Image by Katherine

 

 

How hard it is to grieve when we can’t touch
Sight  is distant,  has no real affect
No wonder that the eyes  of  poor folk lurch
How hard it is to grieve when we can’t touch
Though from our hand an enemy might flinch
Or grasp too hard, the knife hid to deflect
How hard it is to grieve when we can’t touch
Sight can never see the true affect

 

 

‘Heartsarnes’ (meaning ‘grief’ in Old English) literally translates as heart soreness.

 

He was studying  love and ethics
He was looking for a  bride
He went to Greece  in his best fleece
Is that suicide?

Then he studied English
But only from a book
He went in town  in study brown
How do you think he looked?

Growing more impatient
He went  for therapy
He went abroad  still feeling flawed
Why can’t he just be?

I lent him all my novels
I lent him Dresden Green
He couldn’t read, his heart would bleed
What  ghost has he seen?

I took  him  in my bedroom
I’m backward but so kind
When I was nude, he was so rude
I  wished that he were blind

So in the end I left him
I can’t take no more
He seemed a catch, but I’m no match
So new locks on the door

 

I can’t come any further
With love we said goodbye
I wish I was beside you now,
But only angels fly

I remember Xmas
You wanted chocolate from the tree
You climbed up the piano
Then fell and hurt your knee

You ran away and left me
On the way to school
I was run down by a bicycle
Children are so cruel

We cycled up to Arnside
We saw the Langdale Pikes
We saw the sands of Morecambe Bay
How we loved our bikes

We  didn’t go to Hazelslack
We didn’t have the time
We cherished the sweet memories
A holiday sublime

You asked me to come fishing
You hated being alone
I caught a fish and dropped it
Then we took the bus back home

Oh, brother dear, you lie alone 
In the Covid Ward
I know you will be suffering
This hits me very hard

Even worse for your dear wife
She gave you children five
She’s  cared for you for many years
Now she weeps  from the outside

Nobody can see you  now
Three months and a day
I once adored my brother 
What else can I say?

 

He said he never loved me,but he   he lied to be more kind
Now he’s  epileptic , he’s as fit as he is blind

He said he had got dizzy and he thinks he saw  the Light
It was mainly migraine  but I recognise his plight

He didn’t want to drive me to the  bitter end
So I called a cab and went there ;I met some lovely friends

He carved the joint on Sunday and then he left me here
I’ve finished all the brandy and I’m starting on the beer

I will lose my  mind  on purpose and write from my own heart
If I act like crazy,  take me to the park

We had a cat from Tottenham,I preferred him to a man
I didn’t have to cook at all, he ate straight from a can

The cat we had much later, we thought he was a girl
The vet burst into laughter so I  scratched him with my nails

Then  we had a black cat, very small and  round
She got bored and went to Mass,Jesus  was her friend

Now the cat has cancer and I  am  feeling  gloom
Put a first class stamp on me and send me to the moon

The vet is getting friendly but I have  got no dog
I’ll have to get a virtual one right here on my blog

 

I confess to writing this disgusting villanelle for Lockdown

Photo by Mike Flemming,Copyright 2020

 

The art of dying’s very hard to master
You only get one go, you  have bad taste
Kick the cat and  she will  only scratch you

Go  out of lockdown with a tasty ass,where?
You may get an STD, go haste
The art of dying…. who taught Sylvia Plath there?

If you married ask  your love to crush you
Get a ton of bricks dropped on your waist
Kick the cat and  she will  only scratch you

Go to Beachy Head,  hire  folk to push you
Take some matches go out in a blaze
The art of dying  hair  is hard to master

Wear a label ,ask the sick to touch you
Anger all of Sussex with your haze
Kiss the cat and  she will  rarely scratch you

You’re  near the end, but still  have many days
Don’t leave here until you cause disgrace
The art of dying well,  does God now thank you?
Kiss  my hand and  I will  come  to love you

 

A wren

The doctor has a website, we cannot use the phone
I broke two teeth and now I have
No more mobile groans

The doctor   has a website, it asks me to call back
I rang the surgery, they told me
The  doctor’s  mood is black

The doctor has a website, it’s mostly coloured blue
It looks  just  oh so charming
But it can’t speak to you

The doctor bought the software ,she bought the hardware too
How they are connected
I can’t describe to you

The doctor’s very learned, she went to school for years
She got a big diploma
She’s also full of care

The doctor is so gentle, but people are  real rude
She may be a Muslim
Or she may be a Jew

The doctor  gave me tablets but I can’t   get the BBC
I want to get the iPlayer
Will penicillin do?

The doctor  took my sample, she sent it to  a Lab
I’ve got kidney trouble
I sometimes feel quite bad

Now  my jaw is swollen, I broke my two back teeth
I pay the denists thousands
Do I need  to buy a wreath?

I guess I’m not desirable to the Holy Ghost
I used to seee him everywhe
But I don’t want to boast

I saw a big black shadow but not on my Xray
I think it might be Satan
I don’t want to say

Hello,I’m the therapist ,what is wrong?
Hang on, let’s not jump the gun
Ah, a cliche!Well, carry on.What actually is wrong with you?
I don’t know if wrong is the right word
I reckoned you must be desperate to see a new client during Lockdown.I am doing you a favour.
Why did  you phone?
Stamps are too expensive for me
Look, are you pulling my leg?
I didn’t know  it was yours
Is being too literal  a good thing?
Well the ” too” implies it is not
My, you seem very intelligent for an ordinary person
But obviously  that is not enough
What for?
Finding myself a new partner
Is that why you are here?
No,I’m  not that desperate.
That is insulting
But offering yourself  is immoral,And you  must imagine you are very good looking
You misunderstood me.I meant did you want to talk about it?
Well we are talking about it
Give me more facts.How many partners have you had so far?
Thirty seven I do believe
Well, why do you need help? You could help me
I don’t want to have had a  prime number of  partners.Forty  is a  number I like better
Well, why?
It is 2 cubed times 5
But  the numbers don’t matter,  it’s the people
I wish I’d stopped at 8.It was that five that made life so hard
People want love not to be part  of some   weird number theory
Can you prove that?
What counts as proof? Some people need more  evidence than others
Now you  have caught it……” counts”
Surely madness is not infectious
Has anyone  got data on that ?
Only someone as daft as you would ask
Why call me daft?I think it’s rude
It’s kinder than crackers
I love crackers
But  you can’t marry them
But  you can  marry someone who is crackers
Or has crackers?
Well where is this  leading?
There’s only one  place we can’t go to
Where’s that?
The Mental Hospital.It’s been closed to the public  in order to deal with  the government
Good luck. Give them  all largactil and teach them to crochet
I wonder why crochet  is good for  mad people?
It’s for the nurses actually.They need something to do with their hands
I’ve never  been told that beforeWhat about the doctors?
They knit sweaters for sailors
On the NHS?
No, on circular knitting needles
Well, I really enjoyed meeting you.I love your eyes
Oh,I am going red!
It suits you.
Will you come again?
I’ll have to ask the Vicar
Don’t make it Oedipal
Yerwhat?
Speak English or die

God’s Revelation to Elijah

¹¹ Then He said, “Go out, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake; ¹² and after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire ^[a]a still small voice.

¹³ So it was, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave. Suddenly a voice came to him, and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

 

Bow down with  utter humility about our ignorance and willingness to accept rubbish from the media

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/may/03/this-is-a-key-moment-in-the-publics-view-of-mainstream-news

In  the UK during WW2 extract

The government was late to wake up to the fact that so much of the population was receiving news about the crisis from wildly unreliable sources. There were immediate calls for a clamp-down. Not social media, but astrology. Not Covid-19, but the early days of the Second World War, as it became alarmingly apparent how much the British people relied on newspaper soothsayers such as Edward Lyndoe of the People and RH Naylor of the Sunday Express for their “news”.

Naylor’s advice for his readers as they anticipated the Blitz depended on their star sign: he counselled people born in January and November, for example, to take their chances in the open rather than underground shelters. The Home Office (Intelligence Branch) began an investigation and found that 40% of the population had some belief or interest in astrology and that a huge number of people were influenced enough to change their behaviour during air raids. The financial secretary to the Treasury called for “strong action to put a stop to this form of journalism”.

 

Before my father died I was naughty with no fear.I stole sweets on my way to Church to confess my no doubt dreadful sins
I didn’t do it just for the taste.I was carrying out an experiment.The shop was in the front toom of a terraced house.The lady who ran it was usually in the kitchen so there were a couple of minutes when one was alone  next to the sweets

Yes, it was possible to put some sweets into a pocket before she got into the shop
I only did this once

After my father died,I  began to worry and of course decided it was my fault.So I spent many years feeling anxious.It got so bad I lost the ability to speak but as I was very quiet no-one noticed.That bothered me
Doing my A levels was very hard.The exams were  3 hours long but I could not stay in the room more than 1.5 hours.I hated the nuns, the school, the church,my mother etc
But I believed if I got angry my mother would die.If the nuns died I didn’ t mind
Luckily I passed the exams and got away.I was happy at University where people were polite to me.I  met non-Catholics for the first time.I had a grant.There were fine bookshops and  beautiful buildings and a choice of food [I had found eating difficult]

I think I only just managed to get away in time as my mind  was nearly   broken up.

If you feel worried that you are a sinner and going to Hell remember that it is  not God who sends cruel thoughts into your mind,After all God is  very busy looking after the Universe.He  doesn’t  have any concern about children/adults being naughty

It’s those  children who are never naughty that we need to help.

Or men of power who are not just naughty but are  unconcerned with others’  well being
or even unconcerned about killing millions in Iraq and then wondering why there are refugees drowning  as they try to ge away from the horrors in  the Middle East.