Bless me Father for I have sinned.
Why ,my child?
It’s ten bleats synched with my tweets since I began obsessing again
I see.So you wish to confess?
Well,either that or digress..
Alright,my child.Blurt it out.
I spent three hours trying to examine my conscience..
And………..
Well,I am filled with envy because my sister is so thin and beautiful.
Is that your sister who lives up the road.
That’s right.
But she’s much fatter than you.
No,no,She’s skinny as a rake..
I think you are looking through the wrong end of the telescope.
What telescope?
I am speaking in metaphors.
Can’t you speak in tongues?
So you are envious of the slender physique of this lady who is so fat she can hardly walk?
She’s just pretending…she always was lazy.
Well,I recommend you have your eyes tested and also you need your head examining.
Why?Have I got nits?
Only metaphorical nits.You need a psychiatrist, I believe.
I believe too but can’t you accept my regret at my sin.
Definitely,I can but I can’t accept the stupidity of envying someone worse off than you.Absolution may help the sin but for stupidity it’s hard to think what to do.It’s like paranoia…the more you try to show people they are wrong,the more they cling to their belief.
So what do you suggest,Father?
You need to ask yourself why you keep comparing yourself with others.
I see…they do say comparisons are odious.
And envy and spite can cause a kind of blindness.
So spite ruins your sight?
Definitely.None so blind as those who will not see.
I think I’m making progress.What’s my penance?
Are you good at dress making?
Do you want a new cassock.Father?
No,I want you to make a beautiful dress for your sister.You will have to measure her height and her vital statistics and wrap her around in lovely silk fabric.
That will give her a shock.
It will give you one as well.Any more sins?
Well,I keep getting hit on the head by the hairdresser.
It’s not a sin.
I know but it’s a sin that I keep going there and never say anything,
Well for your penance it’s a facial and a hair cut at a better salon.
This all seems a bit odd,Father.
Well,we try to keep up with the times but it’s the same old sins..
Envy,self hatred,other hatred,malice….bullying,murder..gluttony
and that’s just in this one parish.
Goodness, how do you cope?,
Well,I shall never vote Tory again..
What’s politics got to do with sin?
It’s all quite simple.The more the wealthy flaunt their wealth,bonuses and tax breaks the harder it is for the poor to say no to temptation.
Sin has its social aspect.It’s not entirely personal.
One virtue is to avoid causing others to fall into temptation.
This is quite intriguing.Thank you,Father.
Thank you…. and I’m standing as an Independent next time.
What will you label yourself as?
Not sure…how about
It’s the rites that make it right?
It sounds like the BNP
Then
If you want to go to hell,feel free but don’t take everyone else too.
There are enough people in hell already.
You’ll have to make it snappy.
I’ll have to pray.
How about
Stop preying and start praying?
The one drawback is that the old language of sin and so on seems outdated… we need new terminology.
Raise your self esteem………do us all a favour.
Be good and you’ll feel good.
Love others even when it annoys them.. the fun of God.
That’s it!
The Fun of God…
The Humour of the Numinous
I thought you might say:

The Humour of New Mirth.
Mirth is the latest thing
No other quality can bring
such great joy and happiness
To our story.
Mirth is the greatest joy
Far better than cars and toys
No other virtue can send
such a sweet message
Of God’s glory.
Mirth is the only worth.
Mirth us like heaven on earth;
so why not join in and laugh.
DON’T VOTE TORY
Right,must dash…I can’t stop smiling … Let’s have a bash.
Let’s create a brand new story.