Are you worried that you’ll suffer starvation?

Are you one of the poor of our nation?

There is pi in the sky

God only knows why

Mathematics is no good for emotion.

At the end of the month we were short

Our money had got very taut

Instead of a roast

We tried baked frogs on toast

Now we’re both feeling stunned and  remote

I can’t say I love a red pepper

And my husband prefers unsmoked kippers

But we all have to eat

Try cows heels or their feet

And just keep your lip a bit stiffer.

I am glad I can pay income tax

When I have paid it I love to relax.

So I must go out to work

I’m an MP, see me smirk

I won’t up your tax that’s a fact

Teacher why have you brought a cat to school?

So he can learn to read

He can’t even talk.

I’m not going to get him to read out loud..

Why have you brought a frog to school,

Because I was coming to school when I found him.

Well don’t come to school via the Bullring tomorrow

Teacher to girl why have you got a curtain ring on your finger?

It won’t fit on my toe

Why have you got a hat on in the classroom?

I wear it outside as well.

Are you Jewish?

I’m not sure but I thought I’d practise the rituals

Surely your parents must know whether you’re Jewish.

They’ve not been speaking for the last 10 years.

The should go to a marriage guidance counsellor.

They’ve not got married yet.

And how old are you?

I must be at least 9 months.

If you were 9 months old you wouldn’t be able to talk.

There’s always a first time for everything.

But you’d be a newborn baby.

Can’t they talk?

Have you never seen a newborn baby?

Yes I have seen them when my mother gives birth and she says to them I’ll never have sex again.

And what do they say?

It’s too late now