Thanks for the surprise

IMG_0464.JPGAll our food is served on clean dates
We use only Sheffield  blameless stolen knives
I wash the tablecloths myself weekly in  the river and I have a bath too
I use fairies to wash up.Who dries? The air!
Minimum wage paid to all and sundry
Eat as much as you like and play for it.Free piano now
All tea towels boiled at Xmas.Drained by New Year.Dried in mid air
All the  food is fresh and so am I.. fresh out of money
Sausage  pie is made by turkeys.Suitable for kosher and non -pork eaters.
Come slave with me and be my glove.. oven glove needed now
Please be polite.We aim to tease.We aim to please.We aim to wheeze.
Thanks for your customs.We have ours.
Thanks for the exercise.
Thanks for the surprise.

My dreams and love, like dying sparks.

When first I saw your soulful face,
I wished to dwell in your  embrace.
I wished as well to clothe you in
The sacred images within.
To find a home for love without;
To fold my dreams all round about;
Your loving body and your face
Were covered in such joy and grace.
I found my dreams were cast aside;
The world of meaning denied life.
What seemed most precious now is fled
As I lie sleepless in my bed.
What is the world when unadorned
With all that in my heart I’ve formed?
There is no meaning I can trace.
As in a mother’s empty face.
On these grey rocks. my path is hard.
From paradise, my self is barred.
To struggle or to grief succumb,
When this dark day of mourning’s done?
Into His dazzling darkness dart
My dreams and love like dying sparks.
Into His Mystery so fair.
I’ll cast both hope and my despair.
Thus my dreams will be transformed
To show themselves in other forms.
What feels a loss may foretell growth.
On my hope,I’ll take an oath:
“That nothing in my life is waste;
That I have not for phantasms chased.
And you are human,as am I.
Let’s live again until we die”

Ads and vice

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Please do not stalk on the water.
Do not park on this water.
Do not alight on my daughter
Do not steal  another’s blunder
It was his walk which caught her
We ate the cloves and dishes.
Let she who is without a PIN  have the first groan
Love thy labourer as thyself.
Love my favour and thyself
I am a zealous Rod unending.
I found Freud was  a filing symbol for God.
A Gallic symbol was Joan of Arc
Do not rivet your neighbour’s wife..
Do not will harm.
Do not Will charm
Do not lust after Eustace
Do not rust on pussy’s collar

What is poetry?

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http://www.open.edu/openlearn/history-the-arts/culture/literature-and-creative-writing/literature/what-poetry/content-section-0

We have the Open University here and I find they have a lot of free courses.I think I will do one as we get into winter.There is a big range of topics/

The endurable tryst

Trial by life’s an undoable  tryst
Sad days of darkness must come to an end
Trial by life’s an endurable test

 
Send for the minister,send for the priest.
With her long pointed  nails ,she has  her garments  all  rent
Trial by life’s  unendurable  tryst

The priest is  no longer  either sacred or blessed.
The succession  has faltered with  bitter dissent
Trial by life’s an endurable  test

The  people must now to each other confess.
The Tabernacle’s  empty ,for who paid the rent?
Trial by life, who can endure such a   tryst?

 

We need to look into  our own hearts that curse.
We need to take shelter,though torn is the Tent
Trial by life’s an endurable   test.

 

Who  gives the verdict,which judge is not bent?
Who can decide whether we should assent?
Trial by life:what a  blow ,what a   fist.
Trial by life:  the unbearable  last

 

 

 

 

Get out

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“All too often women believe it is a sign of commitment, an expression of love, to endure unkindness or cruelty, to forgive and forget. In actuality, when we love rightly we know that the healthy, loving response to cruelty and abuse is putting ourselves out of harm’s way.”
― bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions

Who would Jesus deport?

 

 

dscf0004http://www.patheos.com/blogs/paperbacktheology/2016/11/who-would-jesus-deport-for-the-christian-immigration-isnt-about-politics-or-economics.html?utm_source=Newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=NL%20Best%20of%20Patheos&utm_content=390

Evening bits

I had nothing to wear so I wore my self out.Inside out
Always be polite as rudeness  often causes feudnesses.
Never allow anger to  make your offensiveness obvious
We’re all OK and so aren’t  they.
No black moods here.They will be persecuted
I can’t walk on water yet.
Cancer makes you patient.One second at a time.

St Peter tried to hawk the water.

WINTER LOVE BIRD

The virgin Mary assumed it was heaven.
Jesus had no socks.
St Paul had a fit on the   road  to Erasmus.
St Peter portrayed Christ thrice.
St Peter  tried to hawk the water.
St John  had a  Word to offer.
The Jews are God’s people  because they saw the  Burning Bush before we did.I only felt it.
Prophets were turned into profits by Economists.
The Pope is advised by a  neon Arc Angel.
Jesus had twelve friends on Facebook.The pages were called  the Epistles.
St Paul was  so prolific he sent letters whenever he fancied it.That was before privatisation of the Toil Mail,of course.
The Romans were good at conkers and watching lions eat people.
The Cirque du Trialle.
History is  what we can find on old documents and barcodes.
God wanted his son to die.It was  pre-Oedipus.They could not both louvre the same lady
And she said,may your thrill begin on earth as it does in heaven

Must we voice our plight?

The past is present  till we  listen right
We  did not  wish to hear the words that grieve.
The past is present, must we voice  our plight?

Some  bear burdens, others  wander light.
By strange anxieties, I have been besieged
The past is present  till we  listen right

Some are listeners,some have second sight.
Of my visions I have been bereaved
The past is present,  we must voice our plight

My voice once silent, tension made to bite
By present pain,  my grieving is obliged.
The past is present  till we  listen right

I suffer deeply; others think it slight
By images and words,  this sense’s derived
The past is present,  welcome it, invite

I pray my  tear ducts opening ends the blight
Response to pain can never be contrived
The past is present  till we  listen right

 

In the depths ,the tears will be received
From  this watering, new thoughts are conceived
The past is present in  wild dreams at  night
The past  lives till we  hear and see it right

Discover David Grossman

Leonard Cohen (1970's)
Leonard Cohen (1970’s)

 

https://www.ft.com/content/204efd0e-ace1-11e6-ba7d-76378e4fef24

Quote

The central question in David Grossman’s new novel could hardly be more topical: how much reality can we bear to face, and what do we do when facing it becomes unbearable? It is a question the award-winning Israeli novelist has been asking in diverse ways for more than 30 years in consistently fine, penetrating works. These include books for both children and adults and encompass an impressive range of forms, from non-fiction to short stories to full-length novels to, most recently, his 2011 genre-defying meditation on grief Falling Out of Time.

Poems:Rabbi Ben Ezra by Robert Browning

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https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems-and-poets/poems/detail/43775

 

Rabbi Ben Ezra
Grow old along with me!
The best is yet to be,
The last of life, for which the first was made:
Our times are in His hand
Who saith “A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!”
Not that, amassing flowers,
Youth sighed “Which rose make ours,
Which lily leave and then as best recall?”
Not that, admiring stars,
It yearned “Nor Jove, nor Mars;
Mine be some figured flame which blends, transcends them all!”
Not for such hopes and fears
Annulling youth’s brief years,
Do I remonstrate: folly wide the mark!
Rather I prize the doubt
Low kinds exist without,
Finished and finite clods, untroubled by a spark.

They are only coppers

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My friend told me if I wanted to get married again I should not tell the men I meet I was a mathematician.So I’ll have to stop saying :I am 5/8 Irish and 1/3 Anglo-Saxon and  1/48 Viking.
That doesn’t add up to one.
I never said I was an integer!
If you   give too much detail it puts them off.
How about  :I am 38-28-40?
Is that your Zip code?
No, it’s my vital statistics.
I should wait till you know them better.
When will that be?
After you get the diamond ring.And stop using numbers so much use words. Hang on:Hello, this is 07576339417.Hi.
That’s a funny phone number.
It  was the police.
How come they have your number?
I think it’s because  I told them you wanted to re-marry
Why tell the police, it’s not a crime.
I thought they might give you a job.
Why do I want a job?
To stop you getting married again.
But there are men in the police station.
You can’t marry them
Why not?
They are only coppers!

Poets and Writers

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https://www.pw.org/content/peter_orner_0

 

Posted 11.10.16

“I’ve always had a difficult time talking about writing. I’ve never really been able to say the phrase ‘my writing’ without feeling not only self-conscious but also a little bit ridiculous. A lot ridiculous. Even though I do, technically, teach creative writing (and I enjoy it because for me teaching creative writing is teaching literature, and I can never get enough literature) I’ve always had very little advice to give when it comes to how to actually sit down and do this. I mean if people truly want to sit and write something they will sit down and write something and nothing I say, or anyone else says, could ever make much of a difference. I have no tricks to trick anybody—including myself, God knows especially myself—into a chair and concentrate. And yet, and yet, don’t all roads lead to Chekhov? This morning I read a brief story called, ‘In Exile.’ It starts like this: ‘Old Semyon, nicknamed the Explainer, and a young Tartar whose name no one knew, sat on the bank near a bonfire…’ Goddamn, to start a story like this. One guy has two names, the other has none. And I didn’t feel inspired necessarily, but I did feel alive. Alive as if I was out there on the cold riverbank with those two. And I did get back to work, or at least tried to. Needless to say, the Explainer in the story isn’t the one who understands very much.”
—Peter Orner, author of Am I Alone Here? Notes on Living to Read and Reading to Live(Catapult, 2016)

The jokes for today

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1.A Christian,a Jew And a  Muslim were walking through the Mall  looking for a Coffee Shop.
They found  a new one  with lots of seats so they went inside and sat down.The Jew went over to the counter and asked,do you serve Cappuccinos?
The waitress answered,not usually, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
And my  two friends?
Are they Cappuccinos as well?
Well, they are people of the Book like me.
I’m sorry .I meant to give it back.Are you going to fine me?
No, give us free coffee and  we’ll say no more.
2.You know all those Coffee Shops staffed  by foreigners?
Yeah.
The Government is  going to build 7 meter high walls around them.
So America is going metric at last!
3.How can you tell I am a foreigner?
I’ll just shout.Wanna see a foreigner!
4.Why do we fear Arabs?
Because they invented al-gebra.
5.Why is the Pope a man?
We  just have to take his word for it.
6.My husband asked me,what is post-modernism?
I replied,you didn’t need to marry me  just to find that out
7.My wife asked,why do my rock buns fly away?
I said, because I am trying to kill that spider on the ceiling.
8.My son asked me to lend him my car for a week.
I said,it’s alright son, you can neck  here at home.
What about my Oedipal conflicts?
Use PayPal instead.
9.My daughter has got  big blue eyes.
Where did she get those from?
Her  grandmother.
Is  she dead?
Not yet but Jesus wants her  whole heart.
Don’t tell me he does transplants now!
10.I want to  go to the lavatory.
They have closed all the public ones.
I should think so.Who wants to be watched all the time?
You’ll have to go in the telephone box.
I only have a Nokia 105.
Didn’t I tell you to get a phablet?
I’m not smart enough to spell that!

.

From a course in how to write jokes

 

rumoursofwar

 

If the events of September 11th have proven anything, it’s that the terrorists can attack us, but they can’t take away what makes us American – our freedom, our liberty, our civil rights. No, only Attorney General John Ashcroft can do that. (Jon Stewart)

Dr Kumar and his humour

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I had a good doctor called Kumar
Who possessed  such a  fine sense of humour
His patients   were healed
Their sores disappeared
So I heard, do you thin it’s a rumour?

I prefer Indian doctors myself.
Is it racist to choose who will help?
Will the white doctors grumble
As their incomes tumble?
Well,what it comes down to is health

A

If this be love

If this be love,then let me feel your hate.
If you be true then let me hear your lies.
To save my heart,your message came too late.
And now my need is for the thoughtful wise.
If this be marriage,let me have divorce.
If this be holy,hasten I to hell.
For love comes in its time without such force.
And of its message who are we to tell?
If this be love,then let me dwell alone.
If this be love, I’ll be forever chaste.
Your love is like a blow that breaks my bones
A love that leaves in mouths a bitter taste
.
You do not love yourself and so not me.
Far away from you. I wish to be.

Stan gets help from his mistress,Annie

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  • Stan was feeling somewhat glum,nay even despairing,on Monday morning.
    Mary had gone to work on her new folding 6 gear bicycle with own basket and an extra basket from Wells-next -the- Sea 1995[the wicker basket now somewhat gray in hue.]
    He was left at home sorting out all his art work and materials as well as doing the baking and bathing Emile,the delightful yet trying male cat.
    Sunk in dark misery,Stan sat in an old uncomfortable chair in the darkest part of the room, while Emile snored on the rug by the bright French windows.Stan went through all the possible reasons for his state of mind.Was he guilty about his flings with his alluring next door neighbour Annie?
    Could it be his failure to toilet train Emile? Or his omitting to carry out the penance given by Father Brown after Stan confessed to stealing sweets on the way to Confession in 1956?
    The longer Stan brooded the more reasons he found for his depression.
    He could hardly get up to make a cup of coffee ..even instant seemed too much trouble.Would he even clean his teeth which somehow he’d failed to do?
    The doorbell rang… it was a new cord for his laptop asEmile had been chewing the current one ,and 29 books in a sack from Amazon which his wife must have ordered,as he had no recollection of any such foolish spending.How would they pay the bill on thecredit card? he ruminated.
    Later in the day ~Annie peered through the window.She tapped on the glass with her well manicured blue fingernails.Let me in she cried.
    I’m too tired for any hanky panky he murmured lovingly as he ran his fingers through her thick red tresses.What is this delightful perfume,beloved?he questioned her.
    It’s Poison! she replied.Oh no,sorry it’s Iris and Jasmine Eau de toilette from the Bodyshop.
    Despite his lowly sunken state Stan loved this perfume.He sniffed rabidly at her well rounded form.Well,shall we have some tea?She enquired.
    Stan sat there hand on chest.I’ve been feeling a little gloomy,he muttered.She peered at him.You look terribly pale,Stan.Where’s your angina spray?
    I can’t recall,he said.Oh,here it is in my vest.
    What a strange place to keep it,she responded.
    Mary made pockets for all my vests.at one time you could buy vests with pockets
    She’s good at sewing despite being so clever.In fact she loves doing things with her hands.
    Annie got the GNT spray out and handed it to him.Have you got a pain?
    Well,yes,now you mention it,I do,he replied verbosely.
    Well,in the name of God, use the bloody thing,she whispered endearingly into his left ear.
    He opened his mouth,raised his tongue and with his hand resting lightly on his chin he pressed the button with his forefinger.
    His head began to throb.
    Annie appeared with a cup of Earl Grey tea and a biscuit.Why,you look a little better.Do you need another dose?
    No,I feel much better now.I’ve had it before.He drank the tea but didn’t eat the biscuit which he threw out later in crumbs for the field mice in the shed.
    His spirits began to rise.Why did he always forget that physical ailments can worsen a mood?He still felt a trifle glum but nothing ameringue wouldn’t put right.
    OK,what shall I make for Mary’s supper? he enquired.
    You sit there in the window and I’ll just make my special spaghetti,Annie replied gaily,as long as I can stay too.
    Yes,I’ll open some red wine he said youthfully,and we can have fried apples and bananas for pudding with non fat Greek yoghurt.
    What a wise choice she murmured gently into his ear………that will use up some of the newly picked apples,the bananas were from Lidl’s as usual.
    Well,Stan you look better.said Mary happily,You’ve been pale all weekend.Was it Annie who cheered you up,not to put too fine a point on it?
    Actually it was nitroglycerine,he said roguishly,but Annie made me use it.
    But for us women you’d be dead,she replied equably.
    But for you delightful creatures I wouldn’t be here at all,he moaned ecstatically.
    Now then Stan,control yourself she urged,After all we have a visitor,Annie!
    What a hoot,he thought as he twisted spaghetti round his fork in a careless manner splashing tomato sauce all over his new acrylicjumper.
    Thank the Lord for washing machines,Mary said.
    I didn’t know Jesus invented them,Annie said with a tone of mild sarcasm but no-one bothered to reply.
    As told by Emile to the local paper.