Emile loves every cat

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Mary was sitting at her desk trying to decide whether to throw out a book called Schrodinger ‘s equation for Idiots.That title had more than one meaning, she thought to herself.
I think that is for the recycling bin, she told her cat, Emile.What a pity you can’t read.You could have read it.
I don’t want to read stuff like that.I only like Dad’s cartoon books.
Where are they, Mary asked him, her eyes shining like melting Danish butter on a hot croissant?
They are in that plastic box in the kitchen, Emile told her.I read them at night.
How can you read if there is no light?Please don’t start sinning as I don’t want you to have to become a Catholic and go to Confession
I can’t become a Catholic, said Emile.I am Jewish.
Well, St Paul was Jewish, Mary told him.Until he had an epileptic fit .
So having a fit can make you a Christian.That is very strange, the black cat told her with a twinkle in his eyes
Well, it’s not automatic, Mary replied.You have to pay.
What, pay to become a Christian, I don’t believe Jesus would like that.
Well, he may be quite indulgent, sometimes Mary giggled.However, the Vatican and its wealth might not be quite what he was thinking of when he gave the Sermon on the Mount.
What sort of mount was it, Emile enquired.Was it a horse?
No, it was  more likely to  have been a donkey  as he was quite poor, you know
But he had things money can’t buy, the cat said philosophically.
Like women who poured oil over his feet.What sort was it,?Was it like that stuff Stan put in the car engine sometimes?
Don’t be so ridiculous.It was olive oil, Mary told him sternly.
Can we prove that Emile murmured? His feet were no salad iin need of dressing
No, I am using inductive reasoningMary stated logically.Olive trees are grown in that part of the world even now.
What is inductive reasoning, Emile mewed
Why it’s the opposite of deductive reasoning, of course, Mary stated wildly
I am glad I can’t read, Emile said.It’s bad for you to have to learn all of that.It was ok for the ancient Greeks.They had no televisions.I’d rather watch Andrea Bocelli and Hayley Westenra singing Vivo per lei.Whatever that means.She is from New Zealand by the way.
What difference does that make Mary teased him?
No need to be rude, Emile cried.I was only passing a remark
That was what Stan’s mother used to say when he told her off for saying my maple mousse was like something out of a tin.
Where was it from?
The Joy of Cookery. a big American cookbook or maybe Jewish Cookery by Florence Greenberg or I bought it in Marks and Spencers
Did you get that book because I am Jewish, Emile purred?
No, I didn’t even know you were.How did it happen?
My mother was living with a Rabbi in Liverpool and he told her she could not miaow on the Sabbath so she kind of assumed she was Jewish.As for my father.. nobody knows.
Emile, don’t start saying you are the Messiah.I have enough trouble already.I don’t want you to be  walking on water and helping women taken in adultery
I was not me who took them, said Emile.I don’t even know where Adultery is.
I think I’ll ring 999.We need help before we go mad.
Sometimes going mad seems the better option, Mary said sadly.A few  voices telling me what to do might be helpful
As long as they are not Michael Gove and Boris Johnson, Emile replied courteously. As for Freezer May…… we’ve suffered enough from seeing her in miniskirts holding DT’s hand!
And so say all of us.For he’s a jolly good  yeller! Emile  loves every cat

The way through the woods

photo0168apple-tree-and-sunshine1photo0166photo0167http://www.yourdailypoem.com/listpoem.jsp?poem_id=2200

 

he Way Through the Woods
by
Rudyard Kipling


Next
They shut the road through the woods
Seventy years ago.
Weather and rain have undone it again,
And now you would never know
There was once a road through the woods
Before they planted the trees.
It is underneath the coppice and heath,
And the thin anemones.
Only the keeper sees
That, where the ring-dove broods,
And the badgers roll at ease,
There was once a road through the woods.

Yet, if you enter the woods
Of a summer evening late,
When the night-air cools on the trout-ringed pools
Where the otter whistles his mate.
(They fear not men in the woods,
Because they see so few)
You will hear the beat of a horse’s feet,
And the swish of a skirt in the dew,
Steadily cantering through
The misty solitudes,
As though they perfectly knew
The old lost road through the woods. . . . 

But there is no road through the woods.

Dreaming and reality

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Dreams, the Powerful Ways They can Affect Our Realities

 

“We’ve already identified dreams as an amalgamation of new and past memories. Engaging in an activity right before bed is likely to lead to it becoming part of our dreams as it flashes right before our eyes.

Researchers have found an interconnection between activities we dream about and our improved application in the activities. For students, it is recommended to study about a particular topic right before bed in order to aid in the comprehension.

The same can be said to just about any other activity like playing the piano. The harmonious connection in how our minds process music also helps greatly. Doing such activities right before naptime is bound to create an associated feeling of familiarity. Thus, when musicians get to practice, later on, they find that they can easily strum up chords with greater accuracy and pattern as if they were embedded in their nature.

RESEARCHERS

Antti Revonsuo, a neuroscientist at the University of Skovde in Sweden, proposed the Threat Simulation Theory. He argued that the brain tends to prepare for mechanisms to deal with future situations. By reenacting scenes like these in dreams, we get to come up with methodologies to cope with such situations which can be present in real life as well. By doing so, we can stay sharp and focused once we awake.”

Sharp as Shap in winter snow

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Mary cut her own toe nails
With her scissors she won’t fail
Sharp as Shap in winter snow
The scissors have a deadly glow

Today she never combed her hair
It’s so  short  she looks quite bare
Yet despite  her bald long head
She has had some fun in bed

Maybe it was long ago
Never mind, her lover purred
Yes, she married Emile  sweet
This dear cat makes her complete

But what is Emile’s second name?
Is he French  or perhaps germane?
She is Mrs Nom de Plume
Emile saved her from  her doom

Sometimes they ring 999
Her new doorbell is divine
In runs paramedic Dave
See his long curls as they wave

He is wearing a new skirt
With Emile he tries to flirt
But Emile is full of faith
To his new wife who is no wraith

See them eating creme brulee
So that they won’t fade away
One for Mary and Emile
Two for Dave , he had no meal

Here comes Annie with a bat
Look  at this,’twas in my hat
Shall I tell it   Jesus saves
Oh! what ridicule she raised

Bats can never  go to Mass
They are free to sin en masse
Emile likes the Psalms and prayers
At the  parson he will glare

Where is Stan, that dear old man?
He’s  with a whore  in hell, oh damn

Self help and doom

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https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2009/oct/04/sel-help-books-boom-”

But what de Botton calls “elite culture” has, he says, “abandoned a project on which it was engaged for most of human history. English literature, philosophy, history, they used to understand their role as basically being about the nourishment of the soul. But they’ve abandoned that field, leaving the area open to what are largely second-rate minds.””

 

But then we learn

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Trapped in  cultivated  ways ,we may  forget
That usefulness can also be a trap.
Am I the one who never makes a bet?
Am I  the one who always has the map?
We are not automata, we are flesh.
And even older brains can be rewired
Maybe we need to clear  our  boring cache
And light  a few more glowing mental fires.
Reluctance seems  to  cage us with our fear.
Though ,despite our wishes, we all age and die.
Time goes and  the end will soon be here
But  it is never too late just  to try.
It is myself to whom I speak in  form
Anxiety is  fiercer  but we learn.

Part of a letter to a newspaper [ The Guardian,I think]

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“Finding myself as a lone traveller, I couldn’t help but notice your advert “tours curated for the solo traveller” (5 June) and the small print below where it says that “prices are based on two people sharing”.
Bill 
London”

Sue

Can  share with a man I’ve never met as I am a lesbian.On the other hand some men like lesbians….. I think I’ll go back to normal and get married so won’t need solo holidays.Or I’ll stay in the garden reading and eating fruit all week.

My love to you

The erasing of distinctions ,0 and 1
Makes for much confusion and unease
Am I male or female, am I none?
Gender shifts  as sinking sands might seize

The subtle ways  of wisdom are now  ghosts
We fear  we may be wrong and what is where.
The souls of men and women wander lost
How to navigate the deeps without despair.

Swapping places does not end the game
We must  judge from higher states  of mind.
We are not and never shall be same
Yet we fear the words of  blind mankind

“No one is an island” may be true
But how shall I relate my love to you?

Reason cannot teach us how to dance

What time is it, the old man said to me.
Time for  conversation with no fee
We have to pay the therapist to hear
Why we feel we need to live in fear

Friends are better as they know our ways
Know when we are having  a dark day
But everyone is suffering  angst and dread
For God   has gone away  to haunt the dead

The old man prayed when he awoke  to dark
Asking Jesus  for some light, some sparks
But why  wait till the end  is drawing near
And angry ghosts pollute the atmosphere

Enlightenment is what they called it once
But reason cannot teach  us how to dance

Keep that holiday feeling

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https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/sep/03/sad-summers-over-18-ways-to-keep-the-health-humour-and-happiness-of-your-holiday-alive

 

4 Take a detour on your commute

Emrah Düzel, a professor of cognitive neuroscience at University College London, is studying the health benefits of combining novel experiences with physical activity, particularly in relation to dementia and cognitive decline in old age. Combining physical activity with the exploration of novel environments or novel social interactions – even something as simple as walking around a new city – “stimulates a lot of plasticity in the brain”. Think of this as holiday plasticity, which gets lost when we return to work. But even small changes could help to keep that sensation active and let you capitalise on your “new neurons”. Try walking or cycling to work a different way, or leave home early and break your journey for a walk in a park.

The retail park  gave my mind  a great blow

I saw the parts of town where I don’t go
Old factories and shops too large for us
A retail park is different from Soho

The cars don’t respect Sunday any more
The fumes and dirty air  are our new curse
I saw the parts of town where I don’t go

Is it good for children to explore
Too soon their sexuality diverse?
A retail park should be different from Soho

Am I just an old man who deplores
The way   the adverts  make temptation worse
I saw the parts of town where I don’t go

 

We despise  a tart or an old whore
At least they are embodied,reimbursed
A retail park disturbs more than  Soho

 

Clutching my prescription in my purse
My mind was entertained by writing verse
I saw the places where I rarely go
The retail park  gave my mind  a great blow

Three poems on peace and war

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Three poems on peace and war

 

Poems by Adrian Mitchell


Adrian Mitchell was Red Pepper’s ‘shadow poet laureate’.


To all in the so-called defence industry

Arms trade workers, here’s an early warning

You might wake up tomorrow morning

And find that this is the glorious day

When all your jobs will just melt away

Because the people of the world are going to make sure

There’ll be no more, no more, no more war

So now’s the time to switch your occupation

From dealing in death and desolation

Don’t hang around now you’ve been told

The international murder trade’s about to fold

You won’t have to maim, you won’t have to kill,

You can use your brain and use your skill.

Peace needs workers of all kinds-

Make artificial limbs instead of landmines.

Tricycles instead of tridents,

Violins instead of violence,

Lifeboats, hospitals, medicine, drains,

Food and toys and buses and trains-

Come on, there’s plenty of work to be done

If we’re going to make peace for everyone.

_

We all curse here

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I will get 27 pence if you buy this large book .So  read my blog

Where’s your cursor~
Oh,we all curse here.

Is that a vertical rat?
No it’s a sculpture.
Of what?
A vertical rat

I’ve lost my chromebook
Don’t worry, the library has loads
But are they chromes?
Maybe chromosomes
I can’t  type on a chromosome!
Try a fountain pen then

Why  are you sitting on a laptop?
To show it it is not what it thinks

A laptop is nice for humans as well
But you may need a big one

Through my salt, through my grievous assault
On what?
My dinner
It’s not even human
We’re cannibals here, you know.
I never knew that
You are not our type

Bay, Father.
No, it’s dogs that bay
On the moon!

The sea side

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I went to Whitby and asked for fish and chips with no fish.
Why bother to travel all that way just to to eat chips?
It’s the thought that counts, besides my old man loved fish… that is to eat, not to marry.
Whitby had a smokery where they  made kippers.What they made them from I have no idea but my husband liked them
They also had a wonderful pork pie shop.
When I was a child and we went to Blackpool, we passed cafes with pork pies in the windows and I longed with utter depravity to eat one.But we always took sandwiches.Then when my Dad died, we had little pork pies after the Funeral.But did he really need to die just so I could eat a pork pie?
I don’t see any that look edible these days and I am not going to make one.
Sausages are alright though.

Is that you?

The phone rang and a voice said, is that you?
I said, it’s me.
He said, who are you?
I said,I’ve not figured that out yet.
He said, are you  pulling my leg?
I said, I can’t even see your leg!
He said, do you fancy eating owt tonight?
I said, eeh, you’re from Manchester!
But it was just a spelling mistake.
He was trying it on.
Whatever it is

 

 

Living fire

Alone in  my small room ,end-state despair
I wondered what to do ,go here or where?
I tried the doctor and the priest  and then
Knew there was no answer from   a man

I saw in my mind’s eye a  tunnel black
To which I was dead heading on my track
Abject and broken by a lover’s death
By his own hand, he tested out God’s wrath

Then I was  held by  golden  clouds of fire
I felt the  kindest love , the Lord’s desire
The tears ran down my cheeks in one great gush,
Acknowledging acceptance without wrath

And so I  turned  to life and to my work
Pain and torment shall not make me shirk

And forgive us our restlessness

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On “Arrivals” you may   see “Heaven”
Follow not Hell’s flames
Go  sing and hum
When  the manic are dumb
We give will  a wide berth
As it is so self centred
Weave us  new prayers
For our failing hearts
And forgive us our restlessness
As we forgive thus who are restless with us
By rivers and sea shores
On grass and on gravel
On sand and on rocks

Amen
Oh, women
What then?

Still here

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I went into a coffee shop and the waitress said,
Are you still here?
I looked round all the tables and I couldn’t see myself
So I said,No!

I went to the public library and the assistant said
What are you reading now?
So I said,I’m not.

I went to church and  the priest said
How are you?
I said,  I wonder myself what  my mother did.

I  bought a book on Amazon.
It’s not PC.
I wrote it myself.

I went to work and then remembered I have no job
I was making jam in Essex
Tiptree,it is called.
How did I get here,I asked myself
So far there is no reply

The plastic tart

So vertical ,the mouse was a biped
A feat that engineering never bred
He looked into my eyes and then away
As if in wonder what words he might say.

But no, it is a plastic object made
To stop us getting hands that  wildly ache
The little wheel is not for mice’s fun
But with a little turn, the cursor runs

Touchscreens are another recent feat
But touching hearts is good and far more sweet
My heart is open to the sun and frost
What is this life and what might living cost?

No longer living mice and  feeling hearts
No,  sincerely  we must prostitute our art

 

 

“Patience is a superpower”

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http://www.oliverburkeman.com/blog/posts/patience-is-more-than-a-virtue-it-s-a-superpower

 

“And it’s hard to believe this inability to endure discomfort isn’t growing worse, as technology speeds up our lives. It’s more aggravating to wait 30 seconds for a microwave than an hour for an oven – just as it’s worse when a web page takes 10 seconds to load than when the reference librarian tells you it will take three weeks to track down a book. Perhaps it’s because in a world of almost-instant gratification, truly instant gratification starts to seem like our birthright.

Historically speaking, as Roberts points out, patience was a matter of “conforming yourself to the need to wait for things”; it was a way of accepting one’s lack of control over the world. But now we don’t need to wait for most things, patience has become a form of control over the world and, as she puts it, “over the tempo of contemporary life that otherwise controls us”. In this new environment, there’s nothing remotely passive about standing in front of a painting for three hours. On the contrary, it’s a subversive act. On the other side of impatience – if you can learn to wait out that jitteriness – lies power.”

(First published in Guardian Weekend magazine. Photo by Lux & Jourik on Flickr.)

I can’t spell phablet

1.A Christian ,a Jew And a Muslim were walking through the Mall looking for a Coffee Shop.
They found a new one with lots of seats so they went inside and sat down.The Jew went over to the counter and asked, do you serve Cappuccinos?
The waitress answered,not usually, but in your case I’ll make an exception.
And my two friends?
Are they Cappuccinos as well?
Well, they are people of the Book like me.
I’m sorry .I meant to give it back.Are you going to fine me?
No, give us free coffee and we’ll say no more.
2.You know all those Coffee Shops staffed by foreigners?
Yeah.
The Government is going to build 7 meter high walls around them.
So America is going metric at last!
3.How can you tell I am a foreigner?
I’ll just shout.Wanna see a foreigner!
4.Why do we fear Arabs?
Because they invented al-gebra.
5.Why is the Pope a man?
We just have to take his word for it.
6.My husband asked me, what is post-modernism?
I replied, you didn’t need to marry me just to find that out
7.My wife asked, why do my rock buns fly?
I said because I am trying to kill that spider on the ceiling.
8.My son asked me to lend him my car for a week.
I said, it’s alright son, you can neck  right here at home.
What about my Oedipal conflicts?
Use PayPal instead.
9.My daughter has got big blue eyes.
Where did she get those from?
Her grandmother.
Is she dead?
Not yet but Jesus wants her whole heart.
Don’t tell me he does transplants now!
10.I want to go to the lavatory.
They have closed all the public ones.
I should think so.Who wants to be watched all the time?
You’ll have to go in the telephone box.
I only have a Nokia 105.
Didn’t I tell you to get a phablet?
I’m not smart enough to spell that!

The Bedouins, refugees from other times

The Bedouins, refugees from other times
The places were they live are still the same
But other people founded States and took
The deserts where they roamed ,ancestral nooks.

Ther little tents of black on the hillsides
Have not changed from Mediaeval times
But now they are like flies, unwanted guests
Who will know the tremor in their breasts?

Cruel is the heart of humankind,
The Commandments spat on daily by men blind.
The Bedouins of our spirit need to be
Allowed their space, allowed their deserts free

Nomads of the desert,Jesus Christ,
Nomad of the darkness in our minds

My time has come

The fields that once held buttercups are gone
Giant furrows pattern that  long land
Made by huge machines   whose time has come

Precise as  old account books , now forlorn,
As  moving as are waves on desert sand
The fields that once held buttercups have gone

Nothing human-sized remains untorn
Nowhere for dear  lovers hand in hand
Killed by huge machines   whose time has come

But young folk do not court, they hurry on
Annihilating what we elders understand
The fields that once held buttercups have gone

All too rapidly our world’s undone
To the deserts of the heart we’re sent
Dragged by by huge machines   whose time has come

Can no passion change the way nor lend
Creative means to pacify  and  mend?
The fields that once wore buttercups have gone
Ground by huge machines,death times have come

I’m a foreigner, kick me out

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I went to bed with Eamonn.But she wasn’t
I lay down with a lion.What a lamb
I went to the Ladies.What a gent!
I went to an all female college but I’m not
I  thought  I was going mad but it’s only paranoia.It’s normal
I sometimes say to myself, are we still here? Then once I heard  a voice saying,No!
I bought a book.It’s  in invisible ink.What a relief!
The hairdresser said, is it you, again? I said , no, it’s me.
I went to the coffee shop but it was full of foreigners.People from Blackburn,Worcester,Bath,Wells and Bristol.Send them back, London is full.
As for the Irish, send us back  free and then I shall kiss the Blarney Stone
What do you mean,I’m a foreigner? I’m half Viking.
I bought a pen but it has no nib.So what do I dip into the inkwell?
My Anglo Saxon roots are showing

Doris Lessing,cats and me by Vivian Gornick

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Cats, Doris Lessing, and Me

 

Cats, Doris Lessing, and Me

 

 

“Although it remains the lifelong need of these cats not to accommodate me, neither can they bear for me to long forget their existence. They are always with me. Wherever I am, they are. If I am working, one or the other plops herself down on the desk between me and the computer. If I lie down to read, they are both soon sprawled or curled on the bed beside me. Then again, if I’m watching television, there they are: curled on the couch or sprawled on a nearby chair. Of course, they do not remain stationary during the many hours we are together. Sooner or later, one or the other runs into the kitchen for a quick bite of dry food, or circles the room as though on the prowl, or sniffs insistently at her sister’s rear end; whereupon the attention is either accepted or rebuffed and both cats instantly fall to licking and purring or hissing and spitting. I don’t think I’ve ever in my life wondered as much about the mercurial motivation of a living creature’s behavior as I have watching the cats. It runs constantly through my mind: Why do we do what we do when we do it? Why does Cat One lick Cat Two madly for a few seconds, then sink her teeth into her sister’s neck, then raise her head looking wildly suspicious, and flounce away as though she’s been attacked? Why indeed. It’s just like sex, I sometimes think. How many times has a man said to me, ‘Why now, why not an hour ago?’ A question for which I have had as good an answer as the cats would have, should it be asked of them.

I still envy the people I know whose cats drowse in their laps and sleep in their beds, but (to quote the famous alley cat, Mehitabel) what the hell.”

*

The holy grove

A mood of stillness like a nesting dove
A lack of wind, vast silence gives repose
Symbolises blessings from above.

My trees mature now form a holy grove
The sorrow ruling me has been deposed
To give me stillness with the nesting dove

In such moods, there’s space to think, compose.
To learn the ways of energy and love
Symbolised by blessings from above.

In the crowded Mall, the shoppers shove
The special mood of peace  I fear eludes
We lose the sense of silence and the dove

In public life, we quarrel and oppose
We lose the way to  our loved treasure trove
We lose the symbols and the deep repose.

Give me your hand without its heavy glove
As we caress,   we  value human love.
A mood so stilled, oh, fluttering of the dove
No wind to destroy peace nor rain to flood