You do now

ECG
Catsby Katherine

Stan was standing on the patio behind his bijou home when a sudden heavy  downpour of water drenched him all over.
This is like a monsoon,he murmured to Emile who was also wet and drowned looking
A head  and neck appeared over the dark wooden fence.
I’m awfully sorry,old boy.A pipe has burst in Annie’s loft.I tried to fix it myself.
I don’t believe it.You are Stan Brown.It must be 50 years since I saw you.
Stan was hiding his surprise at seeing Rudolf Hairnet,his former logic tutor at an ancient foundation, in the garden of Annie,Stan’s beloved colourful mistress.
Why not pop in Rudolf,he said.I’ll leave the door open and go upstairs to change my clothes.Be with you in a moment.
Stan went upstairs and removed his clothes.His body was now as thin as when he reached his full height of 6 ft 6 inches but alas it had less muscle and more fat. nowadays.He gazed into his wife’s full length mirror.
To his surprise, he saw Satan looking out.Although he knew this was possible for Catholics he had never met Satan before.Not that he was keen to,exciting as it might be.
How do you get behind the mirror,he asked  Satan gently.
God only knows,said Satan morosely.
Why not ask him?
I’m too proud,the poor devil replied in a bleak voice.
Well,we all have our pride,Stan told him,though no doubt yours is the biggest in the universe.
Yes,indeed,Satan answered.It’s bigger than Everest
Are you here for any purpose,Stan enquired.
Yes,your home seems more intriguing than most and I like to watch you in bed with that flame haired woman… is she your paramour?
I see,said Stan,You are a voyeur par excellence
That’s one way of describing me,Satan said,No woman will come to bed with me so I am trapped here behind every mirror in the world.I can see it all but never take part.
You must be very lonely,said Stan
Yes,the dark spirit muttered painfully
Are there no she-devils about who might oblige you?Stan asked him thoughtfully.
I don’t seem to fancy them so much.They are all as bad a me,I want kindness and tenderness not just lust.After all,one might satisfy that with a vibrator… we have them in hell you know!We have many things but love and humility are not there.
Why,you are beginning to sound almost human,Stan told him.We want love too.If only you would apologise to God I am sure he would forgive you and let you come into the real world of others instead of being trapped in there
Stan heard a noise.He turned round displaying his bony frame and his  drooping organs to Rudolf.
Are you ok? I was worried that the drenching had knocked you off balance.I have out your kettle on the  fire to make you a hot drink and phoned 999 for aid.
But we don’t have a fire,Stan responded. loudly
Well,you do now said Rudolph
Oh,hell, cried Stan

My wardrobe



I got a winter coat online 3 months ago.I have never seen a coat so strangely shaped
The shoulders are extremely wide so they drop off  the ends of my own shoulders
This ensures that the sleeves are  so crazily long that my whole hands are covered
The length should be lust below the knee but  it is nearly  down to my ankles
And I could wear a dozen thick jumpers under it [ may be useful in the cold[
The only positive thing I can say,I got it half price
!Instead of  it upsetting me,I could not help being amused when I looked down at it
It’s the sort of thing a homeless  person might get for a shilling from a Jumble Sale
Can I get free soup from a Convent?

Photo by sergio omassi on Pexels.com

The red leaves

The red leaves in the sunshine seem to smile
A pale blue sky, a silver aeroplane
I’m happy,I am warm, in your arms coiled
I have no heater but the kettle boiled
I made us coffee then my parcel came
My face in the small mirror had a smile
My love is deep, you never were on trial
If we quarrel, we both share the blame
I’m happy,I am warm, in your arms coiled
Our sorrow is, we have not made a child
Jesus cursed the fig tree in its shame
Yet red leaves in the sunshine seem to smile
Sorrow need not madden nor make bold
We do not know the purpose nor the game
I’m happy,I am warm now as I toil
We need old fashioned virtues like restraint
We don’t see the whole as life we paint
The red leaves in the sunshine seem to smile
I’m happy,I am warm, the sea sings wild

He missed

His hands travelled all over me like a herd of drunken fleas the size of spiders
His eyes wandered over my supine body like a surveyor estimating the price of a house
He kissed me with my permission as I was frozen
He showed me our marriage certificate in triplicate in a gold frame
He tickled me with a feather till I was maddened by rage
So I said, quit staring,I don’t like your gaze
His nails were as thick as the icing on a Xmas cake
He never scratched me even when I itched
I don’t know if it was deliberate but he missed
I said I would never get married and it was a lie in retrospect


un



You found me

It’s so cold in bed without you
And the bathroom light is bust
I need a man to hold me
Can God make a man from dust?

It’s s lonely in the evening
And the TV seems remote
I want a conversation
Where do words go when they’re spoke?

I miss the tea you brought me
Before you left for work
I miss the hands that held me
And my throat feels swollen up

I feel so sad at weekends
We went wandering in the woods
I miss you, how I miss you
Tears come in their floods

You found me and I lost you
Shall I lose myself again?
The world is full of water
The drowning and the men

Catch your own

I have caught a drug resistant bug
Could it be that European mug?
They drink coffee till the cows come home
As for me I’m permanently stoned
I want to go to bed, so I must eat
I take the powerful tablets as I sleep
When I waken I may well be cured
Not like bacon,I can’t see the lure
All day breakfast is a silly name
Keats would be astonished ,it’s iname
My mother tried to make me knit and sew
I can’t see but will that make me slow?

Without a single drink

I did not know my mind was strong as sin
My wickedness was choosing to be thin
My ringlets seemed far wilder than cats’ screams
The torture and the vividness of dreams
I picked up books and read them in an hour
How could I guess the wreckage of men’s power?
I made pastry, I baked cakes of wheat
To honour God , my father, the elite
.From my pram I gave the neighbours shocks
Electric was my verbal skill and luck
They asked me how to vote and who should win
I sucked my dummy as my thoughts all ran
I sit and listen by the kitchen sink
For I get drunk without a single drink

The backstreet

Near sturdy cobbles rounded with tar packed
The gutter’s dirty grids held marbles drowned
Washing new hung out like rain damped macs

When the bin men came they used the back
The ash bin was full up,some on the ground
By sturdy cobbles rounded and tar packed

The sound of lorries terrified the cat
From his throat there came a frightful sound
Washing now inside, like rain damped macs

In the backyard was the privy dank
An air raid shelter full of wood we scrounged
Near sturdy cobbles rounded and tar packed

How the washing dried I cannot think
On the wooden maiden some was singed
Washing rarely dried, like rain damped macs

Five sheets, towels, the knickers, all were hanged
Waving in the drizzle like mens’ hands
Above the sturdy cobbles well tar packed
Washing in the back street, abject,pecked

Natural shapes and thoughts

Cracks in the pavement,mosquito bites
When my own blood runs,I don’t waste the sight
Ants on a tree trunk,busy all day
If you are grieving, with you I shall pray
We don’t know the future, we forget the past
For asylum seekers, we pray and we fast
For refugees starving, for the suffering lost
Give them attention, what does it cost?

t

Our bodies pale as fish

We are swimming in deep water,deep and green
I am coming towards you with my fingers stretched
Our bodies pale as fish, our soft hair streams

The deep sea has no sun, yet we can see
The retina is waiting, ready,etched
We are swimming in deep water,deep and green

I see your face and eyes,how well they gleam
Do we have to undergo a test?
Our bodies pale as fish, our soft hair streams

Underneath the ocean are strange scenes
I will tell you later, we are blessed
We are swimming in sea water,deep and green

Our fingers meet, our lips share silver sheen
We float in circles, weightless is our flesh
Our bodies pale as fish, our soft hair streams

What will happen, what shall we do next
Inspiration,grace, we are perplexed
We are floating in deep water,deep and green
Our bodies pale as fish, our soft hair streams

That bedroom

I always think I hear you when I wake
Lying in the warmth of the front room
Memory stabs my heart,I want to wail
There’s noone near,my mind is swept by gales
I always think I hear you when I wake
Then I know it is a sad mistake
Tears like petals fall through Easter hail
I gave my heart but love grows not in tombs
I often think I see you when I wake
Smiling in the warmth of that bedroom

A stranger calls.

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA





Stan was reading the paper at 9 pm when the front door bell rang.Emile,his delightful tomcat who was asleep,nearly jumped out of his skin.Stan opened the front door cautiously
.“Goodnight,sir.” remarked the handsome man standing there. impassively
“Goodnight?”Said Stan confusedly,
”But I’ve never seen you before.Are you the sandman who comes to put little children to sleep?”
“Good evening,sir.” the man continued,”I’m so sorry my English is so poor.I am studying David McChrystal’s Cambridge Encyclopedia of the English Language and I’m still a trifle mystified by it.”
“What do you want?”Stan asked him.
”What do I want? I want to study philosophy and write a novel like Iris Murdoch did ”“
No,no.” said Stan” I mean,why are you here ?”
“A good question,why are we here? Do we have a mission in life or are we here as a result of mere chance and happenstance or even serendipity or did God send us on purpose ?”
“I mean,why are you here ringing my doorbell at this time of the night?”
“Shouldn’t that be evening,sir?” The stranger enquired sardonically yet politely.“
Look.are you after something?”
“Well,I’m after getting people to go to church or other place of worship.”
“Are you partly Irish?”Stan asked him plaintively.
“What’s happening,”called Mary from her study where she was reading a critique of Principia Mathematica for the seventeenth time
.“God only knows!” said Stan.
Mary came to the front door.She wore a green silk blouse with a jade necklace, a pair of smart jeans from Per Una and some pink trainers with yellow laces.On her face she wore Lancome of Paris light beige foundation,strawberry pink lipstick and purple mascara from Clinique.Her perfume was by Beyonce.
“Goodnight,madam” said the stranger.
“I think that’s slightly rude,” said Mary.”If you’ve never met someone before it’s inappropriate to say goodnight.”
“Well,you aren’t in bed,” he replied laboriously.
“What has that got to do with it?” she asked
“Inappropriate is often used to refer to sexual behaviour.”
“Well,who are you?” she whispered politely.
“I’m the new curate!””I’m Polish and I’m here ”
“Well,I’m sorry I don’t know a single word of Polish.would you like to speak in Latin?”“Ite,missa est!”
The curate exclaimed.“Uno reductio ad absurdum”S
tan muttered seductively
.“That’s Italian,UNO” cried Mary shyly
.“Well,it’s pretty similar.” Stan said ironically;
“Well,I must go,”said the curate anxiously
“You’ve not been yet so how can you go?” Mary asked mathematically, demonstrating the futility of logic.“
I don’t know,sir.Good evening,good afternoon,good morning.”the red faced man screamed as he ran hurriedly down the garden path.
“Are we Catholics ?”Mary asked Stan
.“Oh,I can’t remember,” he said.”Do we go to any church,synagogue or mosque?”
“Well,we may be non-practising at it all, I suppose.”
“Perhaps we’d better start practising,” he murmured affectionately.
“Oh,if you insist,” she replied in an un-wifely roguish tone.
“That’s right,blame it all on the man.In my experience it’s you who is keener than me on all of that.”
“What are you talking about?”she enquired seductively.Prayer?
Suddenly the door bell rang.It was the curate.
“Goodnight” he called.”goodnight”“Goodnight, old man” they responded in their reserved English fashion.
“Mioaw” cried Emile,”Mioaw,miaow,miaow.And so pray all of us.Amen
Donations via PayaFriend.com please live generously

First class ass

I am very clever,give me that
I have got a first class aegrotat
Do you feel that you would like one too ?
Just get chicken pox or maybe flu

I went to York in winter,this is true
Hebden Bridge had icebergs in the loo
Then we were near Grimsby in thick fog
The Humber Ferry crossed like coppers plod

In Hull they gave degrees in geography
Now they teach the gross democracy
That may be where I caught Golders Green
My face is apple and my eyes are teal

I could have done degrees in Law or Greek
I love to hear the way the foreign speak
Give me Aramaic for my tea
Give me ancient Hebrew,I am he.

I learned Dutch but I was not first class
In fact I failed completely,I’m an ass


Float through my mind like flowers

On summer days the cliff at Weybourne sang
Of finest grass entwined with tiny flowers
The butterflies were floating on the wind

We walked along contented, hand in hand
In Sheringham we saw no faces dour
On summer days the cliffs at Weybourne sang

We met no wasps nor anything that stings
The footpath was kept clear, no weeds to sour
The butterflies were resting on the wind

I looked at bluebells,insects hear their ring
So we passed with pleasure our free hours
On summer days, the cliffs at Weybourne sang

Was it for this perfection Adam sinned?
No human joy is with us very long
The butterflies were resting on the wind

On summer days the cliff at Weybourne sang
Of grass so fine and of its tiny flowers
The butterflies were floating on the wind

In winter the North wind will make beasts cower
No need for ventilation,faces glower
On summer days the cliff at Weybourne sang
The butterflies float through my mind, bright, winged


The wind blew off your hat

Salthouse St Nicholas church - aerial Norfolk | Salthouse ch… | Flickr

By Salthouse Church the wind blew off your hat
We watched it flying like an unstrung kite
Then snow fell in cold Cromer,see the map!
A cat dosed by the fire in the warm pub
Yet near Salthouse winds blew off your hat
I’d have blown off too, were I less fat
These gales would give the sailing boats a fright
By Salthouse Church the wind blew off your hat
We watched it flying up in cold sunlight




I’m certainly tempestuous

He sometimes seemed cantankerous
Yet he carefully looked after us
He bathed us by the hot coal fire
But for all you know I am a liar
I’m certainly tempestuous

He had an even temperature
Of that I am almost sure
We did not use thermometers
The doctor stuck one up of us
Which showed us life must be endured

He was good at his arithmetic
He could read and perform tricks
We loved him and we smiled at him
With his dog so clean and trim
Alas we weren’t allowed to lick

He liked the sand at Morecambe Bay
And said he’d like to sink right there
Very economical
No need to hold a funeral
And that is all I wish to say

Dropping off

Photo by mirsad mujanovic on Pexels.com

When I read that a family had pitched their tent on the edge of a cliff in Yorkshire
I wondered whether many of us had retained the natural intelligence we had as animals
rather than spending years in school then coming out with a low reading age
In the UK the average reading age has fallen from 11 to 9 in the last few years by some reports

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2006/jan/24/books.politics

“Up to 16 million adults – nearly half the workforce – are holding down jobs despite having the reading and writing skills expected of children leaving primary school, a new report reveals today.”

This is shameful.Surely reading and writing should be higher than this for most people
It might explain some of our economic problems.How can we have a democracy when half of us
can’t even read the pamphlets we get before Elections?

Going back to the campers. is there no innate sense of danger in human beings in the West?
If you sleep on top of a cliff are you not likely to drop off completely forever?
If you sleep next to the bottom of a cliff you might be hit by a falling body or even a large lump of rock

Danger in Yorkshire:Don’t camp on a cliff

The River Warfe has raw sewage in it and will have until 2030 so the Water Board say
And it looks so inviting,The further upstream the better if you want a paddle

A couple and a child put their tent up for the night on the Edge of The Cliffs near Staithes [it’s unclear whether
that’s the top of the cliff or just below.’There have been many cliff falls near Runswick Bay and all along there
It may not be in Yorkshire but it’s close

A house in Halifax blew up but nobody seems to be seriously injured
Can it be gas?

Now speaks the Earth


Now speaks the earth of spring and all its joys.

Now flowers and blossom soothe our  lonely eyes.

So happy are the lovers, girls and boys,

As in the  daisied meadows they may lie.

Now speaks the sun and makes us  want to grow

to open like the flowers for his love

To let the life within us start to flow.

With  blessings sent down to us  from above.

Now every part of nature is in flood

Fresh leaves point down from trees to holy nests

The birds are active in this little wood,

And dwelling on the tree branch breast to breast.

Oh let’s not waste time glued to inner thoughts.

For we may miss the joy which spring has brought

It fell to earth with solemn gravity

Another branch has fallen from the tree
For nine short months, it weakened and grew dry.
It fell to  earth with utter gravity

Is comparing us to trees good simile?
I’d find a better if I’d wits to try
Another branch  has fallen from the tree

The tree grieves not, for trees like to be free
Their main desire is stature, to be high.
Dead branches fall to earth by gravity

Some compare life to a drunken sea;
Or to the sky where dance wild nuclei
Yet our most holy symbol is the tree

The strong hang on in their tenacity
Even as their leaves and berries fly
Weaker branches fall  with gravity

Death comes  so much harder to the high
This is no truth but neither do I lie
Another branch has broken from the tree
Thus disconnected , it is down and free

The moon fell down

The moon fell down into the village pond
Thus gravity was lost and mirth began
The gravity of grief is deep, profound
The moon fell down into the village pond
Noone heard the silence or the sound
As they floated out with their beer cans
The moon fell down into the village pond
Thus gravity was lost and mirth began

The shivering moon

The spiteful moon glares through the clouds of night
Unwanted by the men whose conscience aches
They must long for dawn, for sun and light
The shivering moon peers through the clouds of night
With unintended force it hurts the eye
Reminded those bereaved of their ill fate
Demented now, the moon gawps through the night
A loathsome sight to those whose conscience wakes

Yet life endures

Since you died I learned to use a crutch
I have noone to lean on, none to touch
I wanted you to die with kindly ease
Now I miss another I could tease

Noone knows what was our special tree
Nor why the pain of loss dwells in my knee
As if I cannot stand or wait alone
Dark earth is softer than these paving stones

The trees you loved my neighbours see as weeds
I shan’t recite a list of their misdeeds
Others gossip of my coloured coats
A widow’s weeds aren’t teal, they grin, they gloat

Before you went I saw the cloth of gold
Coming down from heaven to enfold
Then it rose, its satin thick and pure
Taking you away, yet life endures

The emptiness, the void, the loss, the pain
The crash severe we know is foreordained



The sky’s a shark

The sky is stark, the air is cool and still
The black cat’s run, the birds unfold all day
I sit down here and with my totty pray
Ye cast o’ foolish thoughts, you raped my will
We’ve each enraged the bureaucratic mill.
Oh frigid purse, I never meant to pay!
The sky ‘s a-spark, the air is warm and shrill
The saturnine demoted knelled their way
With this feathered pounce, my sample quill,
I cite the cheque and date it for next May.
Oh, tit for cat, the tiger’s bed ‘s astray.
Yer life is settled by a harlot’s will
The sky ‘s a shark, the air is sharper still.

The pavement

I knew the nearby pavement as if it were a face
The lines and cracks and puddles where holes sucked in the rain
The gutter where the marbles rolled,the grids like iron lace
I knew the nearby pavement as if it were a face
As if it had a consciousness,a heart to be embraced
It must have had some kind of mind,though never had a brain
I knew the nearby pavement as if it were my face
The lines and cracks and puddles where holes were filled with rain


Dinner

Mock soup with real dumplings
Flayed duck with burnt orange
Ginger mould and green algae

Avocado tumbled in Welsh dressing
Chicken legs on horseback and spinach
Mousse and a dream come true


Melon roasted in olive oil with mice
Roast thief and mash with tarot
Chinese Yoghurt with Lemon Frieze