Grey wheezes…

Image

An old lady may love who she pleases;
And get up to some very grey wheezes.
For nobody looks
Not even the spooks..
As with a feather she tickles and teases.

But whips are considered low class.
Ladies,please let that thought pass.
A hug and a kiss
Is what lone persons miss.
So why can’t we do it en masse?

Literary Fractions and other Fictions

11257109-old-mosaic
Reading the right type of novel makes you better at understanding people.And that must be good.
Reading Fifty Shades in not so useful  and if you buy some whips and suchlike
you are increasing your expenditure.Be creative.DIY
Free  fantasy for all.Start now.. well later on…
I looked at that book..I did not realise what it was.The first 3 pages seemed dull so I out it back on  Waterstones‘  table.I can’t write a novel so I shall write a limerick
LOVE YOUR KITTEN
There was an old lady from Britain
Whose love focussed on her cat’s kitten.
She gave it warm milk
Wrapped it in silk.
And now she is knitting four mittens.Is that literary?
LITERARY LIMERICK?A philosopher  is a person who thinks
While she washes up at the sink.
She turns over her mind
And lets it unwind…..
She writes all her thoughts down in ink.

CAN YOU TELL LIES?

Some people can’t fantasise
I wonder if they can’t tell lies?
Reveries  suits  me…
I daydream at tea.
Maybe my best friends are spies?

My old man swears by it

Coffee cup
Coffee cup (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

I woke up today.Again!What an achievement.I gave myself a gold star.I paid my Access card bill on the phone.It said I owed them 2p
2p… that seems odd…I am unsure if I used the card being as I’ve been so poorly.So I paid that with my debit card… well,I don’t want to pay interest..even on 2p it  could compound
I drank 5 mugs of tea..then 2 mugs of coffee…I bought 6 jars of coffee from Amazon.
I opened my email and answered some comments on a poetry website. that was time consuming.Then I moved by WP blog to Blogger and my Blogger to WP I opened three email accounts on cuckoo and boogle and tried to send myself a few nice messages and photos.
After that I lost myself in thought.Is it a Brown Study?I went into the bathroom.The wall looks dusty…do you dust walls?I looked at some winter woollens drying on coat hangers…My merino wool trousers have got a hole in them.Darning !
Can’t believe it’s November 1st.I got out my new camera.I’ve no idea of the specs but it’s red!.I got it in Argos.I feel it’s my duty to get the economy going.My phone is not downloading photos any more.
I think I’ll go out but my throat is still sore.Seems permanent.
Anyway.my old man got out the phone and bought himself some new trousers…men!

Next he’ll want a new overcoat made of yak hair or moose fur… he’s very metriculous about clothing.I said to him,
It’s puffin’ riduckulous.Eff stuff!
Now look here,he shouted I don’t want you swearing again,you little chugger.
I think he meant blogger..
I said,if I feel like swearing I’ll move to another country.
Which one? he demanded
Any where women can swear in the langue du jour…I did O level French
So that rules out the Arabs I guess.How about Jews?Do they let women swear in Israel?After all they do National Service.
That is something you might consider,my old man said.You could become part of a Mission to ask forgiveness for the Crusades.

But I could not swear then.

No,but they would swear at you!

So I’d pick up some naughty words?Just one problem,they’d be Hebrew or some other foreign language,No doubt many read English on the web.But they don;t get the pronunciation right.

Blurdy Elle.

Wott de ye cawl this .A besom? I’ce seen better on a cat…

I say old man,Good Lord.

Fork off.

Wot crarp.

Varmints!

Reed my hi
How about Horstralia… they all swear there.In English.Horstralian English
He’s getting too sharp.He needs sandpapering and flying
Now I want 4 more mugs and some tea.I’m worn out writing like this just to please the rosey sharkers on the interket
I have not been to the loo yet but if I go I shall publish it here first.So watch this space

Why did the boy stand on the burning check?

Words
Words (Photo credit: sirwiseowl)
Fire Burning
Fire Burning (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Don’t keep petting me.I get too delighted

Why is rain wet?

And  top of the bill was the  Sinner,Cain Man2

Do you  like creative haughtiness?

Do you hate your food?

Where is the saint in a love affair?

I love.Amen to that twit.

Join Twytter and swear  an oath daily.Free for all.No begging,

Eat peas with the stork,please.

I like a man in a masque

What face shall I put on today?/

I wonder who you aren’t

Don’t tell the truth about your tarts.

Her arts are almost disdainful.

You are a disgrace to my homily.

No preaching  bullshit

How many lovers are a bluff?

Do you like to eat crumbs in bed?Bird needed

Google Glasses and our asses

http://gawker.com/5990395/if-you-wear-googles-new-glasses-you-are-an-asshole

Google glasses and other devices have many risks.why even cell phones can be used to take pics of you in a public lavatory.Or your family may take pics of you in the bath.Life is tough enough already…

Sad news for literature and languages studies

 

In the USA and in the UK  we find fewer people are studying the humanities.Here it is because of the economic climate.. people wish to study “useful” subjects.Literature won’t get you a job,perhaps.It only enables you to live better.Already in schools the study of Greek and Latin has almost gone.

Economics still gets students………. odd considering that economists did not forecast the recession but were up to their necks in mathematical models.Economicis not a science and cannot be.I believe it’s a branch of philosophy in a broad sense.

I admit I did not study what we called “The Arts” at University but most of my friends did.But I read poetry.I liked Auden greatly.I read all the great novels.I read Doris Lessing and Iris Murdoch.I read Evelyn Waugh/I even read Nabokov…. what a writer!And I read Shakespeare Plays.

But with the much higher fees,recession and other worries,fewer students will spend three years studying the humanities.Plumbing or Carpentry are better options

I am thinking of writing some new plays.

A  Fit Plumber’s Nightly Schemes

Witches astir.

Ham to let.

Sing Fear.

Make up for the Mind

A Midsummer Balls Up.

The Emptiest.

Please defreeze me,let me grow.

A man without limits

Much Ado about Hacking.

As you Recycle it.

Julius Seized the Emails.

Fool Us and Squeeze Us.

Twelfth Fright.

Hacked to Death.

The Blaming of the Guru,

Prospero Not.

http://www.debate.org/opinions/are-the-arts-too-elitist

http://theamericanscholar.org/the-decline-of-the-english-department/?key=55705194

Don’t go to bed,whatever ,who says!

Don’t go to bed with an elephant

Don’t go to bed with a frog

Their skin is too cold

When they unfold

In need go to bed with a log.

 

 

Don’t go to bed with a cobra

Don’t go to bed with a worm

You will feel fear

When snakes come near.

You may go to bed but you’ll squirm.

 

 

Don’t go to bed with a tiger

Don’t go to bed with a lamb

You may feel warm

But not very calm

Lovers unite against spam.

 

 

Come to my bed in the morning

Come to my bed in the night.

I am very soft

When I am washed

Let’s snuggle up till we’re right

All Hallows Eve with Stan and Emile

All Hallows Eve

Have you ever seen a witch or a Spirit pass by?Soon it will be Hallowe’en and it’s a strange time of the year.Some people feel and see more than others.

Hallowe’en

Stan was feeling sad because the clocks had turned back so it was dark at 4pm.His wife Mary was out on her old Raleigh with battery lit lights front and rear.Stan is very vulgar sometimes as it cheers him up.When Mary gets home he did say to her once,You need a light on your behind ….Mary,like the Queen,was not amused.

Emile Stan’s cat suggested they go for a walk before sunset and so off they went as they did so  ofte.Stan wore an old green overcoat and a flat cap.Emile was running ahead as he was so excited.Sometimes he sat on the sturdy old man’s shoulder on a cat pad.

[On sale everywhere for two pounds ten and sixpence.]

Stan felt his spirits rise as he walked ,The sky was so beautiful striped in blue and peach just like it had been in the Holy Land when he went on a Pilgrimage with other old Catholics from Knittingham Cathedral

How lovely it would be to walk in the wood and feel crunchy leaves under his boots.[From Hotters ] And Emile liked to bury himself in the leaves and leap out as Stan went by.But as they approached the wood a strange sight met their eyes,,,

The trees were full but not with birds.They were full of cats.Big cats,fat cats,thin cats,pedigree cats,mixed race cats,cats of all colors and sized.You can imagine the effect of having a thousand or more cats’ eyes staring wildly at you in synchronized glares.Why,it was almost enough to send Stan running home for some brandy.

Emile went nearer.He spoke to a big black cat.What’s going on?,he mewed.You are in my territory,

The black cat looked at him with his round green eyes.

We are witches’ cats.We have come from all over Great Britain,excluding Northern Ireland as cats are not allowed on the boats now.[ no rats left]..Tomorrow is All Hallows Eve and we are accompanying our multi-ethnic ,multi colored witches on a grand flight over Knittingham…tonight we are having,The Big Sing… at midnight precisely.And then the Big Love In
Did you remember to change the time on your smartphone,asked Emile.All the cats began to giggle and laugh.

We don’t need phones or clocks.We go by the stars and the moon…though doubtless the witches have watches.

Do witches have watches?,Emile asked Stan,after telling him why the cats were there.

Old witches have watches,Stan murmured ,mesmerized by the vision of the cats swaying in the gale force winds.Thank God cats have fur,he thought lovingly.Why did he not have fur,he puzzled

Can we have a walk here or not ? he asked testily as the old do.

Well,Sir,do you recall a song from your childhood,If you go down to the woods today,you;’re sure of a big surprise.At your age,is your heart soft enough to stretch when you see five thousand cats…

I am sure I shall be ok as long as the Good Lord does not come here to feed them with five loaves and two fishes
All the cats laughed again.Stan was puzzled how they managed to stay in the trees with wind and giggles and a few scrapping and fighting as tom cats do when lady cats are near.

We are already full of fish supplied by all the local pet shops,markets and goldfish bowls!

How disgraceful, thought Stan,to eat pet goldfish.but owing to the number of crazy cats he decided to keep quiet…As he got nearer he saw a few cats smoking pipes..Well,I never knew cats smoked,he said to Emile.Maybe it’s magic mushrooms or coyote,the cat said cheekily

Do you mean peyote?,Stan said querulously.Coyote are animals…Ah,well.you get my drift,Emile replied. cheekily

What was most strange was why this big meeting was taking place in Knittingham.Then he remembered it was the center of the UK…that must be it.Most intriguing to see all these cats.A few even had tartan ribbons on as they were from Scotland.But how did they travel so far.No doubt it was all arranged by the Chief Wizard.

Somehow Stan and Emile felt self conscious as the cats were almost glaring at them,reminding Stan of an occasion when he and his wife had wandered by accident onto a remote beach for nude,suntanned men.The looks they gave the old folk were far from kind as they wore the usual anoraks, old trousers and sunhats.Even Emile had blue  jeans and a mac!

So he and Emile turned round and headed for home… at least they were forewarned of the midnight concert they and Mary would hear.Stan made some tea with twice as many tea bags as usual.as he was concerned he might get PTSD or worse,maybe kittzoscreamia.This poor man was blessed with a  very vivid imagination and weak. long nerves more suitable for an artist

.When Mary came in from the University he called out,,

We have had the most amazing day,Mary….But Mary was wearing a pointed black hat and cloak…. and a big smile.I know what you mean,Stan….I am just off to take a peek myself.She picked up her broomstick and rode away into the darkening sky.~to think one could be both a witch and a mathematician,,though numbers have a certain magic of their own for some humans and even some birds can count

I pun every night at Six and don’t get home till ate

Cat free

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronology_of_Shakespeare%27s_plays

Above is a link to Shakespeare’s plays

11257109-old-mosaic

Wind in my pillows   [Life in a Cabin/Tent with no door.]

Save me,I’m a waspie…. [Confused person demands help from a Bee ]

As you swipe it..[Use your card please while I watch]

As you wipe it ………[What an ass….keep it covered till later.]

As you spike it……………….[How to drug people senseful  if they want you to do]

Did he take it………………[Bribes in modern life]

Did you bake it?………………… [ White lies in between the courses]
As You Fake It………………..[Is anyone honest in bed?No,thank God!So far,so bad.]
As you take it……………………[All about saving thieves from me]
As I frighten it…………………[Get rid of daddy long legs.]
As you strike it………………[ Do you think about the matches?]
Remedies for Terriers…………….. .[Dogs need psychotherapy too..]
Comedy of Worriers…………………….[Why, is  there no trust is left in Society?]
Love’s Labor Costs………………. [Even love needs money now]
Measure your Leisure………[Take away the last pleasures of free time with numbers.]
Merchant of Pennies………..[I prefer pounds, but each to their own]
Sorry Lives of the Censored……………[USA boobs again]
Midsummer Blights Schemes…………[Too many leaves fell off the trees for devilment]
Julius Breather……………… [A break from antiquity at last’
Much Ado about Washing………….[.Confessions of Dirty Married Men]
Taming of the Brew                          [ How to make tea in a pot and live to drink it]

The Tempest missed………………. [Lucky me]
Elves Night…………….. [No.not again.Elves are too small or I am a giant]
Too gentle women may moan for her          [].Oh,dear.Highly Sensitive Women
Hinters fail…………………… [Some folk like me just never get it.Tell us straight.]
I never knew you loved me till you were gone with the wind……[I sinned.]

Blind to men’s charms and hence not in their arms…………..[and other alarms]

Ring here…………………..[Helpline for numb actors.]

The Bride and Seven others……….{polygamy or bigamy.Is it polite?]

A Gossamer Flight of  Day Dreams…………..[Spiders for Britain]

Kings Sneer      [Always an error]

Richard Who Dared………..[Wars of the Poseurs]

MacDeath       [Stay off burgers]

MacClef      [Musical Version with real instruments]

Sing Dear  [Love for the well aged]

King Veered  [How Eddie lost the throne for lurv]

 

Yet runs my nose and do my eyes not blink?

Blink (novel)
Blink (novel) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have no teeth and combless I remain
My hair once silk is now  a  tangled briar..
Men gaze on me with ruthless cold disdain
My visage does no longer light their fire.

I have no mind and so I cannot think
I cannot love nor hate now I grow tired.
Yet runs my nose and do my eyes not blink?
Where is that man with   care nd with a desire?

I have no heart,or it turns cold and hard.
Yet soul I have and spirit and my sight.
At life’s long game I fling down all my cards.
And ask for nothing but a means of flight.

For beauty withers as my wisdom grows.
And none observe the circling of the crows.

A newly discovered sonnet by William ~Snakeswagger

English: Edward Lear, illustration for "T...
English: Edward Lear, illustration for “The Owl and the Pussycat” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Eugène Delacroix's 1825 painting "Louis d...
Eugène Delacroix’s 1825 painting “Louis d’Orléans Showing His Mistress”. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 My mistress’ eye is like a currant bun

Though she has problems,she is  quite divine

Her bosom is bared,bold out in the sun.

I hope that  what his hers is also mine?

My mistress eye looks fine as it is glass

She lost her marbles playing with a fox

She’s good at letting errors whistle past

And mending fuses in that little box.

My mistress dear I gaze upon that breast.

I see her skin is warm and she does sweat.

I too have lusted and I have confessed

But still she gambles and she places bets.

In truth I am as fickle as a weed

but each must act according to his need

 

 

 

‘Jesus Calling’ Outselling ’50 Shades of Grey’—the Reclusive Christian Writer Behind the Hit Book Series – Tablet Magazine

First page of the Gospel of Mark, by Sargis Pi...
First page of the Gospel of Mark, by Sargis Pitsak, a Medieval Armenian scribe and miniaturist (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

‘Jesus Calling’ Outselling ’50 Shades of Grey’—the Reclusive Christian Writer Behind the Hit Book Series – Tablet Magazine.

This is very interesting and amusing

English: Jesus Christ - detail from Deesis mos...
English: Jesus Christ – detail from Deesis mosaic, Hagia Sophia, Istanbul (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hummings and Bawdinesses:Latest Books

Image

A Stranger’s Plan
Disparate remedies
The Refracted Glass Teacher
The Fly Passed Me.
The Excluded and Elaborated Mysteries of the Hellishly used Fields
Far from the Maddeningly Empowered
The Wriggler by the Heels
A Group of Ennobled Charms
The Hand of Othello’s Lurcher Bit Me on a Train
Lewd Beyond Cure.
Poetry Abjured
A Dysphorialic Mission,
The Striving Breathed Not
Life’s Titted Tyrannies
The Heir was Passing Water at the Bridge
A Mere Interlude ng by Our Foibles
Oxford Booksperms impregnate a Library and Whore!
A Pair of True Lies.
Poems Of The Lost And The Hesitant
The Poor Fruit Of The Ill Covered Tease.
The Return of the Narrative,
The Nomadic Adventures of a Milk Pail
Selected Short Whores
Selected Borings of Jonah‘s Party
The Taut Chores of the Bawdy
The Crooked And Wearing Tales Of Romulus the Tardy
Stories which Bitch and Bark
Stories of Old Western Sex
Tales come out of Old Puzzles
The Three Dogs in the Manger and other disaffected animals
The Trumpeted stranger.
The Strumpet and Robert’s Voluntary Maiden Overtures
Two on the Blower.[Two for the Price  .of a Bone]
Hatch Flu under a Shower…Get Disability Now
True Essences of Males who love Whores
The Uncharted Tarts of Old Anglia
Under the Screaming Tree.Who will Lie with Me?
Under the Green We Feel Free to Wee.
The Well-Reloved Woman
Free Sex Poems and Other Terser Verse
Free Sexy Males Now
The Withered Farm
The Withered Charms
The Grubs Slanders
The Illustrated Writings Of Thomas Bawdy In Hose And Worse.
Blessings from the Charming Visages

New novels for autumn

Asiatic Society of Bombay is one of the oldest...
Asiatic Society of Bombay is one of the oldest public libraries in the city. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
English: The David Sassoon Library in Mumbai, ...
English: The David Sassoon Library in Mumbai, India. Français : La bibliothèque David Sassoon à Bombay, en Inde. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Oliver in Knitting Bag
Oliver in Knitting Bag (Photo credit: Mr. T in DC)

The chick lit capers.
Oliver missed
Higgledy Piggledy
The folded curiosity of hope
Darn it;i’m a Drudge
Martians fizzled out
Bombay and the bun
David‘s minefields
David’s mind feels.
A bleak lookout
Hard rhymes are near again
Little Worrit
A Tale of True Pity
Great Expectorations 2013
Our mutual Ends ,
Our dutiful trends
The mystery of Edwin’s Brood.
The history of why men sulk.
Sulks of the dead.
Nursery whines.
Sylvia’ plait.
Ted’s ruse.
Poet an’ all that.
Why we stewed.
The Ultimate Testament
Ultimately Fools

Intimacy Drools

Wholly writ:The New Termagants

A friend  has written this  long thin list on another blog site and gave me permission to use it.

political-pictures-darth-vader-blasphemy-style

See this blog!       [ http://funnypicturesfreehd.blogspot.co.uk/2012/03/funny-%5Dreligious-pictures.html

List

Hospitals.
Love you
Have you?
In the park
Remark
Look
A book
A scone
Gone!
Tact
In fact
Rolling Thistles
Howls and whistles
Numinous
Humorous
Voluminous
Labyrinthian
My relations
Migrations
No pleasin’ ’em
Never again
When?
Oh,then!
Squeezing ’em
The Glossy Ones-
The Flossy Ones
Philharmonia
New harmonia
Pneumonia
Wrestle only with men
Angels exempt.
So he dreamt
Tremble only again
Amen
Arrythmia
Dysthmia
As dim as he.
Limbs run free
Pleats
Fill ’em in
Drill and bin
Non Brawling Thistles
He grows
Neighbours
The Remains
The Fast trains
Delete her
Pleat the heater
Neater
Done
Fun
A verb
Parse a sentence on him
Lewd when viewed
Very rude
Devaluation
No Fears while your relations are on.
Dissertations
Misinterpretations
Theses
In pieces
Martin Who There?

Reading was never like this

English: "Selkirk reading his Bible"
English: “Selkirk reading his Bible” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The Gutenberg Bible displayed by the United St...
The Gutenberg Bible displayed by the United States Library of Congress, demonstrating printed pages as a storage medium. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
International Youth Day (41)
International Youth Day (41) (Photo credit: UN in Armenia)
Bible
Bible (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)
English: A wicketkeeper in test cricket.
English: A wicketkeeper in test cricket. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Menaces
Wrecks are us
Hystericus
Blunder
Pseudonimity
Wash you and her
Grudges
Truth
The Manual
Wings
Monocles
Whether
No men for hire
Test her
Robe
Calms
Heckling’s easier
Throngs of hollow men
Desire
On fire
Talented Nation,
,Eh,meek as well
Canned as well,
Rose is here
Coal?
Maimed us
Oh,I’m bad here,
Moaner
Waker her
Wrong un
, Have a look
He’s a liar
Maggie
Fix your cry

Books ….how not to act old

My books and home 029

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/06/books/review/InsideList-t.html?_r=1

Don’t wear a watch… unless it’s a diamond one and you are Queen Elizabeth

Do have your mobile on a contract not PAYG… you need it for the time

Don’t ever mention fountain pens

Don’t carry a straw shopper

Don’t do joined up handwriting

Don’t do any handwriting

Do hire a man

Do learn about sexually transmitted diseases

Don’t count on your fingers…

Don’t call your lover,my fiance

Don’t wear a “winter coat”

Do get anorexia

Do at least pretend to be manic depressive.

Do kiss everybody.

Do become bisexual

Don’t mention your cataract surgery.

Do die when alone.

Do have herpes but not IBS

Do learn the decimal system

Do learn what a kilogram weighs

Do have a pocket full of calculators

Do spend a fortune on your hair [I only have one]

Do cripple yourself with 6 foot heels.

Do wear a see through blouse and no camisole [  but a nude bra is ok]

Do ride a horse not a bicycle.

Do get a manicure even when you are dead

Cry when the cow sulks

royal family cd cover
royal family cd cover (Photo credit: “Cowboy” Ben Alman)
Royal family
Royal family (Photo credit: spacebahr)

He was a back slapper so crazy, his hand went through me and hit my heart.I had a heart attacker… him!
He truly did have baited breath and once a salmon leaped down his throat.I told him it was dangerous but the salmon killed him so we really didn’t enjoyed eating it even when it smoked a cigar by the table.
Will the Royal Family choose baptism by fire for Prince George?
Beauty is in the buys of the beholder
Beauty is only thin it’s not deep
I have a big head and a small tart
Do we cry over cow’s sulks?
Do you feel me press your organ in my sleep; Or am I dreaming?
Does my heart do you good when you kick it/
I am driving my self crazy so I shall get insecurity benefits or is it impurity deficits?First I have to hear a voice offering me advice.. or swearing at me.Hang on,I’ll phone an old blogger who might shout,Bugger!
Life is endless words with no punctuation except when we get stoned…those
may be full stops when we over blow ourselves and the balloonish egoes burst.
Every dog has his stray cat.
Everything’s coming up our noses so block them up.
A faint art never an oil painting shows
I fall head over wheels into a police van; why am I low sunk?
We fall through the cracks that God left in the world…give him credit for uncommon sense
Ban the old blames now!Burn them all or go to hell… it’s your choice.
Are you nurturing an old wound?Seal it off with “super soul and heart glue!” Yoohoo

Happiness by the book?

Why are there so many books on happiness and yet less actual happiness?I like this piece  by Amy Bloom in the  NYT.I find reading reviews makes me happy.Men make me happy of they are humorous.Women do because they converse well.And peace and quiet make me happy.

I’m so happy

Not to be a baby in a nappy.

I feel so blue

When I miss you

I don’t want a lover.

Too much bother.

I like to be alone

Just me and my comb.

Shakespeare was a poet

I know it

And I am not

I quite forgot

As I felt gay

All  of today

I’ll be sad

Or maybe mad

as rotation

is the human situation

OMG!

Entertaining myself….. guilty as charged

I read very  hard books  mostly and then I  like to have fun.I  wanted to be or not to be a playwright.But I only wrote  the titles.I will sell them if you feel inspired

Borneo and the toilets   [A new rock band and their troubles]

A midsummer night’s scream.[How a queen loved an ass and what followed]

Julius seized me. [Possible erotic story]

Henry the Horse [A play for toddlers]

Richard the Blurred [How  the War of the Roses would have been better if they all wore glasses]

King Fear  [How even  the mighty can panic  better]

MacDuff,the pudding  [Scottish cookery book?]

Damnlet   [How swearing improves pain]

Hamerous [A kind of humorous version of Hamlet where he marries Ophelis or Mia Farrow

Hams of old England. {Bad acting in the past]

Nymphs and Leopards. [Love in the Jungle]

Lieberscreamzsche  [How Nietzsche ruined my life  ,the opera]

Nietzsche’s word was my father. [A literary autobiography]

Who won the Bore? [How being deaf can change history]

England’s screaming peasants blend [If only]

Death ,where is thy King?  [Plato up his own arse]

Foreigner’s  rile us. [Life in the UK now]

Boldlock the beloved  [ A Jewish love story with music]

Shyborg  [Shylock rewritten without anti-semitism…. and how cyborgs were living in that era…. you must write this]

Manbatting [ How cricket wrecked my marriage]

Sudden love [How I fell over a stile into a man’s arms]

Treasure Spyland     [USA today]

Who stole my male,my email and is beyond the pale?  [ Obviously it’s GCHQ]

Was that the fast God byte {Theology and  Information wreckednology]

Acts of blindness unmind us

The Urn Burns (All Souls Procession)
The Urn Burns (All Souls Procession) (Photo credit: cobalt123)
Soul Music (novel)
Soul Music (novel) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
The Father Brown stories by G. K. Chesterton, ...
The Father Brown stories by G. K. Chesterton, Penguin Books edition 1981 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You bastard.You bit my bat on its blue bed and bought bread with no butter on it.I am bellowing to be sure you cannot bet on my blog being here for you to bait me with your blistering so called “criticisms”.
Get on board or I’ll beach you forever.Why Bless my bowl,it’s Father Brown.
Hello Father,I am blaming this bigot for berating my blog.r
Don’t keep bad mouthing these Bible bashers.They have nothing better to woo.
A beautiful young lady would put them in the bin if she had any barbarism left in her.The inner child is now the inner bear… wild,beguiled and blooming like a buttercup
By the way,I can see your butt.Your zip is not buttoned!Shall I pass a bit of glue over?.
I feel so blue I don’t care if my butt shows.But ladies may be mm barrassed
so do button me up.It’s bloody kind of you to bother with a bloke like me.
I am on bail you know for omitting acts of blindness,ignoring black  soled neighbors…I refer to their souls.I have been gifted to see inside you and I see your soul is in a glass bowl.What if it breaks into shards of glass?
Don’t keep blathering on.I have a bone to pick with the blacksmith…. about his brother.I am bemused
Don’t let me bother you.I am bone idle myself but accept your kisses willy nilly
Billy! Be off,you bloody bonkers bloke.Never look black,back or g

A new to me book website:Bookish.

My original idea was to write about books.I just found this new website devoted to books.Here is a funny article about how Freud would have judged 5 fictional characters.It is in the Huff Post.Under the photo of Freud it says this was originally on Bookish.Click that link  to visit Bookish and sign up if you like it

I can’t get the link right for Bookish

New Books for the duped

How to make love in a cardboard box by A.Homeless- Manne

Fucking  that Fiction by Jason Give-me -the Creeps-Again.

Loving your bites by M.Dogge

How to be more obscene than I by George Grammar

Men and other post modern Fictions  by Merlin Ponto.

Freud for the Fucked up by Plain Sigher

Satyrs and satire by Sasi Sartro

Beavers love  lives reexamined by A.French.

Hatred is bad for your Love Life by Good Wimmin

How to post Modern Poetry by No Moore-Truth N.A

Fat,Fed up and Fucked  by  the “Come Diet with me” group

Sort out your Crap by Jane Knowitall

Obscenity for Dummies by Big Bad Man

I like Bullshit the best by Whoreman Taylor

They saw him coming by Bad Girls

Find your H spot by Good Doctor

Dariel and the Head Muckers by M.Daemon

Poetry for Perverted Animals by A Vet [D.Sc.]

I wrote this crap myself by A N Dildoson

Grammar for Girls who  hate Shit by Minx Teacher

Commentaries are Crap by Cate Calmo

Crap your way to success by Freda Markup

Damned demons haunted  me hourly by Denis  Menacedt

New types of Shit  for Beginners by Terence Arse.

Say it with Word by A Processor

Swearing for Success by Potato Turnip

How Obscenity can Change Your ~Life/Wife/Strife.

Be even more Obscene with my Tips by Callia Girls

Write your own  bloody Prescriptions by Ima Dokter

X ratings for winners by B.A.Follywood

Who shat there  last? by T.H.E,.Prime Minstere

Blogging for Beggars by T.H.E Bumm

How buggers blocked my blog by A.Nite-Lite

Violent virgins by Eve Monster,B.A [Huns]

Where to go when utterly fucked by I.W.A.S.Clegg.Ph.D

Bloody Books by Boris Bum M.A

Mind your Ass by Mary Lambs.

Fools’ Folly by Fred Dread.

Folly me to Bed by Ally Cat.

Swearing is simpler by Short Tempered-Manne

Bums,butts and bottoms for the bewildered by Bary Mee.

Do it in the loo by W.C.Humor and sons

Lose your virginity tonite by A.M.A Groper.Ph.D

How to swear better by I.A.M.Insane-Now

Rude bits of the Bible collected   and  annotated by Ravia Gorilla [with photographs.]

Fuck my Fat by Frezzia Wimmin

Fucking for the Feckless by Fairy Jane.

From Fecklessness to Fucked  Up by F.Off [B.Sc.]

Baking with Shit all by Maria Belly-Button

How to starve by Benny Fit-Collector

How to bake dogs by Chinese Cooks

If it were laughter ….

Bloggers,beggars,buggers… in dreams they are all one.

Wrapped in a grey blanket,who can tell one from another?

They all begin with B

As a matter or tact

My dreaming mind hides the buggers

Inside calm astute faces

Who are political braggers

At daggers drawn with the rubrics of formal

I mean,normal,life.

Who’s to say who wrote The  Four Tartlets

,Or  what rough breast Yeats hoped was coming?

Sometimes they say,it’s behind you now;

that’s an asinine remark.

Idiosynchronizing all my devices

I find my heart and mind left out.;

 makes me doubt,

However,negative capability will pull me threw

the stone you chose to cast.

So you are without sin,a TV

Sin in a tin

A smartphone is not a trombone

Yet it creates more noise

Sneaking categorically,

I’d say I’m tired of the gales

all these tablets are creating


If it were laughter then o.k.

But it’s more like domination

Say it again,Sam.

Wham!

Sleep with Shakespeare

It seemed a good idea at the time.But the timing was wrong.Shakespeare was my boyfriend’s friend.To be honest he was a cat.So to preserve my modesty I slept with the cat and not the boyfriend.Just another natural disaster in every day life.

Still,a cat has eyes unlike a flea which is what I sleep with now;I know only because it bites me in the night!Possibly it was from the cat and became a multitude like my sins .which are mainly of omission.A  few are cultivated and the rest grew like weeds.I feel such shame when I think of my life,sleeping with everything but  a human being. Intimacy with moths does not contribute to literature or any other human undertaking and yet it saved a man from torment loving a woman with such a strange personality.So that is good.I also wrote a few plays

A midsummer night’s scream.

Julius seized me.

Richard the Blurred

King Fear

MacDuff,the pudding

Hamrent

Hamerous

Hams of old England.

Nymphs and Leopards.

Liebscreamsche

Nietzsche’s word was my father.

Who won the Bore?

England’s screaming peasants blend

Death ,where is thy King?

Foreigner’a rile us.

Boldlock the beloved

I  made a few dollars selling myself to  an owl.Beyond that my life is herstory.

Can I get bail?I hope the judge is  lenient

Humorous real books

IM000484.JPG

http://us.macmillan.com/all/editorslist/General/HumorousBooksTickleYourFunnyboneASeriousGuidetotheGuffaw

On Sunday evening people feel bad sometimes….so read  a funny book or wash all your socks,tidy a drawer  or be creative

New books

tWeeds or flowers

How to be more obscene than I by George Grammarcy

How not to spill   all your words by Mary Maddens

How to paint yourself into a corner by Vincent Bunk Off.

Novels for he men by Forman Taylor

Ghosts smoking

 

 

 

 

Hot March days 041

 

 

Life’s not easy
when I see ghosts smoking without ashtrays
and,worse,without even hands.

Damn it.I thought I was a virgin.

According to Freudian theory,writing with a fountain pen is the equivalent of copulation.Damn it.I thought I was a virgin when I got marriedThat Freud.. who does he think he is? God……anyway as we get older we can enjoy this simple outlet without dressing upor on line dating.And you don’t need protection,contraception or metal detection.Lose it the inky way.