he drank some hot tea and scratched the cat’s head with his fingers.

Then as he washed himself  he thought

Dark matter?It may not matter…..

Then he went to his shed in the garden and wrote a short story in the dark.

Because he was blind,you see.

If you are blind there is no darkness.

Or it’s all darkness.

Extremes.

Not quite  a story..but it’s a beginning,so the cat told me

Actually it’s a cheetah pretending to be a cat

And as a matter of fiction,it is a Guardian  angel in training.

And soon wings will grow.

Take off

I found it interesting what my mind was thinking about

I never realized I was interested in windows and mirrors until I wrote this blog.I know that the mirror is a very potent symbol and enjoyed reading,Alice through the looking glass.And I only look into windows because I am curious to see how people design the interior of their home,Maybe we are too secretive.Not that I’d want people peering in at my untidy home.

I know some men used to like watching women open their powder compact and put lipstick on while looking into the mirror…I have seen them smiling as they watch.I rarely wear lipstick because after a few minutes it has gone….I often wonder how others keep it.Maybe I bought it too cheaply.But also I don’t often think of myself as the object of the gaze of another.I almost feel as if I am invisible in a way.Life is strange

Glass

Looking out,I see the snow,yet I don’t feel it.

How tempting to build a wall of glass around oneself for safety

Yet touch is as important as sight.

Defenses are too strong if they remove us from experience

Better to weep than to freeze

Weeping brings comfort and flow

Frozen behind glass we are a mere specimen in a museum.

The sanctioned jobseeker’s story: ‘I’m not proud to say I’ve gone begging’ | Black Triangle Campaign

The sanctioned jobseeker’s story: ‘I’m not proud to say I’ve gone begging’ | Black Triangle Campaign.

I still act as if objects have minds and hearts

When I went to bed last night  the touch of  the clean linen seemed to be like the touch of a kind mother caressing me gently.The pillows held my head gently as I lay back.The  warmth from  the heater seems like being held close.These things which I know to be inanimate feel like people with personalities.The cheap toilet paper seems cruel and harsh.The face cream feels like a lover’s touch might as he stroked me tenderly.Even the cat we used to have was given human characteristics.i thought I had stopped thinking like this since  I grew up and no longer saw faces in the wallpaper.Now I understand more and it intrigues me as I go on my way to dream and be loved by my bed linen…everything  seems to have an intention…. clearly I don’t believe it rationally but it’s how I feel.That’s why poverty is so cruel

Cat science joke

Aleph and the alphabet

I found my book on the alphabet by David Sacks.Aleph  our A is the first letter… it denotes an ox.You can buy the book for one penny !You know where…. it begins with A too

And in Ancient Hebrew it means [according to the  mystical writings the Kabbalah],the Divine Energy that preceded and initiated creation.The Hebrew Bible  thence begins with

bereshith

in the beginning

using the second letter b

He says aleph can also denote a person’s readiness to act..

I can’t write much here but get the book… we all can understand each other better

Malice

1.If malice or envy were tangible and had a shape, it would be the shape of a boomerang.
Charley Reese

2.

Watercolor love

Like watercolor pictures left out in the rain
Our colors have mingled,yet the originals still remain.
Two watercolor paintings without frames,
Became one picture over time,
Yet two of us still there.
Our colors blended naturally,
Now all the hues are shared.
I love your colors intermixed with mine:
Together they have made a new design.
A Watercolor picture painted by the rain,
We may go, but our Watercolor Love will still remain