A fur anklet

photo1408

To be or not to be is ok.What concerns me is to light the fire or not.I had to wash my hair in the kitchen because I was expecting someone to come to the door.I couldn’t see some shampoo I had there so I used Persil Silk and Wool.I am sad my hair was damaged by untreated  low thyroid but really all I care about is how my  head feels.After a couple of days  my hair looks lank and  feels dismal.Still itb is very short so I can wash it quickly.I am meant to have it cut soon but as the weather gets colder I miss the long hait I used to have.
I wonder whether to dye it brown as  men take you more seriously then.But what or whom would they be taking seriously? For what? Perhaps bottle green is better.
It’s like varnishing your nails/Once the hair or nails grow the  roots are showing in the natural colour.Mine might be blonde or it might be white.Like Helen Mirren’s.But she will have a good hairdresser.
I once went into Toni and Guy.The lady leaned over the counter and whispered.
It’s £.45
I know,I said.I wonder what I was wearing or whether my husband was ill and I looked grey.Anyway I didn’t like the music.They put stuff on your hair.I don’t like it.Maybe I will get the scissors and cut it off like a man I used to know [ not Biblically ].It’s easier for men although I could take to wearing a hat or scarf or some Muslim headgear.As my neighbour remarked:

You would not have got cancer if you were wearing the veil,as it were.

And I do think the clothes they wear are very sensible if you live in a hot climate with sand blowing about.Which it is getting like here.But it’s dirt not sand
I made a  list
1 Put socks on
2 Put lightweight padded coat on
3 Put heating on.
4 Get out the fleece sleeping bag liner… and get inside it.
5 Put feet in some hot water.

I found an imitation fur scarf thing and I have got that on.I feel warmer.I need a fur anklet set.

How is the world now ruled by the debased?

The empty tomb is here inside my house
Not entire and not destroying all
This space  where used to dwell  my  loving spouse

The consolation is   bitter excuse
The loss of  love, my future state appals.
The empty tomb is here inside my house

As I live, to whom am I of use?
Where is the voice that to my heart will call?
A space  where used to speak  my  loving spouse

There is no resurrection for  our race;
But from the nuclear threat we each recoil.
The empty tomb is here inside my house

How is the world now ruled by the debased?
Are we redeemed  ever from our  Fall?
I miss  exchanges with my thoughtful  spouse

Must we build  more iron  prison walls?
How bitter, Jesus,  is the human  bile.
The empty tomb is here inside my house.
This space  where we  mused,spouse to spouse

 

So dust to dust and ash to ash,oh lord
Let us mourn without more wrath,discord

 

 

 

Kiss me now

 
Trees so tall their
wind turned branches stroke the air.
leaves still green,
still stretching sunward
will burn red and gold soon.
 
Wood pigeons cause a flurry
by the birdbath,
as I pass they indicate surprise
with strange cries.
 
Look up at the sky,
it’s blue again
no clouds.
a silver plane flies north,
are people looking down at us?
 
If only love made time last;
would like this morning
to be longer,
for our turning earth
to pause for a moment.
 
How dear you are to me.
I stretch my hand
to touch you,
as if you are a leaf
bathed in light.
no shadows on your face,
no shadows in your eyes
but smiling with the beauty
seen by those who love.
come kiss me now ,my dove.

Radio 3 is playing far away.

Radio 3 is playing far away
Volume low enough to suit a mouse.
I look around the room,I think I’ll stay

The sun it shines,the wind with shrubs  still plays
I see it from  each window of the house
Radio 3 still playing far away

 

I’m writing with a pen from off E bay
Because the other pen  forgot to bounce
I look around the room,I think I’ll stay

Twenty five revisions just today
My mind is like a tiger fit to pounce
Radio 3  is playing far away

I see a denim coat that’s subtly frayed
Bring my mind back to the present joust
I look around the room,I want  to stay

To all the spirits of the house, a toast
For helping when this heart  felt like a roast.
Radio 3 is playing far away.
I look around the room,I think I’ll stay

 

 

 

 

The truth of grief is always in arrears

Early in the morning  I’m in bed
What shall I do  with all the time I’m here?
If time could stop,I’d live  outside my head

I hear  the footsteps daily of the dead
I  can see the face I love in tears
Early in the morning , I’m in bed

I need to get a  needle and a thread
To mend the rips  made by my metal tears.
If time could stop,I’d live  outside my head

I want  perspective on the stuff  I’ve read
About the winds of sorrow, how they veer.
Early in the morning , I’m in bed

I feel I am not whole  just glued up shreds
The truth of grief is always in arrears
If time could stop,I’d live  outside my head

The pain of loss is like an iron that sears
Over and again down all the years
Early in the morning , still in bed.
If time would stop,I’d live  without a head

 

 

 

 

Cyclamen crawl onto table… tweet,tweet.

IMG_0110.JPG

Did you know that a full bladder makes your blood pressure rise? I expect it’s the strain of not wetting yourself.Wish we were animals so we  could just do it anywhere we liked.
And excitement makes  BP go up.It seems lying in a bath all day and peeing into the water might cure your high blood pressure, but what is the point if you can’t lead a normal life?
It’s like my handbag.What with GTN, aspirin and  kleenex.Keys,purse, 3 mobile phones,camera and  lipstick,mobile phone charger,tape measure,scissors and nail  file I  can hardly lift it up.And luckily I can’t put  mascara on owing to my vision,so  that cuts it down a bit.At least now we can leave the photo album at home.
Anyway going back to BP , don’t drink much.You see blood is mainly water and  a full  bladder is bad for BP… so don’t drink.You can lick your lips but that’s it.And the cure for most other ills is death.
Strange isn’t it? Would they let you go on the NHS? My husband died in A and E so  he was not registered as being in the hospital A and E is like Purgatory.
It’ s neither heaven nor hell but maybe a bit like both of them.I wish they made better tea.And gave  wives food when they were with a dying husband.Mind you, they gave him a good meal one hour before he died.If it had not been fish /i would have eaten it myself.
It’s the eyes on dead fish I don’t like.And they lie there so vulnerable with no legs to run away and no eye lids either.And their skin is very thin.Why God made them like that is hard for me to guess.Not to mention  why the Holocaust, the British Empire, Donald Trump and sago pudding with no jam and   ball point pens.It’s a funny world, isn’t it ?

Did you know…..

one-forgives-to-the-degree-that-one-loves-quote-1Did you see that coats with very long sleeves are in fashion?I mean,like 18 inches too long!And then Victoria Beckham wa wearing a coat massively too big and I thought, “what luck.”
You see I bought a coat online and it is enormous.I was going to send it back but I see  I must wear it.The problem is I live in a pretty ordinary area where people won;t know about trends.So they will think I am crackers!
Unless I wear it with beige or light pink leggings and a crop top… and leave the oat undone.Otherwise I might be searched by the police in case someone from Europe is hiding inside it trying to get into  some place forbidden except to  Brits!
Let’s hope they don’t do some of the things we read about.I mean I am quite big but my sexual organs are not large enough to hide even a thin model who   is seeking asylum.If this goes on I’ll be in the asylum.It shows us how sinful  we really are, wearing over sized coats while people are having to listen to Mr Trump  and follow his tweets.
I mean,I could hardly believe all these politicians tweeting at 3 am.Why are they not with beautiful creatures like cats and dogs.Sharing their bed…I]Or even a teddy bear.It makes you think.Well I’d like to think but my mind is blank
We used to look up to some political leaders  but now Mrs Netanyahu is being tried for  not making the right sort of cake  for her husband.It’s very important, you know.A man needs cake every day otherwise he’ll go blind.Thinks…. is this the answer? Lack of cake.I know you can buy them but you don’t get to lick the bowl.I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t licked the bowl on Saturdays
I must be losing weight,my watch is too loose.It’s not trendy to wear a watch but when you keep your phone up your knicker leg  a watch seems a good idea.Where can you buy those knickers with pockets? They were really handy.I used to love threading elastic round the legs  with a safety pin.And to think if it were now I’d be on my IPad watching  Open University lectures on You Tube.
I am puzzled about how people afford iPads.Maybe my pension is smaller tham I imagined.Would you pay £700 for an iPhone? You could have bought a house for that when I was young.
It’s chick pea curry tonight.With pasta not rice.I am so contrary,I have fried bread every day and  ~I even buy it ready fried with mashed potato in the Supermarket.That makes me blink

As close to me as in a marriage bed

As on this foreign shore I stand and stare
Across the green and foaming tidal sea.
I do not wonder whether life is fair
Nor whether what’s to come is what should be
.
The hinterland is not a wishful dream
Whatever I meet there is all itself
So useless are past thoughts and present schemes
My courage,heart and spirit are my wealth.
Although alone,I sense some being close
Whom I accept as guide and friend to me.
To walk with otherness is not my boast.

It’s he who guides and shows me how to see.

Thus with this spirit,I my spirit wed
As close to me as in a marriage be

In our trial

The sun umbrella keeps the washing  dry
As dark clouds weep  onto this angry isle
The garden’s still and no birds want to fly

The summer sinks and autumn  enters wry.
The media  are full of truth and bile
The sun umbrella keeps the washing  dry

I sit and look and do not want to sigh
For there is beauty of another style
The garden’s still and no birds seem to fly

When bad things happen, people wonder why
Yet we are humans evil  hearts beguile.
The sun umbrella keeps the washing  dry

In  our temptations, envy seems to grow
Yet those we watch  may suffer even more.
The garden’s still and no birds seem to fly

The rules that kept us social have expired
And so we rage at others in our trial.
The sun umbrella keeps the powder  dry.
The gardens  dead  and no birds ever fly

 

 

 

If we can’t get what we like, we must like what we have.

Imagination and opinion are pre-eminently to be classed among the things which are within our power. There is a familiar adage: If we can’t get what we like, we must like what we have. The Stoics held the same view, though on a somewhat higher plane. Instead of lamenting because we cannot change our lot, let us learn to love it. Happiness and unhappiness are, to a great extent, matters of imagination and opinion. (Baudouin & Lestchinsky, 1924, p. 45)

“Beware of aggravating your troubles yourself ” Seneca

photo1337

” The following lines, written by Seneca, seem to be drawn from a modern treatise on psychotherapy: “Beware of aggravating your troubles yourself and of making your position worse by your complaints. Grief is light when opinion does not exaggerate it; and if one encourages one’s self by saying, ‘This is nothing,’ or, at least, ‘This is slight; let us try to endure it, for it will end,’ one makes one’s grief slight by reason of believing it such.” And, further: “One is only unfortunate in proportion as one believes one’s self so.”

Paul Dubois

There’s something in their gaze so enigmatic

There’s something in the silence of the statues
Like Bach played very quietly and true
That sends a human soul into a rapture
And stops us wondering what  we ought to do.

There’s something in their gaze so enigmatic
With peaceful hearts, they share their marble eyes
That now and then  dear  life becomes ecstatic
Until the special time will fade and die.

 

They’re proud and humble at the same quiet moment
Nothing  can be gained by attitude
Nothing can gained by smiling assent
Nothing  over which we humans brood.

And so goodbye to all the rumination,
All the to and fro of argument
For this is now a  silent  dislocation
From what we said and what we really meant

Emile sharpens his claws

11934957_613825765423972_5235804970896617712_ 2n

Mary was at the dentist’s wearing her sea blue lightly padded coat and a pair of red boots.She looked down at herself and wondered why she had stopped wearing dull, dark clothing.She sat languidly in the waiting room sipping water from a machine nearby.
Suddenly the TV on the wall showed a picture of the Prime Minister holding Donald Trump’s hand.
Are they getting married, Mary wondered?
Theresa May stepped forward and said, My husband and I …. oh, sorry.I am calling a Genital Erection in June.
A man rushed forward and took Mrs May away before the News Reader informed the world that A General Election was to be held in June but the PM would not be debating about anything live on TV.
Thank God, for that Mary thought.Although she might say a few rude and thrilling words befoe being carried out;it would be less boring.After the Referendum most Britons were fed up with politics and all the arguments.
Mary said to the nurse: It would be my husband’s birthday tomorrow but he died two years ago.
The door had been opened and the doctor’s head receptionist was rushing in
It is not two years, she shouted at Mary.My husband died before yours.
I didn’t realise you wanted me to say it is one year 10 months and two weeks plus a few hours and minutes since he died, Mary informed her gently..She opened her green leather briefcase and took out a tape recorder
.Would you like to say it again, she continued.And maybe explain why it matters to you.After all it is not a competition.We might have shared our feelings and our sorrow instead of arguing.
Emile, Mary’s cat came into the room followed by Annie her late husband’s mistress.
Why are you here? Mary enquired gratefully.
Emile had a  premonition that someone might be rude to you and  he has sharpened his claws.As I have.
Indeed Annie’s nails were painted red and filed into  sharp points almost like a cat’s.
Well, this lady has been shouting at me but I don’t understand why she is angry that I had not calculated the number of minutes it is since Stan died.The receptionist looked very sad and rushed away.
Maybe she has nobody to talk to, Emile miaowed.She needs a cat but I am not moving to her house.I love where I am
Thank you , Emile, Annie said.Tears had come to her eyes thinking of the two widows confronting each other instead of comforting.Her green eyeshadow and eye cream ran at an acute angle down her cheeks as her head was on one side.
It was so beautiful, Mary took a photo of Annie with her Windows phone.
Where is that pink and green  mascara from, she asked
It is by Leibnitz and Newton of  Bury St Edmunds and Harris.
What, live nits ? Emile purred,
It’s German, Annie said.Is it “love not”?
Do they really make it in Harris? I don’t mean love I mean make up
Yes, it’s that green stuff that grows on rocks on the seashore.
Yes, the rocks can’t  roll so they do gather moss.
Can’t you get moss at home?
Maybe, but I like the chemist.He looks like Leonard Cohen.I loved him, you know
I am so sad he has died but he would not like the USA nowadays.He might get pushed off an aeroplane and have his nose broken.It’s a risk going over there now.Seems the cats are out of all the bags nowadays.
And so say all of us

I’m so truthful I just have to lie.

I’ve got another UTI
Sometimes I feel I might die
The pain when I wee
Is not good for me
I’m so truthful I just have to lie.

My brain’s  muddled up like a ditch
I feel l  must look like a witch
The confusion’s amusin’
The cat loves allusion
But someone keeps queering my pitch.

 

I’ve had 37 Nitrofurantoin pills
But they don’t seem to cure that what ails.
I need something broader
And of a higher order.
UTI’s   try everyone’s will.

Faith Without Works Is Dead [seems sensible to me even for atheists]

Trees
Trees

James 2:14-26New King James Version (NKJV)

Faith Without Works Is Dead

14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

18 But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your[a] works, and I will show you my faith by my[b]works. 19 You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! 

All that washing

IMG_0110

After reading some articles about how often women wash their clothes,it seems w might be  our own worst enemies.Just because we have washing machines we can wash our clothes every day.However that generates ironing.I shudder to think how much ironing a family of four would generate if they all have clean clothes every 1 or 2 days.Blouse,T shirts maybe.?Underwear,yes.But all the rest.Seems like burden to me.Let’s get more dirty.Don’t do excessive amounts of cleaning and washing,

How often should you wash your clothes?

img_0098http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3633664/How-REALLY-wash-clothes-Guide-reveals-number-times-dodge-laundry-basket-skirts-s-seven-wears.html

 

For one item I thought it said:Every 5 or 6 years

But it was wears!

 

Trousers and skirts: After five to seven wears

Parkas and vests: Two times a season [Vests must mean gilets]

Jackets and sweatshirts: After six to seven wears

Hats, gloves and scarves: Three to five times a season

Hosiery: After every wear

Jackets and blazers: After five to six wears

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3633664/How-REALLY-wash-clothes-Guide-reveals-number-times-dodge-laundry-basket-skirts-s-seven-wears.html#ixzz4sMLOc4AK
Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

The empty church

What is there in a church when there’s no God
Except the light that swims inside stained glass.
What does that emptiness remind us of?

Once upon a time,I thought there was;
Now I fill with doubts and have to pass.
What is there in a church when there’s no God?

Does it matter we’re not good enough
At dealing with the people God harassed ?
What does that emptiness remind us of?

For Catholics it was the  very Host of God
Not the congregation  or their past.
What is there in a church when there’s no God?

For Protestants ,  community despaired;
The entire world of spirit was aghast.
What does that emptiness remind us of?

The open tomb, the lost disciples shared;
The spirit wrenched when end time was declared
What is there in a church when there’s no God;
What does that emptiness remind us of?

 

About smartphones and photos

IMG_0103
https://www.lifewire.com/iphone-vs-android-best-smartphone-2000309

The advantage of an Android phone to me is that the photos go  right into Google  photos so  I have no need to uploadAnd  as I use a Chromebook it’s very handy
.On the other hand Windows phones send photos to One Drive.I have never seen an iPhone so I don’t know about them.I’d be afraid of losing them as they seem expensive to me.

Reread

Photo0024

https://wordscat.wordpress.com/2017/01/14/poetry-for-beginners/

 

“Perhaps the most useful definition, in fact, would begin with a statement about expectation: the expectation with which a reader engages a poem, and the reasons for which a poet may have undertaken the poem, and the possible discrepancy between these two. We have all had the experience of fighting a work of art because it was not doing what we were asking of it. “”John Ashbery said in an interview: “My feeling is that a poem that communicates something that’s already known to the reader is not really communicating anything to him and in fact shows a lack of respect for him.” Since what is communicated in a work of art is also how it is communicated, a false expectation is almost certain to produce a false reading. And often we confirm this by the happy surprise that comes when a work we had been defeated by suddenly opens itself to us—we find that it performs very well the job of work which was its reason, once we stop asking it to perform some other service which was no part of its intention.”

Invisible except to abstract thought

Invisible except to abstract thought
We see them with an eye we  must construct
The transcendental numbers came unsought

We only know a few, so we were taught.
Pi and e from inner space were plucked
Invisible except to abstract thought

Even  calling zero, number naught
Was   very  hard  just like the empty set
The transcendental numbers came unsought

Once we defined real  numbers then we light
The way to finding what we now detect.
Invisible except to abstract thought

Danger lurks where men have taken flight,
Into the abstract world without respect.
The transcendental numbers were not sought

Like we  put a plug in to connect
We may be shocked by feeling its effects.
Invisible except to abstract thought,
The transcendental numbers ,  hardly bought

To numbers real  like God  in mystic realms

Are numbers real  like God  is , though unseen?
Yet numbers do not love or even live.
Is there a place where numbers  make a scene?

We don’t see ten, though we may see ten beans
The abstract must be somewhat like a sieve
Are numbers real  like God  is , though unseen?

I believe in numbers in my dreams;
Though I don’t look  beneath or up above.
Is there a place where numbers  make a scene?

In civilising peoples it does seem
That  money,tax and counting gave a drive;
To numbers real  like God  in mystic realms

Into mathematics,humans dived
And so the wars and taxes  ever thrive.
Are numbers real  like Jesus thrice demeaned?
Where are numbers  in the  holy scheme?

 

 

 

  Yet mysteries hide between the numbers whole

Deep mysteries lie between the numbers whole.
Ratios  have a logic  we accept
But, in between,  infinity dwells veiled

At first, one  merely counted  shark fin whales
Such numbers seem both simple  and direct
Yet mysteries  hide between  the numbers  whole

Sheep and goats  are counted  soon as well
Yet mystery  an hypoteneuse   reflects
For at such points   infinity dwells veiled

A number which gives 2 when  squared itself
Can nowhere find a ratio to check.
Yes, mysteries lie between  our numbers  whole

The Greeks  rejected such irrational stealth
To geometry  only  they chose to connect
For on a  line, infinity dwells veiled

On infinite shores, their reason was well wrecked
As those who tried to measure circles found defects.
Deep mysteries lie between   the numbers  whole
On  lines and arcs, infinity dwells veiled

Just her crutches.

16299401_855594187913794_4400581698113039233_n
I might go to church again except I don’t like confession
Well, just tell a few of your sins
We don’t use the term sin so much now
Have your hurt anyone?
Just the people who read my blog on a  bad day
And the people at the bus stop
How?
I spoke to them,I forgot I was in the South.
They are cold and distant
I took undue pleasure when one I hate missed the bus by 2 minutes.
What was she throwing at it?
Just her crutches.
Well, you can go to Confession now
Are you a priest?
I didn’t mean this minute
Well stop telling lies
I was just passing a remark
Well go back and say hello to it
What,now?
When you have time.
Oh ,look we forgot to get on the bus.
Is that a sin
Stop being so scrupulous
Well two sins are better than one!

Small talk

I like leopard skin but  what do you think,because it might make you seem to support the Tories.
I am a Tory!
No offence meant.
It’s interesting how we put our feet in our mouths
How many mouths have you got?
Ask a silly question
OK Will  it rain tonight
Why?You can’t dry washing in the dark
Yes, you can
Where?
In the airing cupboard or  in a heatwave.
Where do you  keep your heat wave?
I see English is  not your mother tongue.
That is very true.I spoke with my eyes first.
My eyes were too shy!
They look lovely now
Appearance and reality
Are you a philosopher?
No,I’m still human.
Thank goodness.You look green
It’s those antibiotics.
Surely they are not filled with green dye.
You never know these days.It might be a preservative.
So true.
Well have you ironed those tops yet?
No,I am waiting till everybody else irons theirs
Will you wear them crumpled
Yes, they will match my face
It looks ok to me
You are myopic
Am I? I thought I was Nordic.
They are not mutually exclusive
Wow.That is amazing.
Sorry, it  fell off my tongue.
Well,put it back and swallow it
Oh,look, the bus is coming
So is something else
You must stop drinking coffee.
But it  is yellow
I haven’t washed your trousers for 40 years with knowing that
Is it 41 years.
About

Please don’t melt away

21369202_10212290209983822_3726769720787236569_n

You are my little icicle so please don’t melt away.
I’ll keep you in my freezer and peep at you each day.
And if that will not satisfy, I’ll put in more ice cubes.
I can’t tell what sex they are,I hope that I’m not rude
For all we want is friendship sweet, and eyes that sometimes shine
I know I can’t see yours right now , but maybe you’ll see mine.
Those cubes are gender free I think, but they don’t seem to speak
If I leave one on the table top, it seems to spring a leak.
It seems a trifle silly to fall in love with ice
But I don’t have to be what  others think is nice.
And ice will turn to water and water turns to tears.
I think they’re running down my face and then they disappear.
And so they water someone’s soul and then I’ll be of use
So can I be an icicle or  is that thought obtuse?

Maryam Mirzakhani

MaryamMirzakhani_2_2880x1920-2880x1920https://www.quantamagazine.org/the-beautiful-mathematical-explorations-of-maryam-mirzakhani-20170724

Quote:

“The meanderings of sadness that news of Maryam Mirzakhani’s death brought compelled me to read every article I could find about her, and when I could not find more articles, I started to read the comments of the readers. Many of them wrote that they saw her as “unrelatable and incomprehensible,” given that they were “math challenged.” However, Maryam was the opposite of unrelatable. She reminded us, in words and actions, that mathematical ideas can be understood if one puts enough persistence into the task.

She was not the star of her lectures; the only stars were the mathematical ideas. She spoke calmly and clearly and radiated deep enjoyment of the process.

Maryam had the ability to quickly perceive the appropriate wavelength of her interlocutor and speak accordingly, a rare quality in a mathematician. She listened with attention and was very generous with her time. Behind her kind serenity one could perceive a steely tenacity and a deep well of ideas and, of course, a passion for math and an incessant quest for the fantastic “aha” moment. This moment often took years for her, because she worked on profound questions.

After one of her lectures, we walked together chatting. Suddenly, the voice of a child came from an adjacent room and Maryam exclaimed, “Anahita!” The voice belonged to her daughter. Maryam’s exclamation lit up the room. She sounded totally different than she had during the lecture. Her entire humanity was in the exclamation.

Maryam’s work connected ideas from different areas of mathematics. Part of this work consisted of counting closed curves on surfaces. A mathematical surface is, roughly speaking, the outer layer of a solid object. In topology, surfaces are studied up to the point of deformation — they’re allowed to bend and stretch but not to tear — thus the old joke that a topologist can’t tell a coffee cup from a doughnut. Surfaces can also have holes and edges. In this way, a disk and a cylinder can both be thought of as surfaces.”

Read more by going to the link aboveMaryamMirzakhani_2880x1820-2880x1820