Daily Mirror Joke

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
No, that is not funny enough.They must be lacking in knowledge

But then would you write for a like writing for a window…. you can write on my mirror, though,if you want as long as you do mirror writing
ie you start on the right and go left.Then when I see it I will know everything

Build me a mirror at my gate

And call me up on the phone in my house

So I can  slip off

and look at myself….

Maybe better in the bathroom

There is “The Writing on The Wall” but where’s that wall?

And the game is up.

We know what you are after.. but what are you before?

What can we be for?

A little town

A man passed by the cottage with a horse
Leading it around  on a  short rope
The horse was  happy  though its coat was coarse
A man passed by the cottage with a horse
He said  it  will resist  and must be forced
To  go back  home for freedom is its hope
A man passed by the cottage with a horse
Leading it around  on a  short rope

Castleacre built from ruined  choir
The monumental Abbey  wild men  broke
The people built their houses, lit their fires
Castleacre built from ruined  choir
Thomas Cromwell fell into the mire
He was executed not by fire
Beheaded and uncovered without smoke
Castleacre built from ruined  choir
The Abbey  and its beauty strong men  broke

Now the town is peaceful  and remote
A piper played  as  round the ruin we walked
In a  little postcard love I wrote
As the town is peaceful  and remote
In a   river in the valley  float
Bits of paper,billets doux or jokes
The remnants of the castle have no moat
We stood to gether with no need to talk
Now the town is peaceful  and remote
A piper played  as  round the ruin we walked

 

 

Thus with this spirit,I my spirit wed

epimedium-domino

As on this foreign shore I stand and stare
Across the green and foaming tidal sea.
I do not wonder whether life is fair
Nor whether what’s to come is what should be
.
The hinterland is not a wishful dream
Whatever I meet there is all itself
So useless are past thoughts and present schemes
My courage,heart and spirit are my wealth.
Although alone,I sense some being close
Whom I accept as guide and friend to me.
To walk with otherness is not my boast.

It’s he who guides and shows me how to see.

Thus with this spirit,I my spirit wed
As close to me as in a marriage be

Online article titles [real]

baking blur breakfast chocolate
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Why your vagina shrinks at  menopause and what you can do  about it [Don’t ask ]

How to handle things.[what sort ?}

Why  or how your finger length  reveals your gender [Surely easier just to look at the bosom/ chest?}

Which microwave to buy
[Making  unstated assumptions;some of us either have none or may have stolen one]

Why you need both metal and silicon whisks
[I thought it was breasts just for a moment; now there’s an idea]

Why you need to keep  lots of frozen pasta in your kitchen
[Try turning off the radiator first and checking the ovens]

Which  six cookery books are the best?
[Look up restaurants on your smartphone  instead] I wonder how many this person has checked.I find ones written for catering colleges are better and cheaper.

Why you should never take  a bath

[I find a handbag is quite sufficient].

How to  entertain at home. [Fall out of bed?]

How to keep your husband happy [Freeze him?]

Why you should never forget your wedding anniversary
[Am I married?]

How to have the best number of children
[ Yes, it’s all under our total control]

How to keep your teeth  super clean [Stop eating and die?]

Are you bored of sex?
[No,I’m bored of London]

How to cure loneliness.
[Buy a microwave and some cookery books]

How to get your bounce back
[Buy a dunlopillo mattress?]

Should you take vitamins?
[Where to?]

How Julie Myerson writes

 

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/dec/30/julie-myerson-my-writing-day

 

“The author and columnist on her powers of concentration, the importance of Pilates and the trials of co-existing with an inquisitive tabby cat

Julie Myerson … I need to be able to lose myself when I am writing.
 Julie Myerson … ‘I need to be able to lose myself when I am writing.’ Illustration: Alan Vest

Iwrote my first novel at evenings and weekends, with an office job, two babies and another one on the way. I also had debilitating back pain and often had to lie down on the floor between paragraphs. I now wonder how I did it (a husband untroubled by childcare is the honest answer). These days it’s all very different but it still feels like the biggest luxury, to be allowed to think, write and work exactly when and how I want to. The only non-negotiable is twice weekly Pilates: if I didn’t stretch my body seriously and regularly, I don’t think I’d be able to sit and write.

Otherwise, my requirements are straightforward: a desk, a good chair, a screen and a door that shuts. I do need quiet (right now the bell ringers are rehearsing at the church next door and it’s not ideal). I also need it to be daytime – I’ve never been able to write a coherent word after about 6.45pm.”

Read it all by clicking the link

Not a clerihew

I went to university to study mathematics
The performance of my teachers was  boring not ecstatic
So then I   went to London to earn a little money
While living with my husband who as usual smelled of honey
Then we went to Portland Bill to study rocks and seaside forms
I took to writing poetry because I love the sound of rhymes
I would have preferred lyrics  of  the Leonard Cohen Anthem type
But  when he died  I grieved and wept, too late for us to meet on Skype
What a sad old life it is  when Donald Trump  builds up more walls
So sound the trumpet and ram’s horn, like Jericho  the walls will fall.
Oh,Lord.

Attention must be paid to each small thing

The air feel still and cool and nothing moves
The birds  have disappeared and do not sing.
Life  feels distant, love’s in interlude

As we age  when health  and wit we lose
What new  learning may our own life  bring?
The air feel still and cool and nothing moves

Are we present to  the life we choose?
Attention must be paid to each small thing
Life  feels distant,  heart feels un-renewed

Like the dough we must be left to rise
The hidden power of yeast the flour shall wring
Minute yet powerful,  how the grains collide

Hidden in the dark ,what myriad eyes
Insects scurry, wasps to nettles cling
Life  feels distant, lovers lost are rued

Now  we feel the breath of a small wind
A whispering voice, the holy dove descends
The air feel still and cool and nothing moves
Consoled by  darkness, we await its clues.

Seeing visions,hearing  that small voice

Were we created for the Shopping Malls
Or to ponder over weight and belly bold?
If  God approached would humans hear his call
As prophets did  in mystic days of old?

Seeing visions,hearing  that small voice
May be possible no longer while we spend.
 We look for  good advice on  what is choice
Not rosaries but money  fills the hand?

Instead of tenderness, below, above
We hope to find love handcuffed on the rug.
And  promises are lost as well as vows.
Vibrating dildos  surround us  like black  bugs.

The sacred has been hidden, we are  half disgraced.
We ignore our lowness and ignore the holy face

Visions serve us well

Depending on our power, we may be blessed
Hallucinations entertained and self confessed
Fill our world with wonder and delight
Unless our mind is filled with hateful spite

Seeing  the  Golden Light  may give us hope
Unless we are in Blackpool full of dope
Feeling warmth may comfort us at night
Unless a cigarette set us alight

Hearing soft sweet voices is  a change
When one is alone but not deranged
Love your spirits and you will be safe
Hatred cultivated   ruins hope

If we are kind and wish no-one ill
We live  well within the sacred will

Conative?

michelangelo-pieta-590x615https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/conative

Extract:

conative

adjective

UK  /ˈkɒn.ə.tɪv/ US  /ˈkɑː.nə.t̬ɪv/ specialized

connected with a wishintention, or effort to do something:

There is a long-established distinction in psychology between cognitive and conative aspects of behaviour.
If we wish to describe the whole person, conative aspects must be included.

Leaves dry and crack, the acers seem to burn.

The season alters imperceptibly;
No  point  exact which demonstrates  the turn.
Yet soon come changes which our eyes can see
Leaves dry and crack, the acers seem to burn.

And so it is with human beings too.
Each day our loved one looks the same to us
And yet their body alters like leaves do.
Small changes made with neither noise nor  fuss.

We change into  transparent ghosts of self
Thus totter down the avenue of life
Soon death approaches with  its common stealth.
And separates  the husband  and the wife.

In winter all is black and we despair
Yet  deep in earth,worms  silently repair

Tulip fever

https://bulletin.hds.harvard.edu/articles/springsummer2019/tulip-fever

 

Tulip Fever

Adrie Kusserow
Each spring, when the sun finally dragged its paw
across the mangy, battered meadows, I’d wander,
light starved into the 1,000 tulips my Dutch
father planted, just as they opened their gaping
red and purple jaws. What an indulgence,
the farmers said, as they bitterly whacked the caked
manure off their black rubber boots. Still,
how I loved the tulips with such desperate hunger. In their presence,
my brain began its frantic hunt, ravenous
pounce, an almost violent pecking of metaphors,
similes flocking in like a murder of crows. For it
was in the ritual of perfect description I thought
I could be closest to them: Burning Hearts, lipstick streaked,
brazenly splaying their thighs. Queens of the Night,
standing aloof, regal rococo ruffles the color of eggplant.
Orange flames of the Fire Parrot black-beaked and wild,
guzzling wells of ink down their necks. Double
fringed white Angeliques, like a whole squawk of geese
flapping and nipping toward sky. The giant red Darwins,
shiny clawed lobsters, underbellies bulging and blue veined. 

And yet it was a kind of torture to be separate from the tulips.
Hoping to swallow their beauty whole, I sucked on a petal, a mammoth
white lobe bringing nothing but a gagging fake communion.
Meanwhile, the squawking in the birdcage of my mind continued.
The shame and lunacy of it all. Didn’t I have
enough? Think of the farmers, forced to sell
their land, watching TV in the stuffy heat
of their trailers where I sheepishly delivered bouquets (on orders
from my father). As if this could make up for our glaring wealth,
I yelled at him one day. I didn’t know
that something mute and elemental would open,
as I sat throat deep in that field, and let the tulips
be, a kind of quiet softening in the bed
of my mind, that I would come to cherish for even
five or six seconds, when all the crows stopped pecking
and all the tender beauty of my father’s
last crop, by now pockmarked with such
desperate description, finally stopped bleeding.

Adrie Kusserow, MTS ’90, is Professor of Cultural Anthropology at St. Michael’s College in Vermont. She has had two books of poetry (Hunting Down the Monk and REFUGE) published by BOA Editions as part of their New American Poets Series. Her poems have been published in Best American PoetryThe Kenyon ReviewPrairie SchoonerThe SUN, and elsewhere.

Pieta

To the mother holding her own son
His body dehydrated ,drained and dead
Who can imagine her emotion?

I feel  in my own depths , vibration  stuns
Though I lost the one I had once wed
Grieving with  the mother and her son

On this night ,the ambulance had gone
Woe had pierced me , drawn my blood
I  could never have imagined  what  began

Forgive my  hubris, my comparison
Mary’s pain eluded me till led
To mourn like she’d already done

The Passions wild and painful   were all done
Whether in the Garden or the Bed
I had not dreamed of such emotion

I heard the still small voice  and what it said
Despite  the hollows of my heart were filled with dread
With the mother weeping  on her son
Help us hold  our loss  until we’re done

 

 

 

A man waits, sleepless, anxious and unsure

In the Garden of  Gethsemane
A man waits, sleepless, anxious and unsure
Wanting to escape his destiny
From the Garden of  Gethsemane
Oh,Lord,oh God, have mercy upon me
Save me from the world’s barbarity.
Make my heart and motives clean and pure
In that Garden of  Gethsemane
Jesus sleepless, anxious, has endured

His human Cross

If God was murdered why should he help me?
He hung, an abject figure ,on the Cross
Some have labelled it a holy tree
If God was murdered why should he help me?
No-one can deny what all can see
From the Romans he could not be free
Thus the world endured his final loss
If God was murdered why should he help me?
He died forsaken on his  human Cross

Why I buy books from Amazon

I like  to go into Waterstone’s here but they do not sell more than a couple of books on computing/Windows/how  to do x y z/
They have no books about how to write poetry nor any other related topics
They have no lift.The shop is overcrowded with little tables
WH Smith’s manager told me to “shop online” when I  asked if he had a chair.They do have more computer related books and art books
I can’t travel into  a big city on the off chance I might find what I want.Time,pain, money
Amazon sellers often have old/second hand books on literary topics, politics and history and philosophy
I regret bookshops closing.What can we do?

 

Love in a mist

Western Scotland ‘s covered in sea mists
While Southern England dreams in  fragrant  heat
Today some Scottish  sweethearts kissed and kissed
In Western Scotland enjoying deep mist
While lovers touch their lips to inner wrists
Promoting in their hearts enlivening zest
Making love both holy and complete
Western Scotland bears the sea’s unrest
While Southern England’s racked by  Brexit’s heat

Emile climbs up the cupboard

Stan was happy for a few moments when he woke up.Then he realized Emile was nowhere to be seen.Mary had already gone out as she wanted to catch a very early train to London.She needed to visit the British Library.She  wanted to find evidence that Wittgenstein wore a hat in bed.
Stan went searching around the house but Emile had vanished.Usually at 8 am he would be dashing about pretending to chase flies and giving a balletic performance worthy of Sadler’s Wells.
I wonder who Sadler was, Stan muttered as he filled the kettle with fresh water and put some Earl Grey tea into the teapot.
Then, a strange feeling came over him.He looked up and there was Emile
crouched on top of the highest cupboard in the kitchen.
Emile, he cried, What are you doing up there?
I’m training to be a spy, Emile replied nonchalantly.
But how could this kitchen be of interest to the Intelligence Services?
Well, the cat murmured, I am practicing hiding.
You gave me a terrible shock, Stan said.I had this feeling I was being watched.I wondered if it was paranoia.Then I saw your gleaming eyes.
So, you need to get some dark glasses, Emile said.
No ,I would still feel that horrible feeling.And how were you planning to get down from that high ledge?
I’m not sure, the cat miaowed faintly
Well, the first lesson for a spy or even a detective is,
Never go anywhere unless you can make a quick exit,
As it is ,I may have to ring 999.
Just then the front doorbell rang.There stood a man with a white beard and moustache.
Hello ,he said holding out his hand to shake Stan’s.
I am called Peter Fried.I have just moved into one of the new flats across the road.I am a psychoanalyst.I have taken on another flat to use as a consulting room and a waiting room
A psychoanalyst! Do we need one round here? Well, Good morning, I have just brewed some tea.Would you like to join me?
How kind, said Peter.
I say, old bean, did you know there’s a cat on top of your cupboard?
Yes, that is Emile.Today he has surpassed himself in wickedness.How I will get him down I don’t know.
My training analyst used to say, What goes up must eventually come down.
That seems a bit weird for an analyst.To what was he referring… something to do with sex I don’t doubt.It’s all sex with you people.
Yes, some of us are very peculiar…that’s why we enter the profession.
What I meant was, if Emile got up he can get down.How did you get up, Emile?
I leaped, answered the tense animal.
Can you leap down?
I’ve lost my nerve, replied the poor creature softly.
Well, as it happens, being a therapist, I always carry few spare nerves with me.I’ll climb up this step ladder and pass you a new nerve.
And without waiting, Peter climbed the ladder.He put his hand into his pocket and pulled out a golden thread.
Here you are,Emile, Catch this in your claw.
Emile caught the golden thread and wrapped it around his neck.
Can you leap down now? enquired Stan.
Emile leaped down and landed in a bowl of hot water in the sink.
It’s a good thing I wasn’t making chips, laughed Stan hysterically
Come here, Emile and let me dry you on this old towel.He put Emile
in front of the fire and he and Peter drank mugs of Earl Grey tea.
I have got a mistress, Stan told Peter.
Well, do you want therapy for your conflict?
Oh,no.I’m far too old for therapy or indeed for a  mistress. She likes helping a man,making tea, typing notes, calculating averages and calling the ambulance.. you know what I mean.She likes the paramedic, Dave ás well.
Is she not married?
No , her husband fell into the wheelie bin during the night and alas he was taken away with the rubbish.
That is a strange story.Are you certain?
No, it could be he grew tired of her and ran away.Then she invented this story,
Well , this may be a quiet suburb but I can see there is plenty of material here for me to write my next book:
Deceptive appearances and the fascination of apparent dullness.
Oh, that sounds very unusual.
Well, I’ve never believed in true dullness.There is always a story.
See, I’ve just met you a man of 98 yet you have a wife, a mistress and a crazy cat.. and I’ve only been here for one day.Imagine 6156119_f260
what else I may discover here.
They heard a siren.
Oh, no!We’ve not even rung 999 and here is the ambulance….
Mary will be so angry.You see Dave is bisexual
My goodness, are you having an affair with him.
No way, shouted Stan.My life is tough enough already.He can be bisexual or even trisexual but I’m not interested.
What does trisexual mean, enquired Emile.
I have no idea but I thought it sounded good, admitted Stan.
Peter stood up.
I think I’d better go home and start to see my patients.
Now Emile, put your nerve somewhere safe.We don’t want you to lose it again.
Thank you, darling cried Emile.I think I’ve formed an erotic transference with you already.
Peter rushed out.
Is it me or is it them?he wondered.
I thought it would be quiet here on the edge of Knittingham but I think now wherever you are there will always be something unexpected happening.But I hope Emile will not begin to follow me around.I shall have to buy a lady cat and then Emile might fall in love with her instead.So off Peter went whistling a Bach cello suite and wondering how to cope with life in a suburb.. clearly it was not as dull as he had imagined.