A polyester jump suit for Mary?

Mary sat in her dining room listening to Sir Michael Atiyah on the Today programme where he was talking about very advanced Group Theory
.Many years ago she had known this great man, though he had scarcely noticed her despite her big blue eyes and skinny legs displayed beneath her home made mini-dress.That was very fortunate as she was there as a tutor not as a marriage breaker.Why her mother had supplied her with such mini  dresses, she had often wondered,
Going online, she saw a sale on at Welvi, the store for larger ladies.There was an orange culotte jumpsuit made of polyester for £10
Look at this, she called to her friend Annie.A real bargain in my view.
Well, said Annie, suppose you were in the country climbing a hill and you needed to have a wee.
I never thought of that, Mary said shyly.
Moreover polyester is too clammy for summer and not warm enough for winter, besides it looks transparent.I don’t think  Stan would like it.
Well, he’s not here now, said Mary sadly.And transparent plastic trousers are in fashion.Do you wear plastic knickers underneath?
No, you’d have to wear a jewelled thong, said Annie.I bet that would make men look at you.Well, not your face…
I’ve never worn a thong.Do they hurt, asked Mary politely.
Yes, I’ve got one on now, said Annie nervously.It’s really hurting me.I’d better ring 999 and ask Dave the paramedic to advise me
Hi called Dave, what is wrong today?
Annie is in pain from a thong, Mary  cried
I’ll be round in 2 minutes
Dave ran up the hall into the bijou kitchen
Where is   the thong ,he asked gently
Where do you think,  Annie shouted?
She lifted up her chambray skirt and showed him her pink lace knicker substitute.
Can you take it off, he asked tenderly?
I have run out of clean knickers, she informed him scientifically.
Well in the past women wore cotton petticoats  but no knickers.It was more healthy.But with short thin  skirts if you fell over all the world would see your mound of Venus
That’s an exaggeration, Annie said.All the world is not looking at me
Ah, but someone could have a video camera and you might be on the News.You’d better go to Marks and buy some more proper knickers.
Now, shall I make you a cup of tea?The NHS is here to care for you.As you know
Lovely, cried Mary.Annie go upstairs and take my knickers and put that thong in the laundry basket.I will wash it for you and you can hang it in your bathroom to give an impression of your taste to visitors.On the other hand, men would be disappointed to see you really wore cotton high waisted pants and not a sort of mini star spangled banner.
All right, said Annie but Stan would have liked them
I like them, mewed Emile.I love you, Annie.I wish I were a man,I would go to bed with you right now.I have got a French letter from Soraya.She’e been in Paris and wrote to me on real paper.
Wow, a cat using the subjunctive and reading French letters said Mary.That is a surprise.
I don’téven know what  subjunctive  is, screamed Annie rudely
And so say all of us