Day: April 20, 2024

True medical comments from doctors to each other with one or two additions invented by me

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•Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

Faking life. Certified as dead.

Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
• She is numb from her toes down

This man wanted his own bed so I told him he could have it for £100 cash.

By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better.
• Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
• On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
• She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
• The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
• Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing.
• I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.
• The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
• Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
• Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
• The patient refused an autopsy.
• The patient has no past history of suicides.
• Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
• The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
• She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
• The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary oedema at home while having sex, which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.
• The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
• The patient was in his usual state of good health until his aeroplane ran out of gas and crashed.
• When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room

Geese and God

I remember all the humorous things we did
Peering into windows lit by lamps
Climbing cliffs then chased by geese and dog

Walking down from Redcar, sea so still
After Saltburn Pier, the cliffs high jump
I remember all the funny things we did

Wandering Whitby in a sea grey smog
Eating a pork pie cut into lumps
Climbing cliffs then chased by geese and dog

Old Hunstanton , white sands where we’d sit
The wild spikes of the gorse spread out unclamped
I remember all the colours,scents, and that

I feel the joy inside my heart is lit
Woe is leavened by old nature’s stamp
Climbing high then chased through mud by dogs

We see in shadows shades are not so stark
In Studland Bay astonished by skylarks
I remember all the humour and the love
Climbing cliffs then caught by geese and God

1We were chased by geese in Devon after climbing a cliff.No doubt chased by a man after we peered into his garden

Open your legs. Friday night in the hospital

This is what I heard three members of the staff shouting at the woman in the next bed to me at 11:30 p.m. last night

Then they were shouting,you have to move through a different ward

The kept shouting open your legs etc for about 20 minutes and I understand the reason was that they want to change her nappy before they move her to a new ward. But she is not in a private place she was in award with ceiling appeal who could all hear what was going on and obviously the staff didn’t care about it

I don’t suppose this is common throughout the hospital it may have just be one or two people who needs some kind of training because it’s not natural for women to open their legs easily . Maybe that’s the wrong way of describing it maybe we’ll culturally condition to be modest and and careful and we are blamed if we open our legs too much or too easily.

Of course I have no other witnesses because of the two people one of those is also being moved and unless little don’t want to be involved in making complaints etc

But it’s necessary because these people need more training you can ask someone quietly to explain to them what you’re doing we want to change your nappy you’ll need to open your legs of it for us and let’s just gently pull it out.

Nice clean one here.. you feel better now you’re going to go to a different wars which will be nicer than  this ward.

At the same time I feel vulnerable for talking about this because I am feeling very ill and I can’t walk easily. I’m on steroids and they make me feel terrible I think I could have killed somebody yesterday and I never felt like this before it’s very hard trying to hook control the feelings

Shouting at old people frightens them and therefore makes the more defensive and looks nice 1130.

If you frighten  people it makes them defensive and therefore less likely to cooperate with you.

When I was teaching I did not raise my voice and shout the principles of mathematics to a stupid student because first of all the students were not stupid. And secondly .. it shows that you are too stupid yourself to explain this clearly to the students in

In other words if you have to shout it’s a sign of failure of communication. And that’s lack of intelligence and thoughts and that lack of training as well.